哈佛大学研究:你的另一半,决定了你的阶层

F
Formerly
楼主 (北美华人网)
哈佛大学有一个著名的“格兰特研究”。 该试验耗时76年,跟踪调查了268个人的一生,得出一个结论: 影响人们生活阶层的关键因素,是伴侣。 心理学者乔治·瓦利恩特曾表示: “温暖亲密的关系是美好生活的重要开场白。” 这项研究刷新了很多人的认知,原来生活的好坏与金钱、地位无关。 真正能决定你人生的,是你的另一半。 你的伴侣,决定了你的人生走向 不知道大家有没有发现: 婚姻,就是人与人之间的一道分水岭。 步入婚姻后,你原本的生活或多或少都会发生改变。 有人生活越来越滋润,有人却日子越过越糟糕。 而这一切,都与你的另一半相关。 在豆瓣上看过这么一个故事。 网友@七七是个出身农村,家境一般的姑娘。 经过十几年的苦读和几年在外的打拼,如今过得虽说不算多富裕,但也滋润。 通过朋友介绍,她认识了现在的老公。 两个人相处了一段时间,觉得性格上无大碍,又到了适婚年龄,就结婚了。 原以为幸福的小生活即将启程,哪知道婚后的两年,矛盾蜂拥而至。 她想在假期和朋友一起去周边转转,老公说出去逛要花钱,蜗居在家就挺好。 爸妈好不容易来一趟,她想带他们出去吃点好的,老公却觉得没必要,在家照样能吃饱。 后来,她觉得既然老公总说要攒钱,不如就趁着年轻一起去大城市打拼几年,既能长点见识,又能多赚点钱。 结果,老公不仅觉得当下安逸的日子就挺舒服,还吐槽她都结婚了心还那么野。 无奈,她只能把委屈咽进肚子里。 后来孩子出生,本来是件无比喜悦的事,结果又被各种矛盾冲淡了。 老公平时做饭毫无油水,丝毫没有对产妇的照顾。 甚至在她后来报名瑜伽班,想要恢复身材时,还冷言冷语: “都当妈的人了还臭美,把钱和时间用在娃身上不好吗?” 帖子的最后,她委屈地向大家求助: “我该怎么办,难道我做错了吗?可结婚之前我的生活明明很精彩……” 股神巴菲特说过: “伴侣是人一生中最好的投资,伴侣的好坏,决定了你今后人生的走向。” 说白了,婚姻不单是感情的结合,更是彼此思维、认知、格局以及生活方式的碰撞。 经过长时间的相处,无论你是否愿意,你都会“被迫”融入对方的生活。 你选择什么样的伴侣,就会过上什么样的生活。 图片来源:全景视觉 好的伴侣,帮你突破自己 前段时间,一篇博士致谢妻子的论文走红网络。 写下这篇论文的人,叫仲济涛。他在论文中回忆: 他拿到去南京读博的通知书后,因为与女友异地而忧心忡忡。 在他踌躇不定时,女友放弃了家乡稳定的工作,买了一张去南京的车票,用行动支持他继续深造。 博一时,他们结婚了。 俩人背井离乡,家徒四壁,为烂事操心,为五斗米折腰……在他几次坚持不下去时,妻子都会不断安慰他,鼓励他。 怕他学习枯燥,每逢周末妻子都会去教研室陪他一起读书。 看到别人买车买房,他难过于自己一穷二白时,妻子经常宽慰他: “甭闹心,这些个东西我们早晚都会有的。” 妻子的支持,加上自我耕耘,如今他已是东南大学工学博士、现山东科技大学副教授。 无独有偶。世人皆知,王小波爱李银河如同爱自己的生命。 却不知,没有李银河的坚持,王小波就会被生活埋没。 在王小波落魄时,李银河坚信王小波的写作才华,她说: “小波必须写小说,我不愿意看他荒废自己的文学才能。生计所需的那点儿物质太容易满足,实在不行,我一个人工作也够用了。” 在她的鼓励下,王小波从一个普通工人考上大学。 后来又是她支持40岁的王小波辞去大学教职,全心投入写作,才有了王小波日后轰动文坛的“时代三部曲”。 非常喜欢这么一句话: “你的伴侣,是来帮助你更加认识自己,进而疗愈你的创伤,最终让你不断突破,不断变好。” 深以为然。亲密的关系,永远给你能量,帮你向上。 在你的人生路上,好的伴侣会不断帮你突破自己,与你携手披荆斩棘,抵达人生的更高层次。 图片来源:全景视觉 和谁过,你都要学会渡枕边人 作家刘娜说过一句话: “婚姻从来不是卿卿我我,而是生死之交。” 所谓生死之交,就是在无常的环境里,彼此支撑,砥砺前行。 去年9月,被困1028天的孟晚舟终于回到了祖国。 人们为之欢呼的同时,她的丈夫刘晓棕再一次被大家提及。 具体原因,想必大家已经知道了。 2018年,在孟晚舟被扣留的变故发生后,刘晓棕二话不说便买了张机票,飞去加拿大陪伴妻子。 即便他知道,这是一场没有把握的硬仗,他还是义无反顾地陪妻子熬了近三年。 感动之余,不禁感慨,婚姻其实就是一场彼此共渡。 身处婚姻中的彼此,无论是认知、格局、思维,抑或是情感需求、生活习性、人身安全,双方一旦不在同一水平上,婚姻就有了裂缝,生活也会逐渐拉垮。 唯有彼此互渡,才能不断突破圈层,拥有更好的人生。 《朗读者》曾邀请过这样一对夫妻。 丈夫叫茹振钢,是一名小麦专家。妻子叫原连庄,专门研究大白菜。 结婚的三十年里,他们在各自的领域都有多次重大突破,获得过多种奖项。 而这一切,都始于他们的一个“竞争约定”:谁获奖多,成就高,谁在家就更有话语权。 或许在外人看来,他们是竞争,但只有他们自己知道,这是自己给予对方的激励。 因为在丈夫无助的时候,妻子非但没有埋头赶超,反而不断鼓励让丈夫振作起来。 在妻子确诊癌症后,丈夫也是一次次地照顾、安慰,帮她对抗病魔。 就这样,他们彼此支撑,共渡,最终分别获得了多个科技进步奖项。 婚姻,其实就是一场彼此互助的修行。 要知道,遇到志同道合的伴侣是一种幸运,遇到不如意的伴侣也不必哀伤。 毕竟这世上,永远没有万事顺心的另一半。 余生很长,无论和谁过,你都要不停成长,用你的优势渡对方,用他的长处渡自己。 当你长成挺拔的木棉,就会发现对方也跟着长成了参天橡树。 你们的人生,会因为你们的努力而逐渐向好。 图片来源:全景视觉 巴菲特说过: “你要跟自己希望成为的那种人在一起,才会朝着那个方向迈进;在这个方面,最重要的决定就是在选择伴侣上。” 人这一生,会经历两次重生,一次是出生,另一次则是婚姻。
i
ivoryzz
回复 1楼Formerly的帖子
真的假的 哈佛做这种垃圾研究
h
hhxx89
知音体不灌个哈佛 更没人看了
p
pwwq
你和你的另一半 都读了这个研究报告
是什么效果
m
m口罩sk
谁得奖多谁就有话语权这样的
a
applesauce
以哈佛冠名的很多研究都很可笑呀,不知道哪来这么多邪门的研究成果。
A
Abigail9981
完了,俺们这种没伴侣的人可咋整啊
q
qgp
你们不要嘲笑lz!这个研究真的是有的,只是被翻译成了知音体而已!
z
ziyi99
显然啊1+1=-2的日子太痛苦了
A
Ann2021
挺暖心的文,赞楼主~~
花的懒人料理
门当户对啊。
k
kyky224
回复 11楼花的懒人料理的帖子
门当户对只解决一部分问题。 很多观点冲突也无法解决。
l
lovedarren
前段时间,一篇博士致谢妻子的论文走红网络。 写下这篇论文的人,叫仲济涛。他在论文中回忆: 他拿到去南京读博的通知书后,因为与女友异地而忧心忡忡。 在他踌躇不定时,女友放弃了家乡稳定的工作,买了一张去南京的车票,用行动支持他继续深造。 博一时,他们结婚了。 俩人背井离乡,家徒四壁,为烂事操心,为五斗米折腰……在他几次坚持不下去时,妻子都会不断安慰他,鼓励他。 怕他学习枯燥,每逢周末妻子都会去教研室陪他一起读书。 看到别人买车买房,他难过于自己一穷二白时,妻子经常宽慰他: “甭闹心,这些个东西我们早晚都会有的。” 妻子的支持,加上自我耕耘,如今他已是东南大学工学博士、现山东科技大学副教授。 ===========================
那他妻子呢,他怎样成就他妻子的了?
S
SonicBunny
那离婚/丧偶了没再结,那下半生是妥妥的loser了?
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lovedarren
你和你的另一半 都读了这个研究报告
是什么效果
pwwq 发表于 2022-06-05 20:04

哈哈哈哈,效果大概就是打起来。 按照这个小破文的逻辑,就是找到一个让你更好的为你燃烧的蜡烛,关键是,谁乐意啊。
f
futures
回复 1楼Formerly的帖子
真的假的 哈佛做这种垃圾研究
ivoryzz 发表于 2022-06-05 20:03

哈哈哈啊哈哈。以后这种研究应该spread out一下,比如耶鲁研究、斯坦福研究之类的。。。
H
Havealook
昔有《知音》,今有哈佛。人间指路明灯——谁信谁惨。
a
angelina81
明明是你的阶层决定了你的另一半
c
cafe1123
以哈佛冠名的很多研究都很可笑呀,不知道哪来这么多邪门的研究成果。
applesauce 发表于 2022-06-05 20:07

哈尔滨佛学院,简称哈佛。
五色祥云
这篇文章私货太多,严重误导。我查了维基关于格兰特研究,是这么说的:
George Vaillant, who directed the study for more than three decades, has published[9] a summation of the key insights the study has yielded: Alcoholism is a disorder of great destructive power. Alcoholism was the main cause of divorce between the Grant Study men and their wives. Strongly correlates with neurosis and depression, which tended to follow alcohol abuse, rather than precede it. Together with associated cigarette smoking, was the single greatest contributor to their early morbidity and death. Financial success depends on warmth of relationships and, above a certain level, not on intelligence. Those who scored highest on measurements of "warm relationships" earned an average of $141,000 a year more at their peak salaries (usually between ages 55 and 60). No significant difference in maximum income earned by men with IQs in the 110–115 range and men with IQs higher than 150. Political mindedness correlates with intimacy: Aging liberals have more sex. The most-conservative men ceased sexual relations at an average age of 68. The most-liberal men had active sex lives into their 80s. The warmth of childhood relationship with mothers matters long into adulthood: Men who had "warm" childhood relationships with their mothers earned an average of $87,000 more a year than men whose mothers were uncaring. Men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia when old. Late in their professional lives, the men's boyhood relationships with their mothers—but not with their fathers—were associated with effectiveness at work. The warmth of childhood relationships with mothers had no significant bearing on "life satisfaction" at 75. The warmth of childhood relationship with fathers correlated with: Lower rates of adult anxiety. Greater enjoyment of vacations. Increased "life satisfaction" at age 75. According to The Atlantic, George Vaillant's main conclusion is that the warmth of relationships throughout life has the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction. Put differently, Vaillant says the study shows: "Happiness is love. Full stop."[10]
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study

盛世蝼蚁
转自己的另一半阅
f
freetracy123
巴菲特说过: “你要跟自己希望成为的那种人在一起,才会朝着那个方向迈进;在这个方面,最重要的决定就是在选择伴侣上。” 人这一生,会经历两次重生,一次是出生,另一次则是婚姻。

可是不是你想跟哪种人就能跟的啊,生活圈子决定了有些人你根本遇不到
g
geekcode
你们不要嘲笑lz!这个研究真的是有的,只是被翻译成了知音体而已!
qgp 发表于 2022-06-05 20:18

通常翻译完了,意思也变了
肥肥白白
不錯,觀點正確,也為那些跟不上和拖後腿的找到了被甩的藉口
距离拥抱被
第一次看这鸡汤的时候 五道口才7500一平
小金猪
哈佛的研究例子都是中国人?
g
gg2020
没啥不是自己呢
g
gongyongmajia6
婚姻是二次投胎,你无法选择第一次投胎,但是第二次投胎你有选择权。
清月随风
说的太对了!真是这么回事,伴侣决定了你的阶层。
c
crabcrab
完了,俺们这种没伴侣的人可咋整啊
Abigail9981 发表于 2022-06-05 20:10

连阶层都没有!赶紧嫁个渣男
w
wendywu00
王小波家本来就是知识分子家庭,他的出身本来就比大多数人强,文学功底是打小养成的。 出生更重要比结婚重要。
马甲马甲马马甲
这篇文章私货太多,严重误导。我查了维基关于格兰特研究,是这么说的:
George Vaillant, who directed the study for more than three decades, has published[9] a summation of the key insights the study has yielded: Alcoholism is a disorder of great destructive power. Alcoholism was the main cause of divorce between the Grant Study men and their wives. Strongly correlates with neurosis and depression, which tended to follow alcohol abuse, rather than precede it. Together with associated cigarette smoking, was the single greatest contributor to their early morbidity and death. Financial success depends on warmth of relationships and, above a certain level, not on intelligence. Those who scored highest on measurements of "warm relationships" earned an average of $141,000 a year more at their peak salaries (usually between ages 55 and 60). No significant difference in maximum income earned by men with IQs in the 110–115 range and men with IQs higher than 150. Political mindedness correlates with intimacy: Aging liberals have more sex. The most-conservative men ceased sexual relations at an average age of 68. The most-liberal men had active sex lives into their 80s. The warmth of childhood relationship with mothers matters long into adulthood: Men who had "warm" childhood relationships with their mothers earned an average of $87,000 more a year than men whose mothers were uncaring. Men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia when old. Late in their professional lives, the men's boyhood relationships with their mothers—but not with their fathers—were associated with effectiveness at work. The warmth of childhood relationships with mothers had no significant bearing on "life satisfaction" at 75. The warmth of childhood relationship with fathers correlated with: Lower rates of adult anxiety. Greater enjoyment of vacations. Increased "life satisfaction" at age 75. According to The Atlantic, George Vaillant's main conclusion is that the warmth of relationships throughout life has the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction. Put differently, Vaillant says the study shows: "Happiness is love. Full stop."[10]
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study


五色祥云 发表于 2022-06-05 21:43

赞认真!所以大家都想marry up :-)
s
singingIris
只有極少數人的心性可以跨越出生的階層, 嫁人還是要看個人品質和心性,實在無法判斷的家庭背景當然重要. 物質層面的好改變,精神層面的鴻溝無法逾越.
所以最近那個歡迎光臨鼓勵女生無條件扶貧的, 真是赤裸裸的洗腦劇. 尤其最後男主都自卑到溝裡了,還讓女主不離不棄,6年都是門童,遇到女神就變經理. 妥妥地青蛙王子嗎?
a
awesomeiris
回复 1楼Formerly的帖子
真的假的 哈佛做这种垃圾研究
ivoryzz 发表于 2022-06-05 20:03

Harvard做的垃圾研究何止这个
k
kikichichi
不得不说这个研究无敌傻逼!难道单身的人阶层要跌到地平线以下吗?如果那么依赖另一半,这人也高不到哪里去吧!
d
d2sh
回复 1楼Formerly的帖子
真的假的 哈佛做这种垃圾研究
ivoryzz 发表于 2022-06-05 20:03

我刚刚要问这个,哈佛大学贵阳分部吗?
d
d2sh
这篇文章私货太多,严重误导。我查了维基关于格兰特研究,是这么说的:
George Vaillant, who directed the study for more than three decades, has published[9] a summation of the key insights the study has yielded: Alcoholism is a disorder of great destructive power. Alcoholism was the main cause of divorce between the Grant Study men and their wives. Strongly correlates with neurosis and depression, which tended to follow alcohol abuse, rather than precede it. Together with associated cigarette smoking, was the single greatest contributor to their early morbidity and death. Financial success depends on warmth of relationships and, above a certain level, not on intelligence. Those who scored highest on measurements of "warm relationships" earned an average of $141,000 a year more at their peak salaries (usually between ages 55 and 60). No significant difference in maximum income earned by men with IQs in the 110–115 range and men with IQs higher than 150. Political mindedness correlates with intimacy: Aging liberals have more sex. The most-conservative men ceased sexual relations at an average age of 68. The most-liberal men had active sex lives into their 80s. The warmth of childhood relationship with mothers matters long into adulthood: Men who had "warm" childhood relationships with their mothers earned an average of $87,000 more a year than men whose mothers were uncaring. Men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia when old. Late in their professional lives, the men's boyhood relationships with their mothers—but not with their fathers—were associated with effectiveness at work. The warmth of childhood relationships with mothers had no significant bearing on "life satisfaction" at 75. The warmth of childhood relationship with fathers correlated with: Lower rates of adult anxiety. Greater enjoyment of vacations. Increased "life satisfaction" at age 75. According to The Atlantic, George Vaillant's main conclusion is that the warmth of relationships throughout life has the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction. Put differently, Vaillant says the study shows: "Happiness is love. Full stop."[10]
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study


五色祥云 发表于 2022-06-05 21:43

Political mindedness correlates with intimacy: Aging liberals have more sex. The most-conservative men ceased sexual relations at an average age of 68. The most-liberal men had active sex lives into their 80s. 谁都别拦着我!我要投creepy Joe!
焱焱
是说孟晚舟决定了刘晓棕的阶层,哈里决定了梅根的阶层? 不就是嫁鸡随鸡嫁狗随狗嘛,这还用得着哈弗研究?