Walking down a country road With my dear Mama When we started talking about My Papa I asked how they fell in love "Any romantic part?" Mama's face blushed with a shy smile up She said Papa loved playing the flute And "so far so good." Often sitting in the attic with a dove, he flew the melody into her heart
Back when I was a child Before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high And dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around till I fell asleep Then up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was loved If I could get another chance Another walk, another dance with him I'd play a song that would never ever end How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again, ooh When I and my mother would disagree To get my way I would run from her to him He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah Then finally make me do just what my momma said Later that night when I was asleep He left a dollar under my sheet Never dreamed that he would be gone from me If I could steal one final glance, one final step One final dance with him I'd play a song that would never ever end 'Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again Sometimes I'd listen outside her door And I'd hear how my mother cried for him I pray for her even more than me I pray for her even more than me I know I'm praying for much too much But could you send back the only man she loved? I know you don't do it usually But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
so I asked my American husband to take a look at the lyrics. He said "Flew the melody into her heart" is Ok, but not "He flew the melody into her heart".
He said it should be "Flew the melody into her heart" or "the melody flew into her heart", that's what I was thinking too. If your want to use flew, the subject should be "the melody" not "he".
In English, we say he flew a kite, or he flew an airplane, but "he flew a melody" does not make a lot of sense.
He also said, it should be "a dove", not just "dove". We often forgot the articles. :)
I also asked him about "fall" and "flushed", he said it should definitely be "fell", not "fall", however, he said "flushed" and "blushed" are both OK in this context.
Neither he nor I know anything about poetry though, so don't pay much attention to what we said. It's your lyrics, it's your call. :)
希望得到砖头，也希望完善语法：）
大家听听我用的哪首歌的旋律？：）
Lyrics:(陶导）
Walking down a country road
With my dear Mama
When we started talking about
My Papa
I asked how they fell in love
"Any romantic part?"
Mama's face blushed
with a shy smile up
She said Papa loved playing the flute
And "so far so good."
Often sitting in the attic with a dove,
he flew the melody into her heart
周三我给你的跟帖还提过这首歌：）
这个结尾为了收回来，我擅自改了调：）
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again, ooh
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved?
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
你还给我听过你翻唱的这个歌手的歌：）
对了，你的首发帖现在还在文学城首页，希望你看到。
When we started to talk about
因为started talking，给人的感觉，是之前一直在走路，没有说话。其实我们是一直在说话的，只是这时转到了谈论爸爸的这个话题。此外，started talking也给人感觉，以前从不谈论爸爸，而started to talk给人感觉，以前也聊，只是没有聊到父母怎么相爱这个话题。
当然，好多人也对两者不做区分。但我是凭感觉写的，让自己舒适的感觉。：-）
When we talked about papa, 就好。 只是我的感觉， 不一定对.
Also "he flew the melody ... " somehow, I feel "flew" is not quite the proper word here. I think "blew" might be a better fit. Just my two cents. :)
“念珠落进时间的泥沙”、“你眼中烟波滴落一滴墨”，这种表达，你翻译成英文，肯定和习惯用语不一样的。
诗和歌，有时候有点像电影艺术，有声音，有多个画面闪现。用blew，就太简单、平白，flew就是一种比喻，好像是把声音飞出去。比如“待凤鸟以致辞”、“托行云以送怀”。此外，用了鸽子Dove，也增加了flew的意象。
我不知道这样的比喻对不对，但是在中文诗句里，是可以这样创造的，否则只能写“念珠落进泥沙”、“你眼中滴落一滴眼药水”。
我也不太确定，最好让老外看看。：-）
so I asked my American husband to take a look at the lyrics. He said "Flew the melody into her heart" is Ok, but not "He flew the melody into her heart".
He said it should be "Flew the melody into her heart" or "the melody flew into her heart", that's what I was thinking too. If your want to use flew, the subject should be "the melody" not "he".
In English, we say he flew a kite, or he flew an airplane, but "he flew a melody" does not make a lot of sense.
He also said, it should be "a dove", not just "dove". We often forgot the articles. :)
I also asked him about "fall" and "flushed", he said it should definitely be "fell", not "fall", however, he said "flushed" and "blushed" are both OK in this context.
Neither he nor I know anything about poetry though, so don't pay much attention to what we said. It's your lyrics, it's your call. :)
Have a great weekend!
把he去掉，没有主语对吗？
”Often sitting in the attic with a dove,
flew the melody into her heart”
I don't want to get into this again. It's getting complicated. :)
I think as long as we all have fun with it, it doesn't matter that much if it is grammatically correct or not. I'll just leave it like that.
Good night!