i am not a pshchiatrist. but, i have seen too many children with various kinds of social, academic and behavior problems. you got to know your child better. being a parent, you not only provide her materials necessary for her life, also nurture her social, mental, spirital development. in this group, there are so much bad advice. for those people, either they do not have school-aged children here in america, or they they just want to mess you up. please do not go to physical. being physical or language abuse only push your daughter to a wrong way, earlier and further. you got be your daughter's most trustful friend. she wants to share and discuss with you, of her problems in her life and school. you also need pay close atention to your other daughter. there is a phenomen called sibling rivary. many times, you, as a parent, probably do not even realize, but, to her, your attitude, lanaugae, even body language, has been interpreted as she is not your favored one. that directly cause feud between sisters, and rebelling to parents. so, never compare any of your child to her sibling or to anybody else. again, there are a lot of things involved. you shall and should discipline her if she does something fundementally wrong. how, to what a degree, in what way? complicated. got to get rid of her bad friend(s). got to find somebody she trust, respect, to be her new friend(s). teachers are so important. you got to find what she does in school, what her attitude to other kids, and vice versa, others to her, any bully, if she has difficuty understanding, etc.. especially find one teacher, one is enough, to whom your daughter respect, trust and is willing to listen to. one teacher can change your life. unfortunately, kids have different teachers every year. but, you still can find a good one.
我的建议，你顺着她吧。
1买个好录像机，同她一起搞you tuber。YouTube也不是那么好做的，要录，要剪，题材要有吸引力。你们两搞一搞，她会学到很多知识，也会体验有多难。
做的过程中，多参与，多建议，比如说，动作形体要加强，语言能力，讲演能力要加强，给她报班上课。让她忙起来，不能总坐家里没事儿干，只会想入非非，不写实际。
叫他做一下，体验一下，他这个年龄可以做YouTube了。
你们也实践一下，YouTube不是那么好钻钱的。
关系缓和后，可以提出学校作业要完成，有困难的话，你或是请人教。
总之，自己先进到她的世界，才能让你们成为朋友。
她自己学习很好却叫你女儿不要学习，叫她做什么YouTube, 你女儿什么都听她的，非常危险。十几岁的女孩交友不适很容易出问题，被她卖了还要替她数钱呢。看那些问题少女，很多是被同性“朋友“引诱教唆欺骗的，比如失身和吸毒，那个朋友学习好却人品极差。
长周末就行，近处的resort， camp facility等。我们去一个小时车程的resort，那里每年有mother daughter retreat，遇到了一个美国妈妈，她说她有三个娃，她每年都会单独带他们去不同的亲子retreat，作为送给孩子的生日礼物之一，我觉得值得借鉴。
1) 她可以看到她好朋友是如何一边自己拼命学习一边叫别人不要学习；2）正好体会下住政府房和住父母的好房子的区别
非常难管，只能没收手机作为惩罚。
楼主，青春期就这样，有的青春期温和有的激烈，我儿子也是这种状况，让人抓狂，再说你为啥不和女儿一起逛街买化妆品？
我给你几条建议：1）当务之急是隔离和她这个同学的所以联系，来往。 一个好的朋友可以是你更优秀， 一个坏的朋友可以让你入地狱；2）你要花时间跟她的老师细谈， 查一下孩子有没有学习困难， 被欺负， 同学关系， 师生关系， 等等。任何之一都会导致行为上的问题；3）你要坐下来客观的， 仔细的分析一下你教育孩子的方式，方法， 语言， 政策一致性， 等等。 其实， 孩子出问题， 大部分时候父母有更大的责任。记住了， 所有的孩子都是顺毛驴-喜欢挺好听的。 平日里， 多表扬是很重要的。根据我的理解， 你现在跟她的关系已经不是很你再参与她的管理， 学习， 教育， 因为， 你们的关系已经到了不能沟通的地步， 你去管， 只能适得其反。 你要找一个她增重， 信任的人，而且， 此人还要以朋友的身份去潜移默化地去影响， 改变她。 她一旦发现此人是受你之托， 那结果会大有折扣。
要有信心，耐心， 不要放弃。 这要很多年才能变好。否则， 她会有很差，很艰难的路。 good luck
i went through what i wrote. i found more typing mistakes. shame on me. it took me long time to type those chinese characters.
断钱，断舒适生活的来源，不理她至少半年。让她吃大苦头to learn a lesson. 她需要极其强烈的刺激触及灵魂。必须彻底打掉她的傲气，缴诫投降，在社会规范下低头认罪。去教会对使她低头认罪有帮助。但这样的孩子不吃大苦头是不会就范的。
我是有经验的。我和妹妹的儿子两个都在青春期出问题。我无所畏惧，敢下重手管，儿子只耽误了一年，20岁就走出误区，现在干一份体面的工作，很好。我妹妹有私心，怕儿子以后不认她呀，。。。之类，现在29岁了，还在家里啃老。
我一直就看着你们这些所谓现代手段觉得不吐不快。
对这样的学生我是不敢管，因为我怕吃官司。但我知道正确的方法，我绝对用正确的方法管教自己的孩子。
写的非常好。 青春期的男女孩子特有的心理和生理的特点， 能从根本上了解她们， 父母才好见招拆照。
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf 是一个心理医生30年的经验， 非常好的一本书， 从根本上了解青春期男孩女孩的特点， 父母需要见招拆招， 慢慢解决问题
男孩变得沉默颓废， 女孩子变得好斗撒谎自私，都是基本的表现，都跟生理有很大关系。并不代表他/她们成年后就是这样的人。
i am not a pshchiatrist. but, i have seen too many children with various kinds of social, academic and behavior problems. you got to know your child better. being a parent, you not only provide her materials necessary for her life, also nurture her social, mental, spirital development. in this group, there are so much bad advice. for those people, either they do not have school-aged children here in america, or they they just want to mess you up. please do not go to physical. being physical or language abuse only push your daughter to a wrong way, earlier and further. you got be your daughter's most trustful friend. she wants to share and discuss with you, of her problems in her life and school. you also need pay close atention to your other daughter. there is a phenomen called sibling rivary. many times, you, as a parent, probably do not even realize, but, to her, your attitude, lanaugae, even body language, has been interpreted as she is not your favored one. that directly cause feud between sisters, and rebelling to parents. so, never compare any of your child to her sibling or to anybody else. again, there are a lot of things involved. you shall and should discipline her if she does something fundementally wrong. how, to what a degree, in what way? complicated. got to get rid of her bad friend(s). got to find somebody she trust, respect, to be her new friend(s). teachers are so important. you got to find what she does in school, what her attitude to other kids, and vice versa, others to her, any bully, if she has difficuty understanding, etc.. especially find one teacher, one is enough, to whom your daughter respect, trust and is willing to listen to. one teacher can change your life. unfortunately, kids have different teachers every year. but, you still can find a good one.
good luck.
体验生活，学会珍惜，学会感恩，了解自己，弄清楚将来要过什么样的日子。 你也要告诉她，你的生活是你的。你的所有都是你和你丈夫的， 与她无关。 她要自己去创造自己的生活的。