重新译一下《春望》,只希望能稍微更贴近原作的意思。

i
ibelieu
楼主 (文学峸)

国破山河在,城春草木深。

感时花溅泪,恨别鸟惊心。

烽火连三月,家书抵万金。

白头搔更短,浑欲不胜簪。

The same hills and rivers are still there but the capital is no more,

Spring finds the city with nothing but weeds and shrubs and such。

Seeing flowers saddens me as I ponder over our sad times,

Hearing birds pains me as I miss my far away family so much。

It's March already but there is no end in sight to this raging war,

Letters from loved ones are deemed way more precious than gold。

So distraught I am I can't stop tearing my graying hair out,

Now I have so little left they can barely a little hairpin hold。

妖妖灵
赞信大师精益求精!我在想如果能把原诗的五言的言简意赅也翻译出来会不会更有韵味?
妖妖灵
Country are broken except rivers and mountains.

Spring is in the city with deep weeds and bushes.

Blooming flowers shed tears with emotion,

不会翻了:)

 

i
ibelieu
哈,就知道你会这么想。也许这样仿照电报模式?

Rivers hills remain country lost

Vernal city overgrown with weeds

Flowers charmless in sad times

Birds upsetting to wandering souls

War rages nonstop for years

Letters from family are priceless

Worried man tears out hair

Thinning hair can't hold hairpin

妖妖灵
我更喜欢这个版本!:)
移花接木
Country is broken, land endures
轻轻的我来
我也试翻头二句:

The torn - nation with same land,

wild vegetation covers the spring town.

i
ibelieu
这个简洁。顺序倒一下也许更符合原有的悲伤语气?
移花接木
感慨时局吗? the whole world's standing on the cliff edge
i
ibelieu
可否用 weeds 取代 wild vegetation?
i
ibelieu
Standing? More like teetering to me. :(
移花接木
Spring in town of deep woods
移花接木
tries to stand on clapsing ground or kneel or lie
妖妖灵
Like your version!你提醒我的r 用错了,应该是is:)
妖妖灵
cover用得好:)也觉得weeds是不是更合适点?
梅雨潭
恭喜Ibelieu。首页进来,谢谢网管,重新译一下《春望》,只希望能稍微更贴近原作的意思。推荐成功
i
ibelieu
谢版主鼓励!
忒忒绿
很欣赏,赞:)
甜虫虫
问好ibelieu!好翻译,很流畅!佩服你们这些喜欢翻译的:)
i
ibelieu
虫虫好!我也不过就着这机会温习一下,否则全忘了。 :)