亲们，拜谢所有给我回贴的好心人！just an update! 大老板跟我谈过了，他想息事宁人， 话里话外的意思就是不想HR介入，他考虑帮我转组， 但是目前没说死是不是确定能把我安插到哪个组他说周五通知我！ 另外我说了我老板打算让我上pip, 他说pip6个月， 如果这样，也够我找新工作了！ 好死不如赖活着，谁跟饭碗质气呢！如果， 没有地方安置我，如果没有合适的组安置我，我是不是可以跟他们谈volunteer layoff packages ? 还是赖着6个月经济上更划算些? ========================================================================= Dear [Recipient''''''''''''''''s Name], I hope this message finds you well. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss my concerns with you. Over the past two years, I have reported to Axxx, and unfortunately, my experience has become increasingly challenging. Since January 2022, I have diligently worked on phone projects and, since September 2023, email model projects. Regrettably, meeting Axxx''''''''''''''''s expectations has proven difficult, leading to a growing sense of anxiety and frustration. Communicating with him during meetings has become a source of apprehension for me. To provide context, I would like to highlight a few instances: On September 14th, 2023, Axxx mentioned that completing assigned tasks constitutes only 20% of my evaluation. According to him, a valuable employee should go above and beyond to accomplish the remaining 80%. This was the only time he mentioned this, leaving me confused about job requirements and boundaries. Additionally, my mid-year evaluation was severely delayed and just completed by him on November 1st. He asked me to express gratitude to him and acknowledge his evaluation for me, which I don''''''''''''''''t quite agree with, but I complied as he requested. On November 1st, 2023, during my presentation on the email Trust Rank, I misspoke, using "possibility" instead of "probability." Although I promptly corrected the error, he claimed not to understand the entire theory. This has left me feeling uneasy about my work and communication under his supervision. On November 1st, he remarked that with my salary, he could hire 10 individuals in India to perform the same tasks. In a recent conversation, he referred to my work on sxxxxxxxxx improvement as a "fiasco," despite my efforts to validate the results with both simulation and real data, with regular updates and approvals from him. Additionally, my work has been testified and verified by India''''''''''''''''s team (Srikar produced the same result as I did). These continuous disrespectful and insulting comments have severely diminished my self-esteem and confidence. Moreover, he frequently asks me to schedule meetings with the Indian team during my early mornings or late nights to accommodate Indian working hours. While I have not objected to adjusting my schedule, unreasonable demands such as scheduling a meeting at 6 am, followed by criticism for not scheduling it the night before, have significantly impacted my work-life balance. His recurrent suggestion to email him and express my incompetence for the job, along with the threat of informing Robert that I am unfit for this position, has created a hostile work environment. I am very frustrated, depressed, and even afraid to talk with him. His verbal abuse and insults have become a nightmare for me. In my seven years at this company, I have never encountered such comments or experienced such a challenging work dynamic. I initially appreciated the opportunity to work under Axxx, and I am grateful for your great help in making the transfer two years ago. However, the current situation has become untenable, and I am reaching out in the hope that a resolution can be found to restore a positive and productive working relationship. Thank you for your understanding and attention to this matter. Sincerely, [Your Name] ====================================================================================================================== 感恩节假期休完了， 我深刻感觉到自己burned out, depression and anxiety issues. 今天给老板team上发消息告诉他我休假结束了 and get back to work。 他劈头盖脸发了长长一张work list and here quoted " I don''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''t want to see anything like the way i discovered issues with XXX calculation and it was fiasco! 我当时就飙了， 再也忍受不了，这个project 是我接手并改进的一个方法, 直接回怼： what do you mean "fiasco" here? i have tested this method with both simulated data and real data, together with engineer team. All the results shows great improvement and every step and result have been updated and approved by you. and now you declare this is "Fiasco"? It is extremely uncomfortable to hear such comments from my supervisor again and again. It seriously deming my self-reddem and very much humilated by your always speaking this way!" 然后他blah blah blah 玩措辞， 试图曲解他刚刚的意思。 还要跟我phone conversation. 我declined his phone invitation. 我刚刚message 他老板要求talk， 目前没有回应。 我在准备把我觉得documented the evidence整理一下. 现在心情很激动，手也在抖，脑子也不好用了， 我 不知道以下说的是不是合适的，也没有润色，很多东西一时也想不起来。 朋友们能帮我看看下面我准备跟大老板谈话的内容, 可以吗？另外我下一步应该怎么办？ 我叩谢！ 我知道我申辩成功的机率极低，但是我不打算再沉默，即使是让我走人，我也要发声。何况，现在就是鱼死网破的状态了， 我只想让自己这俩年的忍辱偷生做个了断，另外也希望组里其他同事的日子在我走后会好一点。我下一步应该怎么做对自己最有利呢， 我还没找到下家， 在努力找新工作中。谢谢大家！ 这是我以前的贴子： 感觉工作保不住了，我这是要走人了吧！ (huaren.us) https://huaren.us/showtopic.html?topicid=2963285&fid=398
回复 9楼freegoer的帖子 大老板还没回复我！ 我俩年前求大老板帮我转组，换到现在老板手下，因为当时一个恶名在外的另一个老板想把我招到他手下，我俩个要好的同事在他手下都干不下去走人了，为了避免被他抓去，我去求大老板换到现在老板手下，当时也是没有办法，没想到这个老板也是一样的bully. 我知道公司现在正在裁员，can I volunteer to be laid off? 这样我还能有点收入
回复 9楼freegoer的帖子 大老板还没回复我！ 我俩年前求大老板帮我转组，换到现在老板手下，因为当时一个恶名在外的另一个老板想把我招到他手下，我俩个要好的同事在他手下都干不下去走人了，为了避免被他抓去，我去求大老板换到现在老板手下，当时也是没有办法，没想到这个老板也是一样的bully. 我知道公司现在正在裁员，can I volunteer to be laid off? 这样我还能有点收入 kikichichi 发表于 2023-11-27 14:36
回复 9楼freegoer的帖子 大老板还没回复我！ 我俩年前求大老板帮我转组，换到现在老板手下，因为当时一个恶名在外的另一个老板想把我招到他手下，我俩个要好的同事在他手下都干不下去走人了，为了避免被他抓去，我去求大老板换到现在老板手下，当时也是没有办法，没想到这个老板也是一样的bully. 我知道公司现在正在裁员，can I volunteer to be laid off? 这样我还能有点收入 kikichichi 发表于 2023-11-27 14:36
Thank you so much for taking your time to have this conversation with me. I have been transferred under Axxxxxfor 2 years. I have been tried very hard to get taking over the pxxx model projects very since and exxxx model project from late September 2023. It seems that I can’t meet his requirements and I am very much depressed by working under him. I am afraid of communicate with him each time that I have a meeting along with him. 把这段改了 听起来像你承认错误一样 改成你工作努力超预期的完成所有任务 但是XX的对待下属的态度语言行为严重影响了你的WELL-BEING 公司员工手册翻出来 找出哪条适用 列上 不要说你 "AFRAID OF XXX" no one cares 你怕不怕你老板
回复 9楼freegoer的帖子 大老板还没回复我！ 我俩年前求大老板帮我转组，换到现在老板手下，因为当时一个恶名在外的另一个老板想把我招到他手下，我俩个要好的同事在他手下都干不下去走人了，为了避免被他抓去，我去求大老板换到现在老板手下，当时也是没有办法，没想到这个老板也是一样的bully. 我知道公司现在正在裁员，can I volunteer to be laid off? 这样我还能有点收入 kikichichi 发表于 2023-11-27 14:36
楼主妹妹，如果你还没发首楼的那封长信，提供几点建议。 Your letter needs to be fact based, not emotional outbursts. Incidents listed were isolated on 9/14 and 11/1, do you have more examples? Your manager's remarks - did he make them during one-on-one meetings or there were witnesses? Do you have anything in writing from your manager? Avoid using adjectives to describe your manager's remarks - just document what he said word to word. Describe how his behavior (verbal and non-verbal) has caused your distress. This shall be the key of your complain. Focus on the impact on your mental health - depressed, anxiety, fear of retribution, loss of sleep, cannot focus, etc. You can also Google psychological safety. This is not a case of harassment. Your best shots are "hostile environment" and "differential treatment" - especially if you can prove that he singles you out in similar situations. Keep in mind everything you said and write will be shared with HR if and when this reach that state. Consider this your formal complaint. BEST OF LUCK!
1) Look up your company''s compliance hotline - file a complaint with them, not HR. Do not wait. 2) Check your company policy on retaliation and be prepared to use it to defend yourself. 3) See a therapist or social worker asap and establish your case of anxiety or depression. 4) Once you saw a therapist, request sick days
Since January 2022, I have diligently worked on phone projects and, since September 2023, email model projects. Regrettably, meeting Axxx''s expectations has proven difficult, leading to a growing sense of anxiety and frustration. Communicating with him during meetings has become a source of apprehension for me. Again, 不是你REGRETTABLY ... meeting ...expectations has proven difficult。我是你老板 我就会觉得你自己达标不了，管老板HARSH？ Despite my efforts, the feedback and communication from Axxx have been increasingly distressing, causing significant anxiety and frustration. Our meetings often involve instances of verbal and mental strain, which have impacted my well-being and professional performance
楼主妹妹，如果你还没发首楼的那封长信，提供几点建议。 Your letter needs to be fact based, not emotional outbursts. Incidents listed were isolated on 9/14 and 11/1, do you have more examples? Your manager''s remarks - did he make them during one-on-one meetings or there were witnesses? Do you have anything in writing from your manager? Avoid using adjectives to describe your manager''s remarks - just document what he said word to word. Describe how his behavior (verbal and non-verbal) has caused your distress. This shall be the key of your complain. Focus on the impact on your mental health - depressed, anxiety, fear of retribution, loss of sleep, cannot focus, etc. You can also Google psychological safety. This is not a case of harassment. Your best shots are "hostile environment" and "differential treatment" - especially if you can prove that he singles you out in similar situations. Keep in mind everything you said and write will be shared with HR if and when this reach that state. Consider this your formal complaint. BEST OF LUCK! bwise 发表于 2023-11-27 16:41
second this. 你写的“possiblilty”那一段，我觉得可以说他的sarcastic tone creats a toxic work environment，让你upset，depressed啥的. 尽量往大的work harassment那边靠 而不是你说的 uneasy with work or communication.
回复 85楼bwise的帖子 谢谢MM这么细致的帮助 Your letter needs to be fact based, not emotional outbursts. Incidents listed were isolated on 9/14 and 11/1, do you have more examples? -我有，但是一时想不起来，我要好好回想一下。 Your manager's remarks - did he make them during one-on-one meetings or there were witnesses? Do you have anything in writing from your manager?-他很谨慎，说过分的话的时候或者发飙的时候都是1-on-1 phone call. 很少有written, 除了今天fiasco, Avoid using adjectives to describe your manager's remarks - just document what he said word to word.- 好。 Describe how his behavior (verbal and non-verbal) has caused your distress. This shall be the key of your complain. Focus on the impact on your mental health - depressed, anxiety, fear of retribution, loss of sleep, cannot focus, etc. You can also Google psychological safety.-好的，谢谢建议。 This is not a case of harassment. Your best shots are "hostile environment" and "differential treatment" - especially if you can prove that he singles you out in similar situations.没错，他总是举例子印度那边的人多能干，他们都工作到晚上2点 Keep in mind everything you said and write will be shared with HR if and when this reach that state. Consider this your formal complaint. 再次感谢！
我知道我申辩成功的机率极低，但是我不打算再沉默，即使是让我走人，我也要发声。何况，现在就是鱼死网破的状态了， 我只想让自己这俩年的忍辱偷生做个了断，另外也希望组里其他同事的日子在我走后会好一点。我下一步应该怎么做对自己最有利呢， 我还没找到下家， 在努力找新工作中。谢谢大家！
这是我以前的贴子： 感觉工作保不住了，我这是要走人了吧！ (huaren.us) https://huaren.us/showtopic.html?topicid=2963285&fid=398
🔥 最新回帖
谢谢mm支持！
太感谢mm的建议了！我觉得你说的非常对！我对周五结果预测不乐观，所以该走的HR程序我不会放弃！已经走到这一步，我不会轻易服软，否则会死的更难看！最坏的预测就是周五大老板和HR同时出现， 那就是针对我了，我会第一时间把给HR的信发出，留底备案，以备他们马上开掉我。我今天还联系了同组同事，他虽然不参与这次complaint,但是许诺如果HR询问会如实回答。
没错！印度人就是喜欢拉自己人
Screenshot
🛋️ 沙发板凳
没有身份问题了，但是几个月内没有收入也是个大问题，所以不想自己辞职
折腾死丫的！往上闹，越高越好，让整个reporting chain知道这个傻逼。我敢保证，丫的email已经出去了，你要是不说，他们就觉得他说的对。你说到这个份上，肯定留不住了，问题是，和他们打嘴炮拖延时间找下家，而且要自己心里痛快一些
其它前面开头挺好，稍微客套话少点，然后重点列几个，分分段，准备好应对他们首先分别上来长红白脸，你都被逼到这份上，就跟着他们聊聊看看，同时慢慢找别的工作吧。
大老板还没回复我！ 我俩年前求大老板帮我转组，换到现在老板手下，因为当时一个恶名在外的另一个老板想把我招到他手下，我俩个要好的同事在他手下都干不下去走人了，为了避免被他抓去，我去求大老板换到现在老板手下，当时也是没有办法，没想到这个老板也是一样的bully. 我知道公司现在正在裁员，can I volunteer to be laid off? 这样我还能有点收入
谢谢
我也是回怼完他这一步的时候他着急要跟我电话谈！我觉得是踩中他软肋，他这件事上脱不了干系，他原打算把锅一股脑扔给我的，完全没想到我会回怼
可以要求的。
这是最优解。
希望不是在加州，失业金据说N多年没变，450刀/周
当然可以volunteer 上裁员名单，问题是这是不是你的第一选择？如果是，那就更好办了，沉住气，等着他们怎么回复你。现在球在对方，先看看情况，不要一次性翻出所有的底牌。
我已经这样了，该说该闹的我一样不落，都用俩年了， 每次他极尽能事摔锅我，侮辱我，我都默默承受了，这一次，我不打算咽下去了！上！反正都是个死，宁鸣而死，不默而生！
多谢提醒！我一定会用！我被刺激的手都在抖，根本无法集中精力好好润色！
不要电话1 对1 如果要电话 把你大老板拉进去一起谈 已经撕破脸了 一对一没必要了
好！谢谢！
多谢建议！ 我准备今天把给HR complain 发出去！然后等回音
不要指望HR帮你翻盘。
公司HR是用来 大事化小，小事化了，帮助老板对付员工的。
想办法据法和数据（距离）力争。毕竟，公司HR也要花心思对付劳动部等监管部门的可能调查。
如果你已经或者准备发信给大老板，那么这一步之后你先冷静一下，现在不是你着急，是你的大老板要和你老板先对对口风，然后再商量怎么和你谈。如果今天就报给hr, 那就是准备好硬杠了。当然硬杠也没问题，你就是想好自己的最终诉求，以及back up plan，然后要把老板整到哪一步比较解恨。
备份所有的证据，告hr说toxic working environment，然后请病假，公司不敢开除你， 否则就告retaliation
你的意思是说， 如果大老板不打算跟我谈，我email给他， 然后等他们跟我谈？ 这样也好，先不走HR!
请病假公司不付工资的吧？
给hr的complain要挑几个要点，比如1）insulting，叫你fiasco，说话的时候很生气，intimidating，scary，这种狠词要用上（我曾经目睹过一个阿三complain一个老中老板，老板就说话的时候玩笔，阿三跟上级汇报说觉得老中会那笔刺他。。。），2）non responsive, communication problem, 你已经跟合作单位证明code有用了，他却简称project不好，你去跟他followup enhancement的时候，他却没回应，3）就是force他人work overtime，把其他人当作secretory，经常off work的时段让你开会，现在还force你去要求他人也overtime，你觉得你没有什么立场去强迫其它人跟你非工作时间开会，但是他got mad，yell at you，有聊天截屏就上截屏，对了你赶紧存档截屏，别等他反应过来删消息
要挑虎狼之辞指责他，然后你还要扮演好小白兔白莲花，你说你frustrated，stressful，depressed
你说的对，这俩句我去掉！
经验丰富 👍
我没抱希望HR替我翻盘，我只是不想他先告状到HR, 我想先下手不至于到时候百口莫辩
我一直觉得大老板人很好，也很感激他！俩年前，他帮过我，这个时候又给他添麻烦，我有点自责！如果我足够优秀也不会给老板添这么多麻烦
你到底是和大老板谈了，还是没谈啊？邮件第一句好像谈了，但是后面长篇累牍地，又好像没谈？如果就是想被裁掉，就一步步来，先向大老板抱怨，再等他们商量结果，同时可以琢磨是否需要给人事部报备
大部分是电话里说的事情，但是有些事也有其他人佐证，真调查下来，我老板也未必敢撒谎，他怕我有录音！
谢谢支持！我自认为不是一个矫情娇气的人，但是现在我觉得太累了，真的撑不下去了！
我也明白这个道理！再一不能再二！我不期待大老板帮我解决问题，归根结底自己不够优秀，！我只是被老板压的太愤慨了，不想无声无息被开了，怎么都是个走，窝囊气就不打算受了
千万不要这么想 他坐这个位置就是要处理这些事 如果这些都处理不来 他也没资格坐这个位置
把这段改了 听起来像你承认错误一样 改成你工作努力超预期的完成所有任务 但是XX的对待下属的态度语言行为严重影响了你的WELL-BEING 公司员工手册翻出来 找出哪条适用 列上 不要说你 "AFRAID OF XXX" no one cares 你怕不怕你老板
感谢建议！我一定好好写这封信
你说的对！我好好改改
你再斟酌下你的话吧
比如，某年某月，你email给他，他同意了，但是某年某月，他又说不行。
不要说I feel, I think 之类的话。
职场上，也要使用有威力的词儿，比如disrespectful, abusive, bully, harass, negligent, exclusive..... 条理清𥇦，易读易懂，做个PPT要不?
这样，大大老板、HR不能选择忽视。如果忽视，他们就犯negligence的错误。
（清楚harassment的定义不： act of tormenting by persistent attacks and criticism，包括mentally)
我的感受绝对不是一个人，我们组另外一个跟我同时进组的男同事也是一样，被我老板pua，也跟我抱怨过他让人窒息的管理。我还安慰过他
多谢提点， 我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下我的信。能不能帮我看看这样说可以吗？
多谢提点， 我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下我的信。能不能帮我看看这样说可以吗？
我是太软弱了， 如果不是被逼到无处可逃， 我也不会这么激烈的应对。 多谢提点， 我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下我的信。能不能帮我看看这样说可以吗？
我还没跟大老板谈，我发了message给他，我什么都没说，要求跟他谈谈。 目前他没response. 我打算等一等，如果明天不回复我， 我要把信发给他。我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下那封信，能不能帮我看看是不是说的清楚了？ 太感谢了！
你说的对， 我把这段删了！ 我重新改完了， 贴在第一页，请帮我看看这样行了嘛？拜谢！
多谢提点， 我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下我的信。能不能帮我看看这样说可以吗？拜谢！
多谢提点， 我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下我的信。能不能帮我看看这样说可以吗？拜谢！拜谢！
多谢提点， 我刚刚用chatgpt改了一下我的信。能不能帮我看看这样说可以吗？拜谢！
谢谢支持！ 感谢所有回帖的朋友
感谢支持！我弱鸡到现在，一直想息事宁人， 可是发现最后也逃不过去，不如鱼死网破，也不算白受这俩娘多的窝囊气
至于其他的，包括你列的那些incidents，都可以是管理风格问题，每个人都不一样，如果你觉得不对，当时就应该push back。
不管怎样，开始找下家吧，不行就找个医生，开个mental/stressful啥的理由休息一下，好骑驴找马。
所以你天真了。大老板什么人很好啊，不都是这样吗，坏人让手下做啊自己演菩萨心肠。要不怎么他招的managers各个都是bully他知道了也不换人呢。
我也赌一毛钱，大老板不会回复. 给大人物写信之前，得想想what do you expect from him? 是他会耐心地听你在哀侯么，还是说你觉得他会站你一边把自己的手下fire掉。
大老板要是回复的话，请楼主记得来update.
谢谢提醒，我现在就是犹豫是否先跟大老板谈还是直接file HR，我再考虑考虑。
我已经开始找新工作了，但是不是很顺利，7年没重新申请工作了，变得很生疏，我希望时间再多一些。
谢谢妹妹
mm,真是一针见血！大老板应该不想跟个small patato BBBBB!
谢谢建议，我要把这段加进去。
绝对不要与与他一队的人交流。这样反而会被走人的更快。建议直接去HR file formal complaint ,这样他们就无法动你，否则会被视为retaliation.
Your letter needs to be fact based, not emotional outbursts. Incidents listed were isolated on 9/14 and 11/1, do you have more examples? Your manager's remarks - did he make them during one-on-one meetings or there were witnesses? Do you have anything in writing from your manager? Avoid using adjectives to describe your manager's remarks - just document what he said word to word. Describe how his behavior (verbal and non-verbal) has caused your distress. This shall be the key of your complain. Focus on the impact on your mental health - depressed, anxiety, fear of retribution, loss of sleep, cannot focus, etc. You can also Google psychological safety. This is not a case of harassment. Your best shots are "hostile environment" and "differential treatment" - especially if you can prove that he singles you out in similar situations.
Keep in mind everything you said and write will be shared with HR if and when this reach that state. Consider this your formal complaint.
BEST OF LUCK!
我也准备找医生开证明了，这样HR也会忌惮一点吧
一定要把顺序搞清楚，去HR是为了正式的留案底. 如果没有HR的正式介入，你在下面再怎么抱怨也没人把你当回事儿。
你说的太对了
是的，一定要去hr那边备案，最最重要的是千万要冷静，不要有情绪，不要让人抓住你的把柄
1) Look up your company''s compliance hotline - file a complaint with them, not HR. Do not wait. 2) Check your company policy on retaliation and be prepared to use it to defend yourself. 3) See a therapist or social worker asap and establish your case of anxiety or depression. 4) Once you saw a therapist, request sick days
明天得不到大老板回复，我就去hr FILE FORMAL COMPLAINT
Again, 不是你REGRETTABLY ... meeting ...expectations has proven difficult。我是你老板 我就会觉得你自己达标不了，管老板HARSH？
Despite my efforts, the feedback and communication from Axxx have been increasingly distressing, causing significant anxiety and frustration. Our meetings often involve instances of verbal and mental strain, which have impacted my well-being and professional performance
second this. 你写的“possiblilty”那一段，我觉得可以说他的sarcastic tone creats a toxic work environment，让你upset，depressed啥的. 尽量往大的work harassment那边靠 而不是你说的 uneasy with work or communication.
谢谢MM这么细致的帮助 Your letter needs to be fact based, not emotional outbursts. Incidents listed were isolated on 9/14 and 11/1, do you have more examples? -我有，但是一时想不起来，我要好好回想一下。 Your manager's remarks - did he make them during one-on-one meetings or there were witnesses? Do you have anything in writing from your manager?-他很谨慎，说过分的话的时候或者发飙的时候都是1-on-1 phone call. 很少有written, 除了今天fiasco, Avoid using adjectives to describe your manager's remarks - just document what he said word to word.- 好。 Describe how his behavior (verbal and non-verbal) has caused your distress. This shall be the key of your complain. Focus on the impact on your mental health - depressed, anxiety, fear of retribution, loss of sleep, cannot focus, etc. You can also Google psychological safety.-好的，谢谢建议。 This is not a case of harassment. Your best shots are "hostile environment" and "differential treatment" - especially if you can prove that he singles you out in similar situations.没错，他总是举例子印度那边的人多能干，他们都工作到晚上2点
Keep in mind everything you said and write will be shared with HR if and when this reach that state. Consider this your formal complaint. 再次感谢！