ADD的孩子是不是父母真的要降低期望值了

facebook上有些adhd父母的互助群，里面有不少很有用的信息。今天看到一篇ADHD的人自己写的觉得有用的tip，觉得很多都跟我对付我家娃的经验很重合，分享在这里。
== My name is Brian and I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1997. Since then I’ve completed school, attended University, served in the military and now work in the mental health field. All of the above wasn’t as easy for me as others perhaps but possible for anyone. I’ve been medicated and not medicated (mainly not) Now I’m looking at the next generation and I thought I would share my top 10 coping strategies. This is probably more focused towards teens. This is the group I consider most important but they aren’t in order of importance. Some were told to me some I worked out, some just happened by accident. 1. Time is everything - An ADHD brain finds it very difficult to subjectively judge the passing of time, especially when focused on a task. Devices like a phone or a clock on a computer are ok. But if you’re on another screen or your phone is in your pocket, you forget to check it. ADHD being close to an autism spectrum disorder, tactile reminders are great. Enter the wristwatch. I can feel it on my wrist and through habit development I check it all the time when I’m working or out and about. When it comes to deadlines or timings nothing will get you fired quicker than being late. As a parent if a child is doing something and they need to leave the house or bath etc. 15, 10 and 5 minute warnings go a LONG way. 2. Stay old school. Devices and screens are great tools however as above they lack a certain something when it comes to checking things. So chores or schedules etc. where possible make visual chart on paper or when noting something down in a diary etc. stick to paper and pen. There’s something about the visual and tactile elements working together that helps the information stick when compared to a device. For kids chores an actual physical chart of the weeks chores with times and colours etc. We will forget we need to take the bins out on Wednesday. We cant hold a schedule in our heads like that. And its a predictor of consequence and reward a huge factor in how our brains work. 3. Notebook Probably my number one. Similar to above. Have a list of tasks to do today? In the notebook. Say you’re going to do something? In the notebook. Noting things down, again combines the tactile and the visual and transferring that to a calendar provides the repetition for remembering the information. Also refer to point 10. 4. Read and re read. ADHD has been shown to be mainly an executive function disorder. The main part is “Working Memory” (please google what it is) ADHD people don’t have working memory or its very weak. It’s very difficult for use to hold a thought which makes comprehension very difficult. (Things like mental arithmetic are near impossible) When reading, read 2 -3 sentences then read them again (or more times). Slower yes but significantly more accurate. 5. Fidget focusing is hard. For most schoolwork or office tasks you’re going to be sitting still. For an ADHD brain this is torture. MOVE! If you can walk around the house and read schoolwork, do it. If you’re at work and have to take a call or make a call, take a walk (if you can). In situations where you must be in one spot. Use a fidget. I use a bike chain fidget or the most interesting feeling hair tie I can find. (In the military, on parade, standing perfectly still I used to wiggle my toes). 6. Routines. Due to the working memory issue and general distractions, routine, structure and habit development is key. Rather than adhering to times (eg shower at 7am) . I adhere to the steps Try and break tasks down into routines when it’s important not to forget. I used to forget to take my meds all the time. So now I have a routine around it and it’s done the same way each day (obviously items I need are always in the same spot. E.g. Shower, dry, MEDS, WRISTWATCH, kitchen, kettle on, coffee made, leave it on the bench, and get dressed. The 2 important ones are meds and wristwatch. But the markers after the key behaviour are just as important as the ones before it. If I see someone with a coffee or I feel like I want a coffee is a “backup reminder” and I can use my back up watch and back up meds that live in my work bag ( rarely used) This can be done with anything. It’s more about developing habits. We don’t have working memory, so the idea is to get it into our longer term memory and doing it so many times that we can’t get it wrong, so even when were absent minded we still to the right thing. (E.g. do you remember putting your seatbelt on in the car today or yesterday?) Most daily important tasks need to become the seatbelt. 7. Communicate. We are quick to get emotional. Non-physical emotions are hard for us to project (e.g. we’re angry we throw things and scream, we don’t pout.) This means others don’t pick up on how were feeling, until it's this extreme outward display. So tell people how you feel. Get used to the pattern of “When X happens, I feel Y”. The pattern keeps things calm and really helps you get your point across. Telling people what’s going on in your head and helps them understand and hopefully will build positive meaningful relationships. And people won’t be offended when your feelings seem out of sync with the situation. 8. Educate yourself Understand and learn how an ADHD brain works. Being able to tell people what’s going on in your head will help greatly in them understanding you. Even something simple like “ ADHD brains are quick to emotion, on a scale of 1-10 we tend to experience emotions at 8, 9, 10, its very hard for us to keep it between 1-7" Most people want to understand and are lovely about it. They just cant pick up on it. So tell them ( We don't do hints) To use an analogy. Non ADHD people are Leopards, they live on land, and they’re very good at climbing trees. You are a shark very good at swimming, the leopards can’t understand why you can’t climb trees. Your goal is to teach the leopards how to swim. 9. 1 thing at a time. Another feature of an ADHD brain is we aren’t good at future projecting (e.g. understanding that it takes 30 small steps to get to a goal, we dont even see the steps) which makes self-motivation hard. So often when we have a big job like cleaning a messy bedroom it’s too big and overwhelming to understand where to start. Train your brain and thought process to look at jobs as tiny sections. So don’t clean a room, you can’t do it all at once can you? What you can do is pick up the laundry, or dust a desk. (And remember this when writing your notebook). That comes into activities too, video games are attractive to us because they offer instantaneous feedback for an action we take in game. Consequences or reward. Remember this when your looking at hobbies you might like. (eg I love Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, instant consequences or reward) 10. Strengths and Confidence. People find it difficult to understand you. The stats are not in your favour. ADHD have a higher rate of schooling drop out, Marriage difficulties and inconsistent employment. You will face rejection. Learn to have a thick skin and be mentally bulletproof. NOT DISTANT from people, believe in yourself is what I’m saying. Learn to focus on your strengths and accomplishments. One of the benefits of the notebook is at the end of the day you can check it and see your accomplishments, which inherently self-esteem boosting. If someone you notice isn’t maybe good for your confidence or self-esteem let them go. You are different and that’s ok! You will find friends that don’t mind  and they tend to be great people. As a parent, the number one thing is teaching them confidence. If they don't have high confidence and self esteem, the world will chew them up. At no point do I say I "suffer from ADHD" suffering is a choice not a state of being. Also telling someone they "suffer" is A ) potential limiting B ) against point 10. Edit: Apologies for spelling and grammar. I'm usually pretty good. But ofcourse I blasted this out in one go and didn't check it. Sorry Edit: Suffering point. Sorry again. **** Update***** Many apologies I can’t make it shareable in this group Was not expecting that kind of response. Just to be super clear I’m in no way perfect I still struggle sometimes and that’s ok.
babyduck 发表于 2021-10-18 12:58

抱抱楼主，我家老二也是确诊这种类型，特别聪明的孩子，我家三个孩子里接受能力，理解力最强的，学校做测试的时候，有几个细项关于语言表达，理解方面超过100%， 但是同时也有几项分数就特别差，比如working memory基本就不及格，所以具体到学习上，就是坐不下来学，学完后面忘记前面，小时候内容简单的时候，问题不大，但是遇到相对复杂的内容，需要多步累加学习的内容，就学不走。比如一个作业需要7/8 条要求，他看完，就只能记住头1-2步，剩下的步骤就随性发挥，再比如中文，我之前每天带着学习半小时到1小时，学了三年了，还是小学一年级第一册水平，小他三岁的弟弟今年春开始跟他一起开始找老师学，现在学的进度比他还快点。 成绩现在就是平均，这还是我们上了很多课外的读写，数学的课的情况下。我发现他睡眠足了，专注性会好点, 他觉一直很少，睡眠质量也差，增加运动量睡眠质量就好很多。所以我现在抓运动，抓睡觉，学习看到哪个单项弱就找1-1的课或者小group的课补，大group我家跟不了，光神游四方了。坚持下来效果还是有，就是比别的孩子慢很多，比如别人1-2个月就可以养成的习惯，学明白的，他大概9-12个月。感觉这个病吧就是对家长的耐心极大的挑战，他醒着的时候，我差不多都在他边上，5分钟提醒一次该干嘛，电脑上所有app，网站都whitelist，只可以接触到学习相关的。之前他睡不好，我都是陪着睡着才离开，我陪着他大概30-50分钟能入睡，不陪他就会搞个2小时都睡不着。我常常都很绝望，不知道这样我可以坚持多久，我不这么贴身陪之后他可怎么办呢，最近慢慢有意识的放手，感觉孩子还是有进步吧，希望可以慢慢outgrow。
babyduck 发表于 2021-10-17 15:36