kk. just so u know, u dont have to write in english if u find it hard to address ur issue. im using my man's laptop these days, and dont wanna install a chinese software on it. BTW, i really like ur pic.. i wanna ROU LIN those white fluffy little paws so bad Kk. 终于装了个软件，打中文。英文表达到不了期望值。中文华丽丽的退步。 话说，baby都刺激不出我很大的母爱，但是对于毛绒玩具没有抵抗力。我男朋友经常觉得我就是个baby。而且我还很爱撒娇。汗一个。
言归正传。解释一下我的情况。我想说的事情是，我很赞同楼主的说法，（play hart to get). 因为其实开始的时候我没有想过我和他会在一起。所以我很很把持的住。因为我觉得反正也是个朋友，没有什么说要impress他。所以算是歪打正着我们在一起。但是我们开始dating到relationship之后我就败了。我犯过很多楼主说的dating的错。我质疑过问什么不很快回我的短信呀。为什么不想和我在一起，其实我们在一起的时间挺多的。而且我也常常撒娇又固执，偶尔也无理取闹。另外，我说的subtle是指play hard to get微妙，我可以感觉出来如果我很咄咄逼人的要他做我希望他做的事情。他就有的时候觉得我expectation太高，而且不一定会做我想做的事情。但是我要是有的时候很忙没有空搭理他的时候，他倒是很热情的粘过来，也装装乖。
然后我说的女生impress他的部分，解释一下。他的感情经历倒不是十分丰富。他是挺招人喜欢的那种吧， 主要他性格上有一点好就是对别人的人生很感兴趣，加上他很喜欢体验， 声音超级好，自弹自唱 （话说也是看上这一点），rarely get bored with him。上个周末我们聊天的时候，我就问了问他觉得女生主动的是什么感觉。他就说他以前尤其是在学校的时候，是挺多女生会主动。但是他觉得女生最好是不要主动，可以偶尔给一点暗示，给男生一点追求的信心。He said： “If you try too hard to impress someone, you are just not yourself anymore.” 我倒是没觉得我won him over. 我最多也就是开始的是kind of hard to get，more like be myself. 后期就不行了。看到楼主的贴后, 狂pai自己100次。觉得自己犯的错也太多了。其实他有多少女生追过。以前历史是怎么样。我倒是兴趣不大，过去就过去了。要是特别想知道顶多就是想知道分手的原因。因为我倒是觉得这个有利于知道他之前不足的地方。这样有没有把我上回的post解释清楚？我的表达呀，汗一个
我挺希望这段relationship 有结果。我就是一恋爱就没有方向感。pai自己100下。我想知道这样可以不总是以他为先。怎样可以看出对方commitment程度。怎样实践play hard to get in a relationship。 而且我也很好奇，楼主婚后也一样会实践这个原则么。
whats the problem? i assume you like them, otherwise how come u would want to exchange emails for a couple times. in that case, u guys should meet. Its not too soon.. u should be happy that those guys have balls to ask u out at this pace. some cowards just know sh!t. Dating is such a time consuming process so make it as efficient as possible ... move on to the next if you dont like each other in the first meet..
In your case, "play hard to get" is not equal to "try hard to impress someone". Total different concepts. The core of the concept of playing hard to get is to have your life in place and be happy. You are not making a statement to anyone that you are simply fabulous and wonderful. However, trying hard to impress someone is the opposite. You do whatever you can to make "someone" REALIZE you are fabulous and wonderful. The funny thing is the latter one, often times, can make you look pathetic. The truth is if you have it, you dont need to show it. If you show it, you probably dont OWN it. Well, its kinda abstract, but I hope you get it.. I do agree with what your boy said. trying to impress someone makes it so obvious that you are into him/her. Dont you think it could apply to the theory of being too nice? Well, sort of... in some cases.. And don't just separate this sentence from what else he said. I think what he tried to convince you is a girl should send up a little hint, and let the man chase you. Make yourself a prize that rewards his effort, and trust me, guys LOVE it. It's a contest, and they rarely walk away from it. You should use it to your advantage. Well, do I need to repeat this over and over again? I don't think so. As for his past/his ex.. hmmm leave it in the past. Don't dig it. No need to know why they broke up. WHY NOT? Well, it doesnt matter what he says, it will only be one sided story. It probably wont represent the truth. So why bother? I have no interest in knowing my partner's past. All I need to know is they didnt work out. Enough.
Now I am getting to what I really want to share with you and other girls. Never ever complain over small issues. When you complain, he probably considers you to be moody or over sensitive. And since nobody likes to be criticized, as soon as you pour out ur frustrations, he gets into a defensive mode. Its very easy to understand, right? We all do that. So, under that circumstance, do you think he will really listen to you and give what you said a second thought? Hmm, you get the answer. And of course, he wont probably live up to your expectation, aka he will do the same thing to piss you off. Then you find yourself complain in front of him again.. Isn't it an awful circle happening in most of relationships? So what can you do? Make a statement that you are not happy via your action. Simply distance yourself from him. If he cares, he will notice and be bothered. If not, well, you will know where you stand, and run away from him as far as possible. For example, as you said, you didnt like when he didnt respond to your message in a timely manner. Instead of verbally expressing your feeling, just ignore him for a few hours/days. I mean.. so when he txts you back, dont respond. WAIT. wait until he gets crazy, and your phone goes off like crazy. Then you gracefully pick up the phone and say, oh honey, I am sorry. i was busy doing sth. the whole point of doing this is to teach him a lesson - it doesnt feel good when you are expecting someone to respond and that person is not doing it. It's just an example. I dont consider it a trick. In fact, it applies to your everyday life dealing with dif. people. Dont complain. It rarely works. Your action delivers better results than your words.
Last but not least, regarding to how to play hard to get, Oh boy, I think many people dont get it!!! Its not teaching you not to be who you are. It's about self satisfactions with or without a man. Its about being happy with or without a man. IF you can achieve this, you will become a natural play-hard-to-getter. Never TRY to play hard to get, becuz it will sabotage you very badly. As for how to do it in a natural way, read what I said in the first 2 pages, and work on yourself. i cant give out more advice or opinions... below is for whoever is reading my post. I have always wanted to say this - I dont believe that only aggressive girls can do this. It's BS. i dont believe in giving urself an excuse saying, oh, I dont have that kind of personality, and I was born to be a nice girl, so I dont think I can do it. Oh well, ladies, if you keep feeding yourself with such crap, dont cry when your men treat you like sh!t. If I can do it, you sure can. Do I have more brain than you? Or are you mentally disabled? NO! And come on, we all get hurt from one relationship or so, okay? You are not the only one, so dont make it sound like the whole fcuking world betrayed you. Your heart can get hurt, but dont let it break. Really try to learn from what you did wrong. "You cant make the same mistake twice. the second time you make it, its no longer a mistake. its a choice." At the end of the day, you are in the driving seat, and you create your future however you want based on what you are doing RIGHT NOW. So make smart choices.
小麦Mm，之前给你的回复不知道为什么感觉死了。。。谢谢你之前的答复。anyway，我昨晚见了他了，感觉非常非常不好。。好吧，我们去看的盖茨比。其实他之前看过一次，又陪我看，我其实挺感动的。不过见面后，我就问他，你看过书么？我说我也挺想看的，他就说，英语是你的第二语言，不知道你能理解不？这个就把我气到了。 第二个，他自己买了零食，也不问我吃不吃，就自己在那边吃完就算了。。问问其实也没什么吧。 之前跟我发短信的时候说了可多好听的了，什么我是他喜欢的类型啊，什么对我们的发展很有信心云云。不过见面后也没见他特热情。。最后跟我说了一句，nice meeting u. Take care. 应该也是没下文了。不过对他印象真的是不好。。 以下是引用cute-wheat在5/18/2013 0:2:00 AM的发言： this guy is an idiot. i definitely dont appreciate the way he talked to u. he canexpresshow frustrated he is becuz u never initiated a conv. BUT how dare he was that he told u there are lots of girls in his town, blabla. He talked as if he was in high demand. give me a break. AND its ur fault also - seriously, two months already? but no meet? ru kidding me? i dont care how far we are, if i like the person i met online, i need to see him in person within the first month. face the reality please.. be responsible for both parties.
以下是引用cute-wheat在5/17/2013 3:24:00 AM的发言： Last but not least, regarding to how to play hard to get, Oh boy, I think many people dont get it!!! Its not teaching you not to be who you are. It's about self satisfactions with or without a man. Its about being happy with or without a man. IF you can achieve this, you will become a natural play-hard-to-getter. Never TRY to play hard to get, becuz it will sabotage you very badly. As for how to do it in a natural way, read what I said in the first 2 pages, and work on yourself. i cant give out more advice or opinions... below is for whoever is reading my post. I have always wanted to say this - I dont believe that only aggressive girls can do this. It's BS. i dont believe in giving urself an excuse saying, oh, I dont have that kind of personality, and I was born to be a nice girl, so I dont think I can do it. Oh well, ladies, if you keep feeding yourself with such crap, dont cry when your men treat you like sh!t. If I can do it, you sure can. Do I have more brain than you? Or are you mentally disabled? NO! And come on, we all get hurt from one relationship or so, okay? You are not the only one, so dont make it sound like the whole fcuking world betrayed you. Your heart can get hurt, but dont let it break. Really try to learn from what you did wrong. "You cant make the same mistake twice. the second time you make it, its no longer a mistake. its a choice." At the end of the day, you are in the driving seat, and you create your future however you want based on what you are doing RIGHT NOW. So make smart choices. Well said.
以下是引用cute-wheat在5/9/2013 8:58:00 PM的发言： I agree with sherrycous mm. First off, you guys are separated. That the divorce paper is not ready yet doesnt mean you cant date or have a bf. It's not cheating, and certainly has nothing to do with being morally wrong.. Don't feel guilty please.. In fact, you should be doing what you are doing. Put yourself out there and explore what other men have to offer. I dont believe its a good idea to tell this guy about your marriage problem. TOO EARLY! You guys are still in the email exchange stage. I dont know what you have told him - does he know you are separated? As long as he knows about this, you should be okay. NEVER say anything about your ex-husband in front of another man. A guy likes his woman to focus on himself, and has absolute no interest in listening to her talking about other men. Dont try to figure out a man with your "woman sense". It doesnt work that way. Okay, back to your new man - If you like him, you guys should have a talk over the phone (whats the big deal?!).. to see if you still have the strong feeling for him. As time goes by, once you guys are getting more serious, you can say, "my divorce should be settled soon".. something like that.. to ease his mind and/or assure him that nothing is getting in between of you two. As for now, do nothing. Just enjoy the dating process. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/6/7 11:26:38编辑过]
hi dear, You are welcome. I understand your concern. Your a good woman.. Somehow I feel like you are making a mistake. This man seems to be a keeper. as much as I agree with what he said, I still believe time waits for no man. are you sure you want to let him go? ;( Give it some time. Dont make rash decision that you might regret in the future.. But I do want u to take care of you first. Talking to a professional is a great idea. I wish you the best. As far as I am concerned, I dont understand why U wanted to know about my major. Not sure if it helps. You should figure out what you really wanna do, and at the same time, u might want to think through if your situation allows you to chase your ideal career path...budget, time, that sort of thing. Dont lose touch with reality just becuz you are not making enough money at the moment.. Everyone is different. You cant expect to be successful by simply copying what other ppl do.. not smart move.. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/19 1:47:31编辑过]
this guy is an idiot. i definitely dont appreciate the way he talked to u. he can express how frustrated he is becuz u never initiated a conv. BUT how dare he was that he told u there are lots of girls in his town, blabla. He talked as if he was in high demand. give me a break. AND its ur fault also - seriously, two months already? but no meet? ru kidding me? i dont care how far we are, if i like the person i met online, i need to see him in person within the first month. face the reality please.. be responsible for both parties.
im closing up this thread. no longer offering my opinions on yr dating/relationship questions. i noticed a lot of ppl asking questions without thinking through, and i lost interest in keeping repeating myself. most of the answers can be found in the first 2 pages, and COMMON SENSE. WISE UP. no more dumbass excuses. if u wanna be an idiot believing that ur man is different from the rest, good luck.
haha sure sure. cant wait to try out all the chinese street food in flushing lol. fine dining is no longer appealing to me.. ru still dating the same guy? ;p
Cute wheat mm. thank you so much for all your suggestions. Just read the tao of dating and the two other books you mentioned. A lot of principles you mentioned already. I am taking a break to observing myself and lay a schedule to enrich my life. Plan to learn dancing first. You are closing up the thread. hope will still see your good post and keep in touch. mm have a good night. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/21 0:39:05编辑过]
just wanted to make sure that you didnt think much abt what i said yesterday. that i chose to close this thread is mainly becuz i realized a lot of ppl who asked questions still make the same mistake and use the same excuse after i gave out my answers. they can be fools as much as they want, and i can care less. i just dont like to be played as a fool wasting my time responding to those idiot-like questions. not worth my time. Plus, some of them didnt know what the appreciation is all about. never a follow-up, not even a "thank you" note. hmmmm no thanks, i am done. as for you, you sounded like a sweet nice lady, and i wish you nothing but the best. keep me posted!
谢谢小麦MM。之前iPhone app 总是回复不上。。。这个帖子前面一百多页上周末都认真看了。很有收获呀。不过看要关贴了，小麦MM万事顺利！！！ 以下是引用cute-wheat在5/21/2013 10:38:00 PM的发言： wow, what an assho!e! i am sorry ;( Glad you didnt waste much time on him... you did the right thing by blocking him. email exchanging and meeting in person can be quite different. its not a waste of time as long as you can learn from each date ;) keep looking. mr. right is coming ;)
Wheat mm, I just saw your reply after my favorite dinner. Very happy. Haha. I agree with you. You have many more important things to do.
I think I am kind of nice not sure how much I am. I thought I should learn to be less nice. haha :) I appreciate people who speak up their opinions and practice them. You are one. I am sure I will still make mistakes, but I will learn too. And for sure I will keep you posted. If you ever come down to the south, let me know. :) Since you like fluffy stuff. Here is one, my special cute collection for you. Good night.
u might be overthinking.. it could be a red flag.. but it also could mean nothing. I know ppl who prefer to pay cash all the time... if ur concerned, why dont u just be blunt? next time, casually bring it up after he pays for the dinner - thanks for the dinner. its great. by the way, are you more of a cash carrying person?
im closing up this thread. no longer offering my opinions on yr dating/relationship questions. i noticed a lot of ppl asking questions without thinking through, and i lost interest in keeping repeating myself. most of the answers can be found in the first 2 pages, and COMMON SENSE. WISE UP. no more dumbass excuses. if u wanna be an idiot believing that ur man is different from the rest, good luck.
From now on, I will answer questions that are very specific. it could be ur teensy concern/confusion abt dating.. if I dont answer ur question, that just means the answer is obvious that I have either addressed before, or you should have known better. Please dont msg me with your dating questions.. I will keep my answers short and sweet. No more long detailed ones... as i said, no interest in repeating myself. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/29 21:51:41编辑过]
From now on, I will answer questions that are very specific. it could be ur teensy concern/confusion abt dating.. if I dont answer ur question, that just means the answer is obvious that I have either addressed before, or you should have known better. Please dont msg me with your dating questions.. I will keep my answers short and sweet. No more long detailed ones... as i said, no interest in repeating myself. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/29 21:51:41编辑过]
I have been re-reading emails between me and my love, and found a lot of great valuable information from his words regarding love, work, ppl skill, culture shock, etc. It just made me want to appreciate and love him more. Thanks god for having him in my life. Anyway, I wanted to know if any of you are interested in reading. I can do some copy and paste work ;)
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
Super, cannot wait to see! Would like to hear some insight re. what to say or do when he said or did something you consider to be disrespectful. For example, when he sends some emails ridiculing how crazy things Chinese would eat or ask you to come over to his city often in the beginning of a relationship etc. I know many mms here would be able to spot these behaviors and could say no to them but should we do that with style or as huaren users under a nice cover? Lol ... C-w seem to have a good way to saying many things : )
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
young asian woman? RU KIDDING ME? WHAT A GREAT COMBO! you should use it to ur advantage and make the best outta it. not sure why u see it as a thwarting point. i will address ur concern in my post later. so tired tonite.
Super, cannot wait to see! Would like to hear some insight re. what to say or do when he said or did something you consider to be disrespectful. For example, when he sends some emails ridiculing how crazy things Chinese would eat or ask you to come over to his city often in the beginning of a relationship etc. I know many mms here would be able to spot these behaviors and could say no to them but should we do that with style or as huaren users under a nice cover? Lol ... C-w seem to have a good way to saying many things : )
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
自信真的很重要！这次G和E我都表现的比较自信，要有自己的生活，他们提到了说感觉我这个人有自信，“I like that~”
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
young asian woman? RU KIDDING ME? WHAT A GREAT COMBO! you should use it to ur advantage and make the best outta it. not sure why u see it as a thwarting point. i will address ur concern in my post later. so tired tonite.
老习惯，想到哪说到哪，发散思维。话说最近新出的devious maids, mistresses都很好看捏。suits s3也开始了, guiliana and bill新季也开始了，楼猪最近看电视看的好happy. newsroom也很不错。。
楼猪还是会中英穿插。倒不是装逼，只是习惯了。很多时候想问题是英文思维，然后就英文写出来了。。。
先说自信。我发现我一直在强调自信的重要性，但忘了阐述一个核心问题- 自信不仅仅是一个口号，自信不仅仅你每天对自己的积极暗示。如果你没有真材实料，你早晚会发现，你所谓的“自信起来了”的感觉会在某一瞬间瓦解。比如说你以为你很自信了，you think you are the best, and deserve the best. You also let ppl know your confident. HOWEVER, oftentimes, you still find urself confused, and unsure. WHY? Becuz confidence comes within, and it takes a lot of time to build up and reinforce. 有人要问了，那如何武装自己成为一个自信的女人呢？除了你的自身性格外，很大程度上你所要做的是充实你的大脑。每天都要读书看报，多了解一些你专业外的知识，另外学门外语，上个课考个证神马的，参加些兴趣班，诸如此类。这和让你的生活充实起来是一个道理。我必须要再强调一点，多看书多看书多看书多看书。每天少上点华人，每天尽量坚持1-2小时的阅读时间。至于什么书，随便你。另外，外表的事儿，我就不用多说了吧。自信不是一朝一夕的事。不是说我今天打算开始自信，那我就能一直自信下去的。如果你只是喊喊口号，你早晚还得栽跟头，尤其是那些本来就优柔寡断，内向，不够强势的女生。只有不断的充实自己，才能明白being confident can be so effortless.
你的交友圈。知己就和Mr.Right一样都是可遇而不可寻的，都要珍惜。很多时候我也赞同，男人如衣服，闺蜜如手足（当然我说的是真闺蜜，不是鲜花上那些用来爆料吐槽的所谓闺蜜）。楼猪犯过错，交过不值得交的朋友，加上前段时间诸多不顺，越发明白真朋友的重要性。现在交朋友也越来越谨慎。我的经验是，能成为真朋友的必须是你俩在很多地方不相上下的，思维头脑上，感情认知上，消费水平上，等等。。楼猪很幸运的是有俩闺蜜，一个是在欧洲时勾搭上的，一个是经人牵线认识的同乡。那俩人的犀利是楼猪不能比的。一遇事楼猪就喜欢和她们说，然后人家总能一说到底的直指要害的让楼猪不能躲闪。I am very grateful. 除了你要珍惜那些好友外，还要谨慎的让一个新人成为你的朋友，不要那么快的就一头扎进去，不要那么快的就吐露真心，和找男人一个道理。。我最想说的还是我之前阐述过的，you are who you friend with. 这和那个if you wanna get to know a guy, look at his friends差不多一个道理。你的交友圈层次上去了，你的层次相应的也能提高不少。尽量多去结识一些成功的人，思想成熟的人。和他们聊天相处，是一笔财富，会让你少走很多弯路，另外这些人所能带给你的潜在效益是不可估量的, networking。此外，不是每个朋友给你的意见都是对的，都是值得听的, 你要学会分辨。
好友要珍惜，那些acquaintances也是要maintain滴。怎么说。很多人你只是有一面或是几面之缘而已，很多人只不过是你手机里的一个contact. 仅此而已。但这些人不是说你就可以忽视的了，尤其是那些位高或是有很多关系网的人。偶尔发个短信或是电话问候下，比如逢年过节时。如果你记得人家生日，在生日那天发个简短的讯息就很好。我之所以说这个，是因为很多时候你根本不会意识到你会有需要他帮助的那一天。这个很好解释。人在潜意识里都会优先考虑帮助自己相对熟悉的那个人。比如这个A, 你之前只见过1面，从此再也没联系过，然后你突然找他求帮个忙，他把你拒绝的可能性很大。但是如果你偶尔会和他联系下，就算没再碰面过，他把你拒绝的可能性肯定比前面说的情况要小。这是人之常情。communication with your acquaitances from time to time is of the essence. 我自从开帖以来，也深刻的明白了这个道理。虽然我说了不要再私信我讲你的问题，但是如果你是之前有在贴中和我互动过的（我基本上都能记得ID）, 如果你哪天私信我了，你的问题我还是会回答的。如果你从来没回复过帖子，突然间给我一封长私信，我基本上是会delete的。
天使之恋mm说的问题，networking. 其实很大程度上也是个自信的事儿。I mean.. who doesnt wanna be yong and/or look young? Asian woman? wow exotic looks in most of Caucasian's eyes which represent beauty. networking skills和自信一样，也不是一朝一夕的事儿。也不是我几句就能给你说明白的。应该从small talks开始，学习如何和不同的人在不同的环境下carry on a conversation. short or long. it depends. 我看过一本讲business礼仪的书，太久了，忘了名字了，书也借给某个女人n久了一直没要回来，囧。我记得那上面说的是，在一个business event里，当你和一个上级聊天时，如果人家没问你要business card, 你是万万不可以随便的给人家的，its rude. 另外一个rude的地方就是，你不该随便插入打断别人的谈话（除非是有人introduce u to those ppl），尽管里面有你想认识聊天的人。你要做的是站在旁边静静的听，如果人家注意到了你，会给你眼神暗示让你发表言论，或是直接让你说。。然后你可以适时的介绍下你自己。很多时候，你可以在取酒水的地方和人开始对话，最开始时不要太personal, altho u can start with complimenting his/her outfit, hairstyle, etc. 最好的就是comment一下这个event/party的情况, remain positive - 比如说这个party的decor很好呀，音乐很不错呀一类的话。no negative comment please. 然后你可以适时的夸赞对方一下，介绍自己。当然，去business event, 你的明信片是肯定要带在身上的，还有一支质地精良的签字笔和business note. you never know. 最后，我想说的是，不要指望人家和你connet, 机会是要你自己争取的, 你要去和人家connect。如果你只会端着酒杯等人来找你聊，你注定会失败。sometimes you have to make bold moves in a smart and graceful way. start small and aim big.
关于别人对你的议论对你的看法。楼猪的认知是，很多时候you shouldnt give a damn if they talk sh!t about u behind your back. 不管是哪种原因，肯定会有人不喜欢你讨厌你。“朋友”间（不管是真朋友还是假朋友），如果只有那么1，2个人说你的某个不好的地方，你可以忽视。不喜欢我？拉倒啊，老死不相往来。有啥大不了的。别为此伤神。这些人这些评论根本不值得你去费心的想。但是如果有好几个人都烦你的一点，那就是你该好好反思的时候了。这个很好理解吧，我就不多解释了。我想说的重点是，很多人都太在乎别人对自己的意见，which allows those comments to affect their emotions too much. STUPID. 很多人的屁观点你就当是一坨屎。你只需要在乎那些真正在乎你的人的看法。其余的都是浮云。如果你的心情你的心态很容易被外人或是不太相干的人所影响，那只能说明你离成熟还很远。楼猪很喜欢的一句话: Dont like me!? Have a seat with the rest of b!tches waiting for me to give a fcuk.
Be a classy lady. 不要在公共场合说脏话，尤其是在upscale的地方。s开头和F开头的那俩词永远不要从你的口中说出来。另外，what the hell一类的也不要说。很掉价。你可以说，哎呀，我只是对我亲近的人说脏话。不要这么想。你以为是这样，但是很多时候，在public，你还是会情不自禁的讲出来。就算你是小声的对你身边的人说这些，旁边的人也很有可能听到。你可以辩解的说，这些人我也许以后再也碰不到了，我才不在乎他们怎么看我。相信我，如果你这么天真的想，你早晚要吃大亏。尤其是在那些fancy/upscale的地方，比如说restaurants, clubs, 你身边的人大部分都是有头有脸的，人家对你的第一印象很多时候会是个elegant lady, 但是如果听到你张口来一句what the fcuk, i dont give a sh!t一类的comments, 你在他人心里的image会一落千丈, 尤其是那些professional gentlemen。很多人不说不评论，但不代表人家对你没有看法。You wanna remain your greatest image wherever you go.
Be a classy lady #2- wear comfortable clothes and shoes. 抛开身材不说，你想impress those rich fancy assho!es的一大法宝是你的自信。"confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear." 除了你within的自信，你的outfit也很能说明问题。楼猪喜欢people watch, 周末跟朋友经常在西洛杉矶找个环境好的地方坐在外面吃brunch, 观察来来往往的男女们。每次总能发现不少靓女，身材正点，妆容精致无暇，但看她们的走路架势，很容易暴露出一个问题，缺少自信。穿着自己handle不了的恨天高，或是不舒服的恨天高，走起路来歪歪扭扭，亦步亦趋，含胸驼背的，一点气场都没。你觉得这样的姑娘让人吸引吗？I dont think so. 如果是那种感观，还不如穿个3厘米的小高跟，昂首挺胸，目不斜视的暗暗享受周围的赞美眼光呢。说到底，是人穿鞋，而不是鞋穿人。没那个本事就别揽那瓷器活儿，受罪还不讨好。穿的衣服也是一样。穿舒服的，否则在外面，你总是想着拽拽衣服，折腾下，脑子时不时的问自己，这样可以吗。你觉得你有那闲情逸致的保持那份自信的态度么？I dont think so either. 衣服和鞋子不是越贵的越好，适合你的才是最好的。Label is not everything, which doesnt automantically enhance your appearance. 当然价钱上去了，衣服的料子剪裁真的是那些小牌子所不能比拟的。随着年龄的增长, 在有限的budget里，建议大家还是选择好牌子的。我始终相信一分钱一分货。钱花到位了就不可能不满意。另外，老生常谈，贵在买精。与其100刀买10件T恤衫，不如100刀买1，2件，楼猪是james perse的大扇子。买着贵穿着便宜。好东西就是好东西。另外，大家都有自己的fashion sense. 如果你觉得自己土气，不够fashionable, 不如花点时间看看那些fashion blog, 搭配图片，多多少少会给你灵感，试着学习搭配，进步是早晚的事儿。楼猪weibo和instragram里follow的绝大多数都是和fashion有关的，看着美图心里也美哈。最后再强调一句，男人都是视觉动物！！！至于身材，你控制不了嘴还控制不了腿的话，就别唧唧歪歪的到处抱怨没人约你，自己是剩女一类的话了。活该。
楼猪最开始写帖子的时候，反复说过好多次: 道理谁都懂，看着明白做着难, 执行起来还是会出现不到位的时候。是，我依旧这么想。但最近几个月的经历让我更加明白这个道理。就比如上段写的。当年看到的例子是一个女人在选择有钱的老男人还是没钱的青梅竹马的对象时的彷徨。事实上是这样，不管选谁，不管她以后过的是否幸福，她都会怀念没选择的那个人，那种可能存在的生活。再比如，某人很早前跟我说的never date anyone who has a lot of baggages. 道理很浅显，原因似乎也很简单，但我在听到时没有办法深刻感受理解这句话的含义。而现在我坐在这里敲键盘，以我的经历告诉大家，这是个真理。不过呢，没什么好遗憾或者后悔的。别人说再说道理，劝再多话，都不如自己栽个跟头来的深刻。
不要抱怨。 我说的抱怨不是说你complain天气热啊，堵车啊一类的问题。我说的是dont blame anyone or anything for your own misfortunes. 楼猪在很多别人的帖子里回复时不止一次的说过一句话，遇事先从自己身上找问题，别人不该你的。不要动不动就怪罪到别人头上或者其他。挺没意思的。反正从我这得不到安慰的话。活该。自作自受。例子我能够举出一大堆来。
same as "why u always attract the wrong guys". 很多mm一定疑惑，为啥我上网总是遇不到优质男。为啥总是些猥琐男找上门来。okay, 如果你每见5个男人，出现1个disguesting man, 你完全可以忽视，这不一定是你的问题。话说这个和无视某些人对你的negative comments一样，都是小概率事件。但是如果这5个人里，有3个以上都很disguesting, 你是否该静下来想想，WHY?! 如果我说，苍蝇不叮无缝之蛋，你会不会觉得很难听，很offended呢？不过呢，现实是残酷的，事实就是如此。问题出在你自己身上。要么是你的profile/pics没选好，没写对路，要么就是你在邮件电话期间不会rule out wrong guys. 还有就是你的心态问题，是不是太容易就相信别人的话，是不是连人家基本资料都搞不清楚的情况下就选择见面了呢？如果你这几样都做的很好，你绝对绝对不会总是遇到这个问题。你有没有想过呢？估计很多人没有吧。除了无止境的抱怨外，根本想不到应该从自身找问题。再说句难听的，you suck for a reason, and it has nothing to do with others.
人渣？好男人？ 我想大家都应该听过这样的故事。和前女友折腾好几年，女方逼婚不成，最后分手的，然后人家男方转眼间就找了个姑娘迅速结婚了。前女友和其众人肯定在背后骂了不少难听的话，把错都怪罪在男方身上，然后觉得女方是个victim. But really?? 我根本不用去知道细节，我就可以说，这种想法是很幼稚的。我又要重复了，一个愿打一个愿挨。尼玛你和那极品男在一起的时候，你为啥要拖着？人家想不想和你结婚，肯定不用你问，你都能察觉到的吧。自己想受罪，自己想赌一把，就不要在事后败下阵来的时候唧唧歪歪的怨天怨地，指桑骂槐。不想和你结婚，不对你好，不把你捧在手心宠上天，你不赶紧走出来，你等啥？别跟我说那些屁原因。都是借口。我才不信。所以啊，你眼中的人渣也许是人家眼里的绝世好老公好爸爸。远离人渣的唯一办法就是及时止损。没那个勇气的话，那就只能接受时间和身心的煎熬。想想哪个滋味更难受。
有钱男人不一定优质 工作这好几年来，楼猪出差那是家常便饭。哪周不用出差都要感恩好久。尼玛! 见的男人形形色色的太多了。楼猪睡眠不太好，入睡比较慢，除非是很累几天没睡好的时候。出差时，基本上每晚加班完回酒店时都要去lounge喝一杯，然后微醺醺的回房间洗洗睡了。楼猪从来不主动找陌生男人说话，但是谁要是找上来，我要是觉得有眼缘，看着比较decent的话，都会选择聊几句。这几年下来，也是见识了不少男人。我发现一个很有趣的事情就是，有钱男人不一定优质。有些内涵的东西的确不是钱能买来的，不是穿几身couture就能有的。尤其是口才，谈吐。除了出身外，education的确蛮重要的，只是BA or master or PHD may not differentiate too much. but it probably has a big difference if u havent gone to a college. 很多self-made的男人，虽说也有sucessful business, 但是一张口，我还是会觉得言之无物。聊不到几句，我就想cut off了。。那句，找对象要找学历差不多的是很对的。。当然我不赞同你有phd的话就看不上人家只有大学文凭的。但没上过大学的很多男人，在思维深度上，还是差了不少。我觉得优质男，还是那些受过良好教育的professional gentlemen. 和很多这样的精英聊天是一种享受。楼猪就特喜欢托着腮花痴看着男人，听他跟我胡扯。。我想很多女人都很享受崇拜自己男人的感觉吧。win-win.
7/21 今天想写的和看到minicupcake & happyapple123的帖子有感。 先老生常谈一个：自信。除了我之前更新的那段外，看minicupcake和G的结局，以及我这几天一个好友的经历，我想说，大家不用对自己太苛刻。怎么说。就像我跟我朋友说的一样，你不能指望你对男人的认知，对约会恋爱的把握在短时间内有个质的飞跃。成功不能一撮而就。就如人不能一口吃个胖子一样，你简单的读几本书，加上几个朋友的耳提面命，就能在短时间内自信大增，然后所向披靡。你觉得可能么？minicupcake是个小mm, 社会历练不多，认识的人估计也不会太多，加上G应该是她真正date的第一个“成熟男”（30岁的男人在我眼里也就是个boy了），她把握不住在在所难免。这和看什么电影，吃什么饭完全没关系。我想G在电影前已经有所感知，这女的不适合我。而整个电影的过程会给他时间去process his thought and make it reliable. 我想，应该是mm在之前的互动中说的某些话或是她的某些动作举止，让G意识到他俩不是一路人。只是mm年龄小，没有及时把握住这些变化。不过，有些男人的确很龟毛。这种事我遇到过。曾经date过的一个黄金单身汉，就因为我的一句话人家选择不再见我。真的就是那么一句话。这样的人是存在的。自信还是那句话，靠的是你实打实的本事，不是简单的几句自我良好暗示。而这种优质男人，不说简单的look pretty and fun to be around就能拿下的。如果你没有多接触过这个人群，基本上不要指望在早期遇到一个就套牢一个。只有多多约会，多多接触，慢慢的你才能提高你的胜券在握率。最后，minicupcake的问题还是她的心态，遇事不够沉稳，很容易就get the hope up, 同样的很容易就get upset. 送你一句话，dont expect too much. dont love too much. 'cuz it will hurt too much.
先说前者，这些男人对自己所想要的女人的类型早已烂熟于心。见你的第一面就知道你是不是他那款，值不值得他追求。mm们也别牛逼的跟我说自己多有内涵，需要男人长时间的了解才能确定。唉，你如果这么牛逼的认为，那只能说明你不懂得男人。我和你解释也没意思。总之，还是我说的，最忌讳用女人的思维去思考男人，用自己的有限知识武断的给男人下定义。anyway, 我跑题了。拉回来，这些男人一旦遇到自己那一款，就算是之前因为各种原因没打算找女友找老婆的，也会上杆子的各种追求想套牢你。这个你不用担心。男人比女人精明着很。过了这一村就没下一店了。所谓好男人对自己有要求，对自己的女人没要求。你不能简单的理解为这些男人的女人们就可以是那种不懂得打扮不懂得自我增值的傻女人。她们如果能吸引到这群优质男并且能让其俯首称臣，必定也是对自己有很高要求的。否则没那2刷子，能玩的住男人么？既然如此，你觉得在广义情况下，这些男人们需要对他们的女人提出各种要求么？个别猥琐男除外或是stuck in the marriage for certain reason的除外。而且，这类男人一旦认真起来，很难出轨搞猫腻。因为很多时候他要考虑到这个时间成本机会成本。所谓浪子回头金不换。人家不是说么，宁可找那种见识过玩遍全世界的男人，也别找那些没见识的男人或是所谓的老实男人。后者有多潜在的可怕，不用我明言吧。最后，我又要强调要有自己的生活了。这些男人，你觉得成功是偶然么？你觉得他的高薪是偶然么？很多我知道的都是长时间工作，高压力，太正常不过了。no pain, no gain. 如果不懂得如何balance out your expectation and reality, 如果你时刻需要这样的男人的attention, 我看你还是找个small potato的好。
后者，其实没啥太多好说的，就是一playboy. 善于和你玩失踪，玩心跳，玩调情。搞的你意乱情迷，但就是猜不透他到底想要什么，想和你如何如何。mm们在遇到这类男人时，不管他有多fancy, 多gentleman, 多fun, 只要你觉得没结果的，就得勇敢说再见。有些男人再好，他也不属于你，所以你不要去纠结what he can potentially offer. 还是那句话，喜欢你的爱你的，不管种族不管年龄更不管那**到极致还被很多人近津津乐道的神马星座，都会大声的告诉宣告他对你的所有权。如果没宣告，就那么一直拖着，你八成就是人家一眼里的炮友。
Happyapple123 mm的医生R所暴露出来的是男人年龄的问题。我倒不觉得找男人一定要找certain age的，但是一定要找心理成熟的。unfortunately, 大多数美国男人在28-30以前很少有能符合这个的。加上本来女性的心里成熟年龄就比男人大三岁，找个大一些的是很有道理的。年轻的肉体谁不喜欢？估计就我是个异类吧。说实话，楼猪对那种肉体还真没啥兴致，一看那张稚嫩的脸，就算给我6块腹肌，我也不想扑上去。我的个人看法是，对于找同龄的男生的，最好是找那些高中大学研究生等等在校期间认识的，有个基础的，不是完全陌生的那种，或是那种青梅竹马的。大家毕竟有差不多的圈子，朋友圈，生活圈，学术圈，多多少少有些叠合，这样相处起来成功的可能率大。如果你是小mm, 还online dating, 找一个年龄和你基本一样的，你所要面对的不仅仅是约会一个陌生人的问题，更是年龄的问题。就如minicupcake的E, 在我看来就是一乳臭未干的小男生。25岁的男人他知道啥？有几个具体知道自己想干什么或是有啥长远目标的？自己都还处在懵懂状态呢。这些男人就算口口声声说想settle down, 也很难在长久的相处的过程中keep his promise. 我倒不是说cheating一类的问题。他们还在成长中，他们对世界的认识还在一个不断改变的过程中，在这期间遇到的女人，很难是他以后想结结婚的那类。well, 如果你能耗的起时间，brave enough to take the risk, go for it. 否则，我还是建议大家少碰这类男人。碰可以，拿来做做炮友，享受下年轻的肉体完全okay, 别太当回事就好。its the dessert, not the main course.
好像没啥可写的了。最后回复下cutie的问题。 你问的关于有人问为啥中国人什么都吃的问题。我觉得要具体问题具体问题。看那人当时提问的态度和那人本身的背景。我个人觉得，大部分well-traveled men wont ask this kind of stupid question. 如果只是一句玩笑话，你完全可以选择忽略。如果那人是个red neck, 井底之蛙，加上他当时问的口气很不有好的话，你就要反击了。maybe you can say things like "do u know abt French cuisine? do u know anything besides potatoes and steak? why dont u talk to me after you decide to unwrap yourself from your biased viewpoint?" 这基本上是我的风格了。。。看你自己的喜好吧。
至于你问的drive to his city often. 我其实没啥好建议。不想被人牵着鼻子走，就直说。if u wanna see me, u have to come to my neighborhood. 不需要解释太多。喜欢你的男人自然乐意make effort. simple.
关于asian工作不公待遇的问题。在我看来也是要具体问题具体分析。如果你说的那些老女人不喜欢某个人，也许人家就是嫉妒那人的年轻漂亮神马的。这样的话最简单不过了。经常去夸夸她，注意下她服饰和配件的变化，做一些小的compliment. 一开始也许会碰灰，但时间唱了，那女人应该会觉得这人是friendly的，也不会太多敌意了吧。还有种很常见的情况就是，有些人不喜欢特定的某个人是因为那人的工作porformance. 比如我们，大多情况下都是teamwork. 讲求团队精神。经常开会。经常做报告。非常讨厌有些人总是迟到早退，该due的report没有做好，然后剩下的人还得为其收尸，额外的让大家多做了好多自己的分内事。这样的人肯定会让烦。我举这个例子是想说，遇到别人不喜欢自己的时候，首先要问问是不是我哪里做的不好。是我工作没做好耽误到他了还是我说的什么话made him feel offended.或者在某个时候我抢了他的风头。我觉得没必要上纲上线，就说是种族的问题。哦，如果英语不够流利，我想必定也会有些问题。anyway, 我不知道具体的事，加上我没有过这样的经历，实在是不好回答你。最后，我男人的回复有点笼统, "A real lady would use humor, laugh at or with the aggressor. If that didn't work, she would use assertiveness to stop the harassment immediately, not tolerating it for a second, consequences be damned."
以下是引用咪咪噢在7/19/2013 8:17:00 PM的发言： 楼主还在南加，以为你年中搬去纽约le。你的罚单是啥回事 [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 20:22:56编辑过] unsafe lane changing on I-5..driving back from San Jose. 花了老娘将近350刀。然后前段时间车还被toll了一次，加上parking tix, 快500刀了。唉，破财免灾。只能这么安慰自己了。。至于磨合，你找错人问了。。。我和我男人都很固执，他说我bossy, controlling, ordering... 磨合的结果就是他妥协了，楼猪依旧霸道不讲理
unsafe lane changing on I-5..driving back from San Jose. 花了老娘将近350刀。然后前段时间车还被toll了一次，加上parking tix, 快500刀了。唉，破财免灾。只能这么安慰自己了。。至于磨合，你找错人问了。。。我和我男人都很固执，他说我bossy, controlling, ordering... 磨合的结果就是他妥协了，楼猪依旧霸道不讲理
young asian woman? RU KIDDING ME? WHAT A GREAT COMBO! you should use it to ur advantage and make the best outta it. not sure why u see it as a thwarting point. i will address ur concern in my post later. so tired tonite.
Well said! What I'd like to hear, though, would be related to the disadvantage related to the race and gender. Maybe you have not experienced it personally before but I have heard many stories about the unfair treatment of women of color, esp. Asian women, in working settings. What if you were unfairly treated but cannot leave your current company immediately? In other words, how to endure the temporary unfair treatment as a classy lady? Maybe I am posing too difficult a question here but would really like to hear some opinions from a capable lady like you :)
Well said! What I'd like to hear, though, would be related to the disadvantage related to the race and gender. Maybe you have not experienced it personally before but I have heard many stories about the unfair treatment of women of color, esp. Asian women, in working settings. What if you were unfairly treated but cannot leave your current company immediately? In other words, how to endure the temporary unfair treatment as a classy lady? Maybe I am posing too difficult a question here but would really like to hear some opinions from a capable lady like you :)
i have never had that kind of awful experience. im sure its annoying. i do believe in revenge. i cant provide you with my two cents right now. I will consult with my man and get back to u later. but u do need to ask youself one question - why does it happen to me so often? dont immediately blame others, ask youself a few questions if u can and do some soul search.. just in case you havent given some thought to what i just said.
i have never had that kind of awful experience. im sure its annoying. i do believe in revenge. i cant provide you with my two cents right now. I will consult with my man and get back to u later. but u do need to ask youself one question - why does it happen to me so often? dont immediately blame others, ask youself a few questions if u can and do some soul search.. just in case you havent given some thought to what i just said.
Thanks for the prompt response. Personally these did not happen to me often but I have often heard such stories happening to my Asian women friends, esp. in a work setting that does not typically have Asians previously or have mistreated Asians before. Most of the work places are elite institutions or companies and most of the people there are white. Also, another personal observation as well as experience is that, most of the "trouble-makers" in those institutions are white females who are either single in their 40/50s or divorced.
以下是引用Happyapple123在7/19/2013 10:10:00 PM的发言： 小麦的更新终于出炉了！写得很好。特别是关于结交朋友的问题。我想问一下一个比较individual的问题。在E家遇到一个比较中意的男人。年龄比我大八岁，回答问题和写邮件都很成熟稳重。但是我们之间的交流都比较慢。回答完问题就来来回回折腾了一个星期。然后邮件也是控制在一两天一封。所以现在差不多两个星期了，也就通了两三封邮件。当然他不给我回，我也就等着。会不会这样拖拖拖的最后也就不了了之了？有啥好建议没？ 最后回他的一封邮件很短。就说我没去过他说的那个地方，但是听起来很有意思。问他最喜欢吃什么 （好傻的问题）。 just wait it out. if he likes u, he will ask u out. but i generally dont like a man who doesnt do so within the first two weeks of online communication. maybe you should consider dropping him.
以下是引用minicupcake在7/19/2013 8:31:00 PM的发言： 关于MM说dating中聊天的话题，MM说如果男人喜欢你的话会把握话题权，但女方也应该适当的提一些话题聊吧(不然他们会觉得女方有点boring？)，如果聊完了感觉没话聊了怎么办呢？ 通常什么话题或者问题最好在first or second date中要提出来的呢？
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 20:31:35编辑过] if u guys have good chemistry, u should never run out of things to talk about. common sense. get a sense of his career, his family, his background, etc in the first couple dates. not to mention you need to know if he has married before and/or has kids before meeting up for the first time. [此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 22:40:35编辑过]
smile and ask him if he has been seeing other ppl. whenever ur being asked questions u dont wanna answer, ask him instead. or ignore it deliberately - but it requires a lot of experiences.
★ 发自iPhone App: ChineseWeb 7.8
kk. just so u know, u dont have to write in english if u find it hard to address ur issue. im using my man's laptop these days, and dont wanna install a chinese software on it. BTW, i really like ur pic.. i wanna ROU LIN those white fluffy little paws so bad
Kk. 终于装了个软件，打中文。英文表达到不了期望值。中文华丽丽的退步。
话说，baby都刺激不出我很大的母爱，但是对于毛绒玩具没有抵抗力。我男朋友经常觉得我就是个baby。而且我还很爱撒娇。汗一个。
言归正传。解释一下我的情况。我想说的事情是，我很赞同楼主的说法，（play hart to get). 因为其实开始的时候我没有想过我和他会在一起。所以我很很把持的住。因为我觉得反正也是个朋友，没有什么说要impress他。所以算是歪打正着我们在一起。但是我们开始dating到relationship之后我就败了。我犯过很多楼主说的dating的错。我质疑过问什么不很快回我的短信呀。为什么不想和我在一起，其实我们在一起的时间挺多的。而且我也常常撒娇又固执，偶尔也无理取闹。另外，我说的subtle是指play hard to get微妙，我可以感觉出来如果我很咄咄逼人的要他做我希望他做的事情。他就有的时候觉得我expectation太高，而且不一定会做我想做的事情。但是我要是有的时候很忙没有空搭理他的时候，他倒是很热情的粘过来，也装装乖。
然后我说的女生impress他的部分，解释一下。他的感情经历倒不是十分丰富。他是挺招人喜欢的那种吧， 主要他性格上有一点好就是对别人的人生很感兴趣，加上他很喜欢体验， 声音超级好，自弹自唱 （话说也是看上这一点），rarely get bored with him。上个周末我们聊天的时候，我就问了问他觉得女生主动的是什么感觉。他就说他以前尤其是在学校的时候，是挺多女生会主动。但是他觉得女生最好是不要主动，可以偶尔给一点暗示，给男生一点追求的信心。He said： “If you try too hard to impress someone, you are just not yourself anymore.” 我倒是没觉得我won him over. 我最多也就是开始的是kind of hard to get，more like be myself. 后期就不行了。看到楼主的贴后, 狂pai自己100次。觉得自己犯的错也太多了。其实他有多少女生追过。以前历史是怎么样。我倒是兴趣不大，过去就过去了。要是特别想知道顶多就是想知道分手的原因。因为我倒是觉得这个有利于知道他之前不足的地方。这样有没有把我上回的post解释清楚？我的表达呀，汗一个
我挺希望这段relationship 有结果。我就是一恋爱就没有方向感。pai自己100下。我想知道这样可以不总是以他为先。怎样可以看出对方commitment程度。怎样实践play hard to get in a relationship。 而且我也很好奇，楼主婚后也一样会实践这个原则么。
打字还真是体力活。我睡去。明天来看看帖子。good night。
最近在eh上面挂牌，遇到好多经过了回答问题发送好恶等一系列环节后开始邮件，没两三个来回就说要见面，这种情况应该怎么办呢。是说再聊聊，还是就见面，还是直接据了？
看你的感觉呗。。这个又不是做菜没那么多硬性的规定。
最近在eh上面挂牌，遇到好多经过了回答问题发送好恶等一系列环节后开始邮件，没两三个来回就说要见面，这种情况应该怎么办呢。是说再聊聊，还是就见面，还是直接据了？
whats the problem? i assume you like them, otherwise how come u would want to exchange emails for a couple times. in that case, u guys should meet. Its not too soon.. u should be happy that those guys have balls to ask u out at this pace. some cowards just know sh!t. Dating is such a time consuming process so make it as efficient as possible ... move on to the next if you dont like each other in the first meet..
In your case, "play hard to get" is not equal to "try hard to impress someone". Total different concepts. The core of the concept of playing hard to get is to have your life in place and be happy. You are not making a statement to anyone that you are simply fabulous and wonderful. However, trying hard to impress someone is the opposite. You do whatever you can to make "someone" REALIZE you are fabulous and wonderful. The funny thing is the latter one, often times, can make you look pathetic. The truth is if you have it, you dont need to show it. If you show it, you probably dont OWN it. Well, its kinda abstract, but I hope you get it.. I do agree with what your boy said. trying to impress someone makes it so obvious that you are into him/her. Dont you think it could apply to the theory of being too nice? Well, sort of... in some cases.. And don't just separate this sentence from what else he said. I think what he tried to convince you is a girl should send up a little hint, and let the man chase you. Make yourself a prize that rewards his effort, and trust me, guys LOVE it. It's a contest, and they rarely walk away from it. You should use it to your advantage. Well, do I need to repeat this over and over again? I don't think so. As for his past/his ex.. hmmm leave it in the past. Don't dig it. No need to know why they broke up. WHY NOT? Well, it doesnt matter what he says, it will only be one sided story. It probably wont represent the truth. So why bother? I have no interest in knowing my partner's past. All I need to know is they didnt work out. Enough.
要上班了, 回头细细体会。 big hug good morning wheat mm.:)
第二个，他自己买了零食，也不问我吃不吃，就自己在那边吃完就算了。。问问其实也没什么吧。
之前跟我发短信的时候说了可多好听的了，什么我是他喜欢的类型啊，什么对我们的发展很有信心云云。不过见面后也没见他特热情。。最后跟我说了一句，nice meeting u. Take care. 应该也是没下文了。不过对他印象真的是不好。。
以下是引用cute-wheat在5/18/2013 0:2:00 AM的发言：
this guy is an idiot. i definitely dont appreciate the way he talked to u. he canexpresshow frustrated he is becuz u never initiated a conv. BUT how dare he was that he told u there are lots of girls in his town, blabla. He talked as if he was in high demand. give me a break. AND its ur fault also - seriously, two months already? but no meet? ru kidding me? i dont care how far we are, if i like the person i met online, i need to see him in person within the first month. face the reality please.. be responsible for both parties.
Last but not least, regarding to how to play hard to get, Oh boy, I think many people dont get it!!! Its not teaching you not to be who you are. It's about self satisfactions with or without a man. Its about being happy with or without a man. IF you can achieve this, you will become a natural play-hard-to-getter. Never TRY to play hard to get, becuz it will sabotage you very badly. As for how to do it in a natural way, read what I said in the first 2 pages, and work on yourself. i cant give out more advice or opinions... below is for whoever is reading my post. I have always wanted to say this - I dont believe that only aggressive girls can do this. It's BS. i dont believe in giving urself an excuse saying, oh, I dont have that kind of personality, and I was born to be a nice girl, so I dont think I can do it. Oh well, ladies, if you keep feeding yourself with such crap, dont cry when your men treat you like sh!t. If I can do it, you sure can. Do I have more brain than you? Or are you mentally disabled? NO! And come on, we all get hurt from one relationship or so, okay? You are not the only one, so dont make it sound like the whole fcuking world betrayed you. Your heart can get hurt, but dont let it break. Really try to learn from what you did wrong. "You cant make the same mistake twice. the second time you make it, its no longer a mistake. its a choice." At the end of the day, you are in the driving seat, and you create your future however you want based on what you are doing RIGHT NOW. So make smart choices.
Well said.
I agree with sherrycous mm. First off, you guys are separated. That the divorce paper is not ready yet doesnt mean you cant date or have a bf. It's not cheating, and certainly has nothing to do with being morally wrong.. Don't feel guilty please.. In fact, you should be doing what you are doing. Put yourself out there and explore what other men have to offer. I dont believe its a good idea to tell this guy about your marriage problem. TOO EARLY! You guys are still in the email exchange stage. I dont know what you have told him - does he know you are separated? As long as he knows about this, you should be okay. NEVER say anything about your ex-husband in front of another man. A guy likes his woman to focus on himself, and has absolute no interest in listening to her talking about other men. Dont try to figure out a man with your "woman sense". It doesnt work that way. Okay, back to your new man - If you like him, you guys should have a talk over the phone (whats the big deal?!).. to see if you still have the strong feeling for him. As time goes by, once you guys are getting more serious, you can say, "my divorce should be settled soon".. something like that.. to ease his mind and/or assure him that nothing is getting in between of you two. As for now, do nothing. Just enjoy the dating process.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/6/7 11:26:38编辑过]
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/19 1:47:31编辑过]
因为本来我就很累，两个半小时的电影真的很长。看完之后他就直接走了，就说第二天要工作。连句告别的话都没有。我们看电影也不能聊什么，。没见面的时候说的那些话真是，什么你是我的type，对我们很有信心，都是p话。我后来就直接把他删了。确实见了好，不见不知道他是个什么人。div class=quote>以下是引用cute-wheat在5/12/2013 5:19:00 PM的发言：
this guy is an idiot. i definitely dont appreciate the way he talked to u. he can express how frustrated he is becuz u never initiated a conv. BUT how dare he was that he told u there are lots of girls in his town, blabla. He talked as if he was in high demand. give me a break. AND its ur fault also - seriously, two months already? but no meet? ru kidding me? i dont care how far we are, if i like the person i met online, i need to see him in person within the first month. face the reality please.. be responsible for both parties.
最近在和另一个GG发展中，期待cute MM 写些关于long distance dating的经验，比如平时该怎么联系，要不要经常短信那些。。：）
★ 发自iPhone App: ChineseWeb 7.8
long distance维护起来太难，算了吧
见了个ABC，就是之前的说的那个，我觉得各方面都和我有差距的，在东部的，NYC都没去过的。他最近一直都想见我，今天就见了。
我感觉差距很大啊，他家里爸妈都没受过教育。他们在东部小城，他妈8岁就出来养家了，现在还在打工，他爸就是中餐馆厨师，退休了。他对我非常满意我觉得我们不行。现在回家了，他要求继续见面。怎么委婉的拒绝还是就直接拉黑算了。
一开始就知道不合适的何必浪费彼此的时间呢？有这些闲功夫看几本书学新手艺不比这强点? 简单写封信说明不合适结了这茬吧。以后约会多少拿出点慎始敬终的态度，尤其在初筛阶段，与人与己都有好处
我本来态度也不真诚
只是想着练手
去了更失望
慎始敬终
以下是引用cute-wheat在6/1/2012 8:55:00 PM 的发言：
okcupid这种免费的还是算了吧。男的一个比一个cheap, 别把自己降低到那个水准
啊呀。关贴了啊。那你记得搬来纽约找我吃饭！
haha sure sure. cant wait to try out all the chinese street food in flushing lol. fine dining is no longer appealing to me.. ru still dating the same guy? ;p
Cute wheat mm. thank you so much for all your suggestions. Just read the tao of dating and the two other books you mentioned. A lot of principles you mentioned already. I am taking a break to observing myself and lay a schedule to enrich my life. Plan to learn dancing first. You are closing up the thread. hope will still see your good post and keep in touch. mm have a good night.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/21 0:39:05编辑过]
just wanted to make sure that you didnt think much abt what i said yesterday. that i chose to close this thread is mainly becuz i realized a lot of ppl who asked questions still make the same mistake and use the same excuse after i gave out my answers. they can be fools as much as they want, and i can care less. i just dont like to be played as a fool wasting my time responding to those idiot-like questions. not worth my time. Plus, some of them didnt know what the appreciation is all about. never a follow-up, not even a "thank you" note. hmmmm no thanks, i am done. as for you, you sounded like a sweet nice lady, and i wish you nothing but the best. keep me posted!
我不知道你是什么口味，我口味很清淡。我觉得法拉盛一个好吃的都没有。
我们可能要结婚了。你来的话可以帮我考察考察。你什么时候正式帮过来？工作怎样了啊？
ahhh, im more of a "the spicier, the merrier" person...moving.. hasnt finalized a date yet
以下是引用cute-wheat在5/21/2013 10:38:00 PM的发言：
wow, what an assho!e! i am sorry ;( Glad you didnt waste much time on him... you did the right thing by blocking him. email exchanging and meeting in person can be quite different. its not a waste of time as long as you can learn from each date ;) keep looking. mr. right is coming ;)
I think I am kind of nice not sure how much I am. I thought I should learn to be less nice. haha :) I appreciate people who speak up their opinions and practice them. You are one. I am sure I will still make mistakes, but I will learn too. And for sure I will keep you posted. If you ever come down to the south, let me know. :) Since you like fluffy stuff. Here is one, my special cute collection for you. Good night.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/22 0:02:15编辑过]
谢谢！
希望你一切顺利。buona fortuna a te e a tutti noi!
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/6/7 11:25:26编辑过]
thanks for the nice words, all u girls above. u guys are fantastic! keep me posted.
you are fabulous!
谢谢之前楼主MM的回答，现在在见一个abc，是做软件的，约会几次发现他总是用现金结帐，不知道什么原因额，难道他信用记录不好？看他花钱是挺大手大脚的，不过这样总比之前见的那些抠门的猥琐国男好些，但不知道他是不是经济方面不负责任的类型。
查过linkedin, facebook什么的了么。
我每见一个人之前，必须要问真名以verify identity.
不过要是你查过就算我多虑了啊。我本人是遇到过一个用现金结帐以避免我看他卡上真实姓名的人。
查过linkedin, facebook什么的了么。
我每见一个人之前，必须要问真名以verify identity.
不过要是你查过就算我多虑了啊。我本人是遇到过一个用现金结帐以避免我看他卡上真实姓名的人。
niu!! but i like ur approach. if u have questions, just ask.. who cares?!
谢谢之前楼主MM的回答，现在在见一个abc，是做软件的，约会几次发现他总是用现金结帐，不知道什么原因额，难道他信用记录不好？看他花钱是挺大手大脚的，不过这样总比之前见的那些抠门的猥琐国男好些，但不知道他是不是经济方面不负责任的类型。
u might be overthinking.. it could be a red flag.. but it also could mean nothing. I know ppl who prefer to pay cash all the time... if ur concerned, why dont u just be blunt? next time, casually bring it up after he pays for the dinner - thanks for the dinner. its great. by the way, are you more of a cash carrying person?
niu!! but i like ur approach. if u have questions, just ask.. who cares?!
嗯，之前那一个男的是骗我上床的，没有得逞。我至今只通过ip地址查到了他的工作单位，而不知道真实姓名。当时问了，居然告诉我他不用信用卡，我甚至翻了他钱包，都没有一张卡，这种完全是藏起来了，甚至连车都是租来的。几年前的事情了，当时在mitbbs匿名发贴大骂，被上头版三天。结果那男的看到，怕被我搞进监狱，打来电话说他要回国了。不过还是不知道真名。
我可以给你私信么，MM. About现在的情况5555555555
im closing up this thread. no longer offering my opinions on yr dating/relationship questions. i noticed a lot of ppl asking questions without thinking through, and i lost interest in keeping repeating myself. most of the answers can be found in the first 2 pages, and COMMON SENSE. WISE UP. no more dumbass excuses. if u wanna be an idiot believing that ur man is different from the rest, good luck.
From now on, I will answer questions that are very specific. it could be ur teensy concern/confusion abt dating.. if I dont answer ur question, that just means the answer is obvious that I have either addressed before, or you should have known better. Please dont msg me with your dating questions.. I will keep my answers short and sweet. No more long detailed ones... as i said, no interest in repeating myself.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/29 21:51:41编辑过]
From now on, I will answer questions that are very specific. it could be ur teensy concern/confusion abt dating.. if I dont answer ur question, that just means the answer is obvious that I have either addressed before, or you should have known better. Please dont msg me with your dating questions.. I will keep my answers short and sweet. No more long detailed ones... as i said, no interest in repeating myself.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/5/29 21:51:41编辑过]
晕，我刚刚给你发了。。。嗯。。。不好意思。。。没看到这段>_<
晕，我刚刚给你发了。。。嗯。。。不好意思。。。没看到这段>_<
i will make an exception for you. didnt realize you were the one that lived in that area.. sorry didnt recognize ur id
i will make an exception for you. didnt realize you were the one that lived in that area.. sorry didnt recognize ur id
已经非常麻烦MM了。下次有机会过来这边一定找我吃饭啊。感叹身体是革命的本钱啊。从今往后我要好好保重自己锻炼身体了。
查过linkedin, facebook什么的了么。
我每见一个人之前，必须要问真名以verify identity.
不过要是你查过就算我多虑了啊。我本人是遇到过一个用现金结帐以避免我看他卡上真实姓名的人。
谢谢cute麦的回复，我下次会直接问的。关于linkedin跟facebook查过了，什么都没有，电话号码也搜不到任何信息，真不知道他是不用facebook还是就是假名字，这种情况是不是应该敲警钟了。。。
去买了dao of dating的书，一口气看完了，真的有醍醐灌顶的感觉。
就是以前朦朦胧胧觉得自己哪里不对，哪里好像对的，但是又说不清楚，一下子把回忆都理清了。
非常感谢！
现在只是理论上明白些，实际操作还得加油！
我给大家推荐个帖子，值得多读几遍。天涯上这么多年看到的最有营养最有启发的帖子。http://bbs.tianya.cn/post-no11-1437906-1.shtml#1 这个楼主实在是太赞了，精品女人。她的观点我基本上都赞同，只有一点，和老公沟通的问题，我反正不觉得啥事都和对方吐槽是个好办法。欢迎大家发表读后感想哦;-) 最近心情好，闲的蛋疼的在华人上灌了不少水，大多时间是在做无用功。以后还是少上华人，每天就去粉版和花生版种种草拔拔草烧烧钱包好了~ 晚上多的时间还是要用在法语上。
每次进来都能收获点东西， 小麦mm太好了，谢谢分享!
Very interested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
你还不睡。。。楼猪都看哭了有木有，里面还有好多超级腻歪甜蜜的段子。就算现在看，依旧泪如雨下。。
你还不睡。。。楼猪都看哭了有木有，里面还有好多超级腻歪甜蜜的段子。就算现在看，依旧泪如雨下。。
Looking forward to reading these sweet and wise words............. I am working on a paper :)
那就一定要辛苦可爱麦mm了，不过别忘了批注，分享你的想法。 每个人对相同文字的解读不同，我们要听mm的看法。嗯。
Great idea!
can't wait for some mind-blowing emails.
can't thank you enough for taking time and effort sharing you two's insight.
你还不睡。。。楼猪都看哭了有木有，里面还有好多超级腻歪甜蜜的段子。就算现在看，依旧泪如雨下。。
让我想起我和ex的上千封邮件，刚分手时都没敢看过，随便一封就能哭半天
让我想起我和ex的上千封邮件，刚分手时都没敢看过，随便一封就能哭半天
那你现在看呢？还想哭么？我那天看以前的邮件，也看到不少我和我ex的，看到后完全无感。。顺手全给删了。。。尼玛时间真是个好东西。没有过不去的情坎。
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/16 0:35:12编辑过]
那你现在看呢？还想哭么？我那天看以前的邮件，也看到不少我和我ex的，看到后完全无感。。顺手全给删了。。。尼玛时间真是个好东西。没有过不去的情坎。 还是有点想哭不过和他已经没有关系了，现任的对我没有他对我那么好那么耐心，所以我上次发帖说想分手。当年我们异地了一段时间他有空就给我写邮件，因为是英文还那么长我都懒得回，很多都是他写了我没回的，因为本来每天都打电话了。还有好多卡片。
★ 发自Android 华人阅览器 6.1
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/16 11:30:27编辑过]
Very interested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Strongly re.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
期待啊啊啊！小麦想到哪写到哪吧！
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
小麦mm能不能讲讲怎么networking啊， 尤其是那种业内很大的conference， 有很多公司的高层， 像我们这种刚入职场的新人， 怎么有效的利用这些机会呢， 觉得像我这种asian， young，又是 woman， 人家都不怎么想跟咱connect
小麦mm能不能讲讲怎么networking啊， 尤其是那种业内很大的conference， 有很多公司的高层， 像我们这种刚入职场的新人， 怎么有效的利用这些机会呢， 觉得像我这种asian， young，又是 woman， 人家都不怎么想跟咱connect
young asian woman? RU KIDDING ME? WHAT A GREAT COMBO! you should use it to ur advantage and make the best outta it. not sure why u see it as a thwarting point. i will address ur concern in my post later. so tired tonite.
Super, cannot wait to see! Would like to hear some insight re. what to say or do when he said or did something you consider to be disrespectful. For example, when he sends some emails ridiculing how crazy things Chinese would eat or ask you to come over to his city often in the beginning of a relationship etc. I know many mms here would be able to spot these behaviors and could say no to them but should we do that with style or as huaren users under a nice cover? Lol ... C-w seem to have a good way to saying many things : )
will do ;)
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
自信真的很重要！这次G和E我都表现的比较自信，要有自己的生活，他们提到了说感觉我这个人有自信，“I like that~”
我打算明后天更新一段，然后再贴某人的邮件。。攒人品-想问下大家有啥特别想听的么？不一定要局限于约会。我目前想到的是想写的是关于自信，交友圈，有钱男人不一定代表优质，你眼中的所谓人渣也许是他人眼中的好男人（why u always seem to attract the wrong kind of man）,为什么做事不该后悔。。这回脑子不好使，暂时想到的是这些。大家还想听我胡扯啥子？欢迎留言
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/18 2:50:43编辑过]
都是有意义又有意思的主题! 我最近要记得频繁跑心版了. 你觉得职场中的大忌讳值得扯扯不? 我觉得大家读后提的问题肯定要把你淹没了, 讨论来讨论去也有可能发现新的主题.
rachel在suits 3, ep1 里的这个打扮美死了。。black silk blouse+grey pencil skirt - KILLER
果然优雅得体有女人味，高级的性感。
young asian woman? RU KIDDING ME? WHAT A GREAT COMBO! you should use it to ur advantage and make the best outta it. not sure why u see it as a thwarting point. i will address ur concern in my post later. so tired tonite.
我觉得应该是我比较没自信见识少，然后自己确实比较菜， 还有之前一点也不上进， 现在想进步了，也有在努力， 觉得像你这样的女生特有魅力特帅，等待小麦讲解，many thanks.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 21:03:26编辑过]
老习惯，想到哪说到哪，发散思维。话说最近新出的devious maids, mistresses都很好看捏。suits s3也开始了, guiliana and bill新季也开始了，楼猪最近看电视看的好happy. newsroom也很不错。。
楼猪还是会中英穿插。倒不是装逼，只是习惯了。很多时候想问题是英文思维，然后就英文写出来了。。。
先说自信。我发现我一直在强调自信的重要性，但忘了阐述一个核心问题- 自信不仅仅是一个口号，自信不仅仅你每天对自己的积极暗示。如果你没有真材实料，你早晚会发现，你所谓的“自信起来了”的感觉会在某一瞬间瓦解。比如说你以为你很自信了，you think you are the best, and deserve the best. You also let ppl know your confident. HOWEVER, oftentimes, you still find urself confused, and unsure. WHY? Becuz confidence comes within, and it takes a lot of time to build up and reinforce. 有人要问了，那如何武装自己成为一个自信的女人呢？除了你的自身性格外，很大程度上你所要做的是充实你的大脑。每天都要读书看报，多了解一些你专业外的知识，另外学门外语，上个课考个证神马的，参加些兴趣班，诸如此类。这和让你的生活充实起来是一个道理。我必须要再强调一点，多看书多看书多看书多看书。每天少上点华人，每天尽量坚持1-2小时的阅读时间。至于什么书，随便你。另外，外表的事儿，我就不用多说了吧。自信不是一朝一夕的事。不是说我今天打算开始自信，那我就能一直自信下去的。如果你只是喊喊口号，你早晚还得栽跟头，尤其是那些本来就优柔寡断，内向，不够强势的女生。只有不断的充实自己，才能明白being confident can be so effortless.
你的交友圈。知己就和Mr.Right一样都是可遇而不可寻的，都要珍惜。很多时候我也赞同，男人如衣服，闺蜜如手足（当然我说的是真闺蜜，不是鲜花上那些用来爆料吐槽的所谓闺蜜）。楼猪犯过错，交过不值得交的朋友，加上前段时间诸多不顺，越发明白真朋友的重要性。现在交朋友也越来越谨慎。我的经验是，能成为真朋友的必须是你俩在很多地方不相上下的，思维头脑上，感情认知上，消费水平上，等等。。楼猪很幸运的是有俩闺蜜，一个是在欧洲时勾搭上的，一个是经人牵线认识的同乡。那俩人的犀利是楼猪不能比的。一遇事楼猪就喜欢和她们说，然后人家总能一说到底的直指要害的让楼猪不能躲闪。I am very grateful. 除了你要珍惜那些好友外，还要谨慎的让一个新人成为你的朋友，不要那么快的就一头扎进去，不要那么快的就吐露真心，和找男人一个道理。。我最想说的还是我之前阐述过的，you are who you friend with. 这和那个if you wanna get to know a guy, look at his friends差不多一个道理。你的交友圈层次上去了，你的层次相应的也能提高不少。尽量多去结识一些成功的人，思想成熟的人。和他们聊天相处，是一笔财富，会让你少走很多弯路，另外这些人所能带给你的潜在效益是不可估量的, networking。此外，不是每个朋友给你的意见都是对的，都是值得听的, 你要学会分辨。
好友要珍惜，那些acquaintances也是要maintain滴。怎么说。很多人你只是有一面或是几面之缘而已，很多人只不过是你手机里的一个contact. 仅此而已。但这些人不是说你就可以忽视的了，尤其是那些位高或是有很多关系网的人。偶尔发个短信或是电话问候下，比如逢年过节时。如果你记得人家生日，在生日那天发个简短的讯息就很好。我之所以说这个，是因为很多时候你根本不会意识到你会有需要他帮助的那一天。这个很好解释。人在潜意识里都会优先考虑帮助自己相对熟悉的那个人。比如这个A, 你之前只见过1面，从此再也没联系过，然后你突然找他求帮个忙，他把你拒绝的可能性很大。但是如果你偶尔会和他联系下，就算没再碰面过，他把你拒绝的可能性肯定比前面说的情况要小。这是人之常情。communication with your acquaitances from time to time is of the essence. 我自从开帖以来，也深刻的明白了这个道理。虽然我说了不要再私信我讲你的问题，但是如果你是之前有在贴中和我互动过的（我基本上都能记得ID）, 如果你哪天私信我了，你的问题我还是会回答的。如果你从来没回复过帖子，突然间给我一封长私信，我基本上是会delete的。
天使之恋mm说的问题，networking. 其实很大程度上也是个自信的事儿。I mean.. who doesnt wanna be yong and/or look young? Asian woman? wow exotic looks in most of Caucasian's eyes which represent beauty. networking skills和自信一样，也不是一朝一夕的事儿。也不是我几句就能给你说明白的。应该从small talks开始，学习如何和不同的人在不同的环境下carry on a conversation. short or long. it depends. 我看过一本讲business礼仪的书，太久了，忘了名字了，书也借给某个女人n久了一直没要回来，囧。我记得那上面说的是，在一个business event里，当你和一个上级聊天时，如果人家没问你要business card, 你是万万不可以随便的给人家的，its rude. 另外一个rude的地方就是，你不该随便插入打断别人的谈话（除非是有人introduce u to those ppl），尽管里面有你想认识聊天的人。你要做的是站在旁边静静的听，如果人家注意到了你，会给你眼神暗示让你发表言论，或是直接让你说。。然后你可以适时的介绍下你自己。很多时候，你可以在取酒水的地方和人开始对话，最开始时不要太personal, altho u can start with complimenting his/her outfit, hairstyle, etc. 最好的就是comment一下这个event/party的情况, remain positive - 比如说这个party的decor很好呀，音乐很不错呀一类的话。no negative comment please. 然后你可以适时的夸赞对方一下，介绍自己。当然，去business event, 你的明信片是肯定要带在身上的，还有一支质地精良的签字笔和business note. you never know. 最后，我想说的是，不要指望人家和你connet, 机会是要你自己争取的, 你要去和人家connect。如果你只会端着酒杯等人来找你聊，你注定会失败。sometimes you have to make bold moves in a smart and graceful way. start small and aim big.
关于别人对你的议论对你的看法。楼猪的认知是，很多时候you shouldnt give a damn if they talk sh!t about u behind your back. 不管是哪种原因，肯定会有人不喜欢你讨厌你。“朋友”间（不管是真朋友还是假朋友），如果只有那么1，2个人说你的某个不好的地方，你可以忽视。不喜欢我？拉倒啊，老死不相往来。有啥大不了的。别为此伤神。这些人这些评论根本不值得你去费心的想。但是如果有好几个人都烦你的一点，那就是你该好好反思的时候了。这个很好理解吧，我就不多解释了。我想说的重点是，很多人都太在乎别人对自己的意见，which allows those comments to affect their emotions too much. STUPID. 很多人的屁观点你就当是一坨屎。你只需要在乎那些真正在乎你的人的看法。其余的都是浮云。如果你的心情你的心态很容易被外人或是不太相干的人所影响，那只能说明你离成熟还很远。楼猪很喜欢的一句话: Dont like me!? Have a seat with the rest of b!tches waiting for me to give a fcuk.
Be a classy lady. 不要在公共场合说脏话，尤其是在upscale的地方。s开头和F开头的那俩词永远不要从你的口中说出来。另外，what the hell一类的也不要说。很掉价。你可以说，哎呀，我只是对我亲近的人说脏话。不要这么想。你以为是这样，但是很多时候，在public，你还是会情不自禁的讲出来。就算你是小声的对你身边的人说这些，旁边的人也很有可能听到。你可以辩解的说，这些人我也许以后再也碰不到了，我才不在乎他们怎么看我。相信我，如果你这么天真的想，你早晚要吃大亏。尤其是在那些fancy/upscale的地方，比如说restaurants, clubs, 你身边的人大部分都是有头有脸的，人家对你的第一印象很多时候会是个elegant lady, 但是如果听到你张口来一句what the fcuk, i dont give a sh!t一类的comments, 你在他人心里的image会一落千丈, 尤其是那些professional gentlemen。很多人不说不评论，但不代表人家对你没有看法。You wanna remain your greatest image wherever you go.
Be a classy lady #2- wear comfortable clothes and shoes. 抛开身材不说，你想impress those rich fancy assho!es的一大法宝是你的自信。"confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear." 除了你within的自信，你的outfit也很能说明问题。楼猪喜欢people watch, 周末跟朋友经常在西洛杉矶找个环境好的地方坐在外面吃brunch, 观察来来往往的男女们。每次总能发现不少靓女，身材正点，妆容精致无暇，但看她们的走路架势，很容易暴露出一个问题，缺少自信。穿着自己handle不了的恨天高，或是不舒服的恨天高，走起路来歪歪扭扭，亦步亦趋，含胸驼背的，一点气场都没。你觉得这样的姑娘让人吸引吗？I dont think so. 如果是那种感观，还不如穿个3厘米的小高跟，昂首挺胸，目不斜视的暗暗享受周围的赞美眼光呢。说到底，是人穿鞋，而不是鞋穿人。没那个本事就别揽那瓷器活儿，受罪还不讨好。穿的衣服也是一样。穿舒服的，否则在外面，你总是想着拽拽衣服，折腾下，脑子时不时的问自己，这样可以吗。你觉得你有那闲情逸致的保持那份自信的态度么？I dont think so either. 衣服和鞋子不是越贵的越好，适合你的才是最好的。Label is not everything, which doesnt automantically enhance your appearance. 当然价钱上去了，衣服的料子剪裁真的是那些小牌子所不能比拟的。随着年龄的增长, 在有限的budget里，建议大家还是选择好牌子的。我始终相信一分钱一分货。钱花到位了就不可能不满意。另外，老生常谈，贵在买精。与其100刀买10件T恤衫，不如100刀买1，2件，楼猪是james perse的大扇子。买着贵穿着便宜。好东西就是好东西。另外，大家都有自己的fashion sense. 如果你觉得自己土气，不够fashionable, 不如花点时间看看那些fashion blog, 搭配图片，多多少少会给你灵感，试着学习搭配，进步是早晚的事儿。楼猪weibo和instragram里follow的绝大多数都是和fashion有关的，看着美图心里也美哈。最后再强调一句，男人都是视觉动物！！！至于身材，你控制不了嘴还控制不了腿的话，就别唧唧歪歪的到处抱怨没人约你，自己是剩女一类的话了。活该。
楼猪上周有点不顺，然后森森的抑郁了2天。2天内基本没吃饭，掉了2斤肉。很爽的是这都过去好几天了，几乎每天都pig out, 竟然一斤没长。嫩说，难道那2斤掉的不是水，全是肥膘？唉。。人生真美好~~~哦啦啦。扯远了。那2天的经历让我想明白一个问题，做事不要后悔。任何事情的发生都是有原因的。你做出的任何选择也是有原因的。那2天内，楼猪一直在反思，如果3年前我不去选择这条路，我现在也许会过的更顺畅，同时也不会伤了那个人的心。越想越觉得自己当年幼稚，**，不知好歹，然后啊，我就自责自责自责。后来在某一瞬间，我想起之前看到的一段文字。当你面对2种选择时，不管你选择哪个，不管你最终选择的那个带给你成功还是失败，你都会禁不住的去想，如果当年我选择另一个的话，我会不会成功（假设现在这个是失败的），或者会不会更成功（假设现在这个已经让你成功了）。人因为各种各样的原因，都会有对现状不满意的时候。但仔细想一想，自己每走的一步不都是前面几十步几百步的延伸么？除了个别impulsive decisions, 大部分时候我们大家还是根据现状选择最适合走的那条路。将来的后悔是基于现在的经历，而这些经历不是你选择这条路时就有的。既然明白这个前后因果关系，那为什么还要自找烦恼呢？不管怎么走，都会去想，如果我当年走另一条，现在会怎样。人。。。说到底是个矛盾的个体。做事不要后悔。你现在要做的就是根据你当下的情况，总结经验教训，选择一条在当下最适合自己的路，然后坚定的走下去。你吃的亏，受的伤，都是一笔财富，是你生命蜕变的基石，缺一不可。
楼猪最开始写帖子的时候，反复说过好多次: 道理谁都懂，看着明白做着难, 执行起来还是会出现不到位的时候。是，我依旧这么想。但最近几个月的经历让我更加明白这个道理。就比如上段写的。当年看到的例子是一个女人在选择有钱的老男人还是没钱的青梅竹马的对象时的彷徨。事实上是这样，不管选谁，不管她以后过的是否幸福，她都会怀念没选择的那个人，那种可能存在的生活。再比如，某人很早前跟我说的never date anyone who has a lot of baggages. 道理很浅显，原因似乎也很简单，但我在听到时没有办法深刻感受理解这句话的含义。而现在我坐在这里敲键盘，以我的经历告诉大家，这是个真理。不过呢，没什么好遗憾或者后悔的。别人说再说道理，劝再多话，都不如自己栽个跟头来的深刻。
此楼完
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 23:49:34编辑过]
不要抱怨。
我说的抱怨不是说你complain天气热啊，堵车啊一类的问题。我说的是dont blame anyone or anything for your own misfortunes. 楼猪在很多别人的帖子里回复时不止一次的说过一句话，遇事先从自己身上找问题，别人不该你的。不要动不动就怪罪到别人头上或者其他。挺没意思的。反正从我这得不到安慰的话。活该。自作自受。例子我能够举出一大堆来。
比如所谓的剩女。鲜花上每隔几天就有人发帖说自己找不到男友、老公，担心年龄越来越大更加没人要。基本上此类帖子里，那些楼主们都会阐述自己的一个问题：宅。然后呢，就说找不到男人。不知道怎么找。宅女还想在男人堆里如沐春风，玩男人拿捏得当。你觉得可能么？我发现这些人都是懒。懒的结果就是只会给自己找借口。为啥我不行。为啥我不行。告诉你为啥你不行，就是因为你太懒，想不劳而获。你要是美若天仙吧，也就算了。大部分姑娘都没那个让人过目不忘的资本，如果不去争取，哪来那么多机会。话说现在酒香也怕巷子深呢。不给自己打广告，你还指望着好男人主动送到你床上来？别白日做梦了。不知道怎么找？就算你不上华人来咨询怎么找，随便网上搜下，攻略也能找到一大堆了，更别提那些教你约会钓男人的书籍了。也别提你住的地方是小城市，没你想找的男人。不会上网找么？不会发动你的亲朋好友帮你介绍么？住小地方的姑娘不止你一个，条件比你差的更是一大堆，为啥人家能找到你却不行呢？所以啊，你所谓的借口真的都是在自抽大嘴巴子，一点不值得同情。现在看到类似的帖子都不回了。
另外一个例子。有个mm嫌人家男方太上杆子，联系见面的频率太高了，自己不知所措。我看到她的解释后就不打算回复了。为什么。如果你觉得人家太热情，不想太频繁的见的话，你是完全掌握主动权的。你完全可以告诉他，你今晚明晚没时间，不能见面。电话短信也可以掌控在你想要的频率速度内。噢，这边你在这抱怨说三周内人家男人开车开老远见了你好几次了，于是你也打算开几个小时去看他。折腾完的结果就是你觉得人家太激进了。你不想那么快。大姐，你觉得你说话做事一致么？三周内人家跑来见你好多次，这还不是事先得到你的允许的？你如果不想那么频繁，你完全可以拒绝人家几次嘛，干嘛要那么频繁。本来是可以三周内见2，3次的。别怪人家上杆子，你其实也是在糊里糊涂的下意识里告诉对方，这样上杆子的找你是okay的。
same as "why u always attract the wrong guys". 很多mm一定疑惑，为啥我上网总是遇不到优质男。为啥总是些猥琐男找上门来。okay, 如果你每见5个男人，出现1个disguesting man, 你完全可以忽视，这不一定是你的问题。话说这个和无视某些人对你的negative comments一样，都是小概率事件。但是如果这5个人里，有3个以上都很disguesting, 你是否该静下来想想，WHY?! 如果我说，苍蝇不叮无缝之蛋，你会不会觉得很难听，很offended呢？不过呢，现实是残酷的，事实就是如此。问题出在你自己身上。要么是你的profile/pics没选好，没写对路，要么就是你在邮件电话期间不会rule out wrong guys. 还有就是你的心态问题，是不是太容易就相信别人的话，是不是连人家基本资料都搞不清楚的情况下就选择见面了呢？如果你这几样都做的很好，你绝对绝对不会总是遇到这个问题。你有没有想过呢？估计很多人没有吧。除了无止境的抱怨外，根本想不到应该从自身找问题。再说句难听的，you suck for a reason, and it has nothing to do with others.
人渣？好男人？
我想大家都应该听过这样的故事。和前女友折腾好几年，女方逼婚不成，最后分手的，然后人家男方转眼间就找了个姑娘迅速结婚了。前女友和其众人肯定在背后骂了不少难听的话，把错都怪罪在男方身上，然后觉得女方是个victim. But really?? 我根本不用去知道细节，我就可以说，这种想法是很幼稚的。我又要重复了，一个愿打一个愿挨。尼玛你和那极品男在一起的时候，你为啥要拖着？人家想不想和你结婚，肯定不用你问，你都能察觉到的吧。自己想受罪，自己想赌一把，就不要在事后败下阵来的时候唧唧歪歪的怨天怨地，指桑骂槐。不想和你结婚，不对你好，不把你捧在手心宠上天，你不赶紧走出来，你等啥？别跟我说那些屁原因。都是借口。我才不信。所以啊，你眼中的人渣也许是人家眼里的绝世好老公好爸爸。远离人渣的唯一办法就是及时止损。没那个勇气的话，那就只能接受时间和身心的煎熬。想想哪个滋味更难受。
有钱男人不一定优质
工作这好几年来，楼猪出差那是家常便饭。哪周不用出差都要感恩好久。尼玛! 见的男人形形色色的太多了。楼猪睡眠不太好，入睡比较慢，除非是很累几天没睡好的时候。出差时，基本上每晚加班完回酒店时都要去lounge喝一杯，然后微醺醺的回房间洗洗睡了。楼猪从来不主动找陌生男人说话，但是谁要是找上来，我要是觉得有眼缘，看着比较decent的话，都会选择聊几句。这几年下来，也是见识了不少男人。我发现一个很有趣的事情就是，有钱男人不一定优质。有些内涵的东西的确不是钱能买来的，不是穿几身couture就能有的。尤其是口才，谈吐。除了出身外，education的确蛮重要的，只是BA or master or PHD may not differentiate too much. but it probably has a big difference if u havent gone to a college. 很多self-made的男人，虽说也有sucessful business, 但是一张口，我还是会觉得言之无物。聊不到几句，我就想cut off了。。那句，找对象要找学历差不多的是很对的。。当然我不赞同你有phd的话就看不上人家只有大学文凭的。但没上过大学的很多男人，在思维深度上，还是差了不少。我觉得优质男，还是那些受过良好教育的professional gentlemen. 和很多这样的精英聊天是一种享受。楼猪就特喜欢托着腮花痴看着男人，听他跟我胡扯。。我想很多女人都很享受崇拜自己男人的感觉吧。win-win.
7/21
今天想写的和看到minicupcake & happyapple123的帖子有感。
先老生常谈一个：自信。除了我之前更新的那段外，看minicupcake和G的结局，以及我这几天一个好友的经历，我想说，大家不用对自己太苛刻。怎么说。就像我跟我朋友说的一样，你不能指望你对男人的认知，对约会恋爱的把握在短时间内有个质的飞跃。成功不能一撮而就。就如人不能一口吃个胖子一样，你简单的读几本书，加上几个朋友的耳提面命，就能在短时间内自信大增，然后所向披靡。你觉得可能么？minicupcake是个小mm, 社会历练不多，认识的人估计也不会太多，加上G应该是她真正date的第一个“成熟男”（30岁的男人在我眼里也就是个boy了），她把握不住在在所难免。这和看什么电影，吃什么饭完全没关系。我想G在电影前已经有所感知，这女的不适合我。而整个电影的过程会给他时间去process his thought and make it reliable. 我想，应该是mm在之前的互动中说的某些话或是她的某些动作举止，让G意识到他俩不是一路人。只是mm年龄小，没有及时把握住这些变化。不过，有些男人的确很龟毛。这种事我遇到过。曾经date过的一个黄金单身汉，就因为我的一句话人家选择不再见我。真的就是那么一句话。这样的人是存在的。自信还是那句话，靠的是你实打实的本事，不是简单的几句自我良好暗示。而这种优质男人，不说简单的look pretty and fun to be around就能拿下的。如果你没有多接触过这个人群，基本上不要指望在早期遇到一个就套牢一个。只有多多约会，多多接触，慢慢的你才能提高你的胜券在握率。最后，minicupcake的问题还是她的心态，遇事不够沉稳，很容易就get the hope up, 同样的很容易就get upset. 送你一句话，dont expect too much. dont love too much. 'cuz it will hurt too much.
优质成熟男简单划分也就是真心想找女友的和真心想找炮友的。简单通俗。不管前者后者，都是阅女无数。连楼猪这种只有几年的dating历史的，都能迅速给一个男人下定义，还很少出错。你想想，如果我都可以办到，更别提那些本身就带这种“功能”的男人们了。
先说前者，这些男人对自己所想要的女人的类型早已烂熟于心。见你的第一面就知道你是不是他那款，值不值得他追求。mm们也别牛逼的跟我说自己多有内涵，需要男人长时间的了解才能确定。唉，你如果这么牛逼的认为，那只能说明你不懂得男人。我和你解释也没意思。总之，还是我说的，最忌讳用女人的思维去思考男人，用自己的有限知识武断的给男人下定义。anyway, 我跑题了。拉回来，这些男人一旦遇到自己那一款，就算是之前因为各种原因没打算找女友找老婆的，也会上杆子的各种追求想套牢你。这个你不用担心。男人比女人精明着很。过了这一村就没下一店了。所谓好男人对自己有要求，对自己的女人没要求。你不能简单的理解为这些男人的女人们就可以是那种不懂得打扮不懂得自我增值的傻女人。她们如果能吸引到这群优质男并且能让其俯首称臣，必定也是对自己有很高要求的。否则没那2刷子，能玩的住男人么？既然如此，你觉得在广义情况下，这些男人们需要对他们的女人提出各种要求么？个别猥琐男除外或是stuck in the marriage for certain reason的除外。而且，这类男人一旦认真起来，很难出轨搞猫腻。因为很多时候他要考虑到这个时间成本机会成本。所谓浪子回头金不换。人家不是说么，宁可找那种见识过玩遍全世界的男人，也别找那些没见识的男人或是所谓的老实男人。后者有多潜在的可怕，不用我明言吧。最后，我又要强调要有自己的生活了。这些男人，你觉得成功是偶然么？你觉得他的高薪是偶然么？很多我知道的都是长时间工作，高压力，太正常不过了。no pain, no gain. 如果不懂得如何balance out your expectation and reality, 如果你时刻需要这样的男人的attention, 我看你还是找个small potato的好。
后者，其实没啥太多好说的，就是一playboy. 善于和你玩失踪，玩心跳，玩调情。搞的你意乱情迷，但就是猜不透他到底想要什么，想和你如何如何。mm们在遇到这类男人时，不管他有多fancy, 多gentleman, 多fun, 只要你觉得没结果的，就得勇敢说再见。有些男人再好，他也不属于你，所以你不要去纠结what he can potentially offer. 还是那句话，喜欢你的爱你的，不管种族不管年龄更不管那**到极致还被很多人近津津乐道的神马星座，都会大声的告诉宣告他对你的所有权。如果没宣告，就那么一直拖着，你八成就是人家一眼里的炮友。
Happyapple123 mm的医生R所暴露出来的是男人年龄的问题。我倒不觉得找男人一定要找certain age的，但是一定要找心理成熟的。unfortunately, 大多数美国男人在28-30以前很少有能符合这个的。加上本来女性的心里成熟年龄就比男人大三岁，找个大一些的是很有道理的。年轻的肉体谁不喜欢？估计就我是个异类吧。说实话，楼猪对那种肉体还真没啥兴致，一看那张稚嫩的脸，就算给我6块腹肌，我也不想扑上去。我的个人看法是，对于找同龄的男生的，最好是找那些高中大学研究生等等在校期间认识的，有个基础的，不是完全陌生的那种，或是那种青梅竹马的。大家毕竟有差不多的圈子，朋友圈，生活圈，学术圈，多多少少有些叠合，这样相处起来成功的可能率大。如果你是小mm, 还online dating, 找一个年龄和你基本一样的，你所要面对的不仅仅是约会一个陌生人的问题，更是年龄的问题。就如minicupcake的E, 在我看来就是一乳臭未干的小男生。25岁的男人他知道啥？有几个具体知道自己想干什么或是有啥长远目标的？自己都还处在懵懂状态呢。这些男人就算口口声声说想settle down, 也很难在长久的相处的过程中keep his promise. 我倒不是说cheating一类的问题。他们还在成长中，他们对世界的认识还在一个不断改变的过程中，在这期间遇到的女人，很难是他以后想结结婚的那类。well, 如果你能耗的起时间，brave enough to take the risk, go for it. 否则，我还是建议大家少碰这类男人。碰可以，拿来做做炮友，享受下年轻的肉体完全okay, 别太当回事就好。its the dessert, not the main course.
好像没啥可写的了。最后回复下cutie的问题。
你问的关于有人问为啥中国人什么都吃的问题。我觉得要具体问题具体问题。看那人当时提问的态度和那人本身的背景。我个人觉得，大部分well-traveled men wont ask this kind of stupid question. 如果只是一句玩笑话，你完全可以选择忽略。如果那人是个red neck, 井底之蛙，加上他当时问的口气很不有好的话，你就要反击了。maybe you can say things like "do u know abt French cuisine? do u know anything besides potatoes and steak? why dont u talk to me after you decide to unwrap yourself from your biased viewpoint?" 这基本上是我的风格了。。。看你自己的喜好吧。
至于你问的drive to his city often. 我其实没啥好建议。不想被人牵着鼻子走，就直说。if u wanna see me, u have to come to my neighborhood. 不需要解释太多。喜欢你的男人自然乐意make effort. simple.
关于asian工作不公待遇的问题。在我看来也是要具体问题具体分析。如果你说的那些老女人不喜欢某个人，也许人家就是嫉妒那人的年轻漂亮神马的。这样的话最简单不过了。经常去夸夸她，注意下她服饰和配件的变化，做一些小的compliment. 一开始也许会碰灰，但时间唱了，那女人应该会觉得这人是friendly的，也不会太多敌意了吧。还有种很常见的情况就是，有些人不喜欢特定的某个人是因为那人的工作porformance. 比如我们，大多情况下都是teamwork. 讲求团队精神。经常开会。经常做报告。非常讨厌有些人总是迟到早退，该due的report没有做好，然后剩下的人还得为其收尸，额外的让大家多做了好多自己的分内事。这样的人肯定会让烦。我举这个例子是想说，遇到别人不喜欢自己的时候，首先要问问是不是我哪里做的不好。是我工作没做好耽误到他了还是我说的什么话made him feel offended.或者在某个时候我抢了他的风头。我觉得没必要上纲上线，就说是种族的问题。哦，如果英语不够流利，我想必定也会有些问题。anyway, 我不知道具体的事，加上我没有过这样的经历，实在是不好回答你。最后，我男人的回复有点笼统, "A real lady would use humor, laugh at or with the aggressor. If that didn't work, she would use assertiveness to stop the harassment immediately, not tolerating it for a second, consequences be damned."
彻底更新完了。。。
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/21 19:46:21编辑过]
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 20:22:56编辑过]
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 20:31:35编辑过]
楼主还在南加，以为你年中搬去纽约le。你的罚单是啥回事
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 20:22:56编辑过]
unsafe lane changing on I-5..driving back from San Jose. 花了老娘将近350刀。然后前段时间车还被toll了一次，加上parking tix, 快500刀了。唉，破财免灾。只能这么安慰自己了。。至于磨合，你找错人问了。。。我和我男人都很固执，他说我bossy, controlling, ordering... 磨合的结果就是他妥协了，楼猪依旧霸道不讲理
以下是引用cute-wheat在7/19/2013 8:59:00 PM的发言：
unsafe lane changing on I-5..driving back from San Jose. 花了老娘将近350刀。然后前段时间车还被toll了一次，加上parking tix, 快500刀了。唉，破财免灾。只能这么安慰自己了。。至于磨合，你找错人问了。。。我和我男人都很固执，他说我bossy, controlling, ordering... 磨合的结果就是他妥协了，楼猪依旧霸道不讲理
young asian woman? RU KIDDING ME? WHAT A GREAT COMBO! you should use it to ur advantage and make the best outta it. not sure why u see it as a thwarting point. i will address ur concern in my post later. so tired tonite.
Well said! What I'd like to hear, though, would be related to the disadvantage related to the race and gender. Maybe you have not experienced it personally before but I have heard many stories about the unfair treatment of women of color, esp. Asian women, in working settings. What if you were unfairly treated but cannot leave your current company immediately? In other words, how to endure the temporary unfair treatment as a classy lady? Maybe I am posing too difficult a question here but would really like to hear some opinions from a capable lady like you :)
Well said! What I'd like to hear, though, would be related to the disadvantage related to the race and gender. Maybe you have not experienced it personally before but I have heard many stories about the unfair treatment of women of color, esp. Asian women, in working settings. What if you were unfairly treated but cannot leave your current company immediately? In other words, how to endure the temporary unfair treatment as a classy lady? Maybe I am posing too difficult a question here but would really like to hear some opinions from a capable lady like you :)
i have never had that kind of awful experience. im sure its annoying. i do believe in revenge. i cant provide you with my two cents right now. I will consult with my man and get back to u later. but u do need to ask youself one question - why does it happen to me so often? dont immediately blame others, ask youself a few questions if u can and do some soul search.. just in case you havent given some thought to what i just said.
i have never had that kind of awful experience. im sure its annoying. i do believe in revenge. i cant provide you with my two cents right now. I will consult with my man and get back to u later. but u do need to ask youself one question - why does it happen to me so often? dont immediately blame others, ask youself a few questions if u can and do some soul search.. just in case you havent given some thought to what i just said.
Thanks for the prompt response. Personally these did not happen to me often but I have often heard such stories happening to my Asian women friends, esp. in a work setting that does not typically have Asians previously or have mistreated Asians before. Most of the work places are elite institutions or companies and most of the people there are white. Also, another personal observation as well as experience is that, most of the "trouble-makers" in those institutions are white females who are either single in their 40/50s or divorced.
小麦的更新终于出炉了！写得很好。特别是关于结交朋友的问题。我想问一下一个比较individual的问题。在E家遇到一个比较中意的男人。年龄比我大八岁，回答问题和写邮件都很成熟稳重。但是我们之间的交流都比较慢。回答完问题就来来回回折腾了一个星期。然后邮件也是控制在一两天一封。所以现在差不多两个星期了，也就通了两三封邮件。当然他不给我回，我也就等着。会不会这样拖拖拖的最后也就不了了之了？有啥好建议没？ 最后回他的一封邮件很短。就说我没去过他说的那个地方，但是听起来很有意思。问他最喜欢吃什么 （好傻的问题）。
just wait it out. if he likes u, he will ask u out. but i generally dont like a man who doesnt do so within the first two weeks of online communication. maybe you should consider dropping him.
关于MM说dating中聊天的话题，MM说如果男人喜欢你的话会把握话题权，但女方也应该适当的提一些话题聊吧(不然他们会觉得女方有点boring？)，如果聊完了感觉没话聊了怎么办呢？ 通常什么话题或者问题最好在first or second date中要提出来的呢？
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 20:31:35编辑过]
if u guys have good chemistry, u should never run out of things to talk about. common sense. get a sense of his career, his family, his background, etc in the first couple dates. not to mention you need to know if he has married before and/or has kids before meeting up for the first time.
[此贴子已经被作者于2013/7/19 22:40:35编辑过]
我又想起了一个问题，如果和对方date的时候问你有没有在date其他男人？如果有真的要说出来吗？
smile and ask him if he has been seeing other ppl. whenever ur being asked questions u dont wanna answer, ask him instead. or ignore it deliberately - but it requires a lot of experiences.