What can I hold you with? I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the moon of the jagged suburbs. I offer you the bitterness of a man who has looked long and long at the lonely moon. I offer you my ancestors, my dead men, the ghosts that living men have honoured in bronze: my father’s father killed in the frontier of Buenos Aires, two bullets through his lungs, bearded and dead, wrapped by his soldiers in the hide of a cow; my mother’s grandfather—just twenty four—heading a charge of three hundred men in Peru, now ghosts on vanished horses. I offer you whatever insight my books may hold, whatever manliness or humour my life. I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never been loyal. I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved, somehow —the central heart that deals not in words, traffics not with dreams, and is untouched by time, by joy, by adversities. I offer you the memory of a yellow rose seen at sunset, years before you were born. I offer you explanations of yourself, theories about yourself, authentic and surprising news of yourself. I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart; I am trying to bribe you with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.
"kernel" 在此不是“核”, 是一粒。例如 a kernel of corn, a kernel of truth
原诗的大意是,我把我还拥有的居然没被文字,梦境,时间,欢乐和痛苦所污染的一点自己献给你。
I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved, somehow —the central heart that deals not in words, traffics not with dreams, and is untouched by time, by joy, by adversities.
What can I hold you with?
I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the moon of the jagged suburbs.
I offer you the bitterness of a man who has looked long and long at the lonely moon.
I offer you my ancestors, my dead men, the ghosts that living men have honoured in bronze: my father’s father killed in the frontier of Buenos Aires, two bullets through his lungs, bearded and dead, wrapped by his soldiers in the hide of a cow; my mother’s grandfather—just twenty four—heading a charge of three hundred men in Peru, now ghosts on vanished horses.
I offer you whatever insight my books may hold, whatever manliness or humour my life.
I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never been loyal.
I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved, somehow —the central heart that deals not in words, traffics not with dreams, and is untouched by time, by joy, by adversities.
I offer you the memory of a yellow rose seen at sunset, years before you were born.
I offer you explanations of yourself, theories about yourself, authentic and surprising news of yourself.
I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart; I am trying to bribe you with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.
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王永年版
我用什么才能留住你。
我给你瘦落的街道、绝望的落日、荒郊的月亮。
我给你一个久久地望着孤月的人的悲哀。
我给你我已死去的祖辈,后人们用大理石祭奠的先魂。
我父亲的父亲,阵亡于布宜诺斯艾利斯的边境,两颗子弹射穿了他的胸膛,死的时候蓄着胡子,尸体被士兵们用牛皮裹起;我母亲的祖父——那年才二十四岁——在秘鲁率领三百人冲锋,如今都成了消失的马背上的亡魂
我给你我的书中所能蕴含的一切悟力,以及我生活中所能有的男子气概和幽默。
我给你一个从未有过信仰的人的忠诚。
我给你我设法保全的我自己的核心——不营字造句,不和梦交易,不被时间、欢乐和逆境触动的核心
我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆
我给你关于你生命的诠释,关于你自己的理论,你的真实而惊人的存在。
我给你我的寂寞、我的黑暗、我心的饥渴;我试图用困惑、危险、失败来打动你
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立版
用什么我才能挽留你?
我献给你贫瘠的街巷,绝望的夕阳,参差斑驳的郊区的月亮
(贫瘠用的一般,参差斑驳的郊区比“荒郊”在精炼上差的很多)
我献给你一个久久望着孤月的男人的苦涩。
(苦涩是原词原意很普通,王版的悲哀我觉得更好)
我献给你我的祖先,我的逝去的亲人,那些生者用青铜荣耀的亡灵;
(青铜是词的原意。王版用大理石我觉得挺奇怪。应该是青铜雕像的含义。)
我父亲的父亲曾经在布宜诺斯艾利斯的前线阵亡,两颗子弹穿过他的肺,他胡子拉碴的死掉,被他的士兵用牛皮包裹;我母亲的祖父——只有二十四岁——在秘鲁率领三百人冲锋,如今已变成消失的马匹上的幽灵。
(幽灵没有亡魂好)
我献给你无论如何我的书中可能蕴含的洞见,我的生活里男人的气魄或幽默。
(whatever insight my books may hold, ”无论如何“是啥意思啊。王版“我的书中所能蕴含的一切”就很好,whatever,一切)
我献给你一个从没有过忠诚的男人的忠诚。
(喜欢王版的“从未有过信仰的人的忠诚。”,信仰比忠诚表达更忠诚)
我献给你我的内核我不知怎的一直把它保留着——我的内心的中央不兜售语言,不与梦交易,也尚未被时间,喜悦,和厄运所触及。
(内容差不多,王版句式更流畅)
我献给你我的记忆一次夕阳中看到的一支黄玫瑰,那是在许多年前你还未出生的时候。
(喜欢王版这个句式的表达,我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆)
我献给你关于你的诠释,你的理论,你的真实而惊人的发现。
(区别不大,存在核发现值得推敲)
我可以给你我的孤独,我的黑暗,我的饥饿的心;我正在企图贿赂你,用忐忑,用危险,用失败。
(王版的“打动你”比“贿赂你”高了需多)
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瘦落(這個詞造得很有意思)比貧瘠好。Lean 是肉身作喻,貧瘠失掉了這個意思。但覺得"瘦削"也许更好,且有修長感。
去掉"斑驳",衹用"参差",立的好。Jagged是"参差''的觸感。"荒"不是。
Bitter 這兒應是苦楚。苦涩不够,悲哀不對。一定要选,苦涩更近原文。
信仰是Faith. Loyal 不是 faithful
餘下的請看我在立帖下面的跟帖。。我覺得两個譯本都不够確切,王版似好些。
純属個見。
原诗的大意是,我把我还拥有的居然没被文字,梦境,时间,欢乐和痛苦所污染的一点自己献给你。
I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved, somehow —the central heart that deals not in words, traffics not with dreams, and is untouched by time, by joy, by adversities.
最纯粹的那一部分?
That word sounds funny.
荒凉的街道 (英文lean 有极少的意思,比如 “lean and mean” 是以极少的努力取得极大的成果。)孤独的月亮,已逝的先人。然而在一片乌泱乌泱之中,还有诗人的一点纯洁之心,一个明亮的记忆 (落日中的的黄玫瑰),用极少的亮点来拱托气氛。如果将kernel译做内在,面积太大,反而失去了“物以稀为贵”本意。
the central heart that deals not in words, traffics not with dreams, and is untouched by time, by joy, by adversities.
而是看得出诗人选词时的斟酌,一词多义,才令人回味无穷。在这里,带着修长的定语从句所修饰的central heart,是对kernel of myself的描述。
不准的一点点也无关大雅
文学评论是探讨各人的不同见解,根本没有必要,也不可能争出对错,无用功。