I just sent him a email. actually I told him everything in a simple short way,complimented him a lot . no hiding.
now I'm deleting his contact information and just keep living my own life and don't think about him anymore. faint, He sent me a message within 30 minutes. said he doesn't understand what I mean, ask me does it means I want him to talk to me or not.
I said I don't know.
then he said he wants to continue to talk to me, do I want him to do that.
am confused he rejected u? no, I sent him the email and to avoid thinking about him too much I decided to delete his contact. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/26 17:08:22编辑过]
to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break.
faint, He sent me a message within 30 minutes. said he doesn't understand what I mean, ask me does it means I want him to talk to me or not.
I said I don't know.
then he said he wants to continue to talk to me, do I want him to do that.
faint.....after texting for a while
He said he is gonna begin pursuing me now
I am kind of confused why "faint?" to be honest, it is my first time typing the word "faint". I remember the first time my ex said "shit" cause we got a ticket for the parking issue. I asked him, what does shit mean? He said its a bad word, don't learn it. Then, he never uses that word anymore. At least he doesn't use that word in our conversation. I think MM should try to avoid using these words which will negatively influence your emotion.
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/26/2013 5:29:00 PM的发言： to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break. Dear cute-wheat MM, you are right about this, I need to learn from you more. I'm actually laughing right now cause I feel so stupid and funny.
to be honest with you , I felt super gilty about registering EH during divorce, and he is a commited christian and I was just so afraid that he will take it as not biblical.
I didn't say I will delete his contact in email, I was planning to do so.
"I don't know, it's up to you to talk to me or not " part sounds super stupid. but then he asked
中国女人所谓的含蓄其实很令人反感。speak ur mind. be straightforward. 男人不喜欢猜女人的心思，也没心思去想does she mean No when she says Yes? 不要没事找事。人的精力都是有限的，花在有意义的地方。 I'm writing that on my note book! I'll make my point clear in the future.
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/26/2013 5:29:00 PM的发言： to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break. 对啊，我也是才和美国男交往，发现他们从来没有猜心思的习惯。看他们傻得有时候真得是很可爱。
to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break.
agree! This mm is clearly trying to manipulate her boyfriend. This strategy is used so much by narcissists. She doesn't care about other people's feeling. She just wants to get her way.
agree! This mm is clearly trying to manipulate her boyfriend. This strategy is used so much by narcissists. She doesn't care about other people's feeling. She just wants to get her way.
please. Don't be so harsh or judgmental. Maybe she is confused or lost after the drastic changes in her life. Maybe she really didn't know what she wanted at that point. Given some time, she will pick herself up and muster enuf courage to speak up and pursue what she wants in her life.
please. Don't be so harsh or judgmental. Maybe she is confused or lost after the drastic changes in her life. Maybe she really didn't know what she wanted at that point. Given some time, she will pick herself up and muster enuf courage to speak up and pursue what she wants in her life.
好吧，可能我harsh了。 不了解全部。 只是觉得这个mm做事有点遮遮掩掩。 比如没离婚上eh.这本来没什么，如果她跟她老公两个人达成共识，各自move on, the only thing left was to get the divorce paper, then I think it is totally ok to put herself out there. Otherwise, she was unfaithful and cheating. Then, she sent him an email to explain "things", I don't know what she explained. Did she claim herself as a single woman when she was on eh? Then she was lying. Then, she said she got his response "in 30 minutes", and she said "I don't know" while clearly she wanted him to come along, that is manipulation.
好吧，是我huaren.usy了。 I had a manipulative ex. I was naive for sure. Whenever he had done something wrong or he felt that I was about to reveal one of his lies. He created dramas. he would say " I love you, but I just don't think you will ever understand that .....blahblah. we are from different worlds, you always think things are simple, only right and wrong. But in reality, I have to blahblah... or How could you not trust me. When all these stopped working. He would break up with me, and then came backing saying "I don't know". That is manipulation. Some people are really good at it, like my ex. some are not. like this mm. I know she is young, God love her and all that. But, hi, be truthful and treat others like the way you would like to be treated.
楼上的你看帖不仔细。那个mm跟我说的是，她上eh时profile写的就是divorced. 当时聊的这个男的应该看到了，但在他俩的书信里，双方都没有特意提到这个问题。她后来选择pull back. 为了等正式的离婚通知书。。搞定后，决定在和这个男人重新开始前，打算先和对方确认下是否知道她的离婚的事实。那个i dont know, 的确不够意思，但我能理解她, 很多中国mm在约会交往中都犯这种错误。不一定是她有心这样做。我反正觉得和manipulate是八竿子打不着。anyway, 这是别人的事，咱外人没必要说太多。
是的。说实话确实内心不安，因为毕竟离婚没有final， 看来那个I don't know 错的离谱啊， 原话是他问：Hi, I got your email. I have read it several times. I'm unsure as to whether you want me to continue talking with you. I'm sorry for not understanding better. Do you want me to not talk with you anymore? I'm sorry if I have caused any offense. 我其实原话说的是I don't know, it's up to you to talk to me or not. I just thought I need to let you know that. 我给他的email大致就是解释了下我是结婚的，那两个月没有联系是为了等上庭，现在已经move on开始准备新的开始， 然后夸了他几句，错在没有表明立场，信结束的时候说no matter what happens after you read this I wish you all the best. 我确实怕他怀疑我人品有问题，不能trust， 做好了他不再联系我的准备。 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/27 10:27:26编辑过]
马甲姑娘（唉，我说，你的大衣有回过我的帖子么？嘿嘿），我知道你是个好姑娘，不过呢，你应该明白一件事，永远不要让别人来decide what U should do. 你要永远的知道what u want, and u tell them. 他们是否选择接受那是他们的事，但是你不该在任何时候两手一摊，告诉对方，你来决定吧。WRONG. 我是说大事情上。和那些神马吃饭去哪吃，吃神马一类的芝麻小事没关系。所以，i dont know. why dont u tell me. its up to u, etc, 类似的话不要说。这和我一直强调的命运掌握在自己手上是一个道理。话要说到位。不要可怜巴巴的把幸福寄托在别人手上，那样你注定要失败。幸福要去自己争取（和倒追神马的也没关系）。只有掌握自己的绝对事件主动权，你才有找到幸福的可能。Good luck as always! keep me posted as always ;)
马甲姑娘（唉，我说，你的大衣有回过我的帖子么？嘿嘿），我知道你是个好姑娘，不过呢，你应该明白一件事，永远不要让别人来decide what U should do. 你要永远的知道what u want, and u tell them. 他们是否选择接受那是他们的事，但是你不该在任何时候两手一摊，告诉对方，你来决定吧。WRONG. 我是说大事情上。和那些神马吃饭去哪吃，吃神马一类的芝麻小事没关系。所以，i dont know. why dont u tell me. its up to u, etc, 类似的话不要说。这和我一直强调的命运掌握在自己手上是一个道理。话要说到位。不要可怜巴巴的把幸福寄托在别人手上，那样你注定要失败。幸福要去自己争取（和倒追神马的也没关系）。只有掌握自己的绝对事件主动权，你才有找到幸福的可能。Good luck as always! keep me posted as always ;)
看到mm男人的这些信，心里真是感慨万千呐。曾经我生命中有两个这样的男人，可是我太做，嫌人家啰嗦，嫌人家烦，嫌人家不幽默不萌不可爱，统统踢跑了。两个都很快被别的姑娘搞定，我还不以为然。现在恨自己从前真是不知死活。I would take them in a heartbeat if I had a time machine.
看到mm男人的这些信，心里真是感慨万千呐。曾经我生命中有两个这样的男人，可是我太做，嫌人家啰嗦，嫌人家烦，嫌人家不幽默不萌不可爱，统统踢跑了。两个都很快被别的姑娘搞定，我还不以为然。现在恨自己从前真是不知死活。I would take them in a heartbeat if I had a time machine.
另外他Email里讨论的自己为自己的幸福负责，凡是要自己争取，不要过多理会他人评论之类观点我是很有同感。 他关于性格性情之分的讨论可以衍生到很多心理学的程度，是很有意思的，以后再来你帖子讨论，我今天回帖打不动了，码字好累哦 （所以更感谢你的帖子）。 突然想起 The Suits里头Harvey对Mike说，you read books. i read people. 你男人比Harvey更上层次，he reads both books and people. lol 顺便问一下，你现在是married or engaged?
至于学习嘛，我一直赞成活到老学到老，没有止境的那一天。20岁的时候尝试改变自己，变得更加优秀，是件好事，因为你可以为此获益50年。但，就算你40岁才觉悟改变自己，也不迟，你也可以获益很多年。我不喜欢那种倚老卖老的态度，觉得自己年龄大了，没法改变了，或者改变也没有什么意义了。人做事，是为了将来负责，而不是缅怀过去。就像前几天鲜花的帖子，一个人问30多岁了学钢琴有什么用。我很反感类似的话。30岁怎么了？谁说钢琴就是小孩子才能学的。人家学钢琴也不一定是为了增加气质一类的虚幻的东西。只要让你开心，自己你做这件事能add value to urself, 那你就应该去做。和年龄无关，和态度有关。
说到这，想起来大家最容易纠结的一个问题。什么恋爱好几年了，但是觉得没有结果，放手的话又觉得太可惜。每次看到这样的言论都很无语。你不会算数吗？你大胆的走出来，你失掉的只是几年的时光。如果你不走出来，be miserable in a relationship, 那你损失的是你的一辈子，或是大半辈子。孰好孰坏，自己分析。
你问他的问题在我的看法就是反过来理解，他说的那些男人想法是成功多金米男的必备，是种特质，否则的话就不配当weathly educated American men。至于trust me on this, 嘎嘎,他懒得解释为什么还有背景故事。有些东西讲的太透就没有意味深长啦。 换句话说噢，他就不据魔力了。
Cute wheat mm, just read the emails you posted. Many thanks for sharing these precious thoughts with us. I love them sincerely, especially the part about personality and characters. When I looked back of my relationship with my boyfriend, I can definitely find the reflection of the points your man pointed out in the letter. Culture and family up-bringing granted me the unique Chinese way of thinking, feeling and expectations on relationship. It took us many conversations and arguments to build the foundation to understand each other's personality and Characters. We are still discovering each other. Again thank you very much for thoughts.
你问他的问题在我的看法就是反过来理解，他说的那些男人想法是成功多金米男的必备，是种特质，否则的话就不配当weathly educated American men。至于trust me on this, 嘎嘎,他懒得解释为什么还有背景故事。有些东西讲的太透就没有意味深长啦。 换句话说噢，他就不据魔力了。
以下是引用Q-Tips在7/30/2013 12:00:00 PM的发言： 对于别人不喜欢你怎么办那段，貌似记得q麦男人还有一句更有气场的话，不喜欢我的话，跟其他huaren.us们一块排排座吧！原话不记得了。。。 那句不是我男人说的哦。是我在instagram上看到的，哈哈，非常喜欢。绝对我的风格。Dont like me? Have a seat with the rest of b!tches waiting for me to give a fcuk! yipeee
至于你说的别人不喜欢你怎么办的问题。我分享的邮件里他有说过，如果太在意别人对自己的看法，无形中就是give them the power to control u. 仔细想想，是那么个道理，和mood swing差不多意思，太容易就被他人左右，不是一个好b!tch的作风噢。
I just sent him a email. actually I told him everything in a simple short way,complimented him a lot . no hiding.
now I'm deleting his contact information and just keep living my own life and don't think about him anymore.
faint, He sent me a message within 30 minutes.
said he doesn't understand what I mean, ask me does it means I want him to talk to me or not.
I said I don't know.
then he said he wants to continue to talk to me, do I want him to do that.
faint.....after texting for a while
He said he is gonna begin pursuing me now
am confused he rejected u?
no, I sent him the email and to avoid thinking about him too much I decided to delete his contact.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/26 17:08:22编辑过]
faint, He sent me a message within 30 minutes.
said he doesn't understand what I mean, ask me does it means I want him to talk to me or not.
I said I don't know.
then he said he wants to continue to talk to me, do I want him to do that.
faint.....after texting for a while
He said he is gonna begin pursuing me now
I am kind of confused why "faint?" to be honest, it is my first time typing the word "faint". I remember the first time my ex said "shit" cause we got a ticket for the parking issue. I asked him, what does shit mean? He said its a bad word, don't learn it. Then, he never uses that word anymore. At least he doesn't use that word in our conversation. I think MM should try to avoid using these words which will negatively influence your emotion.
to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break.
Dear cute-wheat MM, you are right about this, I need to learn from you more.
I'm actually laughing right now cause I feel so stupid and funny.
you are right, keep pia ing me!
and he is a commited christian and I was just so afraid that he will take it as not biblical.
I didn't say I will delete his contact in email, I was planning to do so.
"I don't know, it's up to you to talk to me or not " part sounds super stupid. but then he asked
do you WANT me to continue talking to you
I said: I would like that.
Does "faint" stand for excitement?
it means 晕
Dear cute-wheat MM, you are right about this, I need to learn from you more.
I'm actually laughing right now cause I feel so stupid and funny.
you are right, keep pia ing me!
中国女人所谓的含蓄其实很令人反感。speak ur mind. be straightforward. 男人不喜欢猜女人的心思，也没心思去想does she mean No when she says Yes? 不要没事找事。人的精力都是有限的，花在有意义的地方。
谢谢美女的夸奖。你的手机号我还留着呢，想存我手机里，但意识到不知道你的名字，哈哈，不能存blingblings吧。至于给别人建议，我有点累了，很多时候都是对牛弹琴，我打算慢慢减少回复帖子。无用功做的太多，很让人产生消极情绪。至于你说的坚持，这么多年来，我一直很喜欢俞敏洪的一句话，任何事情，任何点，你只要钻进去，做到别人做不到的深度，你都能成功并且致富
好想接:少生孩子,多种树. 不过在这儿应该是: 少上华人,多看书.哈哈.
话说你的我就存的是cute-wheat, 哈哈，短你啦。看你说要多看书多看书，我这几天又把看书捡起来了。
中国女人所谓的含蓄其实很令人反感。speak ur mind. be straightforward. 男人不喜欢猜女人的心思，也没心思去想does she mean No when she says Yes? 不要没事找事。人的精力都是有限的，花在有意义的地方。
I'm writing that on my note book!
I'll make my point clear in the future.
see, I'm very teachable!
好想接:少生孩子,多种树. 不过在这儿应该是: 少上华人,多看书.哈哈.
话说你的我就存的是cute-wheat, 哈哈，短你啦。看你说要多看书多看书，我这几天又把看书捡起来了。
收到你的短信啦！马上回复你！唉，之前在北加5周都没勾搭上你，下次再去那出差必须要勾搭！顺便把meowl mm也勾搭上。
I'm writing that on my note book!
I'll make my point clear in the future.
see, I'm very teachable!
呱唧呱唧，孺子可教啊。和我一个在东部的好友差不多。我一直要她来写正能量贴，那女人太忙了。。。我回头再催催她。记下是对的，但别忘了运用哦
呱唧呱唧，孺子可教啊。和我一个在东部的好友差不多。我一直要她来写正能量贴，那女人太忙了。。。我回头再催催她。记下是对的，但别忘了运用哦
I will practice it and make it mine! :)
收到你的短信啦！马上回复你！唉，之前在北加5周都没勾搭上你，下次再去那出差必须要勾搭！顺便把meowl mm也勾搭上。
不急不急，收到就好。好！
唉，在g chat上和一个好久没联系的姑娘聊天，人家也是个正能量，哈哈。online dating来的，半年把也就，这也要结婚了! yipeee 我在忽悠她来写正能量帖
支持忽悠！有没有让她来看看这里的讨论热火朝天，这里的气氛一片祥和？嘿嘿。
支持忽悠！有没有让她来看看这里的讨论热火朝天，这里的气氛一片祥和？嘿嘿。
她以前有回过我的帖子。那姑娘现在只上烧钱的版，粉版花生版换班，心版偶尔来转转。。。
to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break.
对啊，我也是才和美国男交往，发现他们从来没有猜心思的习惯。看他们傻得有时候真得是很可爱。
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/26/2013 6:40:00 PM的发言：
最后一页老是进不来，烦那。总得人工输入倒数第二页的进来。。。玩instragram的，给大家推荐个人。这女的穿衣搭配实在是太赞了，至今不露脸，好像是住在欧洲的，很多celebrities也follow她，标准的model身材。我记得我以前有说过她。不是简单的名牌堆砌，人家也穿f21, hm，zara一类的牌子，各种大牌小牌的混搭，鬼斧神工啊（原谅楼猪语文水平太低，脑子里只想到这么个词儿）基本上她的每次搭配都是大赞~~ 第二张是我好久前截取的一张，简单的美，非常喜欢这身搭配，后来自己也copy了下，收获不少compliments。无聊时就喜欢去她的主页看以前的照片，给自己穿衣找灵感，顺便告诫自己，虽然没人家那腿，但也绝对不能变肥！
对啊，我也是才和美国男交往，发现他们从来没有猜心思的习惯。看他们傻得有时候真得是很可爱。
是没有，有时候暗示都明显到小孩都能看出来的境地，还是必须说出来才明白！
对啊，我也是才和美国男交往，发现他们从来没有猜心思的习惯。看他们傻得有时候真得是很可爱。
和race没关系。是个男人都不喜欢这些。不反感你这么做的只能是因为是这个男的太爱你，否则早晚要崩溃
instagram app. 我没用网页看过。一直iphone app
最后一页老是进不来，烦那。总得人工输入倒数第二页的进来。。。玩instragram的，给大家推荐个人。这女的穿衣搭配实在是太赞了，至今不露脸，好像是住在欧洲的，很多celebrities也follow她，标准的model身材。我记得我以前有说过她。不是简单的名牌堆砌，人家也穿f21, hm，zara一类的牌子，各种大牌小牌的混搭，鬼斧神工啊（原谅楼猪语文水平太低，脑子里只想到这么个词儿）基本上她的每次搭配都是大赞~~ 第二张是我好久前截取的一张，简单的美，非常喜欢这身搭配，后来自己也copy了下，收获不少compliments。无聊时就喜欢去她的主页看以前的照片，给自己穿衣找灵感，顺便告诫自己，虽然没人家那腿，但也绝对不能变肥！
分明就是个插秧机！看过之后觉得有好多东西不是想买，是需要买啊!!她很多东西都出现很多次,很白搭,感觉买了利用率会很高.很喜欢这种effortless chic的感觉。
刚看她有的照片好像是怀孕了，腿还这么美！这不科学！
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to be honest with u, i dont like the way u talked to him via email. u sounded like a drama queen. but its very typical for a chinese woman. WHY am i saying this? clearly u wanted him to accept ur past and continue getting to know u better. u should have made it clear in the first place.. i mean in the first email u sent to him - besides telling him abt ur divorce, u also wanted to let him know ur still interested in him. his reaction to ur confusing email is normal, ur response is bizarre. what the heck does "i dont know" mean?! come on, give me a break.
agree! This mm is clearly trying to manipulate her boyfriend. This strategy is used so much by narcissists. She doesn't care about other people's feeling. She just wants to get her way.
和race没关系。是个男人都不喜欢这些。不反感你这么做的只能是因为是这个男的太爱你，否则早晚要崩溃
我的前任就很能猜我的心思，有的时候我什么都没有说，他就能很准确的猜出我在想什么。最悲催的是，他要求我也能猜他的心思，就是他嘴上不说，我要能主动为他想，哪怕是他口头拒绝，我也要用行动支持他心里正真想的。我没这个天赋。。。很悲催啊，很悲催。。。。
agree! This mm is clearly trying to manipulate her boyfriend. This strategy is used so much by narcissists. She doesn't care about other people's feeling. She just wants to get her way.
please. Don't be so harsh or judgmental. Maybe she is confused or lost after the drastic changes in her life. Maybe she really didn't know what she wanted at that point. Given some time, she will pick herself up and muster enuf courage to speak up and pursue what she wants in her life.
please. Don't be so harsh or judgmental. Maybe she is confused or lost after the drastic changes in her life. Maybe she really didn't know what she wanted at that point. Given some time, she will pick herself up and muster enuf courage to speak up and pursue what she wants in her life.
好吧，可能我harsh了。
不了解全部。 只是觉得这个mm做事有点遮遮掩掩。
比如没离婚上eh.这本来没什么，如果她跟她老公两个人达成共识，各自move on, the only thing left was to get the divorce paper, then I think it is totally ok to put herself out there. Otherwise, she was unfaithful and cheating.
Then, she sent him an email to explain "things", I don't know what she explained. Did she claim herself as a single woman when she was on eh? Then she was lying.
Then, she said she got his response "in 30 minutes", and she said "I don't know" while clearly she wanted him to come along, that is manipulation.
分明就是个插秧机！看过之后觉得有好多东西不是想买，是需要买啊!!她很多东西都出现很多次,很白搭,感觉买了利用率会很高.很喜欢这种effortless chic的感觉。
刚看她有的照片好像是怀孕了，腿还这么美！这不科学！
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/26 20:21:14编辑过]
我在那上面还关注了些只穿大牌的。。比如那个ec13m, 神马blondie blabla, drassras(不会拼，整天包头的). 感觉很多就是大牌的堆砌，美感不见得就上去了。女人还是要内外兼修，说话言之无物，坐立行走没个样子没个气场，不注意各个小细节，你再背个birkin, 也背不出那感觉。包背人就是这个意思吧。
I had a manipulative ex. I was naive for sure. Whenever he had done something wrong or he felt that I was about to reveal one of his lies. He created dramas. he would say " I love you, but I just don't think you will ever understand that .....blahblah. we are from different worlds, you always think things are simple, only right and wrong. But in reality, I have to blahblah... or How could you not trust me. When all these stopped working. He would break up with me, and then came backing saying "I don't know".
That is manipulation. Some people are really good at it, like my ex. some are not. like this mm.
I know she is young, God love her and all that.
But, hi, be truthful and treat others like the way you would like to be treated.
楼上的你看帖不仔细。那个mm跟我说的是，她上eh时profile写的就是divorced. 当时聊的这个男的应该看到了，但在他俩的书信里，双方都没有特意提到这个问题。她后来选择pull back. 为了等正式的离婚通知书。。搞定后，决定在和这个男人重新开始前，打算先和对方确认下是否知道她的离婚的事实。那个i dont know, 的确不够意思，但我能理解她, 很多中国mm在约会交往中都犯这种错误。不一定是她有心这样做。我反正觉得和manipulate是八竿子打不着。anyway, 这是别人的事，咱外人没必要说太多。
是的。说实话确实内心不安，因为毕竟离婚没有final，
看来那个I don't know 错的离谱啊， 原话是他问：Hi, I got your email. I have read it several times. I'm unsure as to whether you want me to continue talking with you. I'm sorry for not understanding better. Do you want me to not talk with you anymore? I'm sorry if I have caused any offense. 我其实原话说的是I don't know, it's up to you to talk to me or not. I just thought I need to let you know that. 我给他的email大致就是解释了下我是结婚的，那两个月没有联系是为了等上庭，现在已经move on开始准备新的开始， 然后夸了他几句，错在没有表明立场，信结束的时候说no matter what happens after you read this I wish you all the best. 我确实怕他怀疑我人品有问题，不能trust， 做好了他不再联系我的准备。
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瞌睡mm, 谢谢你分享你的故事。因为隐私问题，我没有引用你的话。我赞同你说的，你那个ex的确是manipulate，但是否是有意的还是无意的，这我就不知道了。有一点你不可否认的是，不管你是有意还是无意，你选择接受他的manipulation. 原因嘛，还是因为你当初爱这个男人。所以我说，这事，是一个巴掌拍不响的事。看完你写的，我突然想到abuse这个词。仔细想下，这2个词之前还是有很多差别的。有些时候，我们因为太在乎一个人的感受，太爱一个人，就会选择对他们的无条件的体谅和包容，反而造成了悲剧的产生。不过呢，谁年轻时没遇到过几个人渣。。人渣让人成长有木有
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而且遇到人渣的机会会比好男人大。因为人渣早晚会被人发现，重回市场。好男人会被识货的姑娘扣下，重回市场的几率小很多啊。所以遇到人渣是正常的，关键要有识别人渣的眼睛，和迅速脱离的决心。 ：）
马甲姑娘（唉，我说，你的大衣有回过我的帖子么？嘿嘿），我知道你是个好姑娘，不过呢，你应该明白一件事，永远不要让别人来decide what U should do. 你要永远的知道what u want, and u tell them. 他们是否选择接受那是他们的事，但是你不该在任何时候两手一摊，告诉对方，你来决定吧。WRONG. 我是说大事情上。和那些神马吃饭去哪吃，吃神马一类的芝麻小事没关系。所以，i dont know. why dont u tell me. its up to u, etc, 类似的话不要说。这和我一直强调的命运掌握在自己手上是一个道理。话要说到位。不要可怜巴巴的把幸福寄托在别人手上，那样你注定要失败。幸福要去自己争取（和倒追神马的也没关系）。只有掌握自己的绝对事件主动权，你才有找到幸福的可能。Good luck as always! keep me posted as always ;)
Soooooo inspiring!!! 听君一席话，胜读十年书！ 我又记下了！ 把这几句话删除出我的辞典！ 人格保证两件大衣经常来捧场的！哈哈！
和race没关系。是个男人都不喜欢这些。不反感你这么做的只能是因为是这个男的太爱你，否则早晚要崩溃
说的真好！！！
喜欢可爱麦mm的帖子，可别让我把这个帖子给弄变味了。
那个mm本来是发给可爱麦看的，我确实代入感太强，过于激动。
不过还是想送给mm一句话。有的时候，我们会觉得自己不够完美，于是把真实的自己用谎言伪装起来。 希望对方接受自己，再慢慢接受我们的不完美。 这事儿的利与弊，就看你到底有多“聪明”，对方到底有多善良。 mm也不是个坏mm，年轻人犯错误上帝也会原谅哒。
Cute 麦mm说的话杂都这么有道理呢！hmm！
什么时候小麦也奔一组上班和休闲装搭配我们鉴赏一下
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/27/2013 1:26:00 PM的发言：
最后一页老是进不来，烦那。总得人工输入倒数第二页的进来。。。玩instragram的，给大家推荐个人。这女的穿衣搭配实在是太赞了，至今不露脸，好像是住在欧洲的，很多celebrities也follow她，标准的model身材。我记得我以前有说过她。不是简单的名牌堆砌，人家也穿f21, hm，zara一类的牌子，各种大牌小牌的混搭，鬼斧神工啊（原谅楼猪语文水平太低，脑子里只想到这么个词儿）基本上她的每次搭配都是大赞~~ 第二张是我好久前截取的一张，简单的美，非常喜欢这身搭配，后来自己也copy了下，收获不少compliments。无聊时就喜欢去她的主页看以前的照片，给自己穿衣找灵感，顺便告诫自己，虽然没人家那腿，但也绝对不能变肥！
小麦同学什么时候也奔一下上班和休闲装搭配，一定很美
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/27/2013 1:30:00 PM的发言：
最后一页老是进不来，烦那。总得人工输入倒数第二页的进来。。。玩instragram的，给大家推荐个人。这女的穿衣搭配实在是太赞了，至今不露脸，好像是住在欧洲的，很多celebrities也follow她，标准的model身材。我记得我以前有说过她。不是简单的名牌堆砌，人家也穿f21, hm，zara一类的牌子，各种大牌小牌的混搭，鬼斧神工啊（原谅楼猪语文水平太低，脑子里只想到这么个词儿）基本上她的每次搭配都是大赞~~ 第二张是我好久前截取的一张，简单的美，非常喜欢这身搭配，后来自己也copy了下，收获不少compliments。无聊时就喜欢去她的主页看以前的照片，给自己穿衣找灵感，顺便告诫自己，虽然没人家那腿，但也绝对不能变肥！
隐私部分我要么去掉，要么就是XX代替了。。小设了下魅力，本来想设250的。。想想太高了。。
每层楼我都会时不时更新。。看到哪封该归哪类就放哪层楼。。
欢迎大家发表观后感哦
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也有男人本身就内向不善表达，只有女生主动才有可能进一步。
小麦，你家这位是不是狮子男＋家里长子？
依稀记得小麦是提到过他家那位是有个哥哥的，是名校的，但q麦那位现在发展的比哥哥更好。
好甜蜜呀，小麦男人很成熟，的确如你所说，一个男人真的爱你会义无反顾的全身心的爱你。
也有男人本身就内向不善表达，只有女生主动才有可能进一步。
前一句我非常赞同啊，后面一句我来替小麦再重复下吧，不管多内向不善言辞，让女生主动都是不应该的，只能说明不into该女生。连追自己喜欢的人都不敢，这样的男人事业上能有发展吗？
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/28 10:50:56编辑过]
还有我的观点是这年头男女都有经济基础，找到合意男人挣多少钱其实不是那么重要，当然会在婚姻中会有影响，经常看到两个艺术家很happy生活但很穷。每个人生活value不同，不能用别人的标准去破坏他人幸福感。比如人夫妻两很穷但是有一碗粥都留给对方，你非要提醒人你太惨了就只有粥喝，这样做太残忍。
以下是引用chocomousse在7/28/2013 10:58:00 AM的发言：
前一句我非常赞同啊，后面一句我来替小麦再重复下吧，不管多内向不善言辞，让女生主动都是不应该的，只能说明不into该女生。连追自己喜欢的人都不敢，这样的男人事业上能有发展吗？
还有我的观点是这年头男女都有经济基础，找到合意男人挣多少钱其实不是那么重要，当然会在婚姻中会有影响，经常看到两个艺术家很happy生活但很穷。每个人生活value不同，不能用别人的标准去破坏他人幸福感。比如人夫妻两很穷但是有一碗粥都留给对方，你非要提醒人你太惨了就只有粥喝，这样做太残忍。
以下是引用chocomousse在7/28/2013 10:50:00 AM的发言：
前一句我非常赞同啊，后面一句我来替小麦再重复下吧，不管多内向不善言辞，让女生主动都是不应该的，只能说明不into该女生。连追自己喜欢的人都不敢，这样的男人事业上能有发展吗？
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/28 10:50:56编辑过]
以下是引用瞌睡在7/28/2013 2:20:00 AM的发言：
看到mm男人的这些信，心里真是感慨万千呐。曾经我生命中有两个这样的男人，可是我太做，嫌人家啰嗦，嫌人家烦，嫌人家不幽默不萌不可爱，统统踢跑了。两个都很快被别的姑娘搞定，我还不以为然。现在恨自己从前真是不知死活。I would take them in a heartbeat if I had a time machine.
看到mm男人的这些信，心里真是感慨万千呐。曾经我生命中有两个这样的男人，可是我太做，嫌人家啰嗦，嫌人家烦，嫌人家不幽默不萌不可爱，统统踢跑了。两个都很快被别的姑娘搞定，我还不以为然。现在恨自己从前真是不知死活。I would take them in a heartbeat if I had a time machine.
离开你就很快被别人搞定的话，说明还不是你命中注定的，说明这男的脑子也不够清醒的。mm别遗憾，相信你有魅力的话，以后桃花不会少的。当你真的明白自己更看重什么的时候再做决定不是更好吗。当然mm如果懊悔自己年轻气盛，对喜欢的人说过伤自尊的话那类，以后就多注意这方面呗。
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离开你就很快被别人搞定的话，说明还不是你命中注定的，说明这男的脑子也不够清醒的。mm别遗憾，相信你有魅力的话，以后桃花不会少的。当你真的明白自己更看重什么的时候再做决定不是更好吗。当然mm如果懊悔自己年轻气盛，对喜欢的人说过伤自尊的话那类，以后就多注意这方面呗。
呵呵，你说的太对了。的确不是我命中注定的。
即便我们修成正果，也会悲剧。因为我那时候根本就不懂得那种人的可贵，不懂得欣赏，非常的自我中心，是个任性的娇小姐。
我有个朋友说，你根本不懂什么是爱。
tmd说对了。自己折腾什么真爱，转眼遇到一个人渣，上课了，傻眼了。后悔了，没用了。
所以小麦mm的帖子里面说的很多越看越对的。只不过很多人无法理解罢了。
我那时候被一个比我大很多的姐姐一顿狂拍，可惜我没懂。 所以现在我有时候拍人也狠。“醒醒吧！”哈哈。
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/28/2013 3:49:00 PM的发言：
我不信能混到国际大公司c level的人会是个不懂交流的人，也许人家闷骚，但不代表他不懂得交际，否则你怎么服众，怎么指点江山。大公司里，中低职位，你可以只凭你的专业知识混饭吃，但任何一个高层，要是没两刷子，不是高情商，不懂得net working, 遇到个人连个屁都不会放，能做到高层还鬼了去了。我才不信这扯淡的话。这些人才是见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话的主儿。男人气场强就势必着能说会道。你见过哪个气场强的人在人堆里不敢吱声，只顾闷口自己找乐的？不知道四大那些partner, 还有大律所的partner的主要职责么？就是拉客户。没有一张好嘴皮，你混的到partner等级么？！小毛孩不说了，那些奔三或是30好几的男人，工作好几年的男人，人家要是没追求你，就是因为你不是人家那杯茶。这个观点我不再重复了，都重复800遍了。
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话说你之前有回复过这个帖子，但是你当时是用的iphone/ipad发的吧，一般用这俩工具发言的，大部分时候都不显示出来，这是华人的一个bug, 也没高层想着去修复修复。。
还有，楼猪除了洁癖外，还是个细节控。我男人说我是OCD. 我发帖子喜欢格式字体神马的都一致，看着舒服。但是这该死的华人在E下的编辑器里，经常是编辑好了，显示出的却是另外景象。。比如这个帖子的首楼，每次看都别扭。
我还觉得纳闷怎么帖子没了呢，还以为被block了：P
managing director要负责协调各个部门的业务，CEO还是要做很多strategic planning。特别是律所，managing partner要make sure各个partner的业务不互相contradict, 比如说有的是brand Name, 有的是山寨的，有的brand name公司很讨厌同一公司还帮山寨打官司的，这样影响自己的reputation. 但是有时候这些山寨的公司的案子也是很油水的。有时候也有overlap的，但是ceo还是更high level, 不会很细的。
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/28/2013 6:44:00 PM的发言：
楼上mm, 你说的这个大头和managing director and managing partners, 我倒没觉得他们的职责分工那么明确，很多都是overlapping的。
话说你之前有回复过这个帖子，但是你当时是用的iphone/ipad发的吧，一般用这俩工具发言的，大部分时候都不显示出来，这是华人的一个bug, 也没高层想着去修复修复。。
还有，楼猪除了洁癖外，还是个细节控。我男人说我是OCD. 我发帖子喜欢格式字体神马的都一致，看着舒服。但是这该死的华人在E下的编辑器里，经常是编辑好了，显示出的却是另外景象。。比如这个帖子的首楼，每次看都别扭。
爱情有很多形式，就算你一开始时被动地以寻找替代品的心态进入新的感情，你和他这份感情持续下去总有一天你们会成为soul mates，因为算没有他那份赚钱机的工作这个男人就种种值得你付出时间和情感。他有习惯性地分析人性和思考人生，在理性和感性中寻找平衡，他的性格这么多年来在跌棍打磨中已经沉淀下来。他对你无比包容是你们感情中最总要的支撑。他的耐心和细心（我一直觉得这两样是衡量一个人成熟修养的程度，但不一定是和年龄成正比的。）使他愿意花时间去了解和接受你，帮你从失恋中走出来，然后发现你更多的特质就是他一直要找的，这样在适合的时候很容易让他急想与你共度未来把你钉在他视线范围内。但是我觉得他某些方面缺少安全感是不是和他的过去感情经历有关。40多岁阅历无数的男人，可以理解他偶尔焦虑你会被其他更年轻帅气的男人吸引，但是听起来为何过去没有经历过和你现在一样好的感情经历。还有就是他爱与其男人包括家里人比较，听起来好像从小就给自己压力很大的样子。
不管怎样，读得出可爱麦有很多吸引人的特质，caring, confident, straight-forward, curious, adventurous, and !passionate! 不过好像angry managing 有点不够，估计大概就是吓走你上个ex的最大原因。 还有我觉得，就是不要被定位成漂亮的中国女孩，那个在公司是可能优势但不是绝对的，尤其是在白女众多的公司，要尽量同化要想办法赢得尊重，心里哼来哼去是没有啥用的。
另外他Email里讨论的自己为自己的幸福负责，凡是要自己争取，不要过多理会他人评论之类观点我是很有同感。 他关于性格性情之分的讨论可以衍生到很多心理学的程度，是很有意思的，以后再来你帖子讨论，我今天回帖打不动了，码字好累哦 （所以更感谢你的帖子）。 突然想起 The Suits里头Harvey对Mike说，you read books. i read people. 你男人比Harvey更上层次，he reads both books and people. lol 顺便问一下，你现在是married or engaged?
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/29 20:38:40编辑过]
还有，你反复使用平率很高的一个词就是--学习。you are cute! :)
至于安慰那个姑娘的话，我本意就是让她不要想太多，不要因为自己的语言问题神马的不自信。没这个必要。倒不是叫她如何搔首弄姿去和那些高层聊（话说楼主这个还真不在行。。。）在这里，大多数公司里，大家都还是很体谅那些母语不是英语的人的。就算说的慢，但如果用词准确，语法得当，一样的okay. 而且很多西方男人，还是条件反射的觉得东方女人神秘些，想了解她们的。总之，我是想告诉那个姑娘，没必要因为自己的身份而觉得矮别人一头。
至于学习嘛，我一直赞成活到老学到老，没有止境的那一天。20岁的时候尝试改变自己，变得更加优秀，是件好事，因为你可以为此获益50年。但，就算你40岁才觉悟改变自己，也不迟，你也可以获益很多年。我不喜欢那种倚老卖老的态度，觉得自己年龄大了，没法改变了，或者改变也没有什么意义了。人做事，是为了将来负责，而不是缅怀过去。就像前几天鲜花的帖子，一个人问30多岁了学钢琴有什么用。我很反感类似的话。30岁怎么了？谁说钢琴就是小孩子才能学的。人家学钢琴也不一定是为了增加气质一类的虚幻的东西。只要让你开心，自己你做这件事能add value to urself, 那你就应该去做。和年龄无关，和态度有关。
说到这，想起来大家最容易纠结的一个问题。什么恋爱好几年了，但是觉得没有结果，放手的话又觉得太可惜。每次看到这样的言论都很无语。你不会算数吗？你大胆的走出来，你失掉的只是几年的时光。如果你不走出来，be miserable in a relationship, 那你损失的是你的一辈子，或是大半辈子。孰好孰坏，自己分析。
你问他的问题在我的看法就是反过来理解，他说的那些男人想法是成功多金米男的必备，是种特质，否则的话就不配当weathly educated American men。至于trust me on this, 嘎嘎,他懒得解释为什么还有背景故事。有些东西讲的太透就没有意味深长啦。 换句话说噢，他就不据魔力了。
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/29 21:00:25编辑过]
与其相比，抱着快要干掉或者烂掉的感情，为什么不先想把自己渎救出来？
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/29 22:58:17编辑过]
这几天最后一页肿么了~~
其实人真是越分析越有趣，难怪一个成功人士曾经对我说，心理学最重要，越成功，心理学应用的越多。
简直就是方方面面都要应用心理学啊，恋爱婚姻工作教育子女，包括买东西砍价。
我觉得你也要等一个人安静下来有充分时间的时候才会有心情看长长的邮件。上班或者外出的时候都是有点匆忙的，大家平时讲究效率习惯打短讯，收到邮件都是匆匆过眼。 好在你都保留了这些邮件，所以不要太自责啦。不过话说来，他真的是很有很有很有诚意很你分享。
你问他的问题在我的看法就是反过来理解，他说的那些男人想法是成功多金米男的必备，是种特质，否则的话就不配当weathly educated American men。至于trust me on this, 嘎嘎,他懒得解释为什么还有背景故事。有些东西讲的太透就没有意味深长啦。 换句话说噢，他就不据魔力了。
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/29 21:00:25编辑过]
有的时候很难用逻辑来解释。对了，小麦他家男人说什么了？：）
这种人很少很少很少。 有很多人根本不具备这项功能。 恭喜可爱麦mm.呵呵。-
对于别人不喜欢你怎么办那段，貌似记得q麦男人还有一句更有气场的话，不喜欢我的话，跟其他huaren.us们一块排排座吧！原话不记得了。。。
那句不是我男人说的哦。是我在instagram上看到的，哈哈，非常喜欢。绝对我的风格。Dont like me? Have a seat with the rest of b!tches waiting for me to give a fcuk! yipeee
至于你说的别人不喜欢你怎么办的问题。我分享的邮件里他有说过，如果太在意别人对自己的看法，无形中就是give them the power to control u. 仔细想想，是那么个道理，和mood swing差不多意思，太容易就被他人左右，不是一个好b!tch的作风噢。
再拿个大喇叭说下，有时最后一页进不来的问题。进不来其实是因为“所谓的最后一页”根本就不存在。我遇到这种情况，就直接点首页，然后在那个小输入框内输入倒数第二页的数字，敲回车，就能看到最新发表的回复了~~
华人高层太懒了。这个网站的bugs太多了...
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/30 18:00:25编辑过]