谢谢MM分享婆婆的故事。Big bless! 推荐一本书给你和你老公, 也许对你们的elderly care situation 会有启发和帮助. 书是visionary memoir： "Knocking on Heaven''s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death“ by Katy Butler. 微信读书上有中文版的，叫“伪善的医疗：医疗的限度与更好的告别”，下面是书的简介： “Katy Butler was living thousands of miles from her vigorous and self-reliant parents when the call came: a crippling stroke had left her proud seventy-nine-year-old father unable to fasten a belt or complete a sentence. Tragedy at first drew the family closer: her mother devoted herself to caregiving, and Butler joined the twenty-four million Americans helping shepherd parents through their final declines. Then doctors outfitted her father with a pacemaker, keeping his heart going but doing nothing to prevent his six-year slide into dementia, near-blindness, and misery. When he told his exhausted wife, “I’m living too long,” mother and daughter were forced to confront a series of wrenching moral questions. When does death stop being a curse and become a blessing? Where is the line between saving a life and prolonging a dying? When do you say to a doctor, “Let my loved one go?” When doctors refused to disable the pacemaker, condemning her father to a prolonged and agonizing death, Butler set out to understand why. Her quest had barely begun when her mother took another path. Faced with her own grave illness, she rebelled against her doctors, refused open-heart surgery, and met death head-on. With a reporter’s skill and a daughter’s love, Butler explores what happens when our terror of death collides with the technological imperatives of medicine. Her provocative thesis is that modern medicine, in its pursuit of maximum longevity, often creates more suffering than it prevents." 长期照顾不能自理的病人的病人家人，要小心自己不要抑郁，微信读书上也有日本的社会纪实书：”看护杀人：走投无路的家人的自白“，关于这个situation引出的问题的。 而的确，在”Knocking on Heaven''s Door / 伪善的医疗“这本书最后，书中照顾丈夫的妻子（作者的母亲）， 已经出现了虐待丈夫的行为。这本书里提出的问题是，当病人的身体被医疗苟延残喘而增长时，却没有了自理能力，最后只是越来越重的不能承担之重的照顾的重担落在家人身上，而家人也扛不下去了。书中的丈夫去世一年多后，妻子也得癌症去世了，而妻子没有选择治疗，而是hospiece care. 老年痴呆后，人的性格/行为会变得非常不一样，比如各种反常行为，以前不骂人的人可以变得自私，爱骂人什么的。
回复 45楼Summer0922的帖子 如果心理医生给他开药，让他药不能停呢？ 那他（多少年后）会走上药物副作用伤害，兴许和你婆婆kindey failure 一样的路吗？ 我家这里的亲戚有大学生，高中时候开始抑郁，有自残行为。现在psychiatrist 开了5 种药给这个孩子，吃了好几年了。这孩子现在，药不能停，不然就睡不着觉。而且，药还造成这个孩子的mental capacity/ decision making sensiblity 受到影响。 不是头疼医头，脚疼医脚吧？ 问题的根在哪里，不要over estimate 自己，然后burn out 到 irreversible damage, pass the point of no return？
Bless MM 能拿到offer！ 也bless 楼上的MinziMM! 照顾长期生病的老人太不容易。我母亲走之前那几年性情大变， 她没有老年痴呆， 就是第二次stroke之后， 长期卧床， 头脑清醒但没有自理能力， 整个人变得对全世界不满， 怨气十足。 我只是每年回去照看一下， 都被母亲搞得抑郁， 精神崩溃！ 所以请MM照顾好自己和老公， 可能的话， 偶尔你们两口子请人照看老人小孩， 自己出去吃个饭逛逛街， you need to take a break from the depressing reality from time to time for your own mental wellness! 祝你一切顺利！ 感恩节快乐！
回复 67楼dittoo的帖子 我公公当时去nursing home 的时候，大概一万不到一点一个月。第一个月自己付，然后保险kicked in, Medicare 大概付一半左右，他有 long term care 保险， 后面自己没出多少。我婆婆的保险跟我公公一样。她自己也有钱。奈何她自己不肯去。
谢谢MM分享婆婆的故事。Big bless! 推荐一本书给你和你老公, 也许对你们的elderly care situation 会有启发和帮助. 书是visionary memoir： "Knocking on Heaven''s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death“ by Katy Butler. 微信读书上有中文版的，叫“伪善的医疗：医疗的限度与更好的告别”，下面是书的简介： “Katy Butler was living thousands of miles from her vigorous and self-reliant parents when the call came: a crippling stroke had left her proud seventy-nine-year-old father unable to fasten a belt or complete a sentence. Tragedy at first drew the family closer: her mother devoted herself to caregiving, and Butler joined the twenty-four million Americans helping shepherd parents through their final declines. Then doctors outfitted her father with a pacemaker, keeping his heart going but doing nothing to prevent his six-year slide into dementia, near-blindness, and misery. When he told his exhausted wife, “I’m living too long,” mother and daughter were forced to confront a series of wrenching moral questions. When does death stop being a curse and become a blessing? Where is the line between saving a life and prolonging a dying? When do you say to a doctor, “Let my loved one go?” When doctors refused to disable the pacemaker, condemning her father to a prolonged and agonizing death, Butler set out to understand why. Her quest had barely begun when her mother took another path. Faced with her own grave illness, she rebelled against her doctors, refused open-heart surgery, and met death head-on. With a reporter’s skill and a daughter’s love, Butler explores what happens when our terror of death collides with the technological imperatives of medicine. Her provocative thesis is that modern medicine, in its pursuit of maximum longevity, often creates more suffering than it prevents." 长期照顾不能自理的病人的病人家人，要小心自己不要抑郁，微信读书上也有日本的社会纪实书：”看护杀人：走投无路的家人的自白“，关于这个situation引出的问题的。 而的确，在”Knocking on Heaven''s Door / 伪善的医疗“这本书最后，书中照顾丈夫的妻子（作者的母亲）， 已经出现了虐待丈夫的行为。这本书里提出的问题是，当病人的身体被医疗苟延残喘而增长时，却没有了自理能力，最后只是越来越重的不能承担之重的照顾的重担落在家人身上，而家人也扛不下去了。书中的丈夫去世一年多后，妻子也得癌症去世了，而妻子没有选择治疗，而是hospiece care. 老年痴呆后，人的性格/行为会变得非常不一样，比如各种反常行为，以前不骂人的人可以变得自私，爱骂人什么的。
PiuPIU2020 发表于 2023-11-20 22:37
Being Mortal那本书里曾经提过，身为医生，面对患者几乎总是往最乐观的方向说，夸大治疗的效果和自己的医术。如果一开始医生就把手术的后遗症副作用给病人强调，病人也许会选择不同的道路。这不是因为医生品德坏，而是人性使然。面对绝症，总想再试一下，不想放弃。而实际结果往往不是预想的情况。这个人的母亲是因为见到了父亲的痛苦经历所以才拒绝手术，如果没有这段经历，估计也会听医生的话。 Being Mortal里面的作者作为医生也有反思，就是医生的目标就是治疗患者，但是这个目标是否考虑过患者的生活质量，是否和患者的利益相冲突，值得思考。
🔥 最新回帖
理解你，去年的这个时候我在焦急地等待3面。。。最后，成功拿到offer
现在不疼了。我们觉得可能她血变厚，手部有blood clot , 所以疼。后面做透析，血块通了。估计不疼了
🛋️ 沙发板凳
没有太多有用的信息，就纯感叹吧。 希望大家多多的bless,争取能拿 到offer，增加点收入。给我们压抑的生活增添一点点光。
婆婆这个病，感觉也不是说家庭医生给错药。应该就是年龄大，身体其实已经非常脆弱，稍微有一点外来的作用，健康就被tip off，而且没有任何纠错能力了。肾脏可能只能勉强处理本来的日常，不管吃了什么需要肾来代谢的药物，都经受不住了。所以楼主也不用想，如果当初不怎样，现在就怎样。人到了年纪，身体经常就是说垮就垮了。
可能人到中年最近我也不时会想到这些问题，以后如果是我们到了这地步应该如何去面对。人总有病痛或者老了的那天，看别人时可能总能冷静客观的去看待，轮到自己时呢？！谁又能不怕不迷惘不想挣扎一下呢
我婆婆手疼之前打了第三针疫苗，我也忘记是Moderna, 还是辉瑞了。当时有一个医生觉得是疫苗副作用，我自己也觉得，就是年纪大了，任何一点点外力，就触发了某些东西，身体就垮下来了。
我自己现在想着，以后不拖累孩子。真到那个时候，不好说。
推荐一本书给你和你老公, 也许对你们的elderly care situation 会有启发和帮助. 书是visionary memoir： "Knocking on Heaven''s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death“ by Katy Butler. 微信读书上有中文版的，叫“伪善的医疗：医疗的限度与更好的告别”，下面是书的简介：
“Katy Butler was living thousands of miles from her vigorous and self-reliant parents when the call came: a crippling stroke had left her proud seventy-nine-year-old father unable to fasten a belt or complete a sentence. Tragedy at first drew the family closer: her mother devoted herself to caregiving, and Butler joined the twenty-four million Americans helping shepherd parents through their final declines.
Then doctors outfitted her father with a pacemaker, keeping his heart going but doing nothing to prevent his six-year slide into dementia, near-blindness, and misery. When he told his exhausted wife, “I’m living too long,” mother and daughter were forced to confront a series of wrenching moral questions. When does death stop being a curse and become a blessing? Where is the line between saving a life and prolonging a dying? When do you say to a doctor, “Let my loved one go?”
When doctors refused to disable the pacemaker, condemning her father to a prolonged and agonizing death, Butler set out to understand why. Her quest had barely begun when her mother took another path. Faced with her own grave illness, she rebelled against her doctors, refused open-heart surgery, and met death head-on.
With a reporter’s skill and a daughter’s love, Butler explores what happens when our terror of death collides with the technological imperatives of medicine. Her provocative thesis is that modern medicine, in its pursuit of maximum longevity, often creates more suffering than it prevents."
长期照顾不能自理的病人的病人家人，要小心自己不要抑郁，微信读书上也有日本的社会纪实书：”看护杀人：走投无路的家人的自白“，关于这个situation引出的问题的。
而的确，在”Knocking on Heaven''s Door / 伪善的医疗“这本书最后，书中照顾丈夫的妻子（作者的母亲）， 已经出现了虐待丈夫的行为。这本书里提出的问题是，当病人的身体被医疗苟延残喘而增长时，却没有了自理能力，最后只是越来越重的不能承担之重的照顾的重担落在家人身上，而家人也扛不下去了。书中的丈夫去世一年多后，妻子也得癌症去世了，而妻子没有选择治疗，而是hospiece care.
老年痴呆后，人的性格/行为会变得非常不一样，比如各种反常行为，以前不骂人的人可以变得自私，爱骂人什么的。
确实是这样，最多我婆婆的cousins 能搭个手。我们也没其他人帮忙。
谢谢分享。有机会看一下。确实是非常影响我老公的心理状态。我有关注他心理这方面。如果有必要，也是叫他去看心理医生。
如果心理医生给他开药，让他药不能停呢？ 那他（多少年后）会走上药物副作用伤害，兴许和你婆婆kindey failure 一样的路吗？
我家这里的亲戚有大学生，高中时候开始抑郁，有自残行为。现在psychiatrist 开了5 种药给这个孩子，吃了好几年了。这孩子现在，药不能停，不然就睡不着觉。而且，药还造成这个孩子的mental capacity/ decision making sensiblity 受到影响。
不是头疼医头，脚疼医脚吧？ 问题的根在哪里，不要over estimate 自己，然后burn out 到 irreversible damage, pass the point of no return？
Nursing home有透析服务吗？如果有还是一个不错的选择。
谢谢你的关注点和提醒。
谢谢，nursing home 会接送做透析。但是各种医生的appt 还是要自己管的。不过nursing home 有医生的。除非需要看specialist
不客气 :)
Bless
谢谢，希望我们都能拿到offer.
我公公当时去nursing home 的时候，大概一万不到一点一个月。第一个月自己付，然后保险kicked in, Medicare 大概付一半左右，他有 long term care 保险， 后面自己没出多少。我婆婆的保险跟我公公一样。她自己也有钱。奈何她自己不肯去。
Being Mortal那本书里曾经提过，身为医生，面对患者几乎总是往最乐观的方向说，夸大治疗的效果和自己的医术。如果一开始医生就把手术的后遗症副作用给病人强调，病人也许会选择不同的道路。这不是因为医生品德坏，而是人性使然。面对绝症，总想再试一下，不想放弃。而实际结果往往不是预想的情况。这个人的母亲是因为见到了父亲的痛苦经历所以才拒绝手术，如果没有这段经历，估计也会听医生的话。 Being Mortal里面的作者作为医生也有反思，就是医生的目标就是治疗患者，但是这个目标是否考虑过患者的生活质量，是否和患者的利益相冲突，值得思考。
谢谢祝福。也祝你感恩节快乐！
本来有护士每周来的，我婆婆经常取消，然后不配合护士。她不喜欢有人来家里。所以，现在保险都不cover home visit 护士了。但是如果hospice 的护士，就会cover。所以也不可能请长期看护。她就是不想有陌生人来家里，她也不会配合。
都好难,祝福楼主一家
老人以前身体真好啊,竟然没有看过家庭医生
Bless bless