Since January 2022, I have diligently worked on phone projects and, since September 2023, email model projects. Regrettably, meeting Axxx''s expectations has proven difficult, leading to a growing sense of anxiety and frustration. Communicating with him during meetings has become a source of apprehension for me. Again, 不是你REGRETTABLY ... meeting ...expectations has proven difficult。我是你老板 我就会觉得你自己达标不了，管老板HARSH？ Despite my efforts, the feedback and communication from Axxx have been increasingly distressing, causing significant anxiety and frustration. Our meetings often involve instances of verbal and mental strain, which have impacted my well-being and professional performance cxvv 发表于 2023-11-27 16:56
回复 85楼bwise的帖子 谢谢MM这么细致的帮助 Your letter needs to be fact based, not emotional outbursts. Incidents listed were isolated on 9/14 and 11/1, do you have more examples? -我有，但是一时想不起来，我要好好回想一下。 Your manager''s remarks - did he make them during one-on-one meetings or there were witnesses? Do you have anything in writing from your manager?-他很谨慎，说过分的话的时候或者发飙的时候都是1-on-1 phone call. 很少有written, 除了今天fiasco, Avoid using adjectives to describe your manager''s remarks - just document what he said word to word.- 好。 Describe how his behavior (verbal and non-verbal) has caused your distress. This shall be the key of your complain. Focus on the impact on your mental health - depressed, anxiety, fear of retribution, loss of sleep, cannot focus, etc. You can also Google psychological safety.-好的，谢谢建议。 This is not a case of harassment. Your best shots are "hostile environment" and "differential treatment" - especially if you can prove that he singles you out in similar situations.没错，他总是举例子印度那边的人多能干，他们都工作到晚上2点 Keep in mind everything you said and write will be shared with HR if and when this reach that state. Consider this your formal complaint. 再次感谢！ kikichichi 发表于 2023-11-27 16:58
Honestly I don''t think you have a strong case. That said, filing a complaint and establishing the impact on your health will at least put a stop to your manager''s behavior. When you file the complaint you can request an internal transfer due to fear of retaliation. Once you file the complaint, there is little chance for you to remain in the position. The complaint will help to buy some time while you look for another job.
I think you should have a summaried section with bullet points, because no one is going to read that whole long email. But you need a full email for documentation purpose. And I hope you are already job searching and close to getting an offer.
Your key complaints can focus on: constant nitpicking criticism of deliverable without providing clear guidance and expectation offensive and degrading comments - "fiasco" repeated requests for working/scheduling outside of your defined work hours, with little advance notice
建议你找个律师帮你改改写法。全文读下来并没有明确点出你老板有什么主要问题，而是你不够take initiatives. 而且在工作是否做的胜任上扯皮，除非你要其他人的证词，否则老板就是说他觉得你做的烂，your words, against his words， 没人有时间把你的工作重新review 一边，这个没法处理。 不知道你什么工种，但英文书面抗辩写出这样，你很吃亏。
信还是得改啊，得有重点。像"possibility" instead of "probability这种鸡毛蒜皮又是自己有错的事就不要提了吧。重点放在他做错的地方，比如说给的工作只有20%算在evaluation，在你们公司是不是个问题？有没有证据？经常和indian在早上meeting，有多少次啥的？
我重新修改了发给大老板的文本，请大家看看这样可以吗？ ========================================================================= Dear [Recipient''s Name], I hope this message finds you well. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss my concerns with you. Over the past two years, I have reported to Axxx, and unfortunately, my experience has become increasingly challenging. Since January 2022, I have diligently worked on phone projects and, since September 2023, email model projects. Regrettably, meeting Axxx''s expectations has proven difficult, leading to a growing sense of anxiety and frustration. Communicating with him during meetings has become a source of apprehension for me. To provide context, I would like to highlight a few instances: On September 14th, 2023, Axxx mentioned that completing assigned tasks constitutes only 20% of my evaluation. According to him, a valuable employee should go above and beyond to accomplish the remaining 80%. This was the only time he mentioned this, leaving me confused about job requirements and boundaries. Additionally, my mid-year evaluation was severely delayed and just completed by him on November 1st. He asked me to express gratitude to him and acknowledge his evaluation for me, which I don''t quite agree with, but I complied as he requested. On November 1st, 2023, during my presentation on the email Trust Rank, I misspoke, using "possibility" instead of "probability." Although I promptly corrected the error, he claimed not to understand the entire theory. This has left me feeling uneasy about my work and communication under his supervision. On November 1st, he remarked that with my salary, he could hire 10 individuals in India to perform the same tasks. In a recent conversation, he referred to my work on sxxxxxxxxx improvement as a "fiasco," despite my efforts to validate the results with both simulation and real data, with regular updates and approvals from him. Additionally, my work has been testified and verified by India''s team (Srikar produced the same result as I did). These continuous disrespectful and insulting comments have severely diminished my self-esteem and confidence. Moreover, he frequently asks me to schedule meetings with the Indian team during my early mornings or late nights to accommodate Indian working hours. While I have not objected to adjusting my schedule, unreasonable demands such as scheduling a meeting at 6 am, followed by criticism for not scheduling it the night before, have significantly impacted my work-life balance. His recurrent suggestion to email him and express my incompetence for the job, along with the threat of informing Robert that I am unfit for this position, has created a hostile work environment. I am very frustrated, depressed, and even afraid to talk with him. His verbal abuse and insults have become a nightmare for me. In my seven years at this company, I have never encountered such comments or experienced such a challenging work dynamic. I initially appreciated the opportunity to work under Axxx, and I am grateful for your great help in making the transfer two years ago. However, the current situation has become untenable, and I am reaching out in the hope that a resolution can be found to restore a positive and productive working relationship. Thank you for your understanding and attention to this matter. Sincerely, [Your Name] ====================================================================================================================== 感恩节假期休完了， 我深刻感觉到自己burned out, depression and anxiety issues. 今天给老板team上发消息告诉他我休假结束了 and get back to work。 他劈头盖脸发了长长一张work list and here quoted " I don''''''''t want to see anything like the way i discovered issues with XXX calculation and it was fiasco! 我当时就飙了， 再也忍受不了，这个project 是我接手并改进的一个方法, 直接回怼： what do you mean "fiasco" here? i have tested this method with both simulated data and real data, together with engineer team. All the results shows great improvement and every step and result have been updated and approved by you. and now you declare this is "Fiasco"? It is extremely uncomfortable to hear such comments from my supervisor again and again. It seriously deming my self-reddem and very much humilated by your always speaking this way!" 然后他blah blah blah 玩措辞， 试图曲解他刚刚的意思。 还要跟我phone conversation. 我declined his phone invitation. 我刚刚message 他老板要求talk， 目前没有回应。 我在准备把我觉得documented the evidence整理一下. 现在心情很激动，手也在抖，脑子也不好用了， 我 不知道以下说的是不是合适的，也没有润色，很多东西一时也想不起来。 朋友们能帮我看看下面我准备跟大老板谈话的内容, 可以吗？另外我下一步应该怎么办？ 我叩谢！ 我知道我申辩成功的机率极低，但是我不打算再沉默，即使是让我走人，我也要发声。何况，现在就是鱼死网破的状态了， 我只想让自己这俩年的忍辱偷生做个了断，另外也希望组里其他同事的日子在我走后会好一点。我下一步应该怎么做对自己最有利呢， 我还没找到下家， 在努力找新工作中。谢谢大家！ 这是我以前的贴子： 感觉工作保不住了，我这是要走人了吧！ (huaren.us) https://huaren.us/showtopic.html?topicid=2963285&fid=398
Complain 太长了啊。 而且重点不突出。 最好的是bullet points with three main talk points follow by attachment of documentations. 你现在寫成这样,请直接像老板申请private meeting and take good notes . 要快。
Make sure he knows this is serious You also need to think about why should the boss care ? Why is this also serious for the big boss ? 一般方向有几个- 你老板的作法严重违反policy , or 严重影响公司形象，团队morale. Productivity, or affect the production of some important project 你的complain 必须格局要高，始终ask yourself why shouldn''t the big boss care ,? 然后从那个角度讲你的故事。 舉個例子： Instead of saying 80% out of expectations, it''s much powerful to say boss is unclear about the 80,% of how my performance is measured . His communication is very unclear on how to attain to meet my KPI . I can''t do my best if I don''t understand the specific metrics used for my performance. (Blah blah blah ). 总之遇事不急，CHARGPT4走一圈。 Keyword : office politics tactic, give it the situation, ask it for tactic, and then ask it to run simulation with you . VERY PROFESSIONAL ADVICE fr chaptfpt4
亲们，just an update! 大老板跟我谈过了，他想息事宁人， 话里话外的意思就是不想HR介入，他考虑帮我转组， 但是目前没说死是不是确定能把我安插到哪个组他说周五通知我！ 另外我说了我老板打算让我上pip, 他说pip6个月， 如果这样，也够我找新工作了！ 好死不如赖活着，谁跟饭碗质气呢！如果， 没有地方安置我，如果没有合适的组安置我，我是不是可以跟他们谈volunteer layoff packages ? 还是赖着6个月经济上更划算些? ========================================================================= Dear [Recipient''''''''s Name], I hope this message finds you well. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss my concerns with you. Over the past two years, I have reported to Axxx, and unfortunately, my experience has become increasingly challenging. Since January 2022, I have diligently worked on phone projects and, since September 2023, email model projects. Regrettably, meeting Axxx''''''''s expectations has proven difficult, leading to a growing sense of anxiety and frustration. Communicating with him during meetings has become a source of apprehension for me. To provide context, I would like to highlight a few instances: On September 14th, 2023, Axxx mentioned that completing assigned tasks constitutes only 20% of my evaluation. According to him, a valuable employee should go above and beyond to accomplish the remaining 80%. This was the only time he mentioned this, leaving me confused about job requirements and boundaries. Additionally, my mid-year evaluation was severely delayed and just completed by him on November 1st. He asked me to express gratitude to him and acknowledge his evaluation for me, which I don''''''''t quite agree with, but I complied as he requested. On November 1st, 2023, during my presentation on the email Trust Rank, I misspoke, using "possibility" instead of "probability." Although I promptly corrected the error, he claimed not to understand the entire theory. This has left me feeling uneasy about my work and communication under his supervision. On November 1st, he remarked that with my salary, he could hire 10 individuals in India to perform the same tasks. In a recent conversation, he referred to my work on sxxxxxxxxx improvement as a "fiasco," despite my efforts to validate the results with both simulation and real data, with regular updates and approvals from him. Additionally, my work has been testified and verified by India''''''''s team (Srikar produced the same result as I did). These continuous disrespectful and insulting comments have severely diminished my self-esteem and confidence. Moreover, he frequently asks me to schedule meetings with the Indian team during my early mornings or late nights to accommodate Indian working hours. While I have not objected to adjusting my schedule, unreasonable demands such as scheduling a meeting at 6 am, followed by criticism for not scheduling it the night before, have significantly impacted my work-life balance. His recurrent suggestion to email him and express my incompetence for the job, along with the threat of informing Robert that I am unfit for this position, has created a hostile work environment. I am very frustrated, depressed, and even afraid to talk with him. His verbal abuse and insults have become a nightmare for me. In my seven years at this company, I have never encountered such comments or experienced such a challenging work dynamic. I initially appreciated the opportunity to work under Axxx, and I am grateful for your great help in making the transfer two years ago. However, the current situation has become untenable, and I am reaching out in the hope that a resolution can be found to restore a positive and productive working relationship. Thank you for your understanding and attention to this matter. Sincerely, [Your Name] ====================================================================================================================== 感恩节假期休完了， 我深刻感觉到自己burned out, depression and anxiety issues. 今天给老板team上发消息告诉他我休假结束了 and get back to work。 他劈头盖脸发了长长一张work list and here quoted " I don''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''t want to see anything like the way i discovered issues with XXX calculation and it was fiasco! 我当时就飙了， 再也忍受不了，这个project 是我接手并改进的一个方法, 直接回怼： what do you mean "fiasco" here? i have tested this method with both simulated data and real data, together with engineer team. All the results shows great improvement and every step and result have been updated and approved by you. and now you declare this is "Fiasco"? It is extremely uncomfortable to hear such comments from my supervisor again and again. It seriously deming my self-reddem and very much humilated by your always speaking this way!" 然后他blah blah blah 玩措辞， 试图曲解他刚刚的意思。 还要跟我phone conversation. 我declined his phone invitation. 我刚刚message 他老板要求talk， 目前没有回应。 我在准备把我觉得documented the evidence整理一下. 现在心情很激动，手也在抖，脑子也不好用了， 我 不知道以下说的是不是合适的，也没有润色，很多东西一时也想不起来。 朋友们能帮我看看下面我准备跟大老板谈话的内容, 可以吗？另外我下一步应该怎么办？ 我叩谢！ 我知道我申辩成功的机率极低，但是我不打算再沉默，即使是让我走人，我也要发声。何况，现在就是鱼死网破的状态了， 我只想让自己这俩年的忍辱偷生做个了断，另外也希望组里其他同事的日子在我走后会好一点。我下一步应该怎么做对自己最有利呢， 我还没找到下家， 在努力找新工作中。谢谢大家！ 这是我以前的贴子： 感觉工作保不住了，我这是要走人了吧！ (huaren.us) https://huaren.us/showtopic.html?topicid=2963285&fid=398
那MM等周五大老板的update再决定下一步吧。 若下一步要file complaint to HR，一定要重点突出，现在的信arguments 和措辞上都很弱。非常同意146楼的MM，你需要先高格局的列出complaint 的bullet points，从公司policy或者大老板的视角考虑问题，譬如你老板violation of company code conduct, incapability/ failure as people manager, creating toxic work environment, damaging team morale and productivity。然后每个bullet points 给具体的佐证例子。 MM加油
我觉得写的很好了，有理有据，能换组就换组，换不了一定要走人也一定拉着现在的老板垫背着，make his life as miserable as you can 不给钱绝对不要走，如果要上pip，你一定要把pip的要求研究的透透的，如果老板任何一个step不符合，你就找他的茬， make him regret his decision of going after you 一定要跟他刚到底，他就是看你好欺负，想把你弄走，让他自己人来 上面说电话录音，你查一下你是不是在 one-party consent的州，如果是那你可以随便录音
那MM等周五大老板的update再决定下一步吧。 若下一步要file complaint to HR，一定要重点突出，现在的信arguments 和措辞上都很弱。非常同意146楼的MM，你需要先高格局的列出complaint 的bullet points，从公司policy或者大老板的视角考虑问题，譬如你老板violation of company code conduct, incapability/ failure as people manager, creating toxic work environment, damaging team morale and productivity。然后每个bullet points 给具体的佐证例子。 MM加油
根据我个人经验，有的时候不上手段是没有用的。你以为你可以和老板谈感情，殊不知老板早就想下手整死你了
已经开始撕了，就要有鱼死网破的决心。这么toxic的老板，一定不要心软。小心印度人最没底线了，他可能会回来说好话求你，到时一定不要心软。而且印度人最喜欢打电话，不留书面记录。
把假期过完，一月份找个更好的工作！
谢谢指正！ 我改
Honestly I don''t think you have a strong case. That said, filing a complaint and establishing the impact on your health will at least put a stop to your manager''s behavior. When you file the complaint you can request an internal transfer due to fear of retaliation.
Once you file the complaint, there is little chance for you to remain in the position. The complaint will help to buy some time while you look for another job.
好！ 我措辞犀利一点，不然没人当回事
咋了，亲！我这么大个的包子， 你逗我呢？
And I hope you are already job searching and close to getting an offer.
你比我厉害多了，我真后悔没和我的傻逼老板撕逼！
+1。 现在绝对是先下手为强而为自己争取时间。无论是HR还是Ethic hotline 都要以书面形式正式备案,对这类人绝对不要手软。
That’s good enough for me! 今天撕破脸我就知道在他手下留不住了
I already started job searching, but not successful yet! I will try harder, thank you for your kind suggestion
人生也该任性一回，别让那些欺负我们的人太得意！
行，就这么办！😡
constant nitpicking criticism of deliverable without providing clear guidance and expectation offensive and degrading comments - "fiasco" repeated requests for working/scheduling outside of your defined work hours, with little advance notice
说的没错！我不会心软妥协，否则他喘过气会往死里搞我！if I started a war, I will always finish it
谢谢🙏
是！我从来都很驯服！没想到过跟老板干！但是我现在不忍了，反正怎么都要滚，谁也别把人往死里欺负！我不相信HRcomplaint 就对他一点影响没有，谁都别想好好过！
“你干完份内的活只占你performance 中20%， 另外80%要做格外的活，这样才能成为公司不可或缺的人。”
你分析的对，谢谢指点！ 我会根据你的建议重新修改，多谢
典型pua
不知道你什么工种，但英文书面抗辩写出这样，你很吃亏。
收集所有证据汇报给HR
虽然一个人扳倒老板不可能
但是至少要给他个下马威
不能让他以后无所顾忌欺压员工
好！我接着改！谢谢建议🙏
不回头，回头死的更快！
说句实话，我真的不指望一封complaint能扳倒我老板，我无非是想给他添堵，就像过去2年他给我添堵一样。 我也是铁了心要走了， 撕的这么难看，不走是怕还死不透吗！
楼主mm看过来，我刚刚经历了差不多的事情，投诉了EEOC，前公司赔偿了我几万美金。我给你发私信发不出去，我跟你说，你要冷静下来，千万不可主动辞职。现在赶紧搜集证据。把每次谈话录音，包括电话！如果你感觉你被歧视了，是因为你是亚裔，中国人，年龄，等，一定要在录音中说出来。比如“我感觉他们歧视我是因为我是中国人，女性，年龄”。这一定要录下来，并且一定要是跟HR说的。如果因为你有了这一句话，证明你报告了歧视行为，他们依旧为难你，逼走你，就犯了报复罪。 赶紧投诉EEOC。我就是这样为自己赢了几万块钱。对方还请了大律师对付我，因为我证据充分，他们那大律师也没辙。如果你有因为这件事造成了心理压力，看了医生，治疗师，你可能会得到非常大的一笔赔偿。
那也得恶心到他呀，光挠挠痒怎么过瘾？
建议你看看Salley 妹妹的意见，按种族性别歧视上纲上线，或是harrassment, create hostile work environment，verbal abuse, unreasonable overtime request, discriminative and divisive language 等, 要扣大帽子，还要狠狠的扣。
然后总结这样的culture, 对team 和 firm 的 reputation不好。暗戳如果不给处理好，就在social media曝光toxic corporate culture.
好！我看看还能不能想到其他的事情可以往这个方向说
嗯嗯！我现在还没有选择面谈，我怕我情绪激动，说不清楚只是把书面complaint letter 发给大老板了！我今早强烈感觉到我老板发了一个疯狂的list外加言语侮辱就是为了让我上pip, 如果我还一声不吭就是默认了，所以我决定无论如何不能拖，我得动手
不打电话是对的 这也是最近learn的 全用email，反正这样子ld也不会保你 索性敞开说 祝福楼主 不做包子
最好的是bullet points with three main talk points follow by attachment of documentations.
你现在寫成这样,请直接像老板申请private meeting and take good notes . 要快。
Make sure he knows this is serious
You also need to think about why should the boss care ? Why is this also serious for the big boss ? 一般方向有几个- 你老板的作法严重违反policy , or 严重影响公司形象，团队morale. Productivity, or affect the production of some important project
你的complain 必须格局要高，始终ask yourself why shouldn''t the big boss care ,? 然后从那个角度讲你的故事。
舉個例子： Instead of saying 80% out of expectations, it''s much powerful to say boss is unclear about the 80,% of how my performance is measured . His communication is very unclear on how to attain to meet my KPI . I can''t do my best if I don''t understand the specific metrics used for my performance. (Blah blah blah ).
总之遇事不急，CHARGPT4走一圈。 Keyword : office politics tactic, give it the situation, ask it for tactic, and then ask it to run simulation with you .
VERY PROFESSIONAL ADVICE fr chaptfpt4
这都几点了 老板不下班么？
你上司故意这样激怒你让你主动离开，好不给package吧。一定要顶住，不要主动提离开，否则正中下怀。很多这样的事例都表明，你坚持住，你上司就输了。ta让你不舒服，你也要让ta不舒服。此外，抓紧时间找下家。跟hr或大老板说你被整得无法集中精力工作，出现mental问题，睡不好，请病假。
万分感谢！我刚跟大老板谈完， 他说可以看看是否能换组，然后说周五回复我！
我就是不主动离开！还要以牙还牙，在伤亡最小的前提之下，至少让大老板知道他管理能力有限！没有这么把人往死里欺负的
可能大家会说我天真，但是我真的很感激我大老板的！我觉得他以前也的确帮我很大忙，我相信他一定站在我老板那一边，但是我对他没有丝毫恶意！最差的结果就是请他lay off me! 我拿package走人！
"另外我说了我老板打算让我上pip, 他说pip6个月， 如果这样，也够我找新工作了" 大老板这个理论站不住脚，该pip就是该，不该就是不该，如果你本来不该被pip，那一天都不行，怎么还成了帮你了？
我想看看周五谈判结果！如果不好，我就file HR!
你说的对！我还是pip好！ 但是pip 会影响将来找工作吗？
我估计上不上pip这事主动权和话语权在他们那里吧
谢谢mm! 我觉得这个可行，明天就去找医生
我明白！我现在无非是想拖延时间，给他们让我上pip 增加难度和忌惮！如果我今天不撕破脸开斗，明天我都死的比今天难看！
若下一步要file complaint to HR，一定要重点突出，现在的信arguments 和措辞上都很弱。非常同意146楼的MM，你需要先高格局的列出complaint 的bullet points，从公司policy或者大老板的视角考虑问题，譬如你老板violation of company code conduct, incapability/ failure as people manager, creating toxic work environment, damaging team morale and productivity。然后每个bullet points 给具体的佐证例子。
MM加油
没经过许可录音的话，是违法的吧。 你是辞职了然后投诉到EEOC还是投诉了EEOC拿了赔偿才离职？
这也太toxic了，赶紧换吧
我在德州，录音不违法。
我才不会自动离职！收集证据，file EEOC,公司terminate我，retaliation更加板上钉钉。赔偿后还不能说我任何坏话，给我中立的reference。
借帖子问一下，这种录音需要事先通知HR吗？我们州不允许单方面录音怎么办？
那就写邮件，必须要明确包含这一句：我认为她/他歧视我因为我的国籍/种族/年龄/性别等，在邮件中必须注明这一句话。
要看看谁站公司利益这一边
不要互相指责，互相攻击
多谢建议！我会按大家建议的把重点突出重新写complain
多谢mm的分享！太有帮助了！
Document everything. 直接报告给HR， 同时看心理医生。你都有焦虑抑郁症状了，马上请三个月假。避免任何和你老板单独开会的机会，要求有HR和你大老板一起。
可以申请失业保险，大概一个月可以有1800左右，可以拿6个月。找个一般的工作足够了，找好工作一定要骑驴找马，不断跳不断涨工资。
给楼主点赞支持，看完了所有人的回帖，群策群力，你不是一个人在战斗。工作中遇到人品差的老板对自己的身心健康损坏极大，不管怎么样，把自己的身心健康要放在第一位。
同意 需要从ppl leader的responsibility入手
谢谢分享
金牌讲师🧑🏫
多谢妹妹回复！你说的太对了！我的性格是能忍就忍，不能忍，撕破脸会刚到底！
你性格有点弱，找到新工作要注意了，尤其严重影响work life balance要assertive讲出来你家里的义务，不可以经常overtime
今天他发电话邀请，我直接拒绝通话！我不会给一个装着沟通，实际上设陷阱的人任何机会了
大老板说帮你转组，虽然不是100%，可是你如果继续和老板&A撕的话，大老板可能就不帮你了，毕竟大老板需要手下和他一条心的。就这样继续做着吧，希望能换组是最好的结果，最坏就是再拿半年工资pip走人也是正常程序，你就看开点，你和大老板都说了，其他其实都做不了啥，没有必要撕，真的闹到HR，大老板都会和你对立。每个行业圈子很小，上面大家都认识，没必要给自己添麻烦。
即使闹到HR，他们也不会帮你的，HR都是帮公司利益的。你请律师告公司，如果工作评分方面根本告不赢公司，而且以后你找工作可能会麻烦一些，毕竟没有公司喜欢你人际关系没搞好就要告公司。（管理层给人穿小鞋赶人是到处发生的事，找律师不明智）
这个知识点我还真不知道，多谢提点！如果tax use my performance,我会提供我的工作结果证明自己的结果没有问题！也会死咬住每一步都是他认同且批准的，我没有任何说谎，我能找出email做佐证