华人这种有营养的贴子可以多一点 我也觉得拖拉和家长的 micromanagement 绝对有关的。 可是家里另一个家长最喜欢的就是micromanagement ， 唉 看到网上有一个说得有道理， 想试试 https://www.workingmother.com/7-ways-working-moms-can-raise-self-driven-child 7 Ways Working Moms Can Raise a Self-Driven Child 1. Be a consultant. How much does it drive you nuts to be micromanaged at work? Do you welcome a new voice who asks before telling? As much as possible, think of yourself as your child's consultant, not his boss or manager. If homework is a big struggle, say, “I love you too much to fight with you about your homework.” Tell your child you’re willing to help, to offer advice, to offer structure in any way possible, but that you won’t act like it’s your job to make him get his work done. If your kid is fighting with you, her energy is focused on proving she’s right, often even resisting what’s in her best interest. 2. Say, "It's your call.” Good companies give people the freedom to do their jobs well, including the freedom to actually use their brains and then own the results. Tell your children, “You’re the expert on you,” and encourage them to make decisions for themselves as often as possible. With adolescents, insist they practice making important choices about their own lives, with input from you and others. No one is born an expert (though many act like they are). Real learning often comes more from fixing problems than from doing things flawlessly. Give your kids the opportunity to do this—and to own both their successes and their slip-ups. 3. Ask, “Whose problem is it?” Don’t you love that guy from sales who’s not only got all the answers but thinks he’s also your boss? When kids have a problem or make a mistake, don't rush in to fix things. Kids become resilient by managing stressful situations independently, with help as needed. Listen with empathy and offer to help, but don’t try to force help or advice. Fail a quiz? “I’m sorry for you. I know you worked hard. Can I help you at all?” Break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend? “It looks like you are really hurting. Is there a way I can help you, sweetheart?” Check in if you want to give advice: “Do you want to hear my advice about that?” If you get a “no,” step back. 4. Be a “non-anxious presence.” Ever have an anxious, hovering manager or coworker who made the whole office nuts? Kids experience a strong sense of control when they are not stressed and anxious, and that sense of control is the key ingredient to motivation. So make home a “safe base” that is as stress-free as possible. If necessary, work on managing your own anxiety, guilt or anger so that you can be responsive to your kids—but don’t be overly reactive emotionally. If your kids are having problems, don’t be more upset than they are, lest they have to worry about your distress as well as their own, leading them to confide in someone other than you. 5. Encourage flow. Have you noticed how you do your best work on projects you really love and how they give you the energy to get through other parts of your job you’d just as soon ditch? Same with kids, who develop self-motivation in large part through passionate engagement in things they love. Support your kids in getting better at sports, arts, dance, rock music or programming, etc. Working with strong focus and effort on something you love is great for developing a self-driven brain. 6. Help kids practice Plan-B thinking. Has your company benefited from a pivot? Is it ready to if the market shifts? Ask your kids, “If things don’t work out the way you hope, what’s your back-up plan?” Having a Plan B is a huge stress relief, giving kids greater courage to really go for it. And, as a mom, you know the importance of finding real-time flexible solutions to the curveballs life throws at you. Help your kids at the earliest age rehearse that in their heads and practice on the go. It makes them resilient and confident about navigating this messy and unpredictable thing called life. 7. Build in radical downtime. Hustling 24/7 is so last decade. Smart companies value how much work you fit into in your hours rather than how many hours you work. Rest matters. Kids who feel tired and overwhelmed have a low sense of control. Try to maximize your child’s sleep, make sure there are some unplugged times during the day when they can let their minds wander, and support your school in building in periods during which older children and teens can meditate.
华人这种有营养的贴子可以多一点 我也觉得拖拉和家长的 micromanagement 绝对有关的。 可是家里另一个家长最喜欢的就是micromanagement ， 唉 看到网上有一个说得有道理， 想试试 https://www.workingmother.com/7-ways-working-moms-can-raise-self-driven-child 7 Ways Working Moms Can Raise a Self-Driven Child 1. Be a consultant. How much does it drive you nuts to be micromanaged at work? Do you welcome a new voice who asks before telling? As much as possible, think of yourself as your child's consultant, not his boss or manager. If homework is a big struggle, say, “I love you too much to fight with you about your homework.” Tell your child you’re willing to help, to offer advice, to offer structure in any way possible, but that you won’t act like it’s your job to make him get his work done. If your kid is fighting with you, her energy is focused on proving she’s right, often even resisting what’s in her best interest. 2. Say, "It's your call.” Good companies give people the freedom to do their jobs well, including the freedom to actually use their brains and then own the results. Tell your children, “You’re the expert on you,” and encourage them to make decisions for themselves as often as possible. With adolescents, insist they practice making important choices about their own lives, with input from you and others. No one is born an expert (though many act like they are). Real learning often comes more from fixing problems than from doing things flawlessly. Give your kids the opportunity to do this—and to own both their successes and their slip-ups. 3. Ask, “Whose problem is it?” Don’t you love that guy from sales who’s not only got all the answers but thinks he’s also your boss? When kids have a problem or make a mistake, don't rush in to fix things. Kids become resilient by managing stressful situations independently, with help as needed. Listen with empathy and offer to help, but don’t try to force help or advice. Fail a quiz? “I’m sorry for you. I know you worked hard. Can I help you at all?” Break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend? “It looks like you are really hurting. Is there a way I can help you, sweetheart?” Check in if you want to give advice: “Do you want to hear my advice about that?” If you get a “no,” step back. 4. Be a “non-anxious presence.” Ever have an anxious, hovering manager or coworker who made the whole office nuts? Kids experience a strong sense of control when they are not stressed and anxious, and that sense of control is the key ingredient to motivation. So make home a “safe base” that is as stress-free as possible. If necessary, work on managing your own anxiety, guilt or anger so that you can be responsive to your kids—but don’t be overly reactive emotionally. If your kids are having problems, don’t be more upset than they are, lest they have to worry about your distress as well as their own, leading them to confide in someone other than you. 5. Encourage flow. Have you noticed how you do your best work on projects you really love and how they give you the energy to get through other parts of your job you’d just as soon ditch? Same with kids, who develop self-motivation in large part through passionate engagement in things they love. Support your kids in getting better at sports, arts, dance, rock music or programming, etc. Working with strong focus and effort on something you love is great for developing a self-driven brain. 6. Help kids practice Plan-B thinking. Has your company benefited from a pivot? Is it ready to if the market shifts? Ask your kids, “If things don’t work out the way you hope, what’s your back-up plan?” Having a Plan B is a huge stress relief, giving kids greater courage to really go for it. And, as a mom, you know the importance of finding real-time flexible solutions to the curveballs life throws at you. Help your kids at the earliest age rehearse that in their heads and practice on the go. It makes them resilient and confident about navigating this messy and unpredictable thing called life. 7. Build in radical downtime. Hustling 24/7 is so last decade. Smart companies value how much work you fit into in your hours rather than how many hours you work. Rest matters. Kids who feel tired and overwhelmed have a low sense of control. Try to maximize your child’s sleep, make sure there are some unplugged times during the day when they can let their minds wander, and support your school in building in periods during which older children and teens can meditate.
大家说怎么办呢？ 我现在想的是他到了家就全家断internet到他睡觉。
简单说就是不要帮他manage他的生活，让他自己体会后果
11岁早就该有这个能力了
这个好像挺有效
that's the only way
父母在意的那些后果，都不是孩子现阶段在意的。譬如得个0分啊。上学迟到了记录啊。人家真得就是在意能不能玩上游戏，呵呵呵。
同样推荐 the self drive child 很多父母管得太多了，导致孩子对自己人生毫无掌控感 我也拖拉，我妈就是个micromanager，我是最近几年才意识到我的拖延是在对抗我妈不停的催催催
“简单说就是不要帮他manage他的生活，让他自己体会后果”
这个对我自己就没用。因为我拖拉没后果，最后两分钟做完还能得到不错的成绩，反复下来就更更加深了我拖拉的毛病。
同，表扬法无效，奖励马马虎虎。 在美国不敢暴力收拾，在中国绝对要揍。
说的太对了，我家的也是所有app都删掉，结果人家去google搜
谢谢，飞奔去借了这本书
从孩子daycare开始，比如穿衣服，吃饭，来不及就直接带着衣服上车，带着早饭，开到daycare穿好衣服，进教室，把食物给老师。从小让孩子知道，你可以慢，但是我的schedule，我有办法执行。
孩子上学以后，我尽量不催，到时间必须走人，没准备好就没准备好，这是孩子应该承受的结果。我一般就是不要在孩子周围出现，因为看到他慢，我会忍不住说，但是自己知道说越多，他越皮。哪怕孩子哪天迟到，也得让他迟到几次，我不能插手。
孩子越小，越有纠错空间。所以，我一向鼓励父母在孩子小的时候少插手。只有这样到大了才有足够时间训练孩子慢慢养成基本的时间概念。如果从小都是父母督促着，那么一方面孩子会皮掉，总是以来父母，另一方面孩子约束自我能力会越弱，尤其和同龄人比较。
只要能做好，前面拖拉就拖拉呗。我也是差不多的人。我自己有分寸的。
我也觉得拖拉和家长的 micromanagement 绝对有关的。 可是家里另一个家长最喜欢的就是micromanagement ， 唉
看到网上有一个说得有道理， 想试试
https://www.workingmother.com/7-ways-working-moms-can-raise-self-driven-child
7 Ways Working Moms Can Raise a Self-Driven Child 1. Be a consultant. How much does it drive you nuts to be micromanaged at work? Do you welcome a new voice who asks before telling? As much as possible, think of yourself as your child's consultant, not his boss or manager. If homework is a big struggle, say, “I love you too much to fight with you about your homework.” Tell your child you’re willing to help, to offer advice, to offer structure in any way possible, but that you won’t act like it’s your job to make him get his work done. If your kid is fighting with you, her energy is focused on proving she’s right, often even resisting what’s in her best interest.
2. Say, "It's your call.” Good companies give people the freedom to do their jobs well, including the freedom to actually use their brains and then own the results. Tell your children, “You’re the expert on you,” and encourage them to make decisions for themselves as often as possible. With adolescents, insist they practice making important choices about their own lives, with input from you and others. No one is born an expert (though many act like they are). Real learning often comes more from fixing problems than from doing things flawlessly. Give your kids the opportunity to do this—and to own both their successes and their slip-ups.
3. Ask, “Whose problem is it?” Don’t you love that guy from sales who’s not only got all the answers but thinks he’s also your boss? When kids have a problem or make a mistake, don't rush in to fix things. Kids become resilient by managing stressful situations independently, with help as needed. Listen with empathy and offer to help, but don’t try to force help or advice. Fail a quiz? “I’m sorry for you. I know you worked hard. Can I help you at all?” Break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend? “It looks like you are really hurting. Is there a way I can help you, sweetheart?” Check in if you want to give advice: “Do you want to hear my advice about that?” If you get a “no,” step back.
4. Be a “non-anxious presence.” Ever have an anxious, hovering manager or coworker who made the whole office nuts? Kids experience a strong sense of control when they are not stressed and anxious, and that sense of control is the key ingredient to motivation. So make home a “safe base” that is as stress-free as possible. If necessary, work on managing your own anxiety, guilt or anger so that you can be responsive to your kids—but don’t be overly reactive emotionally. If your kids are having problems, don’t be more upset than they are, lest they have to worry about your distress as well as their own, leading them to confide in someone other than you.
5. Encourage flow. Have you noticed how you do your best work on projects you really love and how they give you the energy to get through other parts of your job you’d just as soon ditch? Same with kids, who develop self-motivation in large part through passionate engagement in things they love. Support your kids in getting better at sports, arts, dance, rock music or programming, etc. Working with strong focus and effort on something you love is great for developing a self-driven brain.
6. Help kids practice Plan-B thinking. Has your company benefited from a pivot? Is it ready to if the market shifts? Ask your kids, “If things don’t work out the way you hope, what’s your back-up plan?” Having a Plan B is a huge stress relief, giving kids greater courage to really go for it. And, as a mom, you know the importance of finding real-time flexible solutions to the curveballs life throws at you. Help your kids at the earliest age rehearse that in their heads and practice on the go. It makes them resilient and confident about navigating this messy and unpredictable thing called life.
7. Build in radical downtime. Hustling 24/7 is so last decade. Smart companies value how much work you fit into in your hours rather than how many hours you work. Rest matters. Kids who feel tired and overwhelmed have a low sense of control. Try to maximize your child’s sleep, make sure there are some unplugged times during the day when they can let their minds wander, and support your school in building in periods during which older children and teens can meditate.
谢谢分享
如果不催应该如何做呢？我小时候就是个完全没有自我驱动力的小孩，要不是我妈妈在旁边经常盯着我催着我，完全靠自己的话，我连大学都上不了，估计早早去打工了。小孩知道什么是严重后果吗？我小时候有几年父母都没时间管，成绩一落千丈，每天上学除了瞌睡就是瞌睡，不写作业，老师批评也无所谓，破罐子破摔，因为我不觉得后果有多严重。但相比较其他有自我驱动里的孩子，真的完全不用家长操心
对啊，小孩小时候知道什么后果啊，有吃有喝，作业做不完考试零蛋又如何，他又不懂意味着什么。等到真正承担自己意识到的后果了，基本上已经晚了
我也找来看看。我也是拖延症严重，我爸一直喜欢叨叨叨，估计也是一种对抗。
试看看从另一个方向入手 喜欢看漫画其实是一个突破点 看看能不能鼓励她自己编漫画 写短篇小故事 加上自己的插图 我孩子就是很喜欢dog man， diary of a wimpy kid 之类的书 有一天发现她自己在一个小笔记本上写自己编的小故事 还配了手绘插图 一下子觉得“啊！这一定是上帝在指引我！！！” 然后猛夸 表现得能有多夸张就有多夸张 还告诉她等她写完了这个故事 自己proofread了 定个价钱 之后推销给我或者爸爸 看看能不能自己挣点零花钱
BUT BUT 后话：自从第一本她卖了个大价钱（10美金,写画真是挺费工的） ，第二本第三本都开始写了。然鹅都只是写了个开头，可后面标价都自己定好了。。。现在正在夸她第二本的开头很有创意，希望能继续下去吧