12年级以后儿子的生物钟完全乱了,晚上基本要2点睡觉,目前有十几个未交作业,有的 past due 一个月了,每次问他都很烦躁,要么搪塞说已经交了, 要么是怪我nag 他。他前三年的成绩单上没有A- 以下的,这学期目前有四个B,主要因为不交作业。早上起不来,这学期已经三次没去上课。据他说不去上课很普遍,我也不知道是不是真的。
The issue is that they don't like high school activities - too simple, too boring for them. And they are forced to take all the required classes to graduate. It is a torture to them. Especially the college application process.
Let him be (so he feels that he has control of his life).
Get a therapist - at least he can voice his feeling.
If he don't feel like going to school, call to excuse him from school that day.
Don't worry about the grades. Most high school classes are not difficult, including APs. If he feels like it, he can catch up easily.
Let him feel that you are always back him up, and he would get better.
Tell him that you only care whether he make his best effort. In order to do so, he must follow a schedule. Remind him only once when it is time to do what.
Plan the schedule with him, starting with his current habit, say going to bed at 2am, for a week. Then 1am for the following week, etc. until it's 12 midnight.
(The problem is that his friends' habit determines his.)
You and his father must say the same thing. Work on his effort. Whatever the outcome, you two will be happy with knowing he has done his best. A child cannot have two voices in his head.
坛子里都是牛娃,又来求助了。
12年级以后儿子的生物钟完全乱了,晚上基本要2点睡觉,目前有十几个未交作业,有的 past due 一个月了,每次问他都很烦躁,要么搪塞说已经交了, 要么是怪我nag 他。他前三年的成绩单上没有A- 以下的,这学期目前有四个B,主要因为不交作业。早上起不来,这学期已经三次没去上课。据他说不去上课很普遍,我也不知道是不是真的。
大学申请我已经不问他了, 不想再增加他的压力,我跟他说上什么学校妈妈都能接受。他现在的生活作息和精神状态实在让人担心,我要他去看therapist,他不肯去,他要我别管他。
我现在应该怎么办?真的很焦虑。
/therapist, 发现问题早的话,会帮助很大。
这个情况看起来有抑郁症的可能,不要轻视。和健康的精神状况比,上什么学校不值一提。
每个孩子的成长过程不同。
让他们学会从失败中吸取教训,
从深坑里爬出来。
看孩子信任谁,和他谈一谈
他的效率本来就不高,但是以前没有不交作业的情况,他现在这个状态肯定不正常,我觉得是睡觉的问题带出来其他好多问题,但是孩子不配合,也不想做任何调整。
大学申请材料有个老师盯着他,也是拖到最后一分钟,但是也都交了。
晚上都在玩,大部分时间再聊天打游戏下围棋,试图12点以后掐网过,小孩暴跳如雷说要做作业,不想再这个节骨眼跟孩子发生重大冲突,give up 了。唉!
人总归会经历一些不顺利,这些都是孩子成长的一部分。不要太着急,父母放松情绪,让孩子知道有你们的无条件的支持。
找到合适的therapist也不一定很容易。你家孩子的情况,听起来是第一次发生也是突发,我会自己去学校和counselor见面。一般学区现在还是很重视学生心理健康的。应该可以很快给你家学生支持。我说的是我们学区的情况,希望你家那边差不多。
两门是4.0的课,就是怕12年级升学压力大忙不过来。他现在不搞任何课外活动,12年级的课也不重,时间上是可以安排过来的。看孩子最近的状态,我已经做好了孩子上大学fail 的思想准备。
学校的他更不肯看了。
现在特殊时期心理医师难求,很难约合适的时间。所以我说学校的最方便及时。你家这种不严重的情况,也许学校的心理医师聊几次就好了。所以不要拖,抓紧时间。现在马上又快放假了。
可能你越在乎上大学的事情,孩子压力越大。
其实实在不行,gap year也没啥的。有些人就像square nail in round peg。需要比常人花多点时间走点弯路。
前提是益友。
减压。可以drop一些课程
他怕被label, 我跟他说这不是什么丢人的事情。
就是担心他 自己接受不了。
我也出主意----
学个简单点的专业吧,不努力也能毕业 有工作那种。 高中毕业就当警察吧。他都不搭话。
上个月,角声青少年辅导 给我推荐了一心理医生。可他不配合。
你需要?私话推给你。
-----
他哥特意调工作回来一年,陪他。
老二 明白道理,我一开口,他就认错。属于知易行难。
现在,放学直接去他哥那边,晚上才回来睡觉。他哥不坐在他身边,也管用。
也开始 跟着哥哥去教会了。
------
还有,年初的时侯,我找了一个升学顾问,是校友家长。
人挺好,负责。
能不能升学暂不考虑,毕竟 巧妇难为无米之炊。
但心理疏导,减压,催促的作用 肯定起了。
人家说话 中听。
They all turn out great in college.
The issue is that they don't like high school activities - too simple, too boring for them. And they are forced to take all the required classes to graduate. It is a torture to them. Especially the college application process.
Let him be (so he feels that he has control of his life).
Get a therapist - at least he can voice his feeling.
If he don't feel like going to school, call to excuse him from school that day.
Don't worry about the grades. Most high school classes are not difficult, including APs. If he feels like it, he can catch up easily.
Let him feel that you are always back him up, and he would get better.
小孩很排斥看医生这个事情。
一直是娃爸高压抓他的,因为他我们俩关系很紧张,我是反对高压的,所以他爸后来决定放手了。娃爸觉得孩子在我手里放羊了,12年级成绩不好,是我不负责任的表现,所谓压力大都是无稽之谈,就是生活太舒服了,三天不吃饭所有毛病都没了......
小孩的确经常说谎,他跟我们说作业都交了,今天才承认没有,需要在家做作业。我不希望他逃学,也想跟他搞好关系,不想跟他发生冲突, 这个度太难把握了,做父母难啊!
还有两个星期就放假了,RD 随便投几个,有地方去就好。
小孩现在这个样子,我不敢push 他,只能work with his pace. 感觉他有点厌学,对高中这些课很厌恶。打游戏和朋友在一起神采飞扬,所以也不太象忧郁症。
你家哥哥真好!
我儿子现在的状态不太对,拖延症更厉害了,不想上学,不想做作业,不收拾屋子,连自己厕所的卷纸用完了都不换,生活能力堪忧,另一方面太差的大学他还看不上眼。我们的教育方法肯定不对,但是现阶段不知道该怎么帮他,有点恶性循环了,这个cycle 不 break, 会越来越差。
由他去吧,孩子可能在生长过程中的某个节骨眼上
Tell him that you only care whether he make his best effort. In order to do so, he must follow a schedule. Remind him only once when it is time to do what.
Plan the schedule with him, starting with his current habit, say going to bed at 2am, for a week. Then 1am for the following week, etc. until it's 12 midnight.
(The problem is that his friends' habit determines his.)
You and his father must say the same thing. Work on his effort. Whatever the outcome, you two will be happy with knowing he has done his best. A child cannot have two voices in his head.
我听我们sports team家长谈起有个女孩子有overstressed。学校therapist 安排了一个理由让整个队做一个测试,这样不single out the girl.
学校可以随时关注,校外做不到。
can help to reset the 生物钟-- he/she needs a thorough physical exhaustion and then re-setting of the body.
Removal of his/her cell phone away from the bedroom and get efficient sleep-- that is it--
我问了同学妈妈,也是很晚,但是人家作业都能按时交,能自己起来去上课,不是一个性质。
道理我也知道,书和心灵鸡汤我看了不少,具体实践上都需要娃配合,他本人不配合基本什么都是白搭。
做父母真是一门永远的功课,继续修炼吧!