Your brave attempt has deservedly drawn accolades...
from your readers including yours truly. But if you are not too busy basking in positive feedback, you might want to make sure that you have abided by all the grammatical rules applicable to your work. Su Dongpo could afford to fly high. His translators, however, have no such luxury. They have to be on firm footing, which means that they better take one small step at a time. Beware of quicksand.
I don't mean to spoil the fun. One might find a ton of fun in great technical mastery and meticulous execution, too. I better stop here. Thanks!
“I lonely rise to dance,”” lonely” is an adjective, ...
not an adverb. The adverb is "lonelily" but English-speaking people, for some reason, rarely use it.
On earth, not on the Earth.
The moon sheds the light, not shed the light, since you have been using the present tense all along.
I really didn't want to go there. I apologize if I have somehow upset you. I didn't mean it. I meant it to be a friendly exchange of ideas. Last time I checked it, even the best writer was humble enough to thank his/her editor. I am no editor here though, I must emphasize. Enough. Good night!
明月几时有？把酒问青天。
When will the bright moon rise? Lifting up wine cup, I ask the sky.
不知天上宫阙，今夕是何年？
What year is it tonight in the palace on high?
我欲乘风归去，又恐琼楼玉宇，高处不胜寒。
Riding the wind, I would fly,
and make my home there,
Yet I fear the crystal mansions are too cold for me to bear.
起舞弄清影，何似在人间？
Playing with my shadow, I lonely rise to dance,
So why not stay on the Earth?
转朱阁，低绮户，照无眠。
Around the mansions red, through the silken windows,
The moon shed the light upon the sleepless.
不应有恨，何事长向别时圆？
Surely bearing us no ill-will,
Why is the moon so full when our beloved ones are farewell?
人有悲欢离合，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全。
Men part and rejoin with sorrows and joys,
The moon is bright and dim while it waxes and wanes.
Nothing in this world is ever perfect.
但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。
I only pray we could live a long life,
Though a thousand miles apart,
We may still share the same enchanting moonlight.
我的体会是，翻译的第一步也是最重要的一步，首先吃透原作，题目、每一句中每一个意象、每一个字、每一个标点符号，形成一个自己的自圆其说的完整理解。这个作业做足了的时候，你就变成了原作者，体会到了作者当时的心情与心境。帮助完成这一步的，需要参考一些周边资料，如原作的写作背景等。
说得真好！
醒！：））
from your readers including yours truly. But if you are not too busy basking in positive feedback, you might want to make sure that you have abided by all the grammatical rules applicable to your work. Su Dongpo could afford to fly high. His translators, however, have no such luxury. They have to be on firm footing, which means that they better take one small step at a time. Beware of quicksand.
I don't mean to spoil the fun. One might find a ton of fun in great technical mastery and meticulous execution, too. I better stop here. Thanks!
例如第一句改成：When will the bright moon rise? Raise the cup I ask the sky.
Amazing work.
not an adverb. The adverb is "lonelily" but English-speaking people, for some reason, rarely use it.
On earth, not on the Earth.
The moon sheds the light, not shed the light, since you have been using the present tense all along.
I really didn't want to go there. I apologize if I have somehow upset you. I didn't mean it. I meant it to be a friendly exchange of ideas. Last time I checked it, even the best writer was humble enough to thank his/her editor. I am no editor here though, I must emphasize. Enough. Good night!
this type of comments. It's really helpful!!!
I would like to move " lonely" before the word "shadow". Is it better?
Playing with my lonely shadow, I rise to dance,
So why not stay on earth?
我查了一下，改成hold up a wine cup, 是不是更符合习惯用法？：）
建议把个别用词再换成唯美一点儿的词会更妙.
e.g. the clouds on high
the gods on high
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/on%20high
I meant it to be a friendly exchange of ideas too! Many thanks!
Men part and return with sorrows and joys.
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会有颁奖典礼！：）
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也欢迎来玩每周三的听歌练听力，
每周五的一句话翻译！
都是童鞋们自愿轮流主持！：）
周末愉快！