读首诗再过节:《Thanksgiving》-Louise Gluck

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EuphoriaF
楼主 (文学城)

20年诺奖女诗人的“感恩节”,写的是无名的动物,但"What doesn't move, the snow will cover" ,“the summoned prey whose part is not to forgive”, "make the patterns which the snow remembers"几句,让人想起乌鲁木齐火灾的逝者, 和这几天国内城市里的抗争。翻译的乐趣就留给书香读友了:

Thanksgiving 

 

They have come again to graze the orchard, 

knowing they will be denied.

The leaves have fallen; on the dry ground

the wind makes piles of them, sorting 

all it destroys.

 

What doesn't move, the snow will cover.

It will give them away; their hooves

make patterns which the snow remembers.

In the cleared field, they linger

as the summoned prey whose part

is not to forgive. They can afford to die.

They have their place in the dying order. 

l
lovecat08
沙发,美!
冯墟
美,无以言表。感,人同此心。赞,正当其时。
冯墟
献丑献丑,谢谢带给我们翻译的乐趣。似乎读懂了。

 

感恩节

Thanksgiving 

 

它们又来果园寻食,

They have come again to graze the orchard, 

知道机会已逝。

knowing they will be denied.

羽毛脱净;在干燥的地面

风将它们堆在一起,

梳理它摧毁的一切。

The leaves have fallen; on the dry ground

the wind makes piles of them, sorting 

all it destroys.

 

不动的,雪将掩埋。

What doesn't move, the snow will cover.

雪将它们出卖;它们的爪子

会在雪中留下印痕。

It will give them away; their hooves

make patterns which the snow remembers.

清理过后,它们暂留

象被召来的猎物,全身

各个部位都不被放过。

它们死得其所。

井然有序,永垂不朽。

In the cleared field, they linger

as the summoned prey whose part

is not to forgive. They can afford to die.

They have their place in the dying order.

梧桐之丘
经作者这么解释和联想,突然就涌出莫名的伤感。
浮云驰
the snow will cover,这就是为什么心会冷,对于自由的呼喊几十年前也曾听过,这次会有什么不一样吗?
冯墟
失败是必然的,但是碰石头的都是新鲜鸡蛋!
E
EuphoriaF
赞!大餐后再琢磨琢磨
冯墟
谢谢提醒,您再给看看
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EuphoriaF
最后一段译得太棒了!有几个词可以切磋,“羽毛”应为“树叶”,可删“的形状”(重复),觉得“清理”可换其它(应指雪后

世界的干净?),“应召”或许改为“召唤“ 更有力(前者是主动,后者是服从不可抗拒的命运的被动)。“永垂不朽”是你自己加的,哈哈,是我们美好的愿望,原诗没这句,有淡淡哀愁。

n
nearby
请小k、7妹等来
E
EuphoriaF
诗很妙地回答了你的问题,通过隐含的提问:选择被雪覆盖,还是在雪上留下痕迹?
冯墟
我猜测树叶指火鸡羽毛,hooves爪子,field指屠宰场合。dying order我给译成永垂不朽,跟原诗气氛不合。不

过原诗将节日写得如此寒冷,我要略微提高一点温度。作者抑郁倾向太严重。

E
EuphoriaF
是的,但伤感中也有勇气,知道被拒,仍然前来,选择留下痕迹,也不做那不动的被掩埋
E
EuphoriaF
啊哈那你最后一句译得好,“在死的秩序中占一席之地“之最好的意译
冯墟
我是胡炒茄子乱炒菜,好在有“诗无达诂”做借口。多谢您指教!
C
CBA7
Thanks for sharing.