哇，版主专门开了这个话题！赞一个。 我先来个抛砖引玉。 如何爱自己是人生最重要的功课。 第一个课题， Unconditional love to yourself. 请欣赏 I love you through and through 这本童书， 把自己带入那个小小孩里面， 系统提示：若遇到视频无法播放请点击下方链接 https://www.youtube.com/embed/cDOt_xcI2fg
"The ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier." "Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity."
"The ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier." "Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity." otokorashii_onna 发表于 2021-01-16 11:35
回复 34楼mdxxdm的帖子 thanks for sharing! 1.Start each day by telling yourself something really positive. How well you handled a situation, how lovely you look today. Anything that will make you smile. 2.Fill your body with food and drink that nourishes it and makes it thrive. 3.Move that gorgeous body of yours every single day and learn to love the skin you’re in. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself. 4.Don’t believe everything you think. There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living a full life. 5.Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you. Let them remind you just how amazing you are. 6.Stop the comparisons. There is no one on this planet like you, so you cannot fairly compare yourself to someone else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you. 7.End all toxic relationships. Seriously. Anyone who makes you feel anything less than amazing doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. 8.Celebrate your wins no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you have achieved. 9.Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. It’s incredible the feeling we get when we realize we have achieved something we didn’t know or think we could do before. 10.Embrace and love the things that make you different. This is what makes you special. 11.Realize that beauty cannot be defined. It is what you see it as. Don’t let any of those Photoshopped magazines make you feel like your body isn’t perfect. Even those models don’t look like that in real life. 12.Take time out to calm your mind every day. Breathe in and out, clear your mind of your thoughts and just be. 13.Follow your passion. You know that thing that gets you so excited but scares you at the same time. The thing you really want to do but have convinced yourself it won’t work. You should go do that! 14.Be patient but persistent. Self-love is ever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times. 15.Be mindful of what you think, feel and want. Live your life in ways that truly reflect this.
回复 34楼mdxxdm的帖子 16.Treat others with love and respect. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we treat others the way we hope to be treated. That doesn’t mean everybody will always repay the favor, but that’s their problem not yours. 17.Find something to be grateful for every day. It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and very human of you. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on. 18.Reach out to family, friends, healers, whomever you need to help you through the tough times. You are not expected to go through them alone. 19.Learn to say no. Saying no sometimes doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart person. 20.Forgive yourself. You know that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let that go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change. 21.Write it down. Head swimming with so many thoughts it’s giving you a headache? Write them all down on a piece of paper, no matter how crazy, mean, sad, or terrifying they are. Keep it in a journal, tear it up, burn it, whatever you need to do to let it go. 22.Turn off and inwards. Grab a cup of your favorite tea, coffee, wine, whatever your choice of drink, and sit down for a few minutes on your own. No TV or distractions, just you. Think about the wonderful things that are happening in your life right now, what your big dreams are and how you can make them happen. 23.Give up the need for approval from others. “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Teese 24.Be realistic. There is no person on this earth that is happy every single moment of every single day. You know why? Because we are all human. We make mistakes, we feel emotions (good and bad) and this is OK. Allow yourself to be human. 25.Get creative and express yourself in whatever way you like. Painting, writing, sculpting, building, music, whatever takes your fancy, and make sure you leave your inner critic at the door. There are no right ways to be creative. 26.Let go of past trauma and wounds. This can be a really tough one and it may be one of those times you need to turn to others for support. The truth is though, when we let go of things that have happened to us it’s almost like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. We don’t have to carry that around with us anymore. We deserve better. 27.Find your happy place. Where’s the one place you feel totally at ease, calm, happy, positive, high on life? Go to that place when you are going through hard times, or imagine yourself being there. Think about how it feels, what it smells like, what it looks like. 28.The next time you are feeling happy and on top of the world make a list of your best qualities and accomplishments. It may sound a little corny, but it can be a wonderful reminder when you are having a day that’s less than amazing. 29.Get in touch with your inner dialogue. If it’s anything less than loving, encouraging and supportive, it’s time to make a change. You deserve to be spoken to in the same way you would speak to your best friend, sister, brother, daughter, or son. 30.Have fun! Get out there and do the things that light your fire. Enjoy them, enjoy being you and enjoy your incredible life.
具体如何操作呢？求大家分享心里路程。
人是社会动物，被社会各种角色所定义：听话的乖女儿，做牛做马的贤妻，奉献自己的母亲，996的优质螺丝钉职工。 这些都是枷锁。 要爱自己，就是要摆脱这些枷锁。 做一个快乐的女孩，打打闹闹嘻嘻哈哈没心没肺的少女（当然too late)。 做一个有底线的妻子，不要图一句贤惠的口碑就做包子，给婆家打长工。 做一个诚实的不完美的母亲，让娃知道，母亲也是人，也会累，也会病，不要以为妈就应该为你送命。还有，不要让娃成为自己事业/职场失意的背锅侠。 努力考各种行业证书，早日找到钱多活儿少离家近的厂子，混退休。
最后三个字 - 差评！
我的操作：三自守则。
1、经济上独立自治，不需要靠别人来给钱我用。施比受更有福。知足常乐！
2、生理需要自給自足，性事上不求人。没有性爱也不感到孤单寂寞，或缺乏些甚么。性来则应，性去则静。
3、情感独立，不依賴他人，不被他人怎麼待我來牽引自己的情緒，不需要被爱才开心。不求受安慰，但求安慰人；不求被了解，但求了解人。不求爱，但求全心付出爱。
人到无求品自高！
谢谢层主鞭策。 改动一下，如何？ “混退休” 改成，一颗红心两手准备，能升职固然开心，不能也不要太难过，混退休也不坏。
你这三条我都做不到，我挣钱可是没钱用，经济上不独立；我基本不自慰，生理上靠她人；好在情感不丰富，有没有关系不大，朋友多相互倾泻一下就行了。呵呵
今天与朋友们的情感话题是“还记得前女友长什么样子吗？”结果，一个个都把前女友的照片给我看，就我最差劲，没给他们看照片。
赞！中庸之道
知易行难。路漫漫其修远兮……
系统提示：若遇到视频无法播放请点击下方链接
https://www.youtube.com/embed/cDOt_xcI2fg
关键是人有情感。如何在理智与情感中取得平衡是个能力问题，不是学问。
谢谢分享，好感人的儿童书啊。 在自己mad, sad 各种时刻，都能爱自己，很重要。
是的，是能力问题，光有认知还远远不够。
前两点都没问题，最后一点是我的软肋，特别在乎别人的态度，层主能分享你是怎么做到的吗？
我不是层主。 随便说本书哈
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
作者网站上有个简短版： https://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck
那个，我在版里老是说书，你们会不会烦啊。汗。
来配个图
"Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity."
帮你翻译一下，大家都容易看些：
"如果能把我们的屁股只保留在最值得操的情况下 那肯定会让生活变得更加轻松"
"培养控制和管理你所付出的操的能力 是力量和诚信的本质"
哈哈哈哈这什么谷歌翻译啊
-- 修正一下，文文自己翻译的，我觉得翻的好！
不是谷歌，你还不满意？那你自己来。呵呵
没有没有，我觉得挺好的
谷歌译得还没有我的好呢，你试试谷歌？
我觉得这篇文章写的挺好的，也是Mark Manson (上面说的写don''t give a fuxk那个人） https://markmanson.net/personal-values
首先把价值观确立了，然后自己的主观实际行为和价值观一致的时候，你不喜欢不佩服不爱自己都难。知行合一。
我修改了评论了
做为不缺爱的人，我会觉得强调“爱自己”有点小小的夸张，人的本能喜欢的对象都是除了自己以外的外界事物。比如很小我就学我外婆，会用仅有的零钱给自己买双白玉兰花，是因为爱花，不是因为爱自己。锻炼身体也不是“爱自己”，而是好身体才能支撑好的生命体验。所以与其说“爱自己”，不如说认可自己的合理欲望都是应该被满足的。
这种解释上的小差别，我不是在抬杠，对我老公最终解决他自己的原生家庭问题，是起了作用的。“爱自己”对他的自我肯定仅仅起了一个过渡作用，潜意识是没有人爱我，我自己还可以给自己关注，核心还是“求爱”，在一个阶段帮助了他接受发生的事已经发生了。最终让他摆脱原生家庭问题的，还是他相信自己有能力发生改变，有能力给予，也有能力给予别人合乎环境的信任。亲人无条件爱他就像他无条件爱亲人一样，是自然存在的事，和他自体的存在是不冲突的，他无需怀疑。
谷歌翻译怎么了？好像越来越不管用。
该内容需要28000魅力值以上才能阅览
主要还是看“爱自己”怎么阐述？ 是那种懒散胆怯不做事但仍然对着镜子告诉自己“我超棒，我棒死了，咋那么棒”的自我洗脑，这种爱法 还是调动了主观能动性，然后因为自己的行为/能力爱上（尊重）自己，那种爱法
说得太好了 爱自己只是一个过渡，内心的爱，真的可以取之不尽用之不竭。
在发生挫折或者失败时, 往内心去寻找, 是否在根基上出了问题. 如果没有, 会很快过去, 不再纠缠, 不再为难自己.
Welcome!
thanks for sharing!
1.Start each day by telling yourself something really positive. How well you handled a situation, how lovely you look today. Anything that will make you smile. 2.Fill your body with food and drink that nourishes it and makes it thrive. 3.Move that gorgeous body of yours every single day and learn to love the skin you’re in. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself. 4.Don’t believe everything you think. There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living a full life. 5.Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you. Let them remind you just how amazing you are. 6.Stop the comparisons. There is no one on this planet like you, so you cannot fairly compare yourself to someone else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you. 7.End all toxic relationships. Seriously. Anyone who makes you feel anything less than amazing doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. 8.Celebrate your wins no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you have achieved. 9.Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. It’s incredible the feeling we get when we realize we have achieved something we didn’t know or think we could do before. 10.Embrace and love the things that make you different. This is what makes you special. 11.Realize that beauty cannot be defined. It is what you see it as. Don’t let any of those Photoshopped magazines make you feel like your body isn’t perfect. Even those models don’t look like that in real life. 12.Take time out to calm your mind every day. Breathe in and out, clear your mind of your thoughts and just be. 13.Follow your passion. You know that thing that gets you so excited but scares you at the same time. The thing you really want to do but have convinced yourself it won’t work. You should go do that! 14.Be patient but persistent. Self-love is ever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times. 15.Be mindful of what you think, feel and want. Live your life in ways that truly reflect this.
16.Treat others with love and respect. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we treat others the way we hope to be treated. That doesn’t mean everybody will always repay the favor, but that’s their problem not yours. 17.Find something to be grateful for every day. It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and very human of you. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on. 18.Reach out to family, friends, healers, whomever you need to help you through the tough times. You are not expected to go through them alone. 19.Learn to say no. Saying no sometimes doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart person. 20.Forgive yourself. You know that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let that go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change. 21.Write it down. Head swimming with so many thoughts it’s giving you a headache? Write them all down on a piece of paper, no matter how crazy, mean, sad, or terrifying they are. Keep it in a journal, tear it up, burn it, whatever you need to do to let it go. 22.Turn off and inwards. Grab a cup of your favorite tea, coffee, wine, whatever your choice of drink, and sit down for a few minutes on your own. No TV or distractions, just you. Think about the wonderful things that are happening in your life right now, what your big dreams are and how you can make them happen. 23.Give up the need for approval from others. “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Teese 24.Be realistic. There is no person on this earth that is happy every single moment of every single day. You know why? Because we are all human. We make mistakes, we feel emotions (good and bad) and this is OK. Allow yourself to be human. 25.Get creative and express yourself in whatever way you like. Painting, writing, sculpting, building, music, whatever takes your fancy, and make sure you leave your inner critic at the door. There are no right ways to be creative. 26.Let go of past trauma and wounds. This can be a really tough one and it may be one of those times you need to turn to others for support. The truth is though, when we let go of things that have happened to us it’s almost like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. We don’t have to carry that around with us anymore. We deserve better. 27.Find your happy place. Where’s the one place you feel totally at ease, calm, happy, positive, high on life? Go to that place when you are going through hard times, or imagine yourself being there. Think about how it feels, what it smells like, what it looks like. 28.The next time you are feeling happy and on top of the world make a list of your best qualities and accomplishments. It may sound a little corny, but it can be a wonderful reminder when you are having a day that’s less than amazing. 29.Get in touch with your inner dialogue. If it’s anything less than loving, encouraging and supportive, it’s time to make a change. You deserve to be spoken to in the same way you would speak to your best friend, sister, brother, daughter, or son. 30.Have fun! Get out there and do the things that light your fire. Enjoy them, enjoy being you and enjoy your incredible life.
你推荐一个文章特别好，四点都很重要，self awareness 是关键的一步，要了解自己的emotion，才能和自己好好相処。
你真会做版主，大方。一下子就把新人吸引住了。恭喜你！
谢谢斑竹。 写个简短的读后感， 尤其赞同第六条和第七条。 第六条，别跟人攀比。对啊，人比人，气死人。 尤其是版上无数清北，在北美做码农泯然众人，而童鞋们在国内呼风唤雨，真得气死！ 第七条，断掉有毒的关系。 我已过四十不惑，还困顿亲情骗局中，没有彻底断了毒父母。 不过，断了视频。 上次我妈为了我表妹的破事儿，在地上打滚，哭骂我小畜生，吓到我女儿了。 打那以后我就不跟我妈视频了。能断一点是一点。
‘个人看法是self love对于结婚有孩子的人特别重要。因为每天要操心的事情太多了往往把自己的需求放在最后甚至忽略了自己。 然后自己心情开始不好， 对另一半也会一点一点build resentment.’
这个好有同感。去年夏天的时候，俩娃在家，我WFH，老公上班，我忙带娃工作家务做饭团团转，还试图尽量把所有事情都weekday弄完保证周末全家的quality time, 后来搞得连锻炼的时间也经常被延后和取消，有一段时间很消沉，还好还没有resent另一半。
后来我改了做法，先把每周的me time留出来，然后在其他时间见缝插针的完成家务之类的，忙不过来就留到周末全家一起做，很快状态就好转了很多。
我们北美人可以拿哈佛、MIT和斯坦福托国内人。
哇还可以nested 威望和魅力，学会了，哈哈哈。
哇塞，你们是老前辈呀，幸会幸会，后辈向你们致敬！哈哈