因为重教育送小孩读私立没啥不对的。 但办教育、重视教育的人，觉得自己模式好，就应该多推广，make it more accessible。强调自己的exclusive access to resources，听着怪怪的。 我比较感兴趣是私立做得好的地方，有什么可以推广到local公立的，学区做不了的话，PTA可以做什么怎么做。我们这里有公校也开始adopt一些实验性私立的concept，有的公校PTA在学校开辟了maker space，似乎是印度家长做的，我觉得人家是真心为子女教育操心做实事。 办教育本身是个散财的事情，有人把送小孩接受教育跟买奢侈品比较，那么办教育是奢侈品生意？唏嘘。
因为重教育送小孩读私立没啥不对的。 但办教育、重视教育的人，觉得自己模式好，就应该多推广，make it more accessible。强调自己的exclusive access to resources，听着怪怪的。 我比较感兴趣是私立做得好的地方，有什么可以推广到local公立的，学区做不了的话，PTA可以做什么怎么做。我们这里有公校也开始adopt一些实验性私立的concept，有的公校PTA在学校开辟了maker space，似乎是印度家长做的，我觉得人家是真心为子女教育操心做实事。 办教育本身是个散财的事情，有人把送小孩接受教育跟买奢侈品比较，那么办教育是奢侈品生意？唏嘘。
heyykitty0 发表于 2022-09-10 14:18
实话实说，有些私校project based learning，并不适合公校。pbl是为了好的更好，前提得是好的，而且家长得盯住大纲，自己在家查漏补缺，当然好的本身就算要补也花不了太多时间。普娃在公校用pbl，相当坑。我这边有公校pbl，效果就是，要么早早转去gt，要么到了初中考不上gt。 公校pta能做的，募捐请个音乐老师，请个西班牙语老师，鼓动学校参加点趣味数学竞赛，把afterschool做好，搞出几个sports team，也就够了
回复 91楼wacxg的帖子 Asian American Student Suicide Rate at MIT is Quadruple the National Average – Reappropriate
My findings were alarming: 19 of the last student deaths by suicide on the MIT campus occurred in the last 15 years. 8 of them — or 42% — involved Asian American students.
Table: MIT’s Asian American Students, Death By SuicideDate of DeathName9/23/2014Phoebe Wang, ’1610/25/2012Heng ‘Nikita’ Guo, graduate10/24/2012Satto Tonegawa, ’146/2/2009Han Duy Nguyen, graduate2/28/2005Zhenxiu Mao, graduate5/7/2004Bhuwan Singh, graduate12/5/2003Daniel S. Mun, ’054/14/2000Elizabeth Shin, ’02 (cause of death controversial)
Why Are Young Asian Americans Killing Themselves? (uscstoryspace.com) WHY ARE YOUNG ASIAN AMERICANS KILLING THEMSELVES? SOCIAL PRESSURES, IDENTITY ISSUES AND MENTAL HEALTH TABOOS PLAY ROLES BY DONGYAO NIE Katherine Tong sat in the church pew listening to a eulogy delivered by a father who lost his son to suicide. She thought, "Thank God our family is OK." (If your video does not display, click here.) What she didn't expect was that six months later, her stepson Evan Tong ended his life in his own room saturated with carbon monoxide. He was only 17. She knew he was depressed, but quickly dismissed any worries that he would take his own life. "No, he will never do that," the mother told herself the moment when the idea flashed through her head. For the Tong family, like so many in the Asian community, suicide and mental illness had been far away from them. In fact, they didn't talk about it. But the silence is costing young lives. While Asian young people don't have a higher suicide rate than the overall national rate, the number gradually went up, from 2011 to 2015, according to mortality data from the National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Suicide Growth Infogram At the same time, suicide was the leading cause of death among Asian American young people, ages 20 to 24, in 2015. Suicide accounts for about one-third of deaths in this age group, the highest for all races. By comparison, the number of white people, ages 20-24, who died from suicide was 19 percent; Latino males, 15.3 percent; Latino females, 16.2 percent; and blacks, 8.1 percent. Asian American Young People Suicide Data Infogram Social science experts and educators blame the high number on cultural stigmas and social pressures, which start at home but are spread across society. Asian American young people have long been labeled as one of the most well-educated and high-achieving groups in the United States. Besides the anxiety to gain academic and professional achievements, they suffer from insecure feelings about their identity, discrimination and conflicts between traditional Eastern and the Western perspectives. At the same time, cultural stigmas and lack of understanding about mental health in Asian families and the community prevent young people from seeking help. Asian American experts and mental-health advocates are trying to educate the Asian community about suicide prevention and overcoming a reluctance to seek help. "Mental Health should not been seen any differently than physical health," said psychological therapist Sandra Yi-Lopez who provides Korean language counseling services in Los Angeles. Larissa Lam talks about the identity issue that many Asian Americans are facing. I WAS TORN APART Eric Lu was a typical "golden" child in Asian parents' mind before sliding into a deep depression and harboring suicidal thoughts in 2014. He studied at Harvard University, earned admission to the medical school, and appeared ready to embark on a promising career as a doctor. Lu was born in Taiwan and moved to Texas with his parents when he was 3 years old. Like many other second-generation Asian American children, he learned traditional Asian values from his family that conflicted with American perspectives he gained from his peers at school and society. "I don't think growing up I really tried to develop my own sense of identity until much later." Luke said. He said he tried to be flexible and "learned to just fit into whatever the prevailing mindset was." And that strategy usually worked, whether home with his family or at school, which was predominantly white. Eric Lu. (Photo Courtesy of Eric Lu) Neither he nor his immigrant parents expected this "dual identity" would one day lead him to a severe depression or even an ideation to abandon his life. It was in his first year at Harvard Medical School that he first started to develop his "own self:" He found out his passion - film making, and decided to take a leave from medical school to pursue his goal of becoming a filmmaker. His parents fiercely pushed back. They could not accept that their son would take the chance to abandon the glory he already achieved and bet on an unstable career. During Eric's two years' leave of absence in Los Angeles, the family had "two to three hours' fight every day" about his career choice. His parents, he said, threatened to kick him out of the family and cut off financial support. "I felt very torn ... very sad, very angry, very conflicted, very devastated." "The only one time I was disobedient to them and went against them was this time," the Ivy League graduate said. "I've always been very obedient. I played the violin, I did well at SAT and I went to Harvard. Every step of the way, I check off the box they were holding me to." He finally gave in to his parents and returned to Boston to continue his studies at the medical school in 2014. Soon after that he slipped into deep depression. He shut himself in his room, started failing classes. And things got worse. For more than a month, he kept thinking about jumping off the balcony of his 17th-floor apartment. Though extreme, Lu's experience represents common anxieties among Asian American students to gain professional achievements. The book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua, a Chinese American mother, gained wide attention for her Asian-style obsessive parenting methods that pushed her children to high levels of achievements. Now, some seven years after the Tiger Mom fever, young Asians still suffer mental stress caused by the pressure to be academically outstanding. A recent study by psychology scholars at Indiana University compares circumstances before suicides among Asian Americans and whites. It found that school problems are twice likely to be the contributing factor for suicides among Asian American and Pacific Islanders under age 25, than for white young people. Professor Y. Joel Wong, who led the study, said the result is related to a "family perfectionism," meaning parents and children place high expectations on academic success. Many times, however, the pressures come from not only the Asian community, but from the outside world. The "model minority" myth, which perceives Asian people as hard-working, best-educated and well-paid achievers among their peers in other ethnic groups, is one of the most prevalent stereotypes facing Asian Americans, especially second-generation, young Asians. Such labels are also tied to Asian students as being quiet, obedient and weak in dealing with social relations. "It became a thing that you're never allowed to fail. Even when you do succeed, nobody thinks you're worthy of a celebration." said George Qiao, a Harvard senior and Chinese American mental health advocate. He believes the model minority prejudice fosters tensions and self-doubt among Asian American young people, like him and his Asian friends. Qiao was a straight-A student in a public high school in Los Angeles, where his extraordinary achievements were thought to be a "predestined" by his race. "When I was in high school, I didn't feel proud of anything," said Qiao, "Because people will say like, 'Oh, you aced all tests? It's because you're an Asian.' Then what are you supposed to be proud of?" The experience resonates with Katherine Xie, a senior at Cornell university who had depression and suicidal attempts during her high school years. Xie said she came through a lot of exterior mental pressures, from the perspectives from her non-Asian peers and portraits by the media: "We're almost like robot in a way" - extremely smart, extremely hard-working, but not being able to share or even have their personal emotions. The preconceived, wrongly shaped "identity" can be fragile and destructive. Once an individual doesn't succeed in academics or realizes scholarly accomplishments alone do not establish value in the society, a sense of self and identity are shattered. "That became more devastating to Asian students than white Americans," said Wong. Amid the identity mist and stereotypes, many young Asian Americans feel a strong sense of isolation and insecurity that distances them from the society. "It's common for Asian Americans to feel insecure ... There is a wall separating me from the white Americans. At the same time, I have abandoned a lot of the heritage that I should have had," Qiao said. Larissa Lam, a Chinese American singer and a host for a motivational talk show, UTalk, with programming that encourages young adults in the U.S. to discuss life issues, said she saw many Asian American teenagers suffering emotional distress from the loneliness. "Feeling the pressure of both sides of not being quite American enough and not being quite Asian enough." Lam said: "The loneliness, or not fitting in, or belonging, place in their mental health." A scene from the movie "Looking for Luke," which follows a death of a Harvard Chinese American student. A DEEP SILENCE When Xie overdosed and ended up in the hospital four days before her high school graduation, she had already endured four years of depression. She wasn't conscious of the possible consequence at that time, "I didn't really think that I'm gonna die," she said, "I just didn't have any healthy way to cope with these extreme feelings at that time." She remembers first telling parents about her internal distress, as a 14 year old. She asked for their permission to get medical treatment, but the thought of it irritated her parents. "It's not real. Get over it." The Chinese immigrant couple told her. They were angry and disappointed that their child could not handle challenges and hardship on her own. The family never spoke of her mental health problems again. Instead, Xie tried her best to control her emotions, as her parents suggested. She disguised herself well in front of others. She maintained a 4.0 GPA in school, won national awards and got admitted to Cornell University. But the depression persisted. She cut herself as a way to transfer emotional pain to physical pain and turned to dependence on pills that nearly took her life. Xie shared her story in the Mighty, an online magazine, in 2016. Her article got more than 2,000 likes and young Asians left comments about their struggles engaging their families in productive conversations.
Mental Health educator Christopher June is doing outreach in Los Angeles' Koreatown. "How many times have I brought up needing help and have only shown signs of struggling and I'm met with, 'Oh you'll be fine,'" one comment read. The reluctance to discuss mental health and to seek professional treatment is prevalent within Asian families and the community. "If this is culturally unacceptable to talk about, it is very dangerous," said Sandra Yi-Lopez, a psychological therapist of Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services, a non-profit organization that offers mental health support in the United States. She says it's common for young people to rely on drugs and alcohol to cope with mental problems when they are unable to express their feelings. "Especially when drinking is appropriate in a culture; for example, the Korean culture." The refusal to listen and attempt to understand a child's mental struggles is not a simple case of a distant parent-child relationship. Rather it's a sign of a taboo deeply rooted in values shared by the Asian American community. ASIANS' SILENCE ON MENTAL HEALTH A mother who lost her son to suicide and a community educator try to break the silence that takes away young lives. (If your video does not display, click here.) The silence is a coping mechanism of Asian immigrants who sacrificed a great deal to come to the United States and overcame hardships. Their experiences reinforce the values of endurance and resilience. "Seeking mental health treatment is regarded as a kind of character flaw." Xie said. The "saving face" culture, a ubiquitous desire to gain social respect in the Asian community, is another reason for silence. "Don't air your dirty laundry in the public" is a warning many Asian children hear from their parents. It is considered rude to share negative feelings and mental distress as well as to ask about an Asian's mental health, which causes someone to "lose face." What's more devastating is the strong shame and stigma that suicide sticks to Asian culture. Katherine Tong, the Chinese mother, said the family lost friends ever since her son Evan killed himself. "They just didn't want to associate with us, because they think this problem could rub off on their family." As a result, many families and individuals hide the feelings. They don't go to a counseling or get professional treatment. For young people who are suffering mental distress, this is fatal.
争那么久，有啥好争的？我就奇怪说不好的家长，有几个是送孩子去了私校的？有过体验的？读与不读，给孩子花的教育的钱，只有适合不适合，没有好不好。
说的直白，一直贬低私校的人，要么就花不起那钱，或者舍不得花那个钱，还有就是就像有人提到，没有进入自己想进入的私校，就贬低它。
人读的起私校舍得给娃花这个钱的，这些不懂的人（指特定这部喷子）就不要不懂装懂在边上指指点点的啦。到了美国，还有人把读藤校就认为是成功的，作为父母先摆正自己的人生观。
我娃就读的私校，我就对娃期望不是藤校，前30名就行。人生路很长，藤校不是唯一。我就希望我娃开心，有健康阳光的心态和人生观，有好的环境和好的习惯。
我周围的朋友，和我说读公校多划算，一样可以去藤校，我很为他们高兴。最适合就是最好的。 还有的人会用读了私校还去不了藤校，觉得读私校的钱太亏了，其实真是想多了… 人读私校很多家里不差钱，不会用对孩子能不能去藤校或者花钱划算不划算来衡量。像我这种差钱的，住的学区公校就是最好的，都愿意送娃去私校，我更看重这个过程我娃的收获，为孩子花的钱我都不心疼，我花自己赚的钱，我想怎么花怎么花。😂
我身边私校的家长，都会说公校的优势，但是你问他们愿意把娃送回公校吗？答案是，no. 还是要送私校。很多细节和优势，你只有读了，你才懂。
现在好私校也不好进，费用也高，不是所有人都承担的起，在这讨论这个是否划算，我看就不适合。 能读好私校，很多是不差钱的主，都不傻，都是人精，是不会纠结是否划算。
现实生活，很多人在我面前说公校的好，自己不差钱，所以不去私校，还有人在我面前挑剔私校的不好，那种心态我太理解，我都是笑着礼貌回答“最适合就是最好的！”
🔥 最新回帖
也不能这么说，私校也有不少工薪阶层的孩子，特别是华人孩子很多人都是自己省吃俭用供孩子读书，最开始对于去不去大家都纠结，毕竟学费不便宜。都是去了以后才觉得这个学费花的值。
+1顶你
re这个 不过大家多多客观理智地讨论 分享也是很不错的 当然 客观理智说起来容易做起来难
任何花钱如果让你觉得纠结的，那就是不合适，不管是私校还是买别的东西，都是这个理。真的合适你的，你心里会很坚定，不会犹豫。
🛋️ 沙发板凳
别人说东你说西，你高兴就好。
私校的钱比公校的多多少？
公校不是有政府投资吗？
按照楼主标准 得远超才能有好效果啊。
我们附近公校平均十多万工资 私校多少钱？
量个捐款收据绝对更有说服力
那你知道有多少人是住顶级学区送私校吗？
。
可能某些地方是这样，但是上过私校的人就知道，没几个家里是住着烂区来咬牙付学费的，基本都既住着最好学区也付着私校学费的。
把大部分去掉，我身边读私校的全部是好学区
我这个之前晒过很多。当然大家还是冷嘲热讽，晒这种真的没什么意思。特别是华人上现在说啥都用个公马，感觉很多人非常尊重自己的隐私还不尊重别人的隐私。 但是本着我有一说一的原则，我还是坚持我老实人的做人方式。
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公校和私校就好比ucsd和哈佛。什么钱不钱的，孩子去上不自杀就好了。你一心盯着那几毛钱，家里悲剧才纳闷多。
赞公益 你现在几个娃都在公校么
我只有一个娃。在公校。
所以我说了，你可能没理解，家长只按划算不划算，肯定不适合读私校，也不会读私校，但是有些读好私校的家庭是不看划算不划算，大家都是成年人，自己悟吧。
孩子的从小的眼界和环境也会影响孩子的，bill gates，Zuckerberg都是私校。也有读私校，按华人标准“混”的很差。😂 一句话，别人家的孩子如何读，是否划算，别人自己最知道，千万别以为有钱人傻😂，我们还是傻傻指点别人傻。 我一个朋友一个项目，孩子好朋友家长很喜欢，直接投资，赚的钱，所有学费都只是个数字。
我也不屑和你这样的人为伍啊，这么狭隘，我最怕和你这样的人来往，你想太多了！😂
这些家长可能也跟你一样的心态，就是不想看到你们这些人
教育理念不一样的是不要凑在一起，选私校还是公校基于理念的考虑应该大于对学费的ROI计算。
我知道一个娃每年申请某顶私（也不是说顶私，但是确实挺难进的学校），好几年申请不上，然后家长诋毁那个学校。。。
其实啥也证明不了。 而且钱十有八九是贪污腐败来的。
这真是你愿意相信自己相信的
好区顶公的家长也有很多VP，SD以及VC的投资人，关键还是孩子自身的素质+各家的教育理念。不要把自己看到的当成全世界
天，不管是对谁，这样说就恶意酸葡萄了吧，光所有人熟悉的硅谷码农里面就大把靠自己就清清白白财务自由送的起顶级私校的啊
1，动不动就是没钱才送公校，送不起就酸送得起的，其实心里羡慕得不得了 —— 感觉是在用自己的心态揣摩别人，这想法就特别俗气，没啥见识
2，私校同学有钱，素质高，加入他们就会成为他们 —— no comment
我相信只有非常小的部分私校家长是这种类型的，所以才会拿买包来比喻上私校，其他大部分家长更看重的还是教育质量和体验，单纯为孩子找一个合适的学习环境。
至少做个人吧，为了贬低别人脸都不要了
但是教育恰恰就不是这样的东西，人的培养，从来就不是能明码标价的
如果读私校的家长大部分都是这种越贵越值的心态，那么真的就没必要去了，这个圈子不行。但是幸好，只有小部分人是这样，大部分家长都是高素质的
你不喜欢人家， 人家还瞧不上你呢， 别太把自己当根葱， 没人在乎你喜欢谁不喜欢，我原文写的很清楚，‘ 贬低上私校的人和家庭’。首先， 你自己都没经历，站在这里指指点点贬低别人的人， 说明你自己就狭隘，心理阴暗。 人家送孩子去哪里上学， 关你啥事？ 用你的钱？你不觉得你说的话很幼稚，把自己当成个笑话在这里show给大家看？ 原文哪里说了， 没钱才去公校？ 你的中文理解你好意思说你是高知？还在这类偷换概念给我拉仇恨？ 原文哪里说了，私校素质高， 加入他们就会成为他们这种错误荒谬的理解？ 但是有一点你说的没错， 我是见过很多有素质的孩子和家长，你这样的真没见过。
我最不喜欢某些公校家长这么想送私校的家长，因为压根儿就不是这么回事儿
现在好私校也不好进，费用也高，不是所有人都承担的起，承担的犹犹豫豫的，纠结这个是否划算，我看就不适合。 能读好私校，很多是不差钱的主，都不傻，都是人精，是不会纠结是否划算。
很多人在我面前说公校的好，自己不差钱，所以不去私校，还有人在我面前挑剔私校的不好，那种心态我太理解，我都是笑着礼貌回答“最适合就是最好的！”
—— lz原文吧
孩子不错的话，住在东区就没必要了，怪远的。娃每天commute，还不如多睡一会。西边不得不拼一把，公校实在太烂了，真送不下去
还是那句话，公校私校各有好处，每家人根据自身情况做的决定，就是最优的决定。大家在这里分享各自的体会和想法，不是要说明谁更优越，而是给网上小娃的父母们做个参考，加个数据点罢了。
捐款是可以免税的啊
确实是这样， 这里上私立的，都不是东部那十所顶斯高中的，还在出来炫耀有钱。我20年前看NBA姚鲨战做球场第一排就两张一万美金了，球票在mitbbs都放过，不服的我可以再放一次。。。
圈子行不行， 说实话，你都不在，进不了某些圈子， 你觉得你有发言权在这里贴label 指指点点，说别人圈子不行？ 真是见识了什么叫自以为是。
炫耀有钱？ 有钱人太多了， 我原文说了， 我差钱， 但是我就是愿意送我娃去私校，他很喜欢， 我也很喜欢， 适合就是最好的。有问题吗？我确实看到很多没有读私校，在这里大放厥词， 诋毁都私校的人和家庭， 我才忍不住发言。
炫个球票就牛B，那你真是个大牛， 满足了吧？幼稚。
妈呀，这有些额不可思议。强烈要求晒每年捐款让我们也涨涨见识
对啊
哈哈，炫耀上了不是顶斯还自以为进了"高级“圈子的才是幼稚吧。。。以下是楼主原话
”圈子行不行， 说实话，你都不在，进不了某些圈子， 你觉得你有发言权在这里贴label 指指点点，说别人圈子不行？ 真是见识了什么叫自以为是。“
亚裔不止两个，
好友的家人刚从LS毕业。
对啊，我也奇怪，我也被他们绕道钱上了，哈哈，东部十所顶斯高中都要考试。。。不过基本是boarding school， 很多有钱人，或是成绩剧好的，也不希望小孩太早住校。。。。
我声明哈，我差钱，我也纠结划算不划算。你没必要觉得送了私校的人会觉得没送的在酸他们，我很羡慕没送的。我想要一个吃好睡好性格开朗大大咧咧学习一般就行的娃，好养啊。但是摊上了个饭渣睡渣性格多变锱铢必较就学习还凑合事儿的，公校确实暂时不太合适。我没觉得送私校就怎么样，别人跟我说congrats我都发懵，明明是我钱包出血了有啥congrats的。 另外吧，如果明知道对方孩子送私校，然后非得说公校好私校不好，那确实素质有点问题，不会好好说话。
就是啊。当年孩子pre-k申请，面试完孩子，还面试家长。比找工作都正式
也许是每年扩收的名额是亚裔两个，如此k收两个，一年级收两个，加起来亚裔总数还是有好几个的。 我朋友家娃考一个顶私的高中，当时亚裔比例已满，后来突然多出一个亚裔男娃名额，他就进去了，运气特别好。
同意， 一好友和一熟人都把娃送入好特殊公高，小私立没有IB和AP多种外语课。
“”人的培养，从来就不是能明码标价的“”
恰恰相反，教育就是明码实价
他们家倒不是贪污来的，男人搞金融的。只是那未层主改不了爱显摆的性格，多少年以前在这就是了，这里讨论公校私校，她非要插进去自己捐款多少多少，颇有姐早以置身于你们这群还在讨论私校公校性价比的傻逼之上的姿态，你们这群读私校的捐款也未必如老娘这么阔绰吧。
还保留着20年前的门票，说明对你是人生最高光的时刻了。。平时头等舱吗？
这个没问题吧，楼主说上不了私立是没钱，她说不是，别人问她捐款证据，她才贴的。。。。
当年湖人的第一排看了有10场了，留下部分有意义的球票，有问题吗？？？
你没看清楚， 我再回复某人自以为是说的私校圈子不行，提到圈子， 我才回复圈子？不要断章取义， 也不要你觉得加个‘高级’，就贴上是我说的。我不接。 我只会说圈子会不同， 但不会说谁比谁高级。
Zuckerberg 是高中第二年才从公立转到顶私的。
美国资本主义国家，任何东西都是一分钱一分货，大众也认同。
是啊，上面那个坚决不送私校的层主不要那么想不开啊，美国是所有国家最看重金钱和权利的国家了。咱们从小课本上教的铜臭资本家就属美国最明显啊
这种顶尖私校，很难进，有些从小学开始的， 家长们都争破头， 更不用说高二才进，他一定有非常优秀的地方。
他去的这间只有高中部。
Covid前open house去看的时候,进了几个正上课的班级里各听几分钟,大概看了比例:每班必有一个黑人,一个东亚人.可能也有其它Asian不好分辩是印度or南美. 总之,控制了race ratio.
唯一问题就是没challenge, 学校太简单
实话实说，有些私校project based learning，并不适合公校。pbl是为了好的更好，前提得是好的，而且家长得盯住大纲，自己在家查漏补缺，当然好的本身就算要补也花不了太多时间。普娃在公校用pbl，相当坑。我这边有公校pbl，效果就是，要么早早转去gt，要么到了初中考不上gt。 公校pta能做的，募捐请个音乐老师，请个西班牙语老师，鼓动学校参加点趣味数学竞赛，把afterschool做好，搞出几个sports team，也就够了
你家厉害，东区这么卷还没challenge
是不是说，如果很有钱，私校的学费对家庭是“洒洒水”，那就送去私校了？因为反正对家庭没什么影响？
这话很Mean， 暗指公校不快乐。
亚裔在私校自杀很多， 显然从快乐来讲， 私校不如公校。
数据呢？很多是多少？从来没听说过私校自杀率高。
Asian American Student Suicide Rate at MIT is Quadruple the National Average – Reappropriate
My findings were alarming: 19 of the last student deaths by suicide on the MIT campus occurred in the last 15 years. 8 of them — or 42% — involved Asian American students.
Table: MIT’s Asian American Students, Death By SuicideDate of DeathName9/23/2014Phoebe Wang, ’1610/25/2012Heng ‘Nikita’ Guo, graduate10/24/2012Satto Tonegawa, ’146/2/2009Han Duy Nguyen, graduate2/28/2005Zhenxiu Mao, graduate5/7/2004Bhuwan Singh, graduate12/5/2003Daniel S. Mun, ’054/14/2000Elizabeth Shin, ’02 (cause of death controversial)
大部分私校家长家境富裕，不需要从公校娃家长身上寻求优越感；还有一些私校娃家长刚刚跨越了阶级从低到高的转变，特别容易从公校娃家长上找到优越感？亦或是在智慧前瞻层面上，亦或是在经济层面上，亦或兼而有之。。。
寻求优越感是所有人的共性，所以我就这么一说，别拍我。我是送不起私校的家长，我怂，我要好好赚钱，实现阶级飞跃，送娃去适合他的私校。恩，就酱紫。。。
这是你错误的的解读。等于我如果在你面前说林青霞张柏芝是大美女，你是不是也会解读为我暗指你是个丑八怪？
我整篇没有提到过任何有关公校的意见，因为我对公校一点也不了解。我只是想通过自己作为父母还有孩子的体验给对私校感兴趣的家长提供一些讯息，也许可以帮助越来越多的华人父母和小孩可以享受到更好求学体验。
我自己是国内顶尖公校出来的，孩子没上学之前也都从来没有考虑过私校，幸运的是有经验的朋友推荐私校才为孩子选择了私校的教育。很简单的打个比方，就是如果你在一家不错的餐厅享受到了好的服务，吃到了好吃的菜，你也会想推荐给其他爱吃的朋友，对不对？
你看了半天就觉得lz的意思是之选牌子和贵的？
说得好像别人没有读过顶尖大学似的。 你根本不懂公立的好， 就不要吹嘘私立了。 没有对比还说个啥啊。 我在国内顶尖， 在美国一般， 不过我据了所谓的ivy选择了州立。
私立物质条件是好， 锻炼人就算了吧。
WHY ARE YOUNG ASIAN AMERICANS KILLING THEMSELVES?
SOCIAL PRESSURES, IDENTITY ISSUES AND MENTAL HEALTH TABOOS PLAY ROLES BY DONGYAO NIE Katherine Tong sat in the church pew listening to a eulogy delivered by a father who lost his son to suicide. She thought, "Thank God our family is OK."
(If your video does not display, click here.) What she didn't expect was that six months later, her stepson Evan Tong ended his life in his own room saturated with carbon monoxide. He was only 17. She knew he was depressed, but quickly dismissed any worries that he would take his own life. "No, he will never do that," the mother told herself the moment when the idea flashed through her head. For the Tong family, like so many in the Asian community, suicide and mental illness had been far away from them. In fact, they didn't talk about it. But the silence is costing young lives. While Asian young people don't have a higher suicide rate than the overall national rate, the number gradually went up, from 2011 to 2015, according to mortality data from the National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Suicide Growth Infogram At the same time, suicide was the leading cause of death among Asian American young people, ages 20 to 24, in 2015. Suicide accounts for about one-third of deaths in this age group, the highest for all races. By comparison, the number of white people, ages 20-24, who died from suicide was 19 percent; Latino males, 15.3 percent; Latino females, 16.2 percent; and blacks, 8.1 percent.
Asian American Young People Suicide Data Infogram Social science experts and educators blame the high number on cultural stigmas and social pressures, which start at home but are spread across society. Asian American young people have long been labeled as one of the most well-educated and high-achieving groups in the United States. Besides the anxiety to gain academic and professional achievements, they suffer from insecure feelings about their identity, discrimination and conflicts between traditional Eastern and the Western perspectives. At the same time, cultural stigmas and lack of understanding about mental health in Asian families and the community prevent young people from seeking help. Asian American experts and mental-health advocates are trying to educate the Asian community about suicide prevention and overcoming a reluctance to seek help. "Mental Health should not been seen any differently than physical health," said psychological therapist Sandra Yi-Lopez who provides Korean language counseling services in Los Angeles. Larissa Lam talks about the identity issue that many Asian Americans are facing. I WAS TORN APART Eric Lu was a typical "golden" child in Asian parents' mind before sliding into a deep depression and harboring suicidal thoughts in 2014. He studied at Harvard University, earned admission to the medical school, and appeared ready to embark on a promising career as a doctor. Lu was born in Taiwan and moved to Texas with his parents when he was 3 years old. Like many other second-generation Asian American children, he learned traditional Asian values from his family that conflicted with American perspectives he gained from his peers at school and society. "I don't think growing up I really tried to develop my own sense of identity until much later." Luke said. He said he tried to be flexible and "learned to just fit into whatever the prevailing mindset was." And that strategy usually worked, whether home with his family or at school, which was predominantly white.
Eric Lu. (Photo Courtesy of Eric Lu) Neither he nor his immigrant parents expected this "dual identity" would one day lead him to a severe depression or even an ideation to abandon his life. It was in his first year at Harvard Medical School that he first started to develop his "own self:" He found out his passion - film making, and decided to take a leave from medical school to pursue his goal of becoming a filmmaker. His parents fiercely pushed back. They could not accept that their son would take the chance to abandon the glory he already achieved and bet on an unstable career. During Eric's two years' leave of absence in Los Angeles, the family had "two to three hours' fight every day" about his career choice. His parents, he said, threatened to kick him out of the family and cut off financial support. "I felt very torn ... very sad, very angry, very conflicted, very devastated." "The only one time I was disobedient to them and went against them was this time," the Ivy League graduate said. "I've always been very obedient. I played the violin, I did well at SAT and I went to Harvard. Every step of the way, I check off the box they were holding me to." He finally gave in to his parents and returned to Boston to continue his studies at the medical school in 2014. Soon after that he slipped into deep depression. He shut himself in his room, started failing classes. And things got worse. For more than a month, he kept thinking about jumping off the balcony of his 17th-floor apartment. Though extreme, Lu's experience represents common anxieties among Asian American students to gain professional achievements. The book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua, a Chinese American mother, gained wide attention for her Asian-style obsessive parenting methods that pushed her children to high levels of achievements. Now, some seven years after the Tiger Mom fever, young Asians still suffer mental stress caused by the pressure to be academically outstanding. A recent study by psychology scholars at Indiana University compares circumstances before suicides among Asian Americans and whites. It found that school problems are twice likely to be the contributing factor for suicides among Asian American and Pacific Islanders under age 25, than for white young people. Professor Y. Joel Wong, who led the study, said the result is related to a "family perfectionism," meaning parents and children place high expectations on academic success. Many times, however, the pressures come from not only the Asian community, but from the outside world. The "model minority" myth, which perceives Asian people as hard-working, best-educated and well-paid achievers among their peers in other ethnic groups, is one of the most prevalent stereotypes facing Asian Americans, especially second-generation, young Asians. Such labels are also tied to Asian students as being quiet, obedient and weak in dealing with social relations. "It became a thing that you're never allowed to fail. Even when you do succeed, nobody thinks you're worthy of a celebration." said George Qiao, a Harvard senior and Chinese American mental health advocate. He believes the model minority prejudice fosters tensions and self-doubt among Asian American young people, like him and his Asian friends. Qiao was a straight-A student in a public high school in Los Angeles, where his extraordinary achievements were thought to be a "predestined" by his race. "When I was in high school, I didn't feel proud of anything," said Qiao, "Because people will say like, 'Oh, you aced all tests? It's because you're an Asian.' Then what are you supposed to be proud of?" The experience resonates with Katherine Xie, a senior at Cornell university who had depression and suicidal attempts during her high school years. Xie said she came through a lot of exterior mental pressures, from the perspectives from her non-Asian peers and portraits by the media: "We're almost like robot in a way" - extremely smart, extremely hard-working, but not being able to share or even have their personal emotions. The preconceived, wrongly shaped "identity" can be fragile and destructive. Once an individual doesn't succeed in academics or realizes scholarly accomplishments alone do not establish value in the society, a sense of self and identity are shattered. "That became more devastating to Asian students than white Americans," said Wong. Amid the identity mist and stereotypes, many young Asian Americans feel a strong sense of isolation and insecurity that distances them from the society. "It's common for Asian Americans to feel insecure ... There is a wall separating me from the white Americans. At the same time, I have abandoned a lot of the heritage that I should have had," Qiao said. Larissa Lam, a Chinese American singer and a host for a motivational talk show, UTalk, with programming that encourages young adults in the U.S. to discuss life issues, said she saw many Asian American teenagers suffering emotional distress from the loneliness. "Feeling the pressure of both sides of not being quite American enough and not being quite Asian enough." Lam said: "The loneliness, or not fitting in, or belonging, place in their mental health." A scene from the movie "Looking for Luke," which follows a death of a Harvard Chinese American student. A DEEP SILENCE When Xie overdosed and ended up in the hospital four days before her high school graduation, she had already endured four years of depression. She wasn't conscious of the possible consequence at that time, "I didn't really think that I'm gonna die," she said, "I just didn't have any healthy way to cope with these extreme feelings at that time." She remembers first telling parents about her internal distress, as a 14 year old. She asked for their permission to get medical treatment, but the thought of it irritated her parents. "It's not real. Get over it." The Chinese immigrant couple told her. They were angry and disappointed that their child could not handle challenges and hardship on her own. The family never spoke of her mental health problems again. Instead, Xie tried her best to control her emotions, as her parents suggested. She disguised herself well in front of others. She maintained a 4.0 GPA in school, won national awards and got admitted to Cornell University. But the depression persisted. She cut herself as a way to transfer emotional pain to physical pain and turned to dependence on pills that nearly took her life. Xie shared her story in the Mighty, an online magazine, in 2016. Her article got more than 2,000 likes and young Asians left comments about their struggles engaging their families in productive conversations.
Mental Health educator Christopher June is doing outreach in Los Angeles' Koreatown. "How many times have I brought up needing help and have only shown signs of struggling and I'm met with, 'Oh you'll be fine,'" one comment read. The reluctance to discuss mental health and to seek professional treatment is prevalent within Asian families and the community. "If this is culturally unacceptable to talk about, it is very dangerous," said Sandra Yi-Lopez, a psychological therapist of Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services, a non-profit organization that offers mental health support in the United States. She says it's common for young people to rely on drugs and alcohol to cope with mental problems when they are unable to express their feelings. "Especially when drinking is appropriate in a culture; for example, the Korean culture." The refusal to listen and attempt to understand a child's mental struggles is not a simple case of a distant parent-child relationship. Rather it's a sign of a taboo deeply rooted in values shared by the Asian American community. ASIANS' SILENCE ON MENTAL HEALTH A mother who lost her son to suicide and a community educator try to break the silence that takes away young lives. (If your video does not display, click here.)
The silence is a coping mechanism of Asian immigrants who sacrificed a great deal to come to the United States and overcame hardships. Their experiences reinforce the values of endurance and resilience. "Seeking mental health treatment is regarded as a kind of character flaw." Xie said. The "saving face" culture, a ubiquitous desire to gain social respect in the Asian community, is another reason for silence. "Don't air your dirty laundry in the public" is a warning many Asian children hear from their parents. It is considered rude to share negative feelings and mental distress as well as to ask about an Asian's mental health, which causes someone to "lose face." What's more devastating is the strong shame and stigma that suicide sticks to Asian culture. Katherine Tong, the Chinese mother, said the family lost friends ever since her son Evan killed himself. "They just didn't want to associate with us, because they think this problem could rub off on their family." As a result, many families and individuals hide the feelings. They don't go to a counseling or get professional treatment. For young people who are suffering mental distress, this is fatal.
Do you feel anyone around you is not feeling well? Yes No,but I love to learn more about mental health support That prompted Lu, who already became a filmmaker in 2015, to direct a documentary about suicides in Asian American families. He came across the story of Luke Tang, a Harvard sophomore who surprised all his family and friends by killing himself in September, 2015. Lu said he had much in common with Tang. "Every part, really to every part," he said. "That's why I wanted to tell the story, because I knew that there are a lot of people out there who are like Luke or me. They might not make it out of their suffering." In the 26-minute documentary, "Looking for Luke," Tang's parents endeavored to understand why this happened to their beloved son. By talking to Tang's close friends and reading his journals, the parents gradually realized signals of depression in the last stage of their son's life that could have been identified and treated earlier. Lu hopes with this movie, he can open up a conversations and "give permission or space for people," especially children and their parents, "to talk about deeper, underlined mental distress." Christopher June found Asian young people more open to mental health topics than their parents' generation. A SLOW PROGRESS Since April 2017, the documentary "Looking for Luke" has been brought to at least 19 screenings in 14 cities across the country. Each screening is followed by a discussion and professional counseling services for the community.
Mental health education fliers in Korean language. As Lu expected, the movie helped many Asian American young people and their families to take their first step to cope with mental health and suicide issues. "A lot of them asked me: 'What is depression? How can I help my child with his depression?'" He's planning to bring the movie to more places and even Asian countries like China where suicide is also a hidden secret. Christopher Jun keeps doing one-on-one talks in Koreatown every week. "The Korean community is slowly opening up," Jun said. "Especially for young people." Following Jun's lead, the Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services plans to offer more suicide prevention services in Chinese, Vietnamese and Japanese to fill the need for resources in the Asian American community. The Tong family and the Toh family are working with American Foundation of Suicide Prevention and local suicide prevention groups. They hope that their story can inspire Asian families to cope with mental health with their children. "It is very important that parents express their love. Parents should tell their kids that: I hope you to work hard and do your best as you can, but regardless of how you do, I still love you." Wong suggests. For young Asian Americans, Lam, as a second-generation Chinese American, advises that they embrace both their American-side and the Asian-side identities. "Think of it as a strength not a weakness. Growing up I realized ... we have something special that defines us. I can be a bridge to cultures." And most important, Jun said: "When you are not feeling well, seek help!" If you or someone you know needs help, here are resources: General Crisis Lines: • National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24-hour): 800-273-TALK or 800-273-8255 • Crisis Text Line (24-hour): Text TALK to 741-741 For Asian Americans: Asian LifeNet Hotline: 877-990-8585 (Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, Korean and Fujianese speakers are available) Southern California Resources: • Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services provides multilingual suicide support and mental healthcare. For more information, call 1-888-807-7250 (8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday-Friday). • Find support groups for suicide attempters and survivors of suicide loss near you: https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/find-a-support-group/ ©2018 by DONGYAO NIE
我没觉得读私校会看不起读公校的，我发言， 是看到一些没读私校的喜欢诋毁读私校。 我不会轻易看不起任何人， 读私校根本不能作为看不起人的一丁点理由， 让孩子去读私校公校，都是各人经济能力和意愿的选择， 家长们都不是傻子，都会做对自己孩子最好的事和选择。
但是我确实看不起自己孩子没读私校， 然后指指点点诋毁读私校的人。但是请不要偷换概念说成看不起读公校的人。 简单说， 就是我看不起，自己没去做， 或者做不了，或者说不甚了解，没能力做某件事，还要自以为是对某件事大放厥词，刻意诋毁的人。和读公校私校没有关系。
最后，你说的那句 ‘而且楼主，来美国的华人家长里面觉得读了藤就成功的还真不少。’ 这句话本身不错， 我认同。 但是我觉得你没明白我的意思，我原文说的‘去藤校不是唯一’，意思是想说，没有读藤校，成功的也不少，大学只是人生一个驿站， 人生路很长。