有人考证人就是喜欢见异思迁，印杜甫诗一首： 绝代有佳人，幽居在空谷。 自云良家女，零落依草木。 关中昔丧乱，兄弟遭杀戮。 官高何足论，不得收骨肉。 世情恶衰歇，万事随转烛。 夫婿轻薄儿，新人美如玉。 合昏尚知时，鸳鸯不独宿。 但见新人笑，那闻旧人哭。 在山泉水清，出山泉水浊。 侍婢卖珠回，牵萝补茅屋。 摘花不插发，采柏动盈掬。 天寒翠袖薄，日暮倚修竹。 I’m curious about the men who knowingly marry women with low libidos and then wonder why this happens... so many men seem to choose to commit to these women over women who enjoy sex more. I’ve seen a lot of men with dead bedrooms confess their wife was never that into sex. Yet they chose to marry her... Meanwhile, other women who like sex seem to repel committed relationships. It’s like these men interpret “disinterest in sex” as “partner material”. Of course I once read an article noting women’s libidos drop considerably after the first few years with a partner, but spike again with a new man. This phenomenon was lessened when the woman never lived with the man. As long as she never moved in with him, her libido would stay pretty steady. The implications...lol. That article is missing what most people don''t understand about libido, although low and high libido is a thing. It''s not her libido that dropped considerably after the first few years with a partner. It''s her interest level in her partner that dropped so of course she doesn''t want to sleep with someone she can''t stand anymore regardless of whether she''s high or low libido. That''s why she doesn''t want to sleep with them anymore but will sleep with a new person who she has high interest in. That is until the new person lowers her interest too. And it''s lessened when they never lived together because space is actually healthy for the relationship and necessary for her interest level to remain high. Plus their partner''s annoying habits and mistakes are less frequent when they aren''t around each other as much. I think the majority of cases of low libido are actually cases of low interest level. And they''ll continue the cycle with every new high libido woman unless they understand how to keep her interest level high over the long haul, which most people don''t understand. That''s also why people tend to marry supposedly low libido people like in your first paragraph - because they weren''t low libido initially during the start of the dating phase when their interest was high.
总结一下， 老公的优点： 有责任心，对孩子好，特别勤快，家里干很多活。 缺点：斤斤计较，经常因为鸡毛蒜皮的小事吵架，没有生活情趣（吃和玩都过不到一起），分房超过10年，性生活不和谐也非常少。 特别固执， 很难沟通。试过各种方法试图改变他， 都没用。 现在放弃沟通了。
请大家帮忙看看这种情况该怎么办？ 到了需要离婚的程度吗？ 还是到了分居的程度？ 我们有一个男孩， 在读中学。 所以一直犹豫着没离。 如果没有孩子，肯定果断离了。
更新， 有人问到所以回答一下， 性生活也非常少，基本几个月一次。
更新， 为啥有人建议 open marriage？ 在华人里， 能接受 open marriage的没听说过 如果都 open marriage了， 还要婚姻来干嘛？ 不如一个人，随时找炮友。
🔥 最新回帖
和你的观点一致！现在这社会，遇到性一点都不稀奇，遇到愿意相互扶持操心对方日常生活的男人比较不容易，等老了就知道这种男人的好处了，前提是他愿意和楼主这样白头到老。
或者说，混淆了爱情 vs 性，love vs lust。
或者说，这些婚姻可能始于性，而不是始于爱情。
绝代有佳人，幽居在空谷。 自云良家女，零落依草木。 关中昔丧乱，兄弟遭杀戮。 官高何足论，不得收骨肉。 世情恶衰歇，万事随转烛。 夫婿轻薄儿，新人美如玉。 合昏尚知时，鸳鸯不独宿。 但见新人笑，那闻旧人哭。 在山泉水清，出山泉水浊。 侍婢卖珠回，牵萝补茅屋。 摘花不插发，采柏动盈掬。 天寒翠袖薄，日暮倚修竹。
I’m curious about the men who knowingly marry women with low libidos and then wonder why this happens... so many men seem to choose to commit to these women over women who enjoy sex more. I’ve seen a lot of men with dead bedrooms confess their wife was never that into sex. Yet they chose to marry her... Meanwhile, other women who like sex seem to repel committed relationships. It’s like these men interpret “disinterest in sex” as “partner material”. Of course I once read an article noting women’s libidos drop considerably after the first few years with a partner, but spike again with a new man. This phenomenon was lessened when the woman never lived with the man. As long as she never moved in with him, her libido would stay pretty steady. The implications...lol.
That article is missing what most people don''t understand about libido, although low and high libido is a thing. It''s not her libido that dropped considerably after the first few years with a partner. It''s her interest level in her partner that dropped so of course she doesn''t want to sleep with someone she can''t stand anymore regardless of whether she''s high or low libido. That''s why she doesn''t want to sleep with them anymore but will sleep with a new person who she has high interest in. That is until the new person lowers her interest too. And it''s lessened when they never lived together because space is actually healthy for the relationship and necessary for her interest level to remain high. Plus their partner''s annoying habits and mistakes are less frequent when they aren''t around each other as much. I think the majority of cases of low libido are actually cases of low interest level. And they''ll continue the cycle with every new high libido woman unless they understand how to keep her interest level high over the long haul, which most people don''t understand. That''s also why people tend to marry supposedly low libido people like in your first paragraph - because they weren''t low libido initially during the start of the dating phase when their interest was high.
🛋️ 沙发板凳
你们就是室友关系，连炮友都算不上。
以前孩子太小， 工作也很忙。
很多年想尝试着改变对方， 现在发现改变不了。
家里的很多事情他操心很多。
我不是斤斤计较的人。 相反很随和大方。 也不想举例了。
我觉得这个婚姻没救了。人的惯性很强，10年已经行为固化了。准备离吧
最大问题是会导致一方甚至双方抑郁。很多美国人没离是因为一方确实有病（抑郁症等）放不下以前的感情，但是结局都不好。
就当一个室友吧
那我觉得他可能比你更想离。
哈哈
是的 都是权衡利弊
分房不是问题。你这问题是性生活不和谐，三观不合。性生活不和谐其实都有很多办法可以解决，只要两个人想解决，但三观不合真无解。
好像没说分房睡就不放炮吧。。。
哈哈，最佳回复。
开放婚姻需要双方同意，这种状况，欲望低的那方往往不同意，通俗点说就是占着那啥不那啥。哎妈，我怎么对这么问题懂得这么多。。。哈哈
应该有个体差异吧。我就觉得活塞运动其实真的好无聊，但生物钟驱使总是要做无聊的事。
但天天晚上睡在一起、抱在一起、腻歪在一起，我觉得更重要。是爱情的一部分。否则会影响安全感。
那能一样吗？保姆你要付她钱，老公当保姆免费还自带工资
听说不少人是有娃之后，要起夜，最初是怕影响对方休息，开始分房的？而且男的如果打呼噜严重的话，LP睡眠浅，也不得不分房啊。分久了，就习惯了。时间长了，感情也就淡了。。
这就挺好的 换一个不一定如他 要么就离了 别结了 真的 想要钱就自己去赚 别指望男人
性生活也简单 自己解决就完了 如果你有需求的话 也别婚内出轨 没意思
这是真的 没有啥都满意的人 就算有 也不会属于普通人 人家赵丽颖大美女都离了呢 前提条件人家银行账户多少个亿 婚姻对于她来说真的可有可无 不能忍就不凑活
婚姻对大部分人来说就是鸡肋 既没有几个亿在账户上 又需要男人的操心和责任 那就凑活凑活过得了 也没啥大问题
对啊，找个类似这样的不在外面乱搞的炮友都是非常艰难的。
活塞运动方程式确实简单。
肥胖子的 gay.
是，就这样吧，换来换去也挺累的。你老公因该有些性冷淡，你遇到这种也没什么办法。 身体问题。出轨那还不如离婚。否则自己心理可能过不下去。离婚你感觉又放不下，无解，就这样吧。人生 短暂，有很多事情可做，找点别的事做做。纠结于此没有太大意义。
我对小鲜肉真无感，你还得象弟弟一样照顾着他。自己都够累的了。
我现在极力劝他海龟，眼不见为净。最好还能找个小三，那就有人接盘了！！
哈哈哈，我也好希望我老公能找个小三，那就有人接盘了！我就解放了。
所见略同。
而且没被发现之前都是好爸爸好老公。
每次看到这种说法都很无语，你老公又不是你家的童养媳，还要你负责找下家啊，不需要接盘你也能甩盘啊。
好像那个意思是找个小妾伺候她家爷，然后财产还是大房收着吧
这也要被批？不就是不忍心甩盘吗？无解的。不说了。
还真没这么想过。我不是爱财的，我自己养活自己一点没问题。
我没啥批的啊，就是表达我个人的一种不解而已。读起来你还是不忍心分开啊，虽然你老公爱你的方式你不喜欢，可能沟通也无力了。我只不过是读到类似的话好多次了，就挺好奇又不舍得分又盼着来小三是啥心态，想做小三的人如果能提前知道哪家是这样的情况，能减少不少人间悲剧了。
是啊，小三要长着双天眼就好了。我希望下辈子做个男的，和我老婆成为恩爱夫妻。 我自己做过女人，默认会更懂女人。
如果能open marriage也不错好像
听说男的都不愿意
必须一起睡！
为什么要想着改变他？也许他还觉得你固执想改变你呢