词牌《虞美人》试填【骏马奔腾】

杰克_JK
楼主 (文学城)

》词牌[虞美人]试填【骏马奔腾】

这曲美丽的歌名叫【RUN FOR THE ROSES】,原唱歌星是Dan Fogelberg,他简直把这首歌是唱神了。是有关Kentucky Derby赛马的事儿,就不多介绍细节了。
昨天有时间把以前的发过的歌儿梳理了一下,又发现了还为这个美丽的歌儿,填了一曲[虞美人]的词牌诗歌。当时找来找去,好像这个[虞美人]可以试试。绞尽脑汁的想办法,平仄押韵看来都照顾到了。意境吗,肯定还有改进的空间,有请有心人提建议。先亮出来看看能不能抛砖引玉,不然就是自娱自乐好玩了。
》杰克和歌星Dan Fogelberg同唱助兴

下载了几副图片,为上面的词牌《虞美人》上彩润色!

》玫瑰加冕 

歌词:Run for the Roses 歌星:Dan Fogelberg
Born in the valley And raised in the trees
Of western Kentucky On wobbly knees
With mama beside you To help you along
You'll soon be growing up strong All the long, lazy mornings
In pastures of green The sun on your withers
The wind in your mane Could never prepare you
For what lies ahead The run for the roses so red
And it's run for the roses  As fast as you can
You fate is delivered  Your moment's at hand
It's the chance of a lifetime  In a lifetime of chance
And it's high time you joined in the dance
It's high time you joined  In the dance
From sire to sire  It's born in the blood
The fire of a mare And the strength of a stud
It's breeding and it's training
And it's something unknown  That drives you
And carries you home  And it's run for the roses  
As fast as you can  Your fate is delivered  
Your moment's at hand  
It's the chance of a lifetime
In a lifetime of chance
And it's high time you joined in the dance

平等性
杰克兄好词,好唱,沙发赞!
T
ToClouds
赞杰克兄又一力作!星坛这几天诗词人云集,好作品层出不穷
A
AP33912
赞Jack好帖,好图,好唱!
杰克_JK
》发现这个地方是个好地方,很好玩,多谢捧场鼓励!
杰克_JK
》敬礼致敬,多谢美言捧场鼓励!
杰克_JK
》呵呵,我还有不少的旧作业,慢慢的发进来好玩,多谢捧场鼓励!
平等性
哈哈哈,论坛是由人组成的。一个论坛好玩,那一定是因为这里的网友都很有趣,当然也是因为来这里的都是喜欢玩的人 :)
卫宁
不懂词,涨姿势了:))骏马图片好看,如果是女骑手配虞美人是不是更好?:))
杰克_JK
》里面真的有女骑手,只不过得冠军的不是女骑手!女骑手的重量要轻一些,有她们的优势。
唐宋韵
好照片,好词。【虞美人】较复杂,不好写。有两点小看法,见内 -

第二组韵是同音,如能避免则避免,但不是啥大问题。

另有一句有“基因”和“酷”,很现代,还有外来语,是不是有点太“现代”了?(纯属个见)

杰克_JK
》多谢你发表你的看法和小建议,我记住了,敬礼!我填词就是为了好玩,肯定达不到竞赛的目的,其实很多的规则我都不懂。被发配
k
k2climb
晚些时候来听
唐宋韵
杰克兄太谦虚了。
k
k2climb
好多年没关心Kentucky Derby了。 乡村歌就是好听!
盈盈一笑间
好词好唱
杰克_JK
》敬礼致敬!
杰克_JK
》我是听了这个美歌儿,才知道Kentucky Derby的,多谢捧场鼓励!