I am Chinese American, born here in the US by immigrants who fit the description for, "tiger parents." For those of you wondering about the end result. I will tell you my experience. We were raised in a cold and hard environment, not allowed to be children, but expected to basically to be monkeys performing to often unreasonable standards. NEVER in my entire life have I received a compliment or positive comment from my parents. It is a constant deluge of criticism, being berated, basically never being good enough (even when we were the top student), not only was there the emotional abuse, but there was also physical abuse. We had no social life. We were booked after school with piano, violin and other extracurricular activities that our parents wanted us to do (with no regard as to whether or not we wanted to do them), all in order to make our college applications look good. We were not allowed to date, not allowed to watch tv unless it was PBS or the news, and we were constantly told, "do not be like stupid Americans." As you can imagine, our childhood was a living hell. When my father would come home from work, instead of greeting him, we would all run upstairs and hide from him. In turn, this would make him more angry that we were, "disrespectful" and he would take out his anger on us (or our mom), usually through more emotional abuse, telling us we were worthless and stupid. Yes, we lived in fear. We did not get good grades or perform well for ourselves, we did so, because we were scared of our parents. We were unhappy, had no self esteem, had hardly any friends.
So, what is the result? I am now in my late 30's, as are my siblings and I still have not recovered from being brought up like this. We were all academically, "successful." We all went on to professional degrees and were pushed into going into fields that our parents wanted. All three of us had different fields we would have preferred, but we were told that they were unacceptable since they were not doctor, engineer or lawyer, the holy trinity of the tiger parent. Are we happy? No, not really, the damaging from the way we were parented still haunt us today. The only good thing that has come out of it, is that I am parenting my children almost 180 degrees opposite from the way I was brought up. Yes, I still have high standards for them, however, I refuse to put my children under the emotional and physical abuse that I had to endure as a child. The only reason we are all married now, is because we rebelled in college and started dating. All of my parents' friends who kids did not date in college, ended up having to deal with parents who turned around after graduation demanding to know why they were married and popping out grandchildren. Yes, the irony, of following what they tell you to do, and then in the end, it's still your fault.
You may wonder what my siblings' and my relationship is like with our parents. It's HORRIBLE. We hate our parents, they still try to control us even though we all have families of our own now, they are just NEVER happy. They are still negative, never satisfied, always comparing us to other people's adult children to try to prove to us that we are not good enough. Even though we did what they told us to, they are still unhappy. Either the college we went to was not good enough, we didn't get a perfect score on the SAT, the specialization in our field of work was not one of high enough status or our house/car aren't nice, enough, they ALWAYS have something to criticize. Now they extend their criticism to the way we are raising our own children and of course our natural reaction is to NOT want to spend time with them, since they are so toxic. My parents are old now, they are upset that we are not close to them. They cannot understand that that the way that the cold, cruel way that they parented basically ruined their relationship with us, instead as usual, they blame us. They say that we are, "bad children," because we do not want to be close to them, and that they have done nothing to make us hate them. I do not know what we will do with my parents when they are too old to care for themselves. NONE of us want to take them in, not because we are unable to, but because they make us miserable and make us feel bad about ourselves, they are toxic. If you feel sorry for my parents feeling abandoned by their adult children, don't be. They were not the type of immigrants who, "sacrificed" to come to this country. My father is from a well-to-do family and is a physician. He would have had a more lucrative career if he stayed in Taiwan.
If you want your children to be academically successful, the tiger parent method may work. HOWEVER, be prepared NOT to have any sort of relationship with your adult children, because they will loathe you when they grow up. My siblings and I have all contemplated just cutting our parents out of our lives, every time we talk or see them, it's a negative experience. It is always about THEIR ego, and what THEY want. They don't care about anyone else, parents like this should never be allowed to have children to begin with, since they just see their children as an extension of their own ego.
I am Chinese American, born here in the US by immigrants who fit the description for, "tiger parents." For those of you wondering about the end result. I will tell you my experience. We were raised in a cold and hard environment, not allowed to be children, but expected to basically to be monkeys performing to often unreasonable standards. NEVER in my entire life have I received a compliment or positive comment from my parents. It is a constant deluge of criticism, being berated, basically never being good enough (even when we were the top student), not only was there the emotional abuse, but there was also physical abuse. We had no social life. We were booked after school with piano, violin and other extracurricular activities that our parents wanted us to do (with no regard as to whether or not we wanted to do them), all in order to make our college applications look good. We were not allowed to date, not allowed to watch tv unless it was PBS or the news, and we were constantly told, "do not be like stupid Americans." As you can imagine, our childhood was a living hell. When my father would come home from work, instead of greeting him, we would all run upstairs and hide from him. In turn, this would make him more angry that we were, "disrespectful" and he would take out his anger on us (or our mom), usually through more emotional abuse, telling us we were worthless and stupid. Yes, we lived in fear. We did not get good grades or perform well for ourselves, we did so, because we were scared of our parents. We were unhappy, had no self esteem, had hardly any friends.
So, what is the result? I am now in my late 30's, as are my siblings and I still have not recovered from being brought up like this. We were all academically, "successful." We all went on to professional degrees and were pushed into going into fields that our parents wanted. All three of us had different fields we would have preferred, but we were told that they were unacceptable since they were not doctor, engineer or lawyer, the holy trinity of the tiger parent. Are we happy? No, not really, the damaging from the way we were parented still haunt us today. The only good thing that has come out of it, is that I am parenting my children almost 180 degrees opposite from the way I was brought up. Yes, I still have high standards for them, however, I refuse to put my children under the emotional and physical abuse that I had to endure as a child. The only reason we are all married now, is because we rebelled in college and started dating. All of my parents' friends who kids did not date in college, ended up having to deal with parents who turned around after graduation demanding to know why they were married and popping out grandchildren. Yes, the irony, of following what they tell you to do, and then in the end, it's still your fault.
You may wonder what my siblings' and my relationship is like with our parents. It's HORRIBLE. We hate our parents, they still try to control us even though we all have families of our own now, they are just NEVER happy. They are still negative, never satisfied, always comparing us to other people's adult children to try to prove to us that we are not good enough. Even though we did what they told us to, they are still unhappy. Either the college we went to was not good enough, we didn't get a perfect score on the SAT, the specialization in our field of work was not one of high enough status or our house/car aren't nice, enough, they ALWAYS have something to criticize. Now they extend their criticism to the way we are raising our own children and of course our natural reaction is to NOT want to spend time with them, since they are so toxic. My parents are old now, they are upset that we are not close to them. They cannot understand that that the way that the cold, cruel way that they parented basically ruined their relationship with us, instead as usual, they blame us. They say that we are, "bad children," because we do not want to be close to them, and that they have done nothing to make us hate them. I do not know what we will do with my parents when they are too old to care for themselves. NONE of us want to take them in, not because we are unable to, but because they make us miserable and make us feel bad about ourselves, they are toxic. If you feel sorry for my parents feeling abandoned by their adult children, don't be. They were not the type of immigrants who, "sacrificed" to come to this country. My father is from a well-to-do family and is a physician. He would have had a more lucrative career if he stayed in Taiwan.
If you want your children to be academically successful, the tiger parent method may work. HOWEVER, be prepared NOT to have any sort of relationship with your adult children, because they will loathe you when they grow up. My siblings and I have all contemplated just cutting our parents out of our lives, every time we talk or see them, it's a negative experience. It is always about THEIR ego, and what THEY want. They don't care about anyone else, parents like this should never be allowed to have children to begin with, since they just see their children as an extension of their own ego.
She is the eldest of 4 sisters: Michelle, Katrin, and Cynthia. Katrin is a professor at Stanford University.[7] One sister has Down Syndrome and holds two International Special Olympics gold medals in swimming
I am Chinese American, born here in the US by immigrants who fit the description for, "tiger parents." For those of you wondering about the end result. I will tell you my experience. We were raised in a cold and hard environment, not allowed to be children, but expected to basically to be monkeys performing to often unreasonable standards. NEVER in my entire life have I received a compliment or positive comment from my parents. It is a constant deluge of criticism, being berated, basically never being good enough (even when we were the top student), not only was there the emotional abuse, but there was also physical abuse. We had no social life. We were booked after school with piano, violin and other extracurricular activities that our parents wanted us to do (with no regard as to whether or not we wanted to do them), all in order to make our college applications look good. We were not allowed to date, not allowed to watch tv unless it was PBS or the news, and we were constantly told, "do not be like stupid Americans." As you can imagine, our childhood was a living hell. When my father would come home from work, instead of greeting him, we would all run upstairs and hide from him. In turn, this would make him more angry that we were, "disrespectful" and he would take out his anger on us (or our mom), usually through more emotional abuse, telling us we were worthless and stupid. Yes, we lived in fear. We did not get good grades or perform well for ourselves, we did so, because we were scared of our parents. We were unhappy, had no self esteem, had hardly any friends.
So, what is the result? I am now in my late 30's, as are my siblings and I still have not recovered from being brought up like this. We were all academically, "successful." We all went on to professional degrees and were pushed into going into fields that our parents wanted. All three of us had different fields we would have preferred, but we were told that they were unacceptable since they were not doctor, engineer or lawyer, the holy trinity of the tiger parent. Are we happy? No, not really, the damaging from the way we were parented still haunt us today. The only good thing that has come out of it, is that I am parenting my children almost 180 degrees opposite from the way I was brought up. Yes, I still have high standards for them, however, I refuse to put my children under the emotional and physical abuse that I had to endure as a child. The only reason we are all married now, is because we rebelled in college and started dating. All of my parents' friends who kids did not date in college, ended up having to deal with parents who turned around after graduation demanding to know why they were married and popping out grandchildren. Yes, the irony, of following what they tell you to do, and then in the end, it's still your fault.
You may wonder what my siblings' and my relationship is like with our parents. It's HORRIBLE. We hate our parents, they still try to control us even though we all have families of our own now, they are just NEVER happy. They are still negative, never satisfied, always comparing us to other people's adult children to try to prove to us that we are not good enough. Even though we did what they told us to, they are still unhappy. Either the college we went to was not good enough, we didn't get a perfect score on the SAT, the specialization in our field of work was not one of high enough status or our house/car aren't nice, enough, they ALWAYS have something to criticize. Now they extend their criticism to the way we are raising our own children and of course our natural reaction is to NOT want to spend time with them, since they are so toxic. My parents are old now, they are upset that we are not close to them. They cannot understand that that the way that the cold, cruel way that they parented basically ruined their relationship with us, instead as usual, they blame us. They say that we are, "bad children," because we do not want to be close to them, and that they have done nothing to make us hate them. I do not know what we will do with my parents when they are too old to care for themselves. NONE of us want to take them in, not because we are unable to, but because they make us miserable and make us feel bad about ourselves, they are toxic. If you feel sorry for my parents feeling abandoned by their adult children, don't be. They were not the type of immigrants who, "sacrificed" to come to this country. My father is from a well-to-do family and is a physician. He would have had a more lucrative career if he stayed in Taiwan.
If you want your children to be academically successful, the tiger parent method may work. HOWEVER, be prepared NOT to have any sort of relationship with your adult children, because they will loathe you when they grow up. My siblings and I have all contemplated just cutting our parents out of our lives, every time we talk or see them, it's a negative experience. It is always about THEIR ego, and what THEY want. They don't care about anyone else, parents like this should never be allowed to have children to begin with, since they just see their children as an extension of their own ego.
看了她在today show的interview. She admitted she's becoming a different parent now. "It's a journey. It's a 'coming of age' book as a mom", she said. A good book is a book with controversy. I think the author knows this well. She purposely wrote it in this extreme way so that more people would want to buy it.
Amy Chua's parents were academics and members of the entrepreneurial Chinese ethnic minority in the Philippines before emigrating to the United States. Amy's father, Leon O. Chua, is an Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences professor at the University of California, Berkeley and is known as the father of nonlinear circuit theory and cellular neural networks. Amy was born in 1962 in Champaign, Illinois and lived in West Lafayette, Indiana. When she was eight years old, her family moved to Berkeley, California. Chua graduated magna cum laude with an A.B. in Economics from Harvard College in 1984. She obtained her J.D. cum laude in 1987 from Harvard Law School, where she was Executive Editor of the Harvard Law Review.
She is the eldest of 4 sisters: Michelle, Katrin, and Cynthia. Katrin is a professor at Stanford University.[7] One sister has Down Syndrome and holds two International Special Olympics gold medals in swimming
偷偷说一句,我就是这么长大的。。。但是我还是很爱我的爸妈。。。虽然我不知道我以后会不会这样教小孩。。I did struggle a lot but now I start to appreciate what they did to me. 是他们的push他们的不满意他们的严格才有了现在的我,如果没有他们,我估计没这个自制力在成长中not make a huge mistake。。。
偷偷说一句,我就是这么长大的。。。但是我还是很爱我的爸妈。。。虽然我不知道我以后会不会这样教小孩。。I did struggle a lot but now I start to appreciate what they did to me. 是他们的push他们的不满意他们的严格才有了现在的我,如果没有他们,我估计没这个自制力在成长中not make a huge mistake。。。
以下是引用Emilia在1/11/2011 3:29:00 PM的发言: 看了她在today show的interview. She admitted she's becoming a different parent now. "It's a journey. It's a 'coming of age' book as a mom", she said. A good book is a book with controversy. I think the author knows this well. She purposely wrote it in this extreme way so that more people would want to buy it.
Amy Chua's parents were academics and members of the entrepreneurial Chinese ethnic minority in the Philippines before emigrating to the United States. Amy's father, Leon O. Chua, is an Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences professor at the University of California, Berkeley and is known as the father of nonlinear circuit theory and cellular neural networks. Amy was born in 1962 in Champaign, Illinois and lived in West Lafayette, Indiana. When she was eight years old, her family moved to Berkeley, California. Chua graduated magna cum laude with an A.B. in Economics from Harvard College in 1984. She obtained her J.D. cum laude in 1987 from Harvard Law School, where she was Executive Editor of the Harvard Law Review.
Leon O. Chua received the MSEE from Massachusetts Institute of Technology in 1961, and the Ph.D. from University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign in 1964. After that he was Assistant and Associate Professor at Purdue University until 1970. He became a Professor of Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences at University of California at Berkeley since 1971.
嗯,这个是真的,听说大牛都是这样的。所以我老板一直人模狗样的,我就断言他成不了大牛。
笑死我了
I am Chinese American, born here in the US by
immigrants who fit the description for, "tiger parents." For those of
you wondering about the end result. I will tell you my experience. We
were raised in a cold and hard environment, not allowed to be children,
but expected to basically to be monkeys performing to often unreasonable
standards. NEVER in my entire life have I received a compliment or
positive comment from my parents. It is a constant deluge of criticism,
being berated, basically never being good enough (even when we were the
top student), not only was there the emotional abuse, but there was
also physical abuse. We had no social life. We were booked after
school with piano, violin and other extracurricular activities that our
parents wanted us to do (with no regard as to whether or not we wanted
to do them), all in order to make our college applications look good.
We were not allowed to date, not allowed to watch tv unless it was PBS
or the news, and we were constantly told, "do not be like stupid
Americans." As you can imagine, our childhood was a living hell. When
my father would come home from work, instead of greeting him, we would
all run upstairs and hide from him. In turn, this would make him more
angry that we were, "disrespectful" and he would take out his anger on
us (or our mom), usually through more emotional abuse, telling us we
were worthless and stupid. Yes, we lived in fear. We did not get good
grades or perform well for ourselves, we did so, because we were scared
of our parents. We were unhappy, had no self esteem, had hardly any
friends.
So, what is the result? I am now in my late 30's, as are my siblings
and I still have not recovered from being brought up like this. We
were all academically, "successful." We all went on to professional
degrees and were pushed into going into fields that our parents wanted.
All three of us had different fields we would have preferred, but we
were told that they were unacceptable since they were not doctor,
engineer or lawyer, the holy trinity of the tiger parent. Are we happy?
No, not really, the damaging from the way we were parented still haunt
us today. The only good thing that has come out of it, is that I am
parenting my children almost 180 degrees opposite from the way I was
brought up. Yes, I still have high standards for them, however, I
refuse to put my children under the emotional and physical abuse that I
had to endure as a child. The only reason we are all married now, is
because we rebelled in college and started dating. All of my parents'
friends who kids did not date in college, ended up having to deal with
parents who turned around after graduation demanding to know why they
were married and popping out grandchildren. Yes, the irony, of
following what they tell you to do, and then in the end, it's still your
fault.
You may wonder what my siblings' and my relationship is like with our
parents. It's HORRIBLE. We hate our parents, they still try to
control us even though we all have families of our own now, they are
just NEVER happy. They are still negative, never satisfied, always
comparing us to other people's adult children to try to prove to us that
we are not good enough. Even though we did what they told us to, they
are still unhappy. Either the college we went to was not good enough,
we didn't get a perfect score on the SAT, the specialization in our
field of work was not one of high enough status or our house/car aren't
nice, enough, they ALWAYS have something to criticize. Now they extend
their criticism to the way we are raising our own children and of course
our natural reaction is to NOT want to spend time with them, since they
are so toxic.
My parents are old now, they are upset that we are not close to them.
They cannot understand that that the way that the cold, cruel way that
they parented basically ruined their relationship with us, instead as
usual, they blame us. They say that we are, "bad children," because we
do not want to be close to them, and that they have done nothing to make
us hate them. I do not know what we will do with my parents when they
are too old to care for themselves. NONE of us want to take them in,
not because we are unable to, but because they make us miserable and
make us feel bad about ourselves, they are toxic. If you feel sorry for
my parents feeling abandoned by their adult children, don't be. They
were not the type of immigrants who, "sacrificed" to come to this
country. My father is from a well-to-do family and is a physician. He
would have had a more lucrative career if he stayed in Taiwan.
If you want your children to be academically successful, the tiger
parent method may work. HOWEVER, be prepared NOT to have any sort of
relationship with your adult children, because they will loathe you when
they grow up. My siblings and I have all contemplated just cutting our
parents out of our lives, every time we talk or see them, it's a
negative experience. It is always about THEIR ego, and what THEY want.
They don't care about anyone else, parents like this should never be
allowed to have children to begin with, since they just see their
children as an extension of their own ego.
真他奶奶的不是我的茶
chua是什么姓啊?
cai
看了msnbc链接中的第一个回复,是以孩子的角度来看tiger mother的。我觉得还听恐怖的,转过来
I am Chinese American, born here in the US by
immigrants who fit the description for, "tiger parents." For those of
you wondering about the end result. I will tell you my experience. We
were raised in a cold and hard environment, not allowed to be children,
but expected to basically to be monkeys performing to often unreasonable
standards. NEVER in my entire life have I received a compliment or
positive comment from my parents. It is a constant deluge of criticism,
being berated, basically never being good enough (even when we were the
top student), not only was there the emotional abuse, but there was
also physical abuse. We had no social life. We were booked after
school with piano, violin and other extracurricular activities that our
parents wanted us to do (with no regard as to whether or not we wanted
to do them), all in order to make our college applications look good.
We were not allowed to date, not allowed to watch tv unless it was PBS
or the news, and we were constantly told, "do not be like stupid
Americans." As you can imagine, our childhood was a living hell. When
my father would come home from work, instead of greeting him, we would
all run upstairs and hide from him. In turn, this would make him more
angry that we were, "disrespectful" and he would take out his anger on
us (or our mom), usually through more emotional abuse, telling us we
were worthless and stupid. Yes, we lived in fear. We did not get good
grades or perform well for ourselves, we did so, because we were scared
of our parents. We were unhappy, had no self esteem, had hardly any
friends.
So, what is the result? I am now in my late 30's, as are my siblings
and I still have not recovered from being brought up like this. We
were all academically, "successful." We all went on to professional
degrees and were pushed into going into fields that our parents wanted.
All three of us had different fields we would have preferred, but we
were told that they were unacceptable since they were not doctor,
engineer or lawyer, the holy trinity of the tiger parent. Are we happy?
No, not really, the damaging from the way we were parented still haunt
us today. The only good thing that has come out of it, is that I am
parenting my children almost 180 degrees opposite from the way I was
brought up. Yes, I still have high standards for them, however, I
refuse to put my children under the emotional and physical abuse that I
had to endure as a child. The only reason we are all married now, is
because we rebelled in college and started dating. All of my parents'
friends who kids did not date in college, ended up having to deal with
parents who turned around after graduation demanding to know why they
were married and popping out grandchildren. Yes, the irony, of
following what they tell you to do, and then in the end, it's still your
fault.
You may wonder what my siblings' and my relationship is like with our
parents. It's HORRIBLE. We hate our parents, they still try to
control us even though we all have families of our own now, they are
just NEVER happy. They are still negative, never satisfied, always
comparing us to other people's adult children to try to prove to us that
we are not good enough. Even though we did what they told us to, they
are still unhappy. Either the college we went to was not good enough,
we didn't get a perfect score on the SAT, the specialization in our
field of work was not one of high enough status or our house/car aren't
nice, enough, they ALWAYS have something to criticize. Now they extend
their criticism to the way we are raising our own children and of course
our natural reaction is to NOT want to spend time with them, since they
are so toxic.
My parents are old now, they are upset that we are not close to them.
They cannot understand that that the way that the cold, cruel way that
they parented basically ruined their relationship with us, instead as
usual, they blame us. They say that we are, "bad children," because we
do not want to be close to them, and that they have done nothing to make
us hate them. I do not know what we will do with my parents when they
are too old to care for themselves. NONE of us want to take them in,
not because we are unable to, but because they make us miserable and
make us feel bad about ourselves, they are toxic. If you feel sorry for
my parents feeling abandoned by their adult children, don't be. They
were not the type of immigrants who, "sacrificed" to come to this
country. My father is from a well-to-do family and is a physician. He
would have had a more lucrative career if he stayed in Taiwan.
If you want your children to be academically successful, the tiger
parent method may work. HOWEVER, be prepared NOT to have any sort of
relationship with your adult children, because they will loathe you when
they grow up. My siblings and I have all contemplated just cutting our
parents out of our lives, every time we talk or see them, it's a
negative experience. It is always about THEIR ego, and what THEY want.
They don't care about anyone else, parents like this should never be
allowed to have children to begin with, since they just see their
children as an extension of their own ego.
看了这段话,我觉的当这些父母的孩子真是不容易啊。
呵呵,我觉得好像特别牛的还真不见长的巨丑的,可能是气质撑起来啦?
爱因斯坦?长的跟猴一样
看了msnbc链接中的第一个回复,是以孩子的角度来看tiger mother的。我觉得还听恐怖的,转过来
我觉得这个父母的教育方法有问题,太极端了,所以小孩恨他们。
图中的华裔是我一个朋友的前女友, 哈佛本科+MBA. 看看是不是跟 Amy Chua的气质挺像的? 哈佛盛产这种ABC把.
此主题相关图片如下122902_4003_500x326.jpg:
这个,长得还可以呀。。。
她妹妹们也很厉害阿
She is the eldest of 4 sisters: Michelle, Katrin, and Cynthia. Katrin is a professor at Stanford University.[7] One sister has Down Syndrome and holds two International Special Olympics gold medals in swimming
一家牛人
我觉得嘴巴那里有点像一个演员叫王姬的
对对对,刚就一直在想像谁呢,好眼熟
贴个我们领域的superstar,大牛
庄晓薇,
此主题相关图片如下zhuang_field_crop.jpg:
此主题相关图片如下xiaowei2.jpg:
第一张的脸也太大了吧
Alice Ting,MIT
我喜欢她
此主题相关图片如下ayt4.jpg:
这个不错,感觉很温柔又有力量
我想得多了。。。
这个动作在老外中很常见,国人也没必要枉自菲薄
老外男的很常见,女的很少吧?
我都回完了这个贴了,才发现原来是个bso老公牛的帖子,哎,后肢侯爵阿
我也是哎
看了msnbc链接中的第一个回复,是以孩子的角度来看tiger mother的。我觉得还听恐怖的,转过来
I am Chinese American, born here in the US by
immigrants who fit the description for, "tiger parents." For those of
you wondering about the end result. I will tell you my experience. We
were raised in a cold and hard environment, not allowed to be children,
but expected to basically to be monkeys performing to often unreasonable
standards. NEVER in my entire life have I received a compliment or
positive comment from my parents. It is a constant deluge of criticism,
being berated, basically never being good enough (even when we were the
top student), not only was there the emotional abuse, but there was
also physical abuse. We had no social life. We were booked after
school with piano, violin and other extracurricular activities that our
parents wanted us to do (with no regard as to whether or not we wanted
to do them), all in order to make our college applications look good.
We were not allowed to date, not allowed to watch tv unless it was PBS
or the news, and we were constantly told, "do not be like stupid
Americans." As you can imagine, our childhood was a living hell. When
my father would come home from work, instead of greeting him, we would
all run upstairs and hide from him. In turn, this would make him more
angry that we were, "disrespectful" and he would take out his anger on
us (or our mom), usually through more emotional abuse, telling us we
were worthless and stupid. Yes, we lived in fear. We did not get good
grades or perform well for ourselves, we did so, because we were scared
of our parents. We were unhappy, had no self esteem, had hardly any
friends.
So, what is the result? I am now in my late 30's, as are my siblings
and I still have not recovered from being brought up like this. We
were all academically, "successful." We all went on to professional
degrees and were pushed into going into fields that our parents wanted.
All three of us had different fields we would have preferred, but we
were told that they were unacceptable since they were not doctor,
engineer or lawyer, the holy trinity of the tiger parent. Are we happy?
No, not really, the damaging from the way we were parented still haunt
us today. The only good thing that has come out of it, is that I am
parenting my children almost 180 degrees opposite from the way I was
brought up. Yes, I still have high standards for them, however, I
refuse to put my children under the emotional and physical abuse that I
had to endure as a child. The only reason we are all married now, is
because we rebelled in college and started dating. All of my parents'
friends who kids did not date in college, ended up having to deal with
parents who turned around after graduation demanding to know why they
were married and popping out grandchildren. Yes, the irony, of
following what they tell you to do, and then in the end, it's still your
fault.
You may wonder what my siblings' and my relationship is like with our
parents. It's HORRIBLE. We hate our parents, they still try to
control us even though we all have families of our own now, they are
just NEVER happy. They are still negative, never satisfied, always
comparing us to other people's adult children to try to prove to us that
we are not good enough. Even though we did what they told us to, they
are still unhappy. Either the college we went to was not good enough,
we didn't get a perfect score on the SAT, the specialization in our
field of work was not one of high enough status or our house/car aren't
nice, enough, they ALWAYS have something to criticize. Now they extend
their criticism to the way we are raising our own children and of course
our natural reaction is to NOT want to spend time with them, since they
are so toxic.
My parents are old now, they are upset that we are not close to them.
They cannot understand that that the way that the cold, cruel way that
they parented basically ruined their relationship with us, instead as
usual, they blame us. They say that we are, "bad children," because we
do not want to be close to them, and that they have done nothing to make
us hate them. I do not know what we will do with my parents when they
are too old to care for themselves. NONE of us want to take them in,
not because we are unable to, but because they make us miserable and
make us feel bad about ourselves, they are toxic. If you feel sorry for
my parents feeling abandoned by their adult children, don't be. They
were not the type of immigrants who, "sacrificed" to come to this
country. My father is from a well-to-do family and is a physician. He
would have had a more lucrative career if he stayed in Taiwan.
If you want your children to be academically successful, the tiger
parent method may work. HOWEVER, be prepared NOT to have any sort of
relationship with your adult children, because they will loathe you when
they grow up. My siblings and I have all contemplated just cutting our
parents out of our lives, every time we talk or see them, it's a
negative experience. It is always about THEIR ego, and what THEY want.
They don't care about anyone else, parents like this should never be
allowed to have children to begin with, since they just see their
children as an extension of their own ego.
父母和孩子都很可怜,全是怨恨,没有爱。。。。极端是很可怕
A good book is a book with controversy. I think the author knows this well. She purposely wrote it in this extreme way so that more people would want to buy it.
我怎么觉得就照片看,这两个就挺不好看的啊。
俺从小就觉的盖茨同学那叫一个帅阿。当然大家都说我的审美还是有问题。
我觉得他是可爱,老了也是老小孩的感觉
不过我还挺喜欢这个耶鲁女教授的长相
我觉得他是可爱,老了也是老小孩的感觉
嗯,那小脸,长的肥嘟嘟的,真可爱
这个不错,感觉很温柔又有力量
not my tea
Amy Chua家世很好的阿
Amy Chua's parents were academics and members of the entrepreneurial Chinese ethnic minority in the Philippines before emigrating to the United States. Amy's father, Leon O. Chua, is an Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences professor at the University of California, Berkeley and is known as the father of nonlinear circuit theory and cellular neural networks. Amy was born in 1962 in Champaign, Illinois and lived in West Lafayette, Indiana. When she was eight years old, her family moved to Berkeley, California. Chua graduated magna cum laude with an A.B. in Economics from Harvard College in 1984. She obtained her J.D. cum laude in 1987 from Harvard Law School, where she was Executive Editor of the Harvard Law Review.
成绩也还好嘛
Alice Ting,MIT
我喜欢她
此主题相关图片如下ayt4.jpg:
像 排球女将 里的夏川由加
精英就是不一样啊,一看就是精英
不过我还挺喜欢这个耶鲁女教授的长相
me2
以前见过一个姓Chua的菲律宾人,也是华裔,哈佛Phd,很高很瘦,气场强大,又fashion又知性,事业成功家庭也很好。。。顿时我的人生有了偶像。。。
不是
刚看了一下David Liu,牛啊HHMI(记得Ting没评上,气死,哈哈),paper质量和俺家猪头差不多,但是数量吓人啊,难怪俺家猪头老抱怨这边招不到人,出东西慢呢。
又一个bso吗?
她妹妹们也很厉害阿
She is the eldest of 4 sisters: Michelle, Katrin, and Cynthia. Katrin is a professor at Stanford University.[7] One sister has Down Syndrome and holds two International Special Olympics gold medals in swimming
牛人家的DS都比别人强。。。。
整天牛13哄哄的样子。ld和庄,Ting还都有点熟
生化/物理的牛人就是不如法学院商学院的牛人美。
其实我觉得老是自贬自己的,反而有可能是隐藏的很深的牛人。只有那些半瓶子水,才晃啊晃的瞎咋呼。
所以啊,鸡翅膀很有可能是隐藏很深的牛人。
恩,同意,像我老是说自己有钱,其实呢,就是个月光的穷光蛋
还有的娃不仅自推,还把娘推出来了。
我一个同学,自己phd读了一段时间觉得蛮有趣,怂恿在家的娘也申请phd。娘本科毕业一直相夫教子,竟然被说动了,竟然申到了儿子的组,成了儿子的师妹。娘本身也聪明吧,很快赶上儿子的进度,母子俩一起上课,一起做research,其乐融融,惹得bank的爹也恨不得辞了工作当老婆儿子的师弟去。。。。。。
这个太厉害了
爱因斯坦?长的跟猴一样
可是我觉得爱因斯坦长得巨可爱
可是我觉得爱因斯坦长得巨可爱
我觉的好像一头大猩猩阿
嗯,那小脸,长的肥嘟嘟的,真可爱
看过他年轻时候犯事入局拍的照片,就觉得这人也太有意思了,还吐舌头呢
我觉的好像一头大猩猩阿
哎呀,每次看到他头发花白蓬乱骑着自行车的那张照片,再坏的心情都能逗我笑出来。怎么能觉得爱爷爷像猩猩呢。。。
看了这个帖子,我觉的想当牛人,身体素质一定要好。不说别的,就说人家家长能把down syndrome 培养成冠军,那下的力气和时间就不得了。像我这种一天睡不到10小时就头疼的,估计没戏了。
她家四个女儿,amy是哈佛本科+法学院,她妹妹们一个是哈佛本科+医学院,一个耶鲁本科+法学院,还有一个冠军,个个了得。我是真心佩服她的父母。
俺觉的那个ting比法学院牛人美一些。那张照片其实都有点惊艳了。
re,没睡醒的样子都挺美的。
她家四个女儿,amy是哈佛本科+法学院,她妹妹们一个是哈佛本科+医学院,一个耶鲁本科+法学院,还有一个冠军,个个了得。我是真心佩服她的父母。
恩,非常厉害。
哎呀,每次看到他头发花白蓬乱骑着自行车的那张照片,再坏的心情都能逗我笑出来。怎么能觉得爱爷爷像猩猩呢。。。
哈哈,爱爷爷。他年轻时候好像挺帅的。
看了这段话,我觉的当这些父母的孩子真是不容易啊。
是很恐怖,好像大陆的家长都不至于这么夸张阿。奖励还是经常有的吧。虽然很少当面表扬孩子,但是在外人面前,还是能感觉倒父母以自己为骄傲的吧。我妈以前也挺严格的,但是没有影响过我们的感情。我觉得父母严格是一回事,会不会跟孩子感情交流是另一回事。May Chua我也觉得有点恐怖,但是我看到她女儿会爬倒她床上跟她睡,我觉得他们平常的感情交流还是很好的。一松一驰,既严格又温柔的父母,应该不至于带来心灵创伤。
是很恐怖,好像大陆的家长都不至于这么夸张阿。奖励还是经常有的吧。虽然很少当面表扬孩子,但是在外人面前,还是能感觉倒父母以自己为骄傲的吧。我妈以前也挺严格的,但是没有影响过我们的感情。我觉得父母严格是一回事,会不会跟孩子感情交流是另一回事。May Chua我也觉得有点恐怖,但是我看到她女儿会爬倒她床上跟她睡,我觉得他们平常的感情交流还是很好的。一松一驰,既严格又温柔的父母,应该不至于带来心灵创伤。
我就觉的她写的那段,她女儿练琴练不好,她说今天不弹出来,不许吃饭,不许喝水,不许尿尿真是吓倒我了。而且小孩子的话,有时候父母很严厉,也会去讨好父母的,所以爬到母亲床上睡觉也不能说明什么。我同学小时后就表现的对她妈很好,后来一上大学,立马飞了,电话也不打,信也不写,工作了去了一个很远的地方,嫁人之后才逐渐跟家里有了联系。很多恨意,是慢慢爆发出来的。当然那个教授的女儿说不定还很感谢母亲这样教她呢,每个小孩子是不一样的。
偷偷说一句,我就是这么长大的。。。但是我还是很爱我的爸妈。。。虽然我不知道我以后会不会这样教小孩。。I did struggle a lot but now I start to appreciate what they did to me. 是他们的push他们的不满意他们的严格才有了现在的我,如果没有他们,我估计没这个自制力在成长中not make a huge mistake。。。
嗯,每个人不一样。要是我爸妈这么对我,没准我现在见都不见他们了。
我就觉的她写的那段,她女儿练琴练不好,她说今天不弹出来,不许吃饭,不许喝水,不许尿尿真是吓倒我了。而且小孩子的话,有时候父母很严厉,也会去讨好父母的,所以爬到母亲床上睡觉也不能说明什么。我同学小时后就表现的对她妈很好,后来一上大学,立马飞了,电话也不打,信也不写,工作了去了一个很远的地方,嫁人之后才逐渐跟家里有了联系。很多恨意,是慢慢爆发出来的。当然那个教授的女儿说不定还很感谢母亲这样教她呢,每个小孩子是不一样的。
不准吃喝,我们家从来不会这样。该吃的时候就要吃。。不过我感觉她女儿应该不是装出来的。不然这孩子也太可怕了。。
不是
刚看了一下David Liu,牛啊HHMI(记得Ting没评上,气死,哈哈),paper质量和俺家猪头差不多,但是数量吓人啊,难怪俺家猪头老抱怨这边招不到人,出东西慢呢。
果然是bso,你家猪是不是传说中HPYMS的faculty啊
是很恐怖,好像大陆的家长都不至于这么夸张阿。奖励还是经常有的吧。虽然很少当面表扬孩子,但是在外人面前,还是能感觉倒父母以自己为骄傲的吧。我妈以前也挺严格的,但是没有影响过我们的感情。我觉得父母严格是一回事,会不会跟孩子感情交流是另一回事。May Chua我也觉得有点恐怖,但是我看到她女儿会爬倒她床上跟她睡,我觉得他们平常的感情交流还是很好的。一松一驰,既严格又温柔的父母,应该不至于带来心灵创伤。
我家就这么夸张。。不过我妈骂我的时候我爸就不会,我爸批评我的时候我妈就不会,应该算是constant pressure..
不过幸好我还是心理健康地长大了。。。
我觉得精英教育挺好的。当然要balanced的。
有些decipline 还有好的习惯 要从小养成的。小孩子哪懂。等长大了自己懂了的时候,有时就有些晚了。当然你也可以说什么时候开始都不晚。
严重同意,所以以后我有了娃,肯定不放羊
我就觉的她写的那段,她女儿练琴练不好,她说今天不弹出来,不许吃饭,不许喝水,不许尿尿真是吓倒我了。而且小孩子的话,有时候父母很严厉,也会去讨好父母的,所以爬到母亲床上睡觉也不能说明什么。我同学小时后就表现的对她妈很好,后来一上大学,立马飞了,电话也不打,信也不写,工作了去了一个很远的地方,嫁人之后才逐渐跟家里有了联系。很多恨意,是慢慢爆发出来的。当然那个教授的女儿说不定还很感谢母亲这样教她呢,每个小孩子是不一样的。
我就这么养成了爱看人眼色的个性。。
NB!
牛的一家。。。
嗯,每个人不一样。要是我爸妈这么对我,没准我现在见都不见他们了。
我十五岁就一个人欢乐地跑出国了。。。出国太久了反而回去被念念被骂骂还满温暖地。。
不准吃喝,我们家从来不会这样。该吃的时候就要吃。。不过我感觉她女儿应该不是装出来的。不然这孩子也太可怕了。。
嗯,我觉的不准吃喝也还将就,不准尿尿就太恐怖了。我同学也不是装出来的。就是小孩子也明白,你表现的顺从一些,母亲可能就会待你松一点。你的小命在她手里握着呢,聪明点的小孩在反抗无效的时候,都会知道顺着大人的意思来一点,有点那个斯德哥尔摩症候群的感觉。但长大后就不是这回事了。所以我同学长大后立马就跟变了个人一样。她妈现在还在抱怨呢。
严重同意,所以以后我有了娃,肯定不放羊
我也不会放羊,该严格严格,该宠爱宠爱。很多心里有问题的是父母根本不和孩子交流的。
不是
刚看了一下David Liu,牛啊HHMI(记得Ting没评上,气死,哈哈),paper质量和俺家猪头差不多,但是数量吓人啊,难怪俺家猪头老抱怨这边招不到人,出东西慢呢。
对你的葱白之情如滔滔江水。。。。
我就这么养成了爱看人眼色的个性。。
我同学到现在也不appreciate,她始终觉的跟父母的关系是根刺,联系都是没办法的。所以人跟人不一样,有的可以这么教育,有的就不可以
我也不会放羊,该严格严格,该宠爱宠爱。很多心里有问题的是父母根本不和孩子交流的。
中国父母没几个会放羊的,但大部分父母也不会像她这么严苛。
看了她在today show的interview. She admitted she's becoming a different parent now. "It's a journey. It's a 'coming of age' book as a mom", she said.
A good book is a book with controversy. I think the author knows this well. She purposely wrote it in this extreme way so that more people would want to buy it.
Re!!
就是sharp的长相吧,所谓相由心生,内心sharp了长相也就sharp了
我同学到现在也不appreciate,她始终觉的跟父母的关系是根刺,联系都是没办法的。所以人跟人不一样,有的可以这么教育,有的就不可以
不过我跟我妈到现在也没别的母女亲,回家也从来没有依依不舍,在家里做乖乖小女儿什么都不用烦恼反倒会让我厌烦。。。
可能这就是consequence,我妈还一直说我们是最亲的朋友,实际上我很少跟她讲我的烦恼,毕竟value不同,虽然我很爱她但是I have to be myself now...
她家四个女儿,amy是哈佛本科+法学院,她妹妹们一个是哈佛本科+医学院,一个耶鲁本科+法学院,还有一个冠军,个个了得。我是真心佩服她的父母。
me too!!
Re!!
恩,华人的楼,没有debate的也不会高。吵作就是要往极端里写。
不过我跟我妈到现在也没别的母女亲,回家也从来没有依依不舍,在家里做乖乖小女儿什么都不用烦恼反倒会让我厌烦。。。
可能这就是consequence,我妈还一直说我们是最亲的朋友,实际上我很少跟她讲我的烦恼,毕竟value不同,虽然我很爱她但是I have to be myself now...
我觉的你现在很好啊,说明你父母的教育方式挺适合你的。我同学那样的,这种教育方式就不适合了。别的不说,只要适合小孩子的教育方式,就是好的。
看这个访谈,她连看电视,playdate,sleepover都不允许孩子有,为什么呢?? 我看好多华人家长都说孩子sleepover之类的?
i will never allow sleepovers.
水土和culture--气质、神态、姿态、面部肌肉等
刚看了电视里amy的访谈,,怎么她一说话,嘴边上的肌肉那么大动静啊,,,而且嘴感觉是歪的,,,,觉得有点狠.....估计她俩女儿都怕她....
[此贴子已经被作者于2011/1/11 16:17:27编辑过]
她家四个女儿,amy是哈佛本科+法学院,她妹妹们一个是哈佛本科+医学院,一个耶鲁本科+法学院,还有一个冠军,个个了得。我是真心佩服她的父母。
我的反映是好多钱来付学费啊
我庸俗。。。
i will never allow sleepovers.
seriously why
i will never allow sleepovers.
为什么呢,这个我很好奇???
seriously why
难道是怕sleepover的那个家庭不安全。比如有人吸毒,或者虐待性骚扰儿童之类的?我觉的很多人家还是没法知根知底的,估计也是个安全隐患。
刚看了电视里amy的访谈,,怎么她一说话,嘴边上的肌肉那么大动静啊,,,而且嘴感觉是歪的,,,,觉得有点狠.....估计她俩女儿都怕她....
[此贴子已经被作者于2011/1/11 16:17:27编辑过]
re
长得真凶狠啊
刚看了电视里amy的访谈,,怎么她一说话,嘴边上的肌肉那么大动静啊,,,而且嘴感觉是歪的,,,,觉得有点狠.....估计她俩女儿都怕她....
[此贴子已经被作者于2011/1/11 16:17:27编辑过]
我班上的女生大半有一股狠劲。。。。
我觉的你现在很好啊,说明你父母的教育方式挺适合你的。我同学那样的,这种教育方式就不适合了。别的不说,只要适合小孩子的教育方式,就是好的。
恩。。。可是说实在也很矛盾,怎么知道适不适合小孩啊。。。。
我班上的女生大半有一股狠劲。。。。
你是说他们都是abc?
我的反映是好多钱来付学费啊
我庸俗。。。
这么牛估计都有scholarship拿。。即使没有,医学院法学院出来三五年也就把loan还清了。
恩。。。可是说实在也很矛盾,怎么知道适不适合小孩啊。。。。
抛个硬币看看?哈哈。估计很多父母都要自己慢慢了解吧
Amy Chua家世很好的阿
Amy Chua's parents were academics and members of the entrepreneurial Chinese ethnic minority in the Philippines before emigrating to the United States. Amy's father, Leon O. Chua, is an Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences professor at the University of California, Berkeley and is known as the father of nonlinear circuit theory and cellular neural networks. Amy was born in 1962 in Champaign, Illinois and lived in West Lafayette, Indiana. When she was eight years old, her family moved to Berkeley, California. Chua graduated magna cum laude with an A.B. in Economics from Harvard College in 1984. She obtained her J.D. cum laude in 1987 from Harvard Law School, where she was Executive Editor of the Harvard Law Review.
UIUC生,Purdue长。从胎里接受的熏陶就不一样啊。
不过明显看出娘做功课比儿子认真很多,作业写得工工整整,儿子那个就是风中凌乱啊
太喜欢这一对母子了,好可爱。
这么牛估计都有scholarship拿。。即使没有,医学院法学院出来三五年也就把loan还清了。
不可能3年就还上的,除非年景好的时候做corporate law
她走得显然是当年很典型的学术路,先clerk,再回法学院教书。
就是sharp的长相吧,所谓相由心生,内心sharp了长相也就sharp了
re
我见过Amy Chua本人,很瘦小很纤细,典型的南方人。祖籍福建,后来大概祖父母那一代搬到菲律宾的。父亲MIT毕业,Berkley的教授。精英父母就容易培养精英子女。
re
从来没有vacation
郎朗和李云迪,如果没有家长推,绝对出不来
欣赏不来黄皮肤下美国脸的生动。。。。
MM总结的好!
这也是为啥ABC看着就和咱土生土长的不一样
学琴的小孩,一天2,3个小时都是少的。小学期间,一天不到4个小时要挨打的。周末周日6-8个。
从来没有vacation
郎朗和李云迪,如果没有家长推,绝对出不来
嗯,嗯,这个是我国学琴小朋友的正常时间。我同学小时后也这样。后来上了大学,再也不碰钢琴了。
她爹后来去哪教书了
貌似似乎Berkeley
UIUC生,Purdue长。从胎里接受的熏陶就不一样啊。
她爹后来去哪教书了
你是说他们都是abc?
ABC, ABK, 白MM....大半都很狠。。。
她爹后来去哪教书了
Leon O. Chua received the MSEE from Massachusetts Institute of
Technology in 1961, and the Ph.D. from University of Illinois,
Urbana-Champaign in 1964. After that he was Assistant and Associate
Professor at Purdue University until 1970. He became a Professor of
Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences at University of California
at Berkeley since 1971.
难道是怕sleepover的那个家庭不安全。比如有人吸毒,或者虐待性骚扰儿童之类的?我觉的很多人家还是没法知根知底的,估计也是个安全隐患。
yes.
不可能3年就还上的,除非年景好的时候做corporate law
她走得显然是当年很典型的学术路,先clerk,再回法学院教书。
医学院平均两年,法学院我的senior们都是5年内。。。
能一开始就clerk也是牛人啊!~~~~~~
何况教书salary那末那末高。。。