have him read about those events and then take him to visit the places where they took place, to see the marks they left.
You can start with dark-tourism.com. Pick a place that you think is suitable for him. For example, there was a movie a few year ago, "Anthropoind". Watch it with him, and ask him if he wants to see the church in Prague.
have him read about those events and then take him to visit the places where they took place, to see the marks they left.
You can start with dark-tourism.com. Pick a place that you think is suitable for him. For example, there was a movie a few year ago, "Anthropoind". Watch it with him, and ask him if he wants to see the church in Prague.
Comfort and ease to a young person are not an advantage.
Need to ask him to help YOU, not only physically around the house and yard doing chores, but also mentally. It has been in one direction for too long, you helping him. He needs to develop the inititive to be helpful to others.
By experiencing life's difficulties, he has a chance to develop the capacity for empathy for others. You want to condition a reflex in him that you need his help and he needs to help you, a reflex of feeling good after helping you or solving a problem for you. That is what'll get him to visit in your old age.
By attending to his every need and overprotecting him, your subliminal message to him is that he is vulnerable and he needs you. Over time, he tells himself the same thing: I'm weak, I can be hurt, I need protection, rather than: I'm strong, I can make things happen, I am the protector.
To make friends, instead of expecting others to bring things to him, being it physical or spiritual, he needs to ask what am I bringing to the table? so that my friends can feel good by being with me. Since he is used to being on the receiving end of others' attention, such mental undertaking becomes a burden. So, he prefers doing things by himself.
Parents' wealth affects childrens' thinking, can be good or bad, depending on your values. You surely want him to make his own living, then he needs to realize he'd better use the remaining time to ready himself for the jungle that lies ahead of him. Much of the online stuff is there for people to escape reality. He should not enslave himself to that so others can make money. Real life is to be experienced, and he has such a good support from his family, he should benefit from it fully.
"To live is to suffer." He is either to suffer some now when his lfe can afford it, or suffer much more later.
我offer儿子去一个口碑很好的pancake店吃早餐或去一个卖甜咸法式crepe的店吃午餐,他都不去。一大早起来给他自己和我做了pancake。还很友好地跟我share他的卡通。我们两个边吃pancake边看Arthur。然后又打了好几盘乒乓球。今天外面阳光明媚,气温很舒适。我建议他跟我去我家附近社区骑车,他不干,只愿意跟我打篮球。所以,今天上午我和儿子乒乓球+篮球,一共打了一个半小时,不仅提前完成我的每日达标任务,还超额了半小时。虽然和儿子在一起仍然温馨美好,但我还是有点担心他。他现在拒绝和我们出行。不仅寒暑假的家庭旅行他拒绝,平日节假日在附近的地方城市一日游或在家门口一两个小时吃个饭买个冰激凌的出行他也拒绝。我已经尽量按他的喜好安排出行内容和路线,还是得不到他的欢心。他的借口就是他现在很忙。但现在还只是8年级,到高中岂不是更忙了?高中毕业就离家了。下面几年如果没有家庭旅行或出行的时间,不仅我损失极多宝贵的亲子时光,他也损失看世界开眼界的很多机会啊。有经验的同学说说,你们都是怎么让家里的teens跟家人一起出行的。谢谢。
到了高中,一方面活动多,没时间,另一方面,小孩也不喜欢跟家长一起出游了
比如说:你们去玩,我自己在家没问题
他发照片,希望引起他的兴趣。滑雪季节到了。老公已经租好双板和单板的滑雪板,准备带儿子滑雪。但儿子跟我说,他更想和小朋友一起去滑雪。他现在公校的朋友印娃居多。印娃都喜欢跟他一起做奥赛项目或者一起做功课。一旦到了户外运动这个主题,一个和他兴趣相同的印娃都没有。我还得去和他以前的私校小朋友家长联系。那个朋友圈里倒是有爱户外爱运动的小猫两三只。但是因为不是经常见面,儿子很不配合,虽然没完全拒绝,但很勉强。他这社交,让我非常头痛。
放一个昨天我发在家坛的儿子学滑板的帖。有兴趣的同学可以打开看。其实他滑雪滑的很好,应该是很好的社交方式。大家的初中高中娃是跟家人去滑雪还是跟自己的小伙伴?我们找伴好像一直很不容易。过去几年曾有过一个强生公司外派过来的韩国邻居,他家娃滑雪。而且,滑雪后还去一家餐馆吃饭。儿子最喜欢那样的滑雪日。可惜韩国邻居5年外派期到了,去年回国了。我儿子又落单了。我自己滑雪不行,只能滑绿道或越野滑雪,基本上不跟他们高手一起去滑雪。替儿子着急但帮不上忙。公校的问题是,大多数家长都双方工作,社交小孩主导,家长不参与。滑雪这种事有风险,我如果要带儿子的小朋友去,家长必须知晓。所有户外活动我如果带儿子的小朋友去,都需要他们的家长同意。所以我现在急着认识儿子小朋友的家长。和他们搞好关系。争取有些家庭层次的活动。
https://bbs.wenxuecity.com/myhouse/12158080.html
10年级的那个确实挺忙。一家人出去公园走走,他们都愿意的。最喜欢去fancy的餐馆和出去旅游。
在家的时候,我常和他们下棋打牌。
其实你儿子需要的不是真滑雪,而是和了解的朋友在一起的社交时间。
滑雪场都有给新手的课,或许你能鼓动小印们。
从小兔坡上课开始的小朋友去滑雪,我估计我儿子可能玩一会儿就觉得bored了。他4,5岁时,我在小兔坡滑雪,他那时还特别缠我。特别想跟妈妈做伴。跟我在小兔坡滑了两次就受不了了。跑去找爸爸和姐姐了。我一直很愧疚自己的滑雪能力不够强,不能给儿子陪伴。很高兴女儿会滑雪。将来她的小孩就能有妈妈陪伴了。这一点要感谢我老公。
我猜对我儿子来说他最渴望的是跟和自己能力一样强的小朋友一起做一件事。
真是没有白娃。他好像有些怕白娃。华娃有一两个。都不是最亲密的。最亲密的都是印娃。印娃性格温和的比较多。我儿子属于性格温和不喜欢冲突的。
你家小美女是很独特的。独生女,但不缺伴。我有一个加拿大温哥华裔的女友也是这样的。她是独生女,但她朋友最多。可能因为她小时候需要玩伴,所以她对所有小朋友都很友好,交友范围也不限种族,很open。
这样他还能多体验一些不同的事情,多看些不同的世界。虽然不是最佳选择,但比完全放弃出行强点吧?
我的两个女友都offer让他去她们的家过夜,他不去。
两周吧?六月份还不到15岁呢。而且这问题很严重啊。难道下面4年我们就都没有家庭旅行了?
到高中,你儿子会交到很多志同道合的新朋友的
他的兴趣可能在别处了
感觉是嫌弃我们的运动能力和他差的太远。他还愿意和我打乒乓球。因为还势均力敌。我感觉别家小孩很容易找到和自己各方面能力都势均力敌的小伙伴。我家这个估计各方面能力都还不错,但社交能力不够强。我想帮忙,但他这个年龄又在闹独立,非常不喜欢我帮忙。
和父母出去旅游
现在她都工作了,今年我们要去北欧,她也感兴趣,要和我们coordinate最佳时间让她得以参加。她也有和自己的朋友一起做的旅行。也独旅。
初中以上单独跟爸妈一起旅行也很高兴的独生子女?
那我得赶紧找自己旅行的伙伴。我儿子不去旅行,把我老公也占住了。对我来说,一年没几次旅行是虚度了光阴。
比如夏令营结束开学之前的空挡
热情不高
今年大学一年级,说春假和同学出去玩,就不回家了,我也非常鼓励。以后一年一次全家vacation就足够了。
二年级以后秋假春假都不回家了,不过主动邀请我今年十月份去学校的家庭周末
然后再慢慢回归
了。你们去的地方是儿子选的?
男孩子我有经验,过了一个时期以后,会越来越成熟,也特别懂怎么关心体贴父母关心别人
家庭观念也越来越强
你儿子有你这么一个细心的妈妈,肯定没问题,你先给他自由,然后耐心等待几年就可以了。。。
有沒有他自己想去的地方?
我好友很喜歡旅行,但老公非常宅家,完全不願意出門。好友為此很痛苦,但完全沒辦法改變她先生的意志。
你看到了问题的实质。我老公比较宅。年轻时,如果不是我力主旅行,他不会主动想去什么地方看看。当然如果我要去什么地方旅行,他会跟着。开始几年基本都是我设计旅行路线和找酒店。有老二后精力严重不足,就让他管制定每年的家庭旅行,出了不少问题。首先酒店订的级别太低,不够舒适。第二他都选择去看自然,去国家公园爬山,没有人文没有世界著名大城市。最近几年我开始要求旅程一半是人文,另一半是hiking,这时候前几年旅行偏颇的结果就出现了 — 儿子特别不喜欢大城市和博物馆,更别提音乐会了。生娃前,我们去维也纳旅行,参加了一个斯特劳斯音乐会,最后一曲邀请观众上来跳舞。我特别想跳,但老公不会,无法跳舞,已经发现差异很大了。有娃后没精力调整差异,我随老公的选择爬山了。但2019年元旦又发生争吵。我们住的加州洛杉矶酒店给了元旦前夜迎接新年的派对,我老公非要宅在房间里睡觉。我觉得小孩也被他影响成总躲着社交活动的动物。我不高兴。和他争吵起来,影响了小孩的心情。这种差异真的是无解,也很影响婚姻质量。很羡慕你和你老公琴瑟和谐。现在我在重点先培养老公不宅。他有进步。二十多年前每次去纽约都大嚷不喜欢城市。请他在大都会歌剧院看个歌剧他竟然睡着了。现在他刚迷上歌剧。经常听他放歌剧最美咏叹调集锦。我们开车出门时,也一路听歌剧咏叹调。去纽约也不再抱怨,也有些兴致了。但是他的进步还是太慢,跟不上小孩成长的速度,儿子受他影响非常大。我可能得倒退回去几年,从短小的旅行项目开始,重新培养儿子旅行的兴趣和品味。很糟糕的是,正撞上儿子的青春期,改变非常不易。
昨天娃问明天的计划,我说要去mall里逛逛,问娃想不想去。娃说可以。高中男娃有时候比较各色。LOL
今早(快中午了),去mall里window shopping了一圈,在food court 每人点了自己的食物,如同在病毒没有流行前一样。刚去时mall里人不太多,等我们吃完早午餐,人们陆陆续续得多起来了。
have him read about those events and then take him to visit the places where they took place, to see the marks they left.
You can start with dark-tourism.com. Pick a place that you think is suitable for him. For example, there was a movie a few year ago, "Anthropoind". Watch it with him, and ask him if he wants to see the church in Prague.
A 15-year-old boy might need to feel advanturous.
have him read about those events and then take him to visit the places where they took place, to see the marks they left.
You can start with dark-tourism.com. Pick a place that you think is suitable for him. For example, there was a movie a few year ago, "Anthropoind". Watch it with him, and ask him if he wants to see the church in Prague.
来家做新的奥科项目和有时他自己上网看卡通看YouTube,他还是非常喜欢我陪他做各种事。我的理解是:1)他缺和他势均力敌做各种活动的伴 2)他在家很舒服自在满足。所以没有出门吃饭出去玩的愿望。3)有时觉得无聊,所以拉我跟他打球下棋。
这个是不是典型E时代的小孩生活?但是我还是需要他能多见识多经历些外面世界能提供给他的好东西。多开眼界,多交朋友。怎么能让他出门找需求?难道要把家搞得不怎么舒服吗?
我觉得在过去三年,我miss掉了一个他成长的重要窗口 - 做他了解外部世界的中间人。新冠期他在家网课,有大把时间。所以上网看了很多youtuber的program。那以后他就很少和我们交流了。他和外部世界的沟通就是通过这些YouTubers. 对这个世界的很多方面,他知道的可能已经超过我们家长。 我们安排的旅行和一些play dates能给与的满足程度已经无法让他兴奋了。对他来说,旅行是得不偿失的事情。去机场,通过安检,很不舒服地坐飞机,然后到达一个陌生的地方,是他痛恨的过程。他好像觉得呆在舒服的家里,通过上网看世界就足矣。他对未知世界从来都不向往好奇。在饮食上,他和姐姐形成鲜明对比。姐姐非常adventurous。在各地各国旅行,没吃过的食物,她都会很好奇,要尝一尝。哪怕遇雷。但儿子从来不碰有不熟悉味道的食物。他非常满意我们家。觉得在家舒服,自在,应有尽有。他最喜欢的日子就是他的小朋友都来我们家找他玩,而不是他去一个陌生的地方去看世界。
一方面,我觉得培养一个teen男孩的探索动力,应该是爸爸引领,我需要我老公的配合和主动。所以我会跟我老公谈你建议的引导小孩探索的事情。另一方面,我有些困惑,你所建议的我们都熟悉的路径会不会是电子时代前的传统的成长路径。那时的小孩通过读书-旅行认知世界,所谓行万里路胜读万卷书。我儿子已经经历了一个click就能满足知晓万事的好奇心的便捷,我不知道是否还能把他拉回这条传统路径。可能唯一能激发他in person去探索世界的就是在路上能遇到的人。可是他偏偏对人很没兴趣,怕冲突,能躲就躲。怎么能创造更多的机会让他喜欢和人接触呢?
Need to ask him to help YOU, not only physically around the house and yard doing chores, but also mentally. It has been in one direction for too long, you helping him. He needs to develop the inititive to be helpful to others.
By experiencing life's difficulties, he has a chance to develop the capacity for empathy for others. You want to condition a reflex in him that you need his help and he needs to help you, a reflex of feeling good after helping you or solving a problem for you. That is what'll get him to visit in your old age.
By attending to his every need and overprotecting him, your subliminal message to him is that he is vulnerable and he needs you. Over time, he tells himself the same thing: I'm weak, I can be hurt, I need protection, rather than: I'm strong, I can make things happen, I am the protector.
To make friends, instead of expecting others to bring things to him, being it physical or spiritual, he needs to ask what am I bringing to the table? so that my friends can feel good by being with me. Since he is used to being on the receiving end of others' attention, such mental undertaking becomes a burden. So, he prefers doing things by himself.
Parents' wealth affects childrens' thinking, can be good or bad, depending on your values. You surely want him to make his own living, then he needs to realize he'd better use the remaining time to ready himself for the jungle that lies ahead of him. Much of the online stuff is there for people to escape reality. He should not enslave himself to that so others can make money. Real life is to be experienced, and he has such a good support from his family, he should benefit from it fully.
"To live is to suffer." He is either to suffer some now when his lfe can afford it, or suffer much more later.
明白我的问题和下面几年教育的大方向了。还有一个点不清楚:假如一个孩子在做事方面不畏辛苦,在户外活动和体育活动方面不怕艰险,但与人互动方面很脆弱喜欢躲避冲突,怎么改变呢?消减他在家能享受到的舒适度,加大他的责任,但没有足够的in person社交量(网上的不算),能有助小孩对人性人心及其他人的生活的理解了解吗?这是解决同情心问题的关键吧?
想起我女儿的一个私校同学。爸爸是基金合伙人,有阿斯伯格,所以,有些社交沟通障碍。去他们家不算是很有趣的事。第一,他家太大,室内有泳池和一个篮球场。我在他家总迷路。第二,这个爸爸从来没有笑容,妈妈还可以。但是美式客气。每次在他们家的派对上,两个儿子负责给大家端茶倒水做服务,一点没有富二代的架子。我当时就比较佩服妈妈育儿有方。高中毕业后的最后一次派对上,我见到女儿的同学,那家的老二。待客礼貌上十分完美。我想我如果不能说服儿子多邀请他的小朋友来家派对,可能就先邀请我自己的朋友来家派对了。让我儿子做服务生。试试效果。
至少有一位家长陪同,高中以后可以让他们自己组队去滑,高中有滑雪club, 我们只要早上把滑雪装备送去,晩上到学校接孩子就可以了。大学滑雪找同学很难,我儿子在开学的最后一个星期五才有空,他以前的同学许多都开学了,但他仍找了几个以前不熟的在本州上学的同学去滑。要学会接受别人的拒绝,他大学同学约他寒假去纽约玩,他去纽约宿舍住了二天,只有二个同学和他吃了一顿午饭,之后他自己坐火车回家,那时他还在上寒假的课,大考还未考,他并没有报怨。