几年没登录，专门登录回复你。MM 你一定要离， NPD会让你余生痛不欲生，出轨转移财产撒谎他们这类人没有任何道德底线。 我花了5年时间学习研究这类人， 反反复复5年，庆幸我终于离掉了，代价是他转移走了全部婚内财产还从我娘家搞走了一些钱。老天是公平的，去年遇到了真爱，已经结婚，稳定下来，每天的生活跟过去真的是一个天堂一个地狱。你如果有需要可以私信我，我给你科普下这些年的研究结论。我翻到我很久一封给自己的邮件： IF you continue to go back…. This is how to stay in a relationship with a narcissist. You must be willing to provide them with constant praise, accolades, attention, caring, kindness, generous gifts and always support them … emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. You must be willing to deny yourself of all of life's pleasures and hand them all over to the narcissist gleefully, making their life as exciting, interesting and fulfilled as possible. You must be willing to live without intimacy, communication, honesty or trust. You must be willing to be cheated on, lied to and manipulated constantly, without any hope of improvement. You must be willing to be submissive and never have an opinion, desire, want, or need of your own. This is selfish behavior and not tolerated by your narcissist. You must be willing to be devalued and discarded for being weak and not having the guts to stand up for yourself. You must be willing to be devalued and discarded if you are strong and try to stand up for yourself. You must be willing to live without security, self esteem, peace or comfort. You must be willing to live with secrets, lies, betrayals, false truths, omissions, hypocrisies, slander or any other deceitful, manipulative action the narcissist chooses to impose on you. You must be willing to live without boundaries, perimeters or any other self respecting goals or aspirations. You must be willing to live your life knowing, that the person who you are giving everything to, will never, never, be there for you mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially. If you are diagnosed with an illness or have an accident, you are on your own, while your narcissist is out enjoying praise, accolades and attention from others, until you can be “back on duty". You must be willing to feel genuinely sorry that your illness or injury has caused a huge inconvenience for the narcissist. How dare you not be available to serve their needs. You must be willing to be treated as completely worthless, now that you have caused all of this “drama”. You must be willing to have your coworkers, friends and family removed from your life until you are isolalated from the world. You must be happily agreeable to giving up your career or your job should it ever interfere with your ability to be able to serve your narcissist’s desires. You must be willing to leave a stable job that you love, in order to make more money at a job that you hate, so that you can accommodate your narcissist’s lifestyle. You must be willing to live without love, respect, affection or attention from your children, because they also live to serve the narcissist, not you. They see no value in you because you don't see any value in yourself, or because they have been conditioned by the narcissist to believe that you are worthless and not worthy of such things. You must be willing to wake up one day to discover that your narcissist has left you without understanding why they left, where they went, who they are with, or when they will be back, until they return (days, weeks, months) later, like nothing ever happened. And they will return!!!! When they return, you must be willing to not ask questions. Do not speak of your feelings. Do not try to engage them in any “serious” conversation at all. Simply resume your position of loving them, caring for them, and being kind to them, making sure that they feel wonderful about themselves, no matter how confused and hurt you feel. You must be willing to always be wrong, take full blame, apologize and beg for forgiveness for everything the narcissist imagines that you did to hurt them, whether you really did it or not is not relevant. Most often, it's them who hurt you, but this is unacceptable for you to think this way..… so, you must apologize profusely for not stopping them from making a bad decision. Their bad decision is your fault. You must also never offer advice or suggestions that might prevent your narcissist from making a bad decision, because this is critiquing and you will be punished severely for any criticism. You will get the silent treatment or you will be attacked on such a personal level, it cuts you to the core, belittled, called names and falsely accused of things you may or may not have ever done. You must be willing, when they come back to you, to be perfect in every way. If you fail, you will be punished, so apologize. Apologize and apologize again, beg for forgiveness, beg for mercy, for everything they did to you, accept full responsibility for their actions and yours, beg to be forgiven for everything they did to you, there are no exceptions. You must always take 100% responsibility for how they “feel". Do not cry. Do not show sadness. Do not show any emotion that might challenge the narcissist’s self esteem. Do not express any emotion other than happiness that the they came back to you. It doesn't matter that the narcissist’s behavior is killing you. Do not express it, ever! That would be a huge mistake, as the narcissist might sense that you are unhappy in the relationship. This will force them to leave you again to go find someone who is more “positive” and “superior” to you. Someone who won't ask questions, feel hurt or abandoned. Someone who will listen to their stories of how horrible you have treated them and be willing give them what you can't or won't. You must be willing to be abandoned, and left with no resources to take care of yourself, or your children with no explanation. You must be willing to put your entire life on pause at any given moment, without warning, and be willing to wait patiently until your narcissist becomes bored with, or disenchanted by, their new person, or until that person displays feelings of “unhappiness” and becomes as worthless as you. You must be willing to be patient and wait, do not feel sad, don't cry, don't react negatively, stay positive……they will come back to you when they feel like it. You must be willing to allow this in and out behavior to happen multiple times, and never tire of it, you must never see it as an issue. You must be willing to embrace the revolving door. You must be willing to appreciate the uncertainties, anxieties and insecurities of them leaving you for something “better” any time they feel bored or anxious with themselves. You must be grateful, thankful and appreciative that you are special enough to the narcissist, for them to eventually return to you, whenever they choose to. You must be satisfied with being weak enough to tolerate their abuse, yet strong enough to keep yourself from going completely insane, from all of the insanity of your day to day life with your beloved narcissist. By now, hopefully you have learned your lesson and are ready to completely comply with the narcissist’s expectations of you, whatever those may be. You must comply wholeheartedly (no faking it), with all expectations, even though you won't fully know what the expectation is, because they don't communicate their wants or needs to you. It's a fantasy conjured up in their own head, influenced by porn, envy of a friend, their boss or family member, which changes weekly, daily or hourly, but you should know what it is. If you really love them, you will KNOW what they want and need at all times, without them having to tell you, and you should be more than willing to provide it to them, happily. You need to be willing to live every day of your life with the truth, that the person who you love so unconditionally so deeply, so intensely, is not capable of loving you, respecting you, or caring for you at all, not even with all of their expectations being met. You need to be willing to accept the fact that the harder you try to please them, the more they despise you. You should be willing to have your bank account emptied, your home foreclosed on and your car repossessed, resulting in you sleeping on the street, while they are sleeping in someone else's warm comfortable bed. You should willing to become a shell of a human being, void of any feelings, emotions, identity or responses, other than to happily and joyfully serve the narcissist person's needs, wants, and desires, while completely denying yourself of all basic human needs. So, if you are willing to do these few simple things, a narcissist will stay around for as long as you want them to, maybe even forever. But is this really what you want for yourself? If not… Educate yourself on narcissist behavior. Go no contact immediately. Schedule an appointment with a therapist specializing in narcissistic personality disorders and it's effect on victims. Take care of yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and move on. Good luck!
是的，我ex以前常会跟我说I hate myself，然后转头又去拿这些恨意攻击别人。 就是内心无比孱弱，所以必须靠践踏别人来feel good about themselves，不能为自己的错误负责错的都是别人。 我相信陈立人一定觉得自己非常无辜，“我是把她打死了，但我发怒是因为她不听我的话呀，如果她听我的话就什么事都没有，我是被逼的，她是自找的” 反正是很精神变态的存在。
几年没登录，专门登录回复你。MM 你一定要离， NPD会让你余生痛不欲生，出轨转移财产撒谎他们这类人没有任何道德底线。 我花了5年时间学习研究这类人， 反反复复5年，庆幸我终于离掉了，代价是他转移走了全部婚内财产还从我娘家搞走了一些钱。老天是公平的，去年遇到了真爱，已经结婚，稳定下来，每天的生活跟过去真的是一个天堂一个地狱。你如果有需要可以私信我，我给你科普下这些年的研究结论。我翻到我很久一封给自己的邮件： IF you continue to go back…. This is how to stay in a relationship with a narcissist. You must be willing to provide them with constant praise, accolades, attention, caring, kindness, generous gifts and always support them … emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. You must be willing to deny yourself of all of life's pleasures and hand them all over to the narcissist gleefully, making their life as exciting, interesting and fulfilled as possible. You must be willing to live without intimacy, communication, honesty or trust. You must be willing to be cheated on, lied to and manipulated constantly, without any hope of improvement. You must be willing to be submissive and never have an opinion, desire, want, or need of your own. This is selfish behavior and not tolerated by your narcissist. You must be willing to be devalued and discarded for being weak and not having the guts to stand up for yourself. You must be willing to be devalued and discarded if you are strong and try to stand up for yourself. You must be willing to live without security, self esteem, peace or comfort. You must be willing to live with secrets, lies, betrayals, false truths, omissions, hypocrisies, slander or any other deceitful, manipulative action the narcissist chooses to impose on you. You must be willing to live without boundaries, perimeters or any other self respecting goals or aspirations. You must be willing to live your life knowing, that the person who you are giving everything to, will never, never, be there for you mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially. If you are diagnosed with an illness or have an accident, you are on your own, while your narcissist is out enjoying praise, accolades and attention from others, until you can be “back on duty". You must be willing to feel genuinely sorry that your illness or injury has caused a huge inconvenience for the narcissist. How dare you not be available to serve their needs. You must be willing to be treated as completely worthless, now that you have caused all of this “drama”. You must be willing to have your coworkers, friends and family removed from your life until you are isolalated from the world. You must be happily agreeable to giving up your career or your job should it ever interfere with your ability to be able to serve your narcissist’s desires. You must be willing to leave a stable job that you love, in order to make more money at a job that you hate, so that you can accommodate your narcissist’s lifestyle. You must be willing to live without love, respect, affection or attention from your children, because they also live to serve the narcissist, not you. They see no value in you because you don't see any value in yourself, or because they have been conditioned by the narcissist to believe that you are worthless and not worthy of such things. You must be willing to wake up one day to discover that your narcissist has left you without understanding why they left, where they went, who they are with, or when they will be back, until they return (days, weeks, months) later, like nothing ever happened. And they will return!!!! When they return, you must be willing to not ask questions. Do not speak of your feelings. Do not try to engage them in any “serious” conversation at all. Simply resume your position of loving them, caring for them, and being kind to them, making sure that they feel wonderful about themselves, no matter how confused and hurt you feel. You must be willing to always be wrong, take full blame, apologize and beg for forgiveness for everything the narcissist imagines that you did to hurt them, whether you really did it or not is not relevant. Most often, it's them who hurt you, but this is unacceptable for you to think this way..… so, you must apologize profusely for not stopping them from making a bad decision. Their bad decision is your fault. You must also never offer advice or suggestions that might prevent your narcissist from making a bad decision, because this is critiquing and you will be punished severely for any criticism. You will get the silent treatment or you will be attacked on such a personal level, it cuts you to the core, belittled, called names and falsely accused of things you may or may not have ever done. You must be willing, when they come back to you, to be perfect in every way. If you fail, you will be punished, so apologize. Apologize and apologize again, beg for forgiveness, beg for mercy, for everything they did to you, accept full responsibility for their actions and yours, beg to be forgiven for everything they did to you, there are no exceptions. You must always take 100% responsibility for how they “feel". Do not cry. Do not show sadness. Do not show any emotion that might challenge the narcissist’s self esteem. Do not express any emotion other than happiness that the they came back to you. It doesn't matter that the narcissist’s behavior is killing you. Do not express it, ever! That would be a huge mistake, as the narcissist might sense that you are unhappy in the relationship. This will force them to leave you again to go find someone who is more “positive” and “superior” to you. Someone who won't ask questions, feel hurt or abandoned. Someone who will listen to their stories of how horrible you have treated them and be willing give them what you can't or won't. You must be willing to be abandoned, and left with no resources to take care of yourself, or your children with no explanation. You must be willing to put your entire life on pause at any given moment, without warning, and be willing to wait patiently until your narcissist becomes bored with, or disenchanted by, their new person, or until that person displays feelings of “unhappiness” and becomes as worthless as you. You must be willing to be patient and wait, do not feel sad, don't cry, don't react negatively, stay positive……they will come back to you when they feel like it. You must be willing to allow this in and out behavior to happen multiple times, and never tire of it, you must never see it as an issue. You must be willing to embrace the revolving door. You must be willing to appreciate the uncertainties, anxieties and insecurities of them leaving you for something “better” any time they feel bored or anxious with themselves. You must be grateful, thankful and appreciative that you are special enough to the narcissist, for them to eventually return to you, whenever they choose to. You must be satisfied with being weak enough to tolerate their abuse, yet strong enough to keep yourself from going completely insane, from all of the insanity of your day to day life with your beloved narcissist. By now, hopefully you have learned your lesson and are ready to completely comply with the narcissist’s expectations of you, whatever those may be. You must comply wholeheartedly (no faking it), with all expectations, even though you won't fully know what the expectation is, because they don't communicate their wants or needs to you. It's a fantasy conjured up in their own head, influenced by porn, envy of a friend, their boss or family member, which changes weekly, daily or hourly, but you should know what it is. If you really love them, you will KNOW what they want and need at all times, without them having to tell you, and you should be more than willing to provide it to them, happily. You need to be willing to live every day of your life with the truth, that the person who you love so unconditionally so deeply, so intensely, is not capable of loving you, respecting you, or caring for you at all, not even with all of their expectations being met. You need to be willing to accept the fact that the harder you try to please them, the more they despise you. You should be willing to have your bank account emptied, your home foreclosed on and your car repossessed, resulting in you sleeping on the street, while they are sleeping in someone else's warm comfortable bed. You should willing to become a shell of a human being, void of any feelings, emotions, identity or responses, other than to happily and joyfully serve the narcissist person's needs, wants, and desires, while completely denying yourself of all basic human needs. So, if you are willing to do these few simple things, a narcissist will stay around for as long as you want them to, maybe even forever. But is this really what you want for yourself? If not… Educate yourself on narcissist behavior. Go no contact immediately. Schedule an appointment with a therapist specializing in narcissistic personality disorders and it's effect on victims. Take care of yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and move on. Good luck! 其实我是小宝 发表于 2025-02-22 15:39
DC2013 发表于 2025-02-22 16:55 是的，我ex以前常会跟我说I hate myself，然后转头又去拿这些恨意攻击别人。 就是内心无比孱弱，所以必须靠践踏别人来feel good about themselves，不能为自己的错误负责错的都是别人。 我相信陈立人一定觉得自己非常无辜，“我是把她打死了，但我发怒是因为她不听我的话呀，如果她听我的话就什么事都没有，我是被逼的，她是自找的” 反正是很精神变态的存在。
该内容需要150魅力值以上才能阅览
🔥 最新回帖
我现在好像就是一只被温水煮着的青蛙。对于来自他的打压，贬低现在是左耳进右耳出。 夜深人静的时候会想，和他一起生活，我没有变成更好的人，能量场在不断的转向负面，对生活充满焦虑，我找不到自我了。每天过的一点希望都没有，浑浑噩噩的。
是的，NPD的快乐除了来自自己的伟大之外，就是是来自于比他弱的人因为他的强大而产生的痛苦。
他们没有情感同理心（感同身受的能力），只有认知同理心（通过理性分析和推理得知对方的感受而没有情感共鸣）。所以天生是情感操纵圣体（知道戳你哪疼，自己又刀枪不入）。我哭泣的时候，我ex常常在笑。
另一个臭名昭著但更罕见的人格障碍——反社会人格障碍也没有情感同理心，那个人格障碍盛产杀人犯。但我感觉NPD因为太自恋太惜命，所以一般不敢真的杀人。这也是为啥我前面说举陈立人的例子可能不太合适。
而Asperger恰恰相反，是有情感同理心但认知同理心很弱，所以他们通常都是自己很困扰不能get别人的情感，但一旦认知他人情感是可以产生情感共鸣的。
我个人的理解是，让npd意识到自己是npd从逻辑上是个不可能命题，因为npd被定义为“不能接受自己可能有问题的人”。
如果有什么特殊情况比如人生重大变故，让NPD隐隐窥见了现实，那么他们也会马上用强大的defense mechanism把现实屏蔽掉。不然的话，就像让中世纪笃信地心说的人接受日心说，像《三体》里物理学被智子干扰导致物理学家自杀。那是要出人命的。
NPD出问题的地方在于他们对世界的建模。他们认为世界是应该围着他们转的，如果世界没有围着他们转，他们就自恋受损。从N的视角看，承认自己是npd相当于否认了自己从幼年以来建立的世界模型，否定了自幼支撑他们的假自我和整套信念体系。
“我”消失了，“我”的世界会崩塌，“我”会死。所以我的潜意识会坚决选择不相信，并把问题投射给外界。
有自主意识认为自己是npd的通常不是，一般是自恋倾向者，就是自恋在正常谱系中偏高但是还没达到人格障碍的程度。
您貌似对npd很有了解。 我发现我有几个同学都很有npd倾向。 统计上会有这么大的比例吗？
🛋️ 沙发板凳
恭喜MM。请问离婚过程顺利吗？npd作妖吗？
我ex还有精神家暴（经常因为小事不断骂我傻B）然后在外人面前装得特别爱妻的样子。我的邮箱和短信收件箱一搜几百条”傻B”，真的要疯了。我怕我再不离哪天忍不下去抄起菜刀反击。
npd能忽悠到人，一般都是有光环 颜值过关，工作学历都不错的，条件差的只会被当成深井冰
是的，学术圈特别多
这一大串指责，我看更像指责型人格啊，还是npd跟指责型人格重合度高，or互相包含？
这种情况n会自恋暴怒，如果对方是男性，人身安全都得不到保障。
我高度怀疑那个乱拳打死自己老婆的清华男就是npd。
心理学没有指责型人格的概念。常说的指责性人格通常是有自恋倾向，但达到自恋型“人格障碍”的比一般指责型人格更恶劣。
NPD希望控制你的思想，如果你不能绝对服从，他就觉得你伤害了他的ego，会自恋暴怒，暴怒的时候就跟疯子一样。
我队友也是这样。精神家暴。经常因为小事不停指责骂我笨无用。不过他很有心计 他会在朋友圈里把一切责任推到我身上。也不会直接在邮件或短信里骂我。都是in person
离的时候准备脱层皮，别妄想好聚好散
这么多的毛病 婚前没有任何发现？
对比自己价值高（或他认为有利用价值）的人，各种装nice，舔。 对比自己地位低的人（学生、下属），各种挑剔侮辱。 对同级别的人，depends on你的站队，因为他的敌人非常多。会特别嫉妒竞争者，并倒打一耙，把别人因为他自恋行为对他的攻击归因于他们嫉妒他。 但在他的真实内心里，世界上所有其他人都是傻B。
我从小被亲妈打压贬低控制的厉害，遇到了队友接着被pua。一直觉得是自己不对。现在才开始有主体意识了。
对的。一模一样。我听过他怎么骂他的下属。太可怕了。难怪下属辞职后都和他断交了
我的主要take away是 1 NPD大多数是男性，自恋每个人或多或少都有，自恋是人的生命力的体现 2 在远古恶劣的环境下，能够survial的人类都是精神物理极其强大的，对自己自信，你死我活的决斗中能够战胜的一方，所以男性的npd是物种进化的结果 3 NPD的伴侣最好也是生命力强大的npd，这样两人反而可以相互欣赏对方的优点，共同成长 4 NPD就是从这样不断的成长和竞争中获取能量，滋养自己的生命力 5 如果伴侣生命力弱，那么表现形式就是打压对方，因为他认为你牵制了他的生命力（NPD）的延申和施展 6 NPD只要不断的对他进行肯定和鼓励，就会很好，施展自己强大的生命力
楼主多说说你队友的case，我可以给点具体的建议
你们是怎么认识的，恋爱多长时间，结婚多长时间了？ 你发现自己被打压多长时间了？以前没有察觉对方是npd吗？ 你说队友“ 这个时候最好能有个人对他有意思，但凡有点好感，他都会引导对方主动展开追求，万无一失后和你说再见”
你是说队友也准备和你离婚，只是现在还没找到比你更好的？
4 最后，你队友应该有一些优点，当初喜欢他什么优点？当初队友喜欢楼主什么优点？楼主自己有什么缺点？
NPD一般都事业不错，智商和情商都属于比较高的，能力也都很强
这个看起来和npd并没有多大关系，就是在PUA女性。
Re. NPD拉拢人的本事和挑剔人的本事一样强，而且一段时间就找一个身边人做受害者，对外面的人春风满面，体贴周到，受害者有苦没法说，甚至会反省自己是不是有问题, 孤立无援
对待朋友同事都很好，所以外人看来他们都是大好人，所以当你说他PUA你的时候外人都不信。 他们一方面享受别人夸自己是好人，一边享受对亲近的人的控制
你这不说的就是我前经理么，因为在大躺厂当了十几年小经理手底下人快被他恶心跑光了，突然抱上了个比他更憨高层大腿（毕竟更高层更更憨，因为傻了吧唧的被直接开除还放罪证了），一下子小人得志。天天跪舔上面心理变态，对下属和前下属各种刁难；看见白男笑颜如花，看见小黄人下属横眉冷对，气不打一处来，时时刻刻服从性测试----毕竟大躺厂没啥正经项目，天天就比谁舔的厉害，谁嚷嚷win的多。
非常爱说自己人缘好，谁都喜欢他 强调自己的没别的缺点，最大优点是透明公正 很喜欢私下里没有on record时候对下属言语攻击，精神虐待，但是没啥用，我除了纳闷就反问了一句：你人缘好不是该别人说么，你老跟我说干啥 总要求别人报恩，据各种例子自己怎么为下属鞠躬尽瘁，但是也没啥用我又反问了一句：这个跟我啥关系，而且他们咋都不领你情跑了 极其极其强调下属必须对自己尊敬，你讲话他不舒服，我直接纳闷发呆不知道他说什么呢
一次一个白女路过看了他一样，哥来了句：很多人都对我有意思。
你妹的
这个女人是他的想象，还是她在你们生活中真实的出现过了？
我这个n还擅长装可怜，明明他贬低辱骂我 还要在亲戚朋友同学里面到处倒处说我性格不好 怎么对家里无付出。他怎么怎么可怜 劳苦功高。然后借别人的话来告诉我我是一个多么让人讨厌的人。。 还好有些了解我们的朋友看穿了 告诉我这些事情。。
太可怕了
NPD很多人底线很低除了对上跪舔对下疯狂PUA打压啥的还有很多私下各种瞎搞吃喝嫖赌骗配偶骗朋友因为就象上面说的内心里面认为别人都是SB自己最优秀。这样的人只要职业经历足够长都能碰到几个，我现在练就了很多经验看见这类人都是绕道走。
中国女生，很多人谈恋爱都还是谈一个是一个的想法，男朋友多都能成为人生黑点，只要没有打人或者劈腿，都是检讨自己是不是包容力不够，谈恋爱是这样，结婚以后还是这样。
不是中国女生，而是女人整体上更容易检讨自己。
我觉得老外女生，发现red flag，分手要干脆很多，当然也不是个个都这样，但她们要面对的slut shame的精神压力也是确实要小很多。
之所以会碰到并吸引npd，你一定是喜欢反思自己、容易被PUA的人。如何维护自己的权益和边界是你的一大课题。等到你有底气把他说的那些话都当P，能抵御别人对你的侵犯，你就差不多好了。
这叫精神病，不叫NPD
NPD本来就是有心理疾病的一类人
道理没错，但你不能保证你能永远维持价值优势。
一来人是有时运的，二来你不能保证自己不出事不生病（比如我产后后遗症），三来你总会老。
当你失去优势的时候，有良心的会不离不弃，一般人顶多就是心怀愧疚离开，而这种人绝对会死命欺压折磨你。
那不离等什么？ 远离精神病，珍爱生命。
IF you continue to go back…. This is how to stay in a relationship with a narcissist. You must be willing to provide them with constant praise, accolades, attention, caring, kindness, generous gifts and always support them … emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. You must be willing to deny yourself of all of life's pleasures and hand them all over to the narcissist gleefully, making their life as exciting, interesting and fulfilled as possible. You must be willing to live without intimacy, communication, honesty or trust. You must be willing to be cheated on, lied to and manipulated constantly, without any hope of improvement. You must be willing to be submissive and never have an opinion, desire, want, or need of your own. This is selfish behavior and not tolerated by your narcissist. You must be willing to be devalued and discarded for being weak and not having the guts to stand up for yourself. You must be willing to be devalued and discarded if you are strong and try to stand up for yourself. You must be willing to live without security, self esteem, peace or comfort. You must be willing to live with secrets, lies, betrayals, false truths, omissions, hypocrisies, slander or any other deceitful, manipulative action the narcissist chooses to impose on you. You must be willing to live without boundaries, perimeters or any other self respecting goals or aspirations. You must be willing to live your life knowing, that the person who you are giving everything to, will never, never, be there for you mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially. If you are diagnosed with an illness or have an accident, you are on your own, while your narcissist is out enjoying praise, accolades and attention from others, until you can be “back on duty". You must be willing to feel genuinely sorry that your illness or injury has caused a huge inconvenience for the narcissist. How dare you not be available to serve their needs. You must be willing to be treated as completely worthless, now that you have caused all of this “drama”. You must be willing to have your coworkers, friends and family removed from your life until you are isolalated from the world. You must be happily agreeable to giving up your career or your job should it ever interfere with your ability to be able to serve your narcissist’s desires. You must be willing to leave a stable job that you love, in order to make more money at a job that you hate, so that you can accommodate your narcissist’s lifestyle. You must be willing to live without love, respect, affection or attention from your children, because they also live to serve the narcissist, not you. They see no value in you because you don't see any value in yourself, or because they have been conditioned by the narcissist to believe that you are worthless and not worthy of such things. You must be willing to wake up one day to discover that your narcissist has left you without understanding why they left, where they went, who they are with, or when they will be back, until they return (days, weeks, months) later, like nothing ever happened. And they will return!!!! When they return, you must be willing to not ask questions. Do not speak of your feelings. Do not try to engage them in any “serious” conversation at all. Simply resume your position of loving them, caring for them, and being kind to them, making sure that they feel wonderful about themselves, no matter how confused and hurt you feel. You must be willing to always be wrong, take full blame, apologize and beg for forgiveness for everything the narcissist imagines that you did to hurt them, whether you really did it or not is not relevant. Most often, it's them who hurt you, but this is unacceptable for you to think this way..… so, you must apologize profusely for not stopping them from making a bad decision. Their bad decision is your fault. You must also never offer advice or suggestions that might prevent your narcissist from making a bad decision, because this is critiquing and you will be punished severely for any criticism. You will get the silent treatment or you will be attacked on such a personal level, it cuts you to the core, belittled, called names and falsely accused of things you may or may not have ever done. You must be willing, when they come back to you, to be perfect in every way. If you fail, you will be punished, so apologize. Apologize and apologize again, beg for forgiveness, beg for mercy, for everything they did to you, accept full responsibility for their actions and yours, beg to be forgiven for everything they did to you, there are no exceptions. You must always take 100% responsibility for how they “feel". Do not cry. Do not show sadness. Do not show any emotion that might challenge the narcissist’s self esteem. Do not express any emotion other than happiness that the they came back to you. It doesn't matter that the narcissist’s behavior is killing you. Do not express it, ever! That would be a huge mistake, as the narcissist might sense that you are unhappy in the relationship. This will force them to leave you again to go find someone who is more “positive” and “superior” to you. Someone who won't ask questions, feel hurt or abandoned. Someone who will listen to their stories of how horrible you have treated them and be willing give them what you can't or won't. You must be willing to be abandoned, and left with no resources to take care of yourself, or your children with no explanation. You must be willing to put your entire life on pause at any given moment, without warning, and be willing to wait patiently until your narcissist becomes bored with, or disenchanted by, their new person, or until that person displays feelings of “unhappiness” and becomes as worthless as you. You must be willing to be patient and wait, do not feel sad, don't cry, don't react negatively, stay positive……they will come back to you when they feel like it. You must be willing to allow this in and out behavior to happen multiple times, and never tire of it, you must never see it as an issue. You must be willing to embrace the revolving door. You must be willing to appreciate the uncertainties, anxieties and insecurities of them leaving you for something “better” any time they feel bored or anxious with themselves. You must be grateful, thankful and appreciative that you are special enough to the narcissist, for them to eventually return to you, whenever they choose to. You must be satisfied with being weak enough to tolerate their abuse, yet strong enough to keep yourself from going completely insane, from all of the insanity of your day to day life with your beloved narcissist. By now, hopefully you have learned your lesson and are ready to completely comply with the narcissist’s expectations of you, whatever those may be. You must comply wholeheartedly (no faking it), with all expectations, even though you won't fully know what the expectation is, because they don't communicate their wants or needs to you. It's a fantasy conjured up in their own head, influenced by porn, envy of a friend, their boss or family member, which changes weekly, daily or hourly, but you should know what it is. If you really love them, you will KNOW what they want and need at all times, without them having to tell you, and you should be more than willing to provide it to them, happily. You need to be willing to live every day of your life with the truth, that the person who you love so unconditionally so deeply, so intensely, is not capable of loving you, respecting you, or caring for you at all, not even with all of their expectations being met. You need to be willing to accept the fact that the harder you try to please them, the more they despise you. You should be willing to have your bank account emptied, your home foreclosed on and your car repossessed, resulting in you sleeping on the street, while they are sleeping in someone else's warm comfortable bed. You should willing to become a shell of a human being, void of any feelings, emotions, identity or responses, other than to happily and joyfully serve the narcissist person's needs, wants, and desires, while completely denying yourself of all basic human needs. So, if you are willing to do these few simple things, a narcissist will stay around for as long as you want them to, maybe even forever. But is this really what you want for yourself? If not… Educate yourself on narcissist behavior. Go no contact immediately. Schedule an appointment with a therapist specializing in narcissistic personality disorders and it's effect on victims. Take care of yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and move on. Good luck!
超级作妖 而且离婚后还各种做，因为他的ego受损，他要报复
对身边的朋友和同事都很好 他要维持好的人设 对妻子孩子不好，因为要吸他们的学维持人设
我怎么觉得这段话就像NPD…
你别说你别说，确实有npd的含量在里面。至少是有pua的，对npd的受害者pua
不是的，在他自己内心里，他自己才是最大的傻B，因为这个信号让他太痛苦，所以他要把这种痛苦扔出去泼在其他人头上，这样痛苦的就是别人而不是他自己了
NPD的内心是彻底的空洞、荒芜、和无尽的黑暗，一切都源于他们对自己刻骨的恨和自卑
典型的被有毒妈养大后嫁给自己妈的女性，快去看心理医生自救，同时开始离婚程序，越快越好
有一本书叫 Good Morning, Monster，一个资深心理医生讲述五个病人的故事，你去看看第五个故事，说的就是你
那个id就是NPD疑似，早就拉黑了
有时候恰恰相反，是被父母太过宠爱惯坏的。
这段话是武志红说的，男性大都有有些自恋 最典型的代表就是耶稣，教徒们都需要听上帝的，不听话的人，各种惩罚
各大教主们都是男性，alpha基因或多或少都自带npd成分，有些显性，有些隐形
回复的是说“NPD智商情商都不错”那楼
只有一个条件我觉的应该是，就是npd从来不反思，不找自己做错的地方，不悔改，不认错，而这些方面很多男性都有这个特质，特别是ego极强的人 自恋程度不同，发展到npd应该是有明确的边界的，有深入研究的可以解惑这个边界在哪里？
是的，我ex以前常会跟我说I hate myself，然后转头又去拿这些恨意攻击别人。
就是内心无比孱弱，所以必须靠践踏别人来feel good about themselves，不能为自己的错误负责错的都是别人。
我相信陈立人一定觉得自己非常无辜，“我是把她打死了，但我发怒是因为她不听我的话呀，如果她听我的话就什么事都没有，我是被逼的，她是自找的”
反正是很精神变态的存在。
谢谢现身说法
有个问题，这些症状都相当明显，恋爱阶段都没有发现吗？ 恋爱都至少半年，一年才结婚的，一点蛛丝马迹都看不到吗？ 还是有蛛丝马迹都被恋爱冲昏了头脑？
照理，npd都这么不可理喻，对这么亲近的人打压，要隐藏几个月，一年不露马脚，是不太可能的吧
我只听到婚姻里的控诉，为什么恋爱阶段很少有人控诉?
DSM-5里对npd有明确的诊断标准。
但是绝大多数npd根本不认为自己有问题也不会去看心理医生
我最近对npd非常好奇 研究过的，能不能list一下几个非常typical的症状，诊断依据 还有层主说的几个npd讲解的好的，有没有video link 武志红说的非常好，犀利且一针见血
层主这是用了夸张手法么
自负和自卑是自恋的正反两面，都是一回事 真正心理强大的人，根本不care别人说的任何comments
我就是我，不需要别人来定义，好的，坏的都是别人眼里的投射 最真实的自己就是自己来定义 所以对别人所有的夸奖和批评，对我好像没有任何impact
NPD非常会装，他们的面具可以说是焊在脸上，除了亲密关系或近距离接触的人，在其他人面前可以装一辈子。 NPD对伴侣的要求是“可以帮我洗脚的武则天”，第一要求伴侣高价值，第二要求伴侣自我边界比较弱，能对他们言听计从，这两条加起来才能证明他们的强大。在恋爱初期，NPD会以为找到了这样的理想伴侣，对对方过度理想化，从而开启love bombing模式（也就是疯狂示爱，疯狂对你好，非常感人）。 在没得到你之前，他们认为你是理想恋人，他们自己也会扮演你的理想恋人。和他们的恋爱常常是非常轰轰烈烈。 很多NPD的心理变态是由于童年创伤导致的，而他们也非常会利用这一点，恋爱的时候大量受害者叙事，吸引同理心强的对象的同情。 等你到手并且他们确认你到手之后，才会慢慢露出本来面目。 既然恋爱那么甜，为什么婚后会有打压？因为没有一个人可以完全无条件服从另一个人。N对这种服从的要求是非常变态的，达到了需要控制你思想的程度（比如我爱吃梨N会说，你怎么能爱吃梨呢，你应该爱吃苹果，因为我觉得苹果比梨好吃）。所以长久之后，N必然发现你不是那个可以帮他洗脚的武则天，第一你不能帮他洗脚，第二他可能觉得你不够高价值。 这期间会不会有red flag？有，但是很subtle，加上love bombing的掩盖，对于自我边界弱又恋爱经验有限的对象来说，很难识别。
那段时间，工作不顺，要被公司lay off了，然后他们一天到晚吵架，大概老婆抱怨他，没有能力，工作不行还是啥，反正把他说的一无是处。。。。。。。。 那天晚上，又开始大吵大闹，然后他一气之下，就把她打了，第一次出手好像就已经不行了。。。。。。 哎。。。。。。。。。。。
我对陈立人不了解，男性很多激情杀人，不能说就是npd
一开始说不，对方就会疯狂打击，一定要你听他的，一定要在关系中占高位。
对待外人会牺牲老婆孩子的利益去帮忙
DSM-5诊断标准：
一种需要他人赞扬且缺乏共情的自大（幻想或行为）的普遍心理行为模式；起自成年早期，存在于各种背景下，表现为下列5项（或更多）症状： 具有自我重要性的夸大感（例如，夸大成就和才能，在没有相应成就时却盼望被认为是优胜者）。 幻想无限成功、权利、才华、美丽或理想爱情的先占观念。 认为自己是“特殊”的和独特的，只能被其他特殊的或地位高的人（或机构）所理解或与之交往。 要求过度的赞美。 有一种权利感（即不合理的期望特殊的优待或他人自动顺从他的期望）。 在人际关系上剥削他人（即为了达到自己的目的而利用别人）。 缺乏共情：不愿识别或认同他人的感受和需求。常常妒忌他人，或认为他人妒忌自己。 表现为高傲、傲慢的行为或态度。
更详细的解释在这里：https://www.psychspace.com/psych/viewnews-11305.html
心理咨询师科普videos: https://www.xiaohongshu.com/user/profile/642670c500000000110236dc?xsec_token=YB1F38PCigwovu3FvOBJFwk6Dm2TI7NUvisaQGNieV1OE=&xsec_source=app_share&xhsshare=CopyLink&appuid=5bb0e68d1f30bf0001c3410e&apptime=1740262718&share_id=59e4da75c405423d840594329df5a555
谢谢，赞，我去研究一下
谢谢科普DSM-5标准，人是很复杂的，尤其认识自己很难，所以才有旁观者清的说法。
NPD跟性别无关，男女都有可能，擦亮眼睛看清楚。
没错。我ex就是这样。最开始追求的时候表现的像完美恋人 各种夸你赞美你。然后就开始指责挑剔自我夸大。第三招就是服从性测试，比如他在公共场合摸我胸，我不愿意走开，他就开始暴怒 觉得触犯了他的权威。总之 就是夸大自己的价值 让你觉得和他一起是正确选择。然后贬低你 让你觉得自己非常糟糕 整个世界只有他愿意娶你。从而对他产生精神依赖。最后用各种手段服从性测试，让你像一条狗一样跟着他。甚至觉得连条狗都不如 因为你要做端茶倒水的武则天，还要被他各种挑剔辱骂。忍受他时不时的破口大骂
不是当着面？还text, email?
当着面，text，email，微信，反正他怎么爽怎么来。 为什么骂我呢？通常都是认为我煮饺子加水太多了，我忘记随手关灯，我拉窗帘方向不合他心意，我接他下班晚了一分钟。
弹幕第一条，会心一笑，我就是intj，难怪这么喜欢研究npd 😄😄
嗯，我拿他举例子也许不太合适，我想表达的是，假如陈立人是NPD，他一定会这么说。
因为这就是我ex的逻辑。“我是把你骂得狗血淋头，但那是因为你不听我的话，我是被逼的，你要是听我的不就没有这事了吗”。
你失去的是一条腿，我失去的可是我的尊严啊
你这是怎么忍得了啊？我老公虽然会因为这些抱怨我，但只会因为我晚到了而生气大骂。你说得别的那些小事情他一般就说我没有生活常识，浪费电等。
没错。他们的逻辑就是自己永远没有错。哪怕无理也要把自己说的很无辜。。并且很会颠倒黑白，比如说他是npd 他马上会说你才是npd。
特别明显的是他做错了，也不认错，还会找借口说因为你如何了，我才这么做的。
还有洗碗机里碗摆得太随意
非常感谢你专门登录给我支持，也为你离开npd现在找到幸福生活而开心。
干嘛把时间花在那种给自己伤害别人以后还东拉西扯找无辜原因的人？一脚踢飞就好了啊
这个世界游戏规则确实有问题啊，领导者本来是由下而上推举出来的真正有人格魅力的人，后来却成了由上而下的强行指定同气相求的人。难怪在上位者NPD比例那么高，一串媚上欺下就好互相理解互相亲切🤭
别跟他纠缠谁对谁错你赢不了的，只会把自己逼疯。
对待咬你的狗不是要咬回去而是要默默赶紧走。你如果还没娃更该赶紧了。
一个同事的形象跃然纸上……
这个MM 一看就是被深深伤害过的。同看了几十本npd的书。Dr Ramani, CPTSD, you name it. 英文resources 非常多。 一旦识别npd, 就一条，立马逃，no contact. 否则早晚被吸干，recovery takes forever
👍