我要找的是一个deep bonding long term body and soul mate (leading to marriage). 我的标准是三个方面：
physical look and chemistry - 他的身体和长相，我要有jump onto his bone的激情； Emotionally healthy and wanting to commit to a long bonding relationship, 相同的价值观； 个人能力，好习惯，较高的intellectual curiosity.
2016年3月到9月，我们密集地约会。我在第三个约会时就fell in love with him. After six months of real happiness, deep appreciation and admiration of some of his qualities, a lot of thinking and self studying, disappointments and hoping, I couldn’t get his commitment. We decided not to be exclusive lover. From mid Sept 2016 to Feb 2017, we were no longer lovers (did not have intimacy) but still back and forth. On Feb 21, 2017 I texted and called him saying Happy Birthday. He knew well that I need to move out of his life to begin my new life. Feb 21 was day to say final goodbye and I blocked his cell phone, Facebook, Messenger and email address. Since then, J and I have never contacted each.
I have learned a lot from the experience with J. I have seen a really talented and fine person. J fits my #1 and #3 standards really well - I was actually obsessed to him. For #2: J’s emotion is bruised and he has narcissistic traits. His not being able to commit made our relationship unhealthy and hurting me.
2- J (44, 6’2 high tech marketing)
2016年9月中旬和J stop being exclusive lover后上网，Mid Oct. zoosk上认识了 J (44, 6’2). 1) Physical chemistry we hit very well. From Mid Oct to end Nov, we saw each other twice a week. Had a lot of good time. However 2) Emotionally J was not ready (his ex-wife cheated him a year and half ago) and he couldn’t really love yet. 3) Intellectually he feels i am way over and often asked me what if I get bored.
I travelled last half of Dec. to first Half Jan. We hadn’t seen each other since first week of Dec. We texted each other Happy New Year. I didn’t have strong connection and don’t miss him.
3-M (49, 5’10 high tech engine firm co-owner)
2016年9月中旬和J stop being exclusive lover后上网，late Oct. zoosk上认识了 M （49, 5’10). 1) Physically I don’t feel strong attraction to him; 2) Emotionally we connected very well; 3) Intellectually we connected very well. Oct. to Nov.2016 I dated both J (44, 6’2) and M (49, 5’10). During my Dec out of country travel, M asked me to send him updates during travel through wechat. I did and regardless time difference, he replied my wechats always within 5 to 20 minutes. From Dec. to Jan, we exchanged about 500 texts with real content.
So after I came back from trip in Jan., I felt the desire to date M more seriously. However after a few dates in Jan., I found that M doesn’t have an active lifestyle I have. (hard to explain but I do know clearly). We are candidate toward each other. M is very mature and we become friends.
4-T (42, 6’2 manufacturing materials manager)
2016年9月中旬和J stop being exclusive lover后上网, late Nov. match上认识了T （42，6‘2）. Exchanged a few texts through online app, T knew that I will travel so he said that we will connect after I come back from travel. Therefore during whole Dec to mid Jan., we did not contact each other.
In mid Jan, T texted me, got my number and called me. After a few days call, we met first time on Feb. 1. Since then he texted every morning and called every evening. He caught a cold and developed to pneumonia. So our 2nd date was Feb. 23. After 2nd date, T asked me to be exclusive, saying he loves and wants to have baby with me (we talked before we both wanting have kid). I felt a little rushing but sincerely wanting to agree. So we have been exclusively dated since then.
T and I have very strong physical chemistry so #1 checked. T is confident, emotionally healthy and mature. He has two long relationships 9 years and 5 years each. He is wholehearted when in love, so number 2 checked. #3 I have hesitation because intellectually T is a little bit simpler than I desire. When we are together, I do 85% of talking. But I love his #1 and 2.
It’s getting late. Let me share this much. There are lots of going on-s. Real emotions matter most to me. Life is wonderful. We are growing, we are loving, we get hurt and healed!
2月1日认识，和T相处了7个月。从5月上旬T就搬过来，我们就在一起生活了。 T和我的两宝（17岁和12岁）也相处得很好。特别是12岁的老二就喜欢和T逗着玩，或者说T就喜欢逗老二玩。12岁的想法也很多了，他会问T "if my mom asks you to beat me, will you?" 我和T笑坏了，说不会有这样的情况发生的。 他会问T "Will you dodge the bullet for my mom?" T 毫不犹豫说 “Yes“。 他会问T “If my mom and I are in two boats which are sinking, who will you jump to save?" T想了一下，说“I will save you because you are a child."
3）我们自己在一段情感里追寻什么，就会最终得到什么。Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it (= and find that you really don't want it). 我对于感情的专一和饱满，还有健康美好的身体和Sex很喜欢（超过其他社会属性）。还有就是爱运动，爱学新的事情和有好的生活习惯。 所以我爱上的常常是这类。 我和T love each other and get along very very well. 但同时呢，T经济收入一般，并且在日常生活中不算非常能干。 举个例子说我的前夫和前date都很会做饭，一个人弄一个party。 T不是很会做饭。 我就需要提醒自己，everyone is a total package, 不能苛求。
很少写帖子。请版主帮忙不要放在首页。关于下面的年龄，因为帖子是过去写的（当时真实的心情和理解），我明年50。 :-)
2012年分居，2014年离婚，2016年认真恋爱，2018年结婚，2020年再生个孩子 （进行时）。 过程中得到跨坛很多美眉的分享，也在跨坛写了几个帖子，是对自己感受的总结和对大家的汇报。
最近看到家坛的讨论，特别是正在考虑下一段生活的美眉们。 我想分享一下当时写的。 真实是一个力量。 每个人的想法都有不同。 感情有一个相同处， 就是以真心得真心。
照片过两个小时会拿掉。:-)
2017年
2018年
2019年
March 16, 2017。 答应了Tryagian123美眉，写一篇《更新》。
Body and Soul Mate 我的标准
我要找的是一个deep bonding long term body and soul mate (leading to marriage). 我的标准是三个方面：
physical look and chemistry - 他的身体和长相，我要有jump onto his bone的激情； Emotionally healthy and wanting to commit to a long bonding relationship, 相同的价值观； 个人能力，好习惯，较高的intellectual curiosity.前面两个标准 1）和2）要达到95分。 3）达到80分。
2016年1月到2017年3月数字
1- 在match, zoosk, coffeemeetsbagel, eharmony上面一共约有2400人view我。 其中45%的人表达了对我的兴趣和喜欢。
2- 在表达了对我的兴趣和喜欢的人中，我自己看是否喜欢（主要就是外貌和在网站上互相TEXT的感觉）。我想我大概有网站上TEXT的约有80到100人左右。
3- 网站上Text后，男生约我见面的，我也觉得想见的一共见了21位。 只有一位男生第一次见我后，没有再约我。 其他二十位男生第一次见完，都来约我第二次，说本人比照片还好看，还风趣，等等）。
4- 我的做法是第一次见面没有1）的strong chemistry, 就不见第二次了。我一共和四位男生共度或长或短的一段美好人生活。
这15个月我喜欢的4位男生
1- J (48, 5’10 construction engineer)
2016年3月到9月，我们密集地约会。我在第三个约会时就fell in love with him. After six months of real happiness, deep appreciation and admiration of some of his qualities, a lot of thinking and self studying, disappointments and hoping, I couldn’t get his commitment. We decided not to be exclusive lover. From mid Sept 2016 to Feb 2017, we were no longer lovers (did not have intimacy) but still back and forth. On Feb 21, 2017 I texted and called him saying Happy Birthday. He knew well that I need to move out of his life to begin my new life. Feb 21 was day to say final goodbye and I blocked his cell phone, Facebook, Messenger and email address. Since then, J and I have never contacted each.
I have learned a lot from the experience with J. I have seen a really talented and fine person. J fits my #1 and #3 standards really well - I was actually obsessed to him. For #2: J’s emotion is bruised and he has narcissistic traits. His not being able to commit made our relationship unhealthy and hurting me.
2- J (44, 6’2 high tech marketing)
2016年9月中旬和J stop being exclusive lover后上网，Mid Oct. zoosk上认识了 J (44, 6’2). 1) Physical chemistry we hit very well. From Mid Oct to end Nov, we saw each other twice a week. Had a lot of good time. However 2) Emotionally J was not ready (his ex-wife cheated him a year and half ago) and he couldn’t really love yet. 3) Intellectually he feels i am way over and often asked me what if I get bored.
I travelled last half of Dec. to first Half Jan. We hadn’t seen each other since first week of Dec. We texted each other Happy New Year. I didn’t have strong connection and don’t miss him.
3-M (49, 5’10 high tech engine firm co-owner)
2016年9月中旬和J stop being exclusive lover后上网，late Oct. zoosk上认识了 M （49, 5’10). 1) Physically I don’t feel strong attraction to him; 2) Emotionally we connected very well; 3) Intellectually we connected very well. Oct. to Nov.2016 I dated both J (44, 6’2) and M (49, 5’10). During my Dec out of country travel, M asked me to send him updates during travel through wechat. I did and regardless time difference, he replied my wechats always within 5 to 20 minutes. From Dec. to Jan, we exchanged about 500 texts with real content.
So after I came back from trip in Jan., I felt the desire to date M more seriously. However after a few dates in Jan., I found that M doesn’t have an active lifestyle I have. (hard to explain but I do know clearly). We are candidate toward each other. M is very mature and we become friends.
4-T (42, 6’2 manufacturing materials manager)
2016年9月中旬和J stop being exclusive lover后上网, late Nov. match上认识了T （42，6‘2）. Exchanged a few texts through online app, T knew that I will travel so he said that we will connect after I come back from travel. Therefore during whole Dec to mid Jan., we did not contact each other.
In mid Jan, T texted me, got my number and called me. After a few days call, we met first time on Feb. 1. Since then he texted every morning and called every evening. He caught a cold and developed to pneumonia. So our 2nd date was Feb. 23. After 2nd date, T asked me to be exclusive, saying he loves and wants to have baby with me (we talked before we both wanting have kid). I felt a little rushing but sincerely wanting to agree. So we have been exclusively dated since then.
T and I have very strong physical chemistry so #1 checked. T is confident, emotionally healthy and mature. He has two long relationships 9 years and 5 years each. He is wholehearted when in love, so number 2 checked. #3 I have hesitation because intellectually T is a little bit simpler than I desire. When we are together, I do 85% of talking. But I love his #1 and 2.
It’s getting late. Let me share this much. There are lots of going on-s. Real emotions matter most to me. Life is wonderful. We are growing, we are loving, we get hurt and healed!
2017-07-10我和Jellybean的故事 - 进行时
美眉姐妹们，夏安。 上次是在3月份和大家更新了一下进展。现在是7月上旬，再简单更新一下。
从2月1日第一次和T见面，到现在5个月多一点。我们进展得很好。 T第一周就给我起了昵称，叫我Goofy, Goofball, 因为我很爱开玩笑，总是把他逗乐. 过了5个月，我终于找到了给他的昵称 Jellybean，因为1）他短发非常喜欢上发胶Jelly；2）他很 sweet；3）我看到他就像看到自己特别喜欢的food, Jellybean 很合适。
Jellybean比我小5岁，有过两位女友（九年和五年），没有过自己的孩子。我的两帅宝，一个17岁，一个12岁。我思维活跃，想法多多。 Jellybean想法没有那么多，那么快，很喜欢把一件件事情具体完成。 我爱想爱说，如果有不同的想法会马上说出自己的想法。 Jellybean比价婉转，不太重要的他都愿意顺着我的想法，他比较在意的思路，他会说，哦你这么做可以，如果是我会那样来做。经济上，我的比较多，Jellybean比较少。
这些差别不影响我们相爱相处得很好。 因为
1）我们都选择心动，选择爱情，就是选爱人的时候必须是让自己有jump onto his bones的感觉的；
2）我们有相同的价值观，就是有心动感觉了，爱上了，就完全投入这段感情，尽自己最大的能力呵护这段感情；
3）我们的习惯都挺好的，早起，爱运动，不拖拉，作为男友，他很宽容随和，作为女友，我很理解 不“作”。
今天就写这么多。上两张周末在温哥华和妈妈哥哥聚会时，朋友照的照片（我挺喜欢的）。过一两个小时删。 祝大家夏天快乐。
2017-09-06恋爱更新。分享几个感受和intou2美眉
八月份去T的家乡Missuori见了他的爸爸妈妈弟弟和两个姐姐一家。又恰逢他爸爸的七十生日Party，好吧就把他的全家族都见过了。 一大堆的开心和活动。他爸爸非常幽默，说了好多笑话，我真是笑得腮帮子都痛了。估计是看到准媳妇他挺开心的。T和爸爸妈妈的感情很好。 他因为不和父母在同一个城市，所以保持每隔一到两天和他妈妈通个电话，让老妈开心。
2月1日认识，和T相处了7个月。从5月上旬T就搬过来，我们就在一起生活了。 T和我的两宝（17岁和12岁）也相处得很好。特别是12岁的老二就喜欢和T逗着玩，或者说T就喜欢逗老二玩。12岁的想法也很多了，他会问T "if my mom asks you to beat me, will you?" 我和T笑坏了，说不会有这样的情况发生的。 他会问T "Will you dodge the bullet for my mom?" T 毫不犹豫说 “Yes“。 他会问T “If my mom and I are in two boats which are sinking, who will you jump to save?" T想了一下，说“I will save you because you are a child."
现在开始认真着手准备生baby了（我47他42）。祝我们好运吧 ：））
Dating感受总结
1）是否是online认识还是网下认识，不太重要。爱情的发生是两个人都对对方感到心动，这个是小小概率事件。所以dating了一段不成功是正常的，并不一定谁对谁错，或是谁骗了什么。
2）从2016年1月到今年1月，约会了好些人，真正骗人的很少。在网上也有明确说open relationship的，有直接说不想再结婚的。 但是大部分情况是 男生也好 女生也好，如果遇到真正心动的，又相处下来合适，会改变原来的想法的。所以dating就是展现自己最美好的一面去吸引对方，吸引后自然相处看自己和对方是否在相处中快乐。
3）我们自己在一段情感里追寻什么，就会最终得到什么。Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it (= and find that you really don't want it). 我对于感情的专一和饱满，还有健康美好的身体和Sex很喜欢（超过其他社会属性）。还有就是爱运动，爱学新的事情和有好的生活习惯。 所以我爱上的常常是这类。 我和T love each other and get along very very well. 但同时呢，T经济收入一般，并且在日常生活中不算非常能干。 举个例子说我的前夫和前date都很会做饭，一个人弄一个party。 T不是很会做饭。 我就需要提醒自己，everyone is a total package, 不能苛求。
4）男生对一个女生心动和喜欢，他们表现出来是很明显的，并且是很快很快的。几个非常喜欢我的男生都是在第二次约会就提出exclusive. T在第三次约会，就说我是他想要结婚和生孩子的woman，我当时觉得他是不是太幼稚了啊。 我记得当时我们坐在一个Starbucks里面，旁边有个老太太听到我们的对话，也是觉得超级好玩，又想憋住不笑，那个表情我还记得。 有两位男生第二次约会后 我就知道我不会爱上他们，就提出不继续了。这两位现在（一年后了）还会每隔一个月问一下我是否还在relationship中，想看看他们是否还有机会。 其实就是见了两面。
5）我是坚持选让自己心动的男生，不是在追我的男生里面去选。 我中意了哪个男生，就在他的profile上多看几次，这样他就可以看到这个女生看过他。 T比我小5岁，如果我不在他的profile上多停留几次的话，他基本看不到我的profile, 因为自动match的会是年龄更接近的。 我中意的男生约我 我就出来，联系我， 我就答复。 但是我不主动联系他。
只要be true to ourselves, every day lived is the best day. 祝美眉们都幸福快乐。
有没有谁是H1b自己办绿卡成功的呢？我需要做labor certificate，那个kit里面的信息表格都挺全的。我听说办绿卡不一定要请律师，也不知道这种说法对H1b身份需要做labor certificate的人来说是否对。员绝对是可以自己办的。朋友们能不能把经验建议分享一下？
看得我糊里糊涂的。
她老三老四都是意外怀孕正常怀孕
有人就是容易怀孕体质吧。我说她没准会来个意外的五胎
老公看上去人很好！
她这样也能收获。小A想要的就是激情和新鲜感。