I think Hans acted better than you did in the store
First, as you said, you didn't like Hans and you even blocked their couple from talking to your wife even you all in the same church and in the same company. So, you should know they wouldn't like you either after that.
Secondly, you already left the company. and as you said, don't make friend in company. So since you left the company you were no longer related to Hans and you dislike him, when two of you met in the store, there is really NO point to greet to each other, especialy between you and Hans, given what has happened between you two. Any greeting is BS and fake, and you know God knows that.
So, Hansa knew that and he behaved well by avoiding seeing you face to face. That's a nice approach actually. But look at you. You forced a fake greeting, and then cut off any real communication. What a pure fake thing you insisted doing. It is absoluately unnecessary and I would suggest -- sometimes just be yourself. Nobody cares your greeting that much if they know it is not real, and you don't need to make everybody say good thing about you. Just be yourself and act what you want to. That's why said Hans acted well by politely avoiding contact.
Between you and Hans, the best approach is pretending not seeing each other, that's the best. Any forced greeting is considered as hypocrite by others.
so why did you ask Hans those questions you shouldn't ask ?
If you understand how clear the career boundary is, why did you attempt to break the rule by asking Hans those interior questions that you are not supposed to know and he was not supposed to tell you ? Furthermore, why did you dislike him because he didn't tell you ?
Apparently, in your mind, you have two sets of rules: One is to show the public like strangers, church, community. The other side is the real you that you still like to break the first set of rule (like you asked Hans those things). You switch between these two roles using two sets of moral standards.
1. Hans didn't tell you the interior information about the company. But that's OK since you two were working relation, not friends. How could Hans trust you that you would never tell others he said that ? Such thing has happened everywhere. The real problem here is you --- you shouldn't ask in the first place. Can't blame the other person for being professional if you are not professional.
2. What's wrong with Hans by asking your wife where you are working ? The only connection between them and your wife was you, and you worked with him in the same firm. Now you just left, it is a common thing to ask that. He didn't ask who is your boss, didn't ask how much you earn, or what patent/skill your company using. The problem is you -- You already hated Hans because he refused to give you information you shouldn't know. So, with that pre-set mindset you see Hans through a colored lens.
3. Hans did nothing wrong by avoiding seeing you face to face in store. Think about it --- Would you like to talk to some ex-coworker who told you and wife never talk to his wife ! But you initiated the contact for no reason.
一個有趣的小故事。以前在公司A工作，有一個德國同事，就稱他為Hans吧。偶然發現，我和他都在週末去同一家教會禮拜。這個Hans已經在公司A8年了，算是資深員工。可是和他的交往很奇怪，每當我想打探一些公司的內幕消息，他都顧左而言他，或者直接說不清楚。按理說一個在公司8年，而且是在產品經理，對於公司內幕應當很清楚的哦。好在我也留了一個心眼，不把自己信息告訴他。
上個月，我在A公司離職，跳槽到附近的B公司，這是A公司的競爭對手，不過我還是在週末去同一個教會。結果有趣的事情發生了，每次去教會，都是我和我老婆一起去。在禮拜結束後，Hans的老婆居然主動找到我老婆，問寒問暖，然後直接轉到正題，問我目前在那家公司。我老婆做人老實，不知道如何回复。好在，咱看到眼裡，趕緊以百米跑的速度衝過去，擋在她們之間，說我們有事情，先走，同時你以後不要來煩我老婆！
今天，和老婆一起在商場沖洗照片，取照片的時候，發現他也在等照片。不過他首先認出我了，結果這個Hans 故意把視線集中在前方，完全不往左右掃視。一般人等待的時候，不是都在空閒中扭頭掃視四周，有誰把頭固定在一個方向的嗎？咱看在心裡，不過想來要是也裝不認識，就太沒勁了。於是主動上去和他打招呼，不過也僅限於一個招呼。他在我之前取了照片，但是似乎還在商場閒逛。我刻意和老婆保持一定距離，在不引人注意的地方看著，他居然看到我老婆，於是就衝著我老婆走去了。咱馬上挺身而出，擋在老婆前面，他看到我，尷尬的笑了一下，轉身走出商場。
Hans對於公司來說是個好員工，利用一切機會，哪怕是私人交往，為公司搜集有用信息。但是作為職場上Hans的同事，則他實在心機太重，屬於絕不交往的類型。
總之，在職場不交朋友，更不要交流私人信息。這樣才能保護你自己哦。
更多我的博客文章>>> 別在職場交朋友，更不要交流私人信息 一个正常社会不该给绝望者补刀，投胎是門學問啊 中国的威权主义未来：人工智能与无孔不入的监控 從一位美籍中文牧師被刨根究底所想到的 pasted 国家财政部税政司原司长呼吁全民缴个税：起征点提至5000元就成了富人税
總體來說，在西方有至少三個圈子
1 教會， 學習如何敬拜神，和神共行
2 私人交往圈子，比如興趣愛好，飛行，摩托車和射擊俱樂部等。我們之間的交往都是在共同興趣愛好上，從來不問對方在那家公司，因為這和公司完全無關
3 職場的圈子，也就是最腥風血雨的，真正的職場如戰場。那些名著如“水滸”和“三國演義”中的所有計策你都可以用，在職場沒有限制，只有公司的利益。
最典型的例子就是當年納粹集中營的負責毒氣室屠殺猶太人的SS軍官，不論猶太人老人和兒童一起殺掉的。美國解放集中營後，起訴負責這個的SS軍官，但是就在法庭調查中發現，此人在私人交往圈子中，他是模範丈夫，合格的父親，經常帶著孩子出遊，和孩子一起成長。鄰居之間都說他是熱心助人，而他更是在私人俱樂部中做了很多義工，來讓俱樂部發展更好。他的私人交往圈子中，他幾乎就是一個聖經中說的”義人“
法官對於如此一個矛盾體感到不可理解，曾經問他為何要毒殺猶太人，你也有妻子兒女啊！
這個SS軍官的回答很簡單， “ Das ist meine Arbeit" 這是我的工作。
西方人對於工作和私人交往區分的很明確，他們也不會在工作圈子發展神馬友誼。職場永恆的只有利益。
感觉有点儿失礼. 教会里的人.... 也是凡人哪.
既然你说西方人在职场都是为了利益，你怎么又预设他的立场居然是为了公司呢？你自相矛盾啊
不知道你是做什么工作的， 个人感觉生活没有那么复杂，想多了吧。
不可以互相交流敏感信息
那么你老婆什么都不会知道，别人跟你老婆打招呼，即使问到你的公司，还是一无所知，你根本无需担心。你这个样子，别人尴尬离开不是因为被你参透什么盗窃信息的心理，而是以为你是个极端限制太太社交的丈夫，怕你多心而已。
职场有职场道德，不是人家知道内幕，就一定可以告诉你，不明白你怎么会因为这个怪他。
我做毕业论文时。系里有个德国来得交换生我们都在写毕业论文。关系处得很好。他回德国后可能有找工作的问题。当时我自己也没经验。
不知道自已有何能量可以介绍他。傻呼呼回了email 说办不了。以后关系就生了。现在知道他已经做到管理职位比较成功。
有趣的是，多年后我自己在公司大裁员失去工作后，也写信给一位一起工作过的工作关系比较好的一个德国同事，他当时和他那个组一起成功跳到
另一个公司接着干。他回答我的就是沉默。
至今，我还没见过德国人会给connection 找下一个工作的。也许他们自己之间会作这样的推荐吧。坛里有谁有经过connection 找到工作
的，可以分享下经历。
我自己的例子，我做的这个project，当初老板是通过和vendor多年的交情拿下的，彼此信任，这是一种connection，老板拿下来以后认为John最合适，John接受但一定要我的合作，这是一种connection，我同意但我要亲自选人，然后我自己带进4个和我工作几年的同事，这是一种connection。。。。这些connection都是彼此有利，彼此信任的结果。
拉关系，甚至有的地方七大姑八大姨不管有没有本事都放进来的，我听说过但我身边没有，我认为这种公司没法呆。
推荐是个挺危险的事情，有点儿像做红娘，好的时候别人不会感激，主要靠自己的缘分和努力，不好的时候就都骂中间人了。所以除非真正信任的人或者特别原因，否则一样按正常手续走，即使直接帮忙递简历，我不会多说一句话。
开贴不说明，跟帖就会认为是美国的职场。
即使是美国，最好说明离海岸线有多远。
First, as you said, you didn't like Hans and you even blocked their couple from talking to your wife even you all in the same church and in the same company. So, you should know they wouldn't like you either after that.
Secondly, you already left the company. and as you said, don't make friend in company. So since you left the company you were no longer related to Hans and you dislike him, when two of you met in the store, there is really NO point to greet to each other, especialy between you and Hans, given what has happened between you two. Any greeting is BS and fake, and you know God knows that.
So, Hansa knew that and he behaved well by avoiding seeing you face to face. That's a nice approach actually. But look at you. You forced a fake greeting, and then cut off any real communication. What a pure fake thing you insisted doing. It is absoluately unnecessary and I would suggest -- sometimes just be yourself. Nobody cares your greeting that much if they know it is not real, and you don't need to make everybody say good thing about you. Just be yourself and act what you want to. That's why said Hans acted well by politely avoiding contact.
Between you and Hans, the best approach is pretending not seeing each other, that's the best. Any forced greeting is considered as hypocrite by others.
If you understand how clear the career boundary is, why did you attempt to break the rule by asking Hans those interior questions that you are not supposed to know and he was not supposed to tell you ? Furthermore, why did you dislike him because he didn't tell you ?
Apparently, in your mind, you have two sets of rules: One is to show the public like strangers, church, community. The other side is the real you that you still like to break the first set of rule (like you asked Hans those things). You switch between these two roles using two sets of moral standards.
Do I make sense ?
他当然可以打听你的新公司，这又不是什么机密。他说不定想比较以寻求个人发展。
1. Hans didn't tell you the interior information about the company. But that's OK since you two were working relation, not friends. How could Hans trust you that you would never tell others he said that ? Such thing has happened everywhere. The real problem here is you --- you shouldn't ask in the first place. Can't blame the other person for being professional if you are not professional.
2. What's wrong with Hans by asking your wife where you are working ? The only connection between them and your wife was you, and you worked with him in the same firm. Now you just left, it is a common thing to ask that. He didn't ask who is your boss, didn't ask how much you earn, or what patent/skill your company using. The problem is you -- You already hated Hans because he refused to give you information you shouldn't know. So, with that pre-set mindset you see Hans through a colored lens.
3. Hans did nothing wrong by avoiding seeing you face to face in store. Think about it --- Would you like to talk to some ex-coworker who told you and wife never talk to his wife ! But you initiated the contact for no reason.
我觉得职场的connection 还是挺重要的，我周围也有一些朋友介绍的例子．
楼主向Hans打听公司的内部消息，Hans避而不谈，说明Hans给他们之间的关系定调为纯粹工作上关系，没有私人关系成分，那凭什么两次向楼主太太打探楼主的新雇主？楼主已经离职，新雇主是谁是他的隐私，没有义务告诉以前的同事。如果Hans认为打探这种消息是正当的，为什么不直接向楼主询问？Hans夫妇的行为就如同向邻居家不懂事的孩子打听他家情况一样不地道。举一个例子，本人刚来美国留学时向一位大陆来的学长询问：”你是大陆那所大学毕业的？“那人正色道：”在美国不可以问这种私人问题。“本人道歉而退。不久，该学长问我：”你是国内哪个学校出来的？“令本人大惑不解。大家评评理，谁用了双重标准？
1 职场上打听公司内幕本身就是不专业， 该知道的就会知道， 不该知道知道了也不是什么好事。做好自己的本职工工作。职场应该避免打听和八卦
2 人家不回答， 你怎么就判断人家知道？人家不是你的公司谷歌器，想知道什么人家就给你吐什么。何况不喜欢八卦的人知道的不是你想象的多， 知道了也不会大嘴巴到处说
3 去公司的竞争对手不地道。有些公司， 商业机密比较敏感，明确规定离职多久不能在其它类似行业干本行。当然如果你公司和你的职业不属于此类另议
4 与人交往太过负面
鄙视这种人
=====================================================
一個有趣的小故事。以前在公司A工作，有一個德國同事，就稱他為Hans吧。偶然發現，我和他都在週末去同一家教會禮拜。這個Hans已經在公司A8年了，算是資深員工。可是和他的交往很奇怪，每當我想打探一些公司的內幕消息，他都顧左而言他，或者直接說不清楚。按理說一個在公司8年，而且是在產品經理，對於公司內幕應當很清楚的哦。好在我也留了一個心眼，不把自己信息告訴他。
上個月，我在A公司離職，跳槽到附近的B公司，這是A公司的競爭對手，不過我還是在週末去同一個教會。結果有趣的事情發生了，每次去教會，都是我和我老婆一起去。在禮拜結束後，Hans的老婆居然主動找到我老婆，問寒問暖，然後直接轉到正題，問我目前在那家公司。我老婆做人老實，不知道如何回复。好在，咱看到眼裡，趕緊以百米跑的速度衝過去，擋在她們之間，說我們有事情，先走，同時你以後不要來煩我老婆！
今天，和老婆一起在商場沖洗照片，取照片的時候，發現他也在等照片。不過他首先認出我了，結果這個Hans 故意把視線集中在前方，完全不往左右掃視。一般人等待的時候，不是都在空閒中扭頭掃視四周，有誰把頭固定在一個方向的嗎？咱看在心裡，不過想來要是也裝不認識，就太沒勁了。於是主動上去和他打招呼，不過也僅限於一個招呼。他在我之前取了照片，但是似乎還在商場閒逛。我刻意和老婆保持一定距離，在不引人注意的地方看著，他居然看到我老婆，於是就衝著我老婆走去了。咱馬上挺身而出，擋在老婆前面，他看到我，尷尬的笑了一下，轉身走出商場。
Hans對於公司來說是個好員工，利用一切機會，哪怕是私人交往，為公司搜集有用信息。但是作為職場上Hans的同事，則他實在心機太重，屬於絕不交往的類型。
總之，在職場不交朋友，更不要交流私人信息。這樣才能保護你自己哦。
当时的感觉就是同样的问题我不可以问他，但是他可以问我，而且是在他明确说明这种问题在美国不可以问以后，故而大惑。
似乎就叫couple offer.
一个公私界限不清，容易记恨别人，喜欢无事生非，还要管老婆，最后洋洋得意地分享人生经验的男人形象。很生动有趣，有心理活动，有形体动作。小说家不会写得更好。
楼主的感觉对头，没有经过公司办公室政治的理解不了
楼主的感觉对头，没有经过公司办公室政治的理解不了