After your kids enter high school, they may not want to move.
At this age, they know how to eat and go to bathroom by themselves. Do not worry so much about them. But, talk to them about life and the future goals: what they want to study, dream job. They will go toward their dreams with you around or not.
Do you have enough money for them stay at the same house?
If you have BIG money, structure the payments in segments. Give the majority of the money to them when they reach 40 or 45 year old.
No matter what the children want, they cannot live alone without adult supervision. The school will report them to the authorities and they will be forced to be fostered.
They have to be moved if there is no local family to help.
Yes. I get everything you said. Have you ever heard that someone (under 18) took custody of younger sibilings? I personally know 2. Unlike the case that we are talking here, the two I know were poor. No one will take care of them.
Back to divorce. Divorce usually means one side will lose money. Here is a joke: Why stay married? It is cheaper to keep her. Another joke from the other side: Why divorce is so expensive? Because it is worth it.
For a joke to be funny, it has to have some truth to it.
I don't have much money, and I have no experiences with structured inheritance payments. When I heard about the major part of the structured inheritance payment should be at age 40 or 45, I was shocked. It is designed to protect family assets in a divorce.
First, a minor sibling taking custody is possible, but not ideal situation. If we are planning ahead like the OP, this situation should be avoided.
Second. Leaving majority of inheritance after age 40 is strategy for the rich kids having trust fund to be well taken care of. For middle class kids the asset would come in handy to get a start in life without falling into the poverty trap. Remember these kids would have been orphaned during high school.
Applying the strategy for rich kids for middle class orphans, that's what I call callous.
最近在做 revocable trust，will 和 attorney 这一套法律文件。 有一个难题请教大家：如何选择 trustee, presronal representative 和 agent of power of attorney。
我们的小孩还未成年， 双方也没有其他亲人在美国。 有一两家比较亲近的朋友， 但是都在外州。
1. 请朋友做或找专业公司， 信任度和花费方面各有何利弊？
2. 指定国内亲人（没有中国之外生化经历）的可行性？
3. 类似情况的家庭， 都是怎么处理的？
多谢大家！
就找那个人做trustee
所以你们不在了小孩肯定搬到外州
有几个朋友的，找一家看小孩、另一家管钱，互相监督一下
如果没有监督，清廉的人都保不准贪污
我是 把 revocable trust, will, power of attorney 一起做. 律师有解释， 但还是不太清楚 trustee, personal representatvive 和 agent 的关系。你能解释这几个角色的异同吗？
另外， 请朋友做， 费用多少对双方比较公道？
你说的清廉， 财产管理确实是也是一个很大的顾虑。
多谢！
信托就是刘备托孤，刘备是grantor, 刘禅是beneficiary, 诸葛亮是 trustee，又叫受托人
personal representative 如果用在遗嘱里面，就是遗产执行人。
立了信托也要立遗嘱，因为人生前把财产放入信托，总有遗漏，而且你死后还可能有保险赔偿或者车祸赔偿，都是遗嘱继承而不是信托。
个人power of attoney是生前若昏迷不醒时，遗嘱信托无法生效，需要暂时有一个代理人agent, 这个人最好是住得近的。
在美国举目无亲。本来应该找亲人的事， 只有找朋友。
比较亲近的朋友也就一两家 （ 而且他们都有亲戚在美国， 这方面不需要我们的帮助）， 但是也真不敢确定到时一定信得过，所以很纠结，这里面也有一个分散风险的问题。
这个personal represenattive 感觉对时间和经验要求都比较高， 是这样吗？
还有你前面也提到trustee 和personal representative 互相监督， 怎样监督呢？
再次感谢！
每个人情况不一样，少讨论点主义，多讨论点问题。你说了孩子跟谁我再告诉你其他回答。
因为你们在美国没有亲戚，如果不指定孩子的监护人，一旦你们出了事，孩子要被社保部门领走寄养到别人家里。很多寄养家庭是靠寄养别人孩子吃饭的，条件并不好。
所以你有未成年小孩计划身后问题，钱怎么安排都是其次，第一个问题是，孩子跟谁。孩子在谁那里，基本上钱都是围着那家人转。
但现在有些犹豫，有一次由于身体原因有两周不能照看儿子，想把儿子送他爸爸那里两周。但是最后没有成，因为他的现任老婆不允许。我挺了2周生生熬过来了。娃爸以前还好，但是再婚后好像完全没了决定权。我还有一个姐姐但不在美国，在家也不能做主，真有些为难娃跟谁。
当然是前提他爸愿意要。他爸不要可以让他给别人，包括你姐
误以为：对前任孩子好==对前任好；对前任孩子有感情==对前任有感情
你的前夫如果沒有與你共享孩子的堅護權，那麼對方可以拒絕幫忙，如果對方與你有共同監護權，對方不能拒絕您的要求，至於對方再婚妻子的意見當然有絕對決定性的影響，因為這是"他們"的家，你無權干擾對方的生活，但是如果老貓是你，最好與對方一家保持良好的關係，因為如果你死˙了，如果孩子未成年，您的前夫是當然的監護人，對於孩子的去留，你的家人沒有任何話客說，所以最壞的情況是將孩子送往寄宿學校，對方只付錢，根本不聞不問，你的家人如果對方沒有授權，除了探視，根本沒有辦法做任何事，這就是老貓為什麼常勸國女，不要在離婚時做得太絕，孩子要獨自養，錢也不少˙拿，讓前夫日後家中雞犬不寧，因為最終有需要時就知道沒有人會只吃虧而不記仇的.
After your kids enter high school, they may not want to move.
At this age, they know how to eat and go to bathroom by themselves. Do not worry so much about them. But, talk to them about life and the future goals: what they want to study, dream job. They will go toward their dreams with you around or not.
Do you have enough money for them stay at the same house?
If you have BIG money, structure the payments in segments. Give the majority of the money to them when they reach 40 or 45 year old.
Why? Hint: Most people get divorced before 40.
让孩子们自己待在家里， 还是有点不放心.
能否给些选择trustee 和 personal representative 的建议， 包括考虑的因素等。 其实稍微亲近的朋友也就一两家.
谢谢！
No matter what the children want, they cannot live alone without adult supervision. The school will report them to the authorities and they will be forced to be fostered.
They have to be moved if there is no local family to help.
As for divorce comment, it is callous.
Yes. I get everything you said. Have you ever heard that someone (under 18) took custody of younger sibilings? I personally know 2. Unlike the case that we are talking here, the two I know were poor. No one will take care of them.
Back to divorce. Divorce usually means one side will lose money. Here is a joke: Why stay married? It is cheaper to keep her. Another joke from the other side: Why divorce is so expensive? Because it is worth it.
For a joke to be funny, it has to have some truth to it.
I don't have much money, and I have no experiences with structured inheritance payments. When I heard about the major part of the structured inheritance payment should be at age 40 or 45, I was shocked. It is designed to protect family assets in a divorce.
First, a minor sibling taking custody is possible, but not ideal situation. If we are planning ahead like the OP, this situation should be avoided.
Second. Leaving majority of inheritance after age 40 is strategy for the rich kids having trust fund to be well taken care of. For middle class kids the asset would come in handy to get a start in life without falling into the poverty trap. Remember these kids would have been orphaned during high school.
Applying the strategy for rich kids for middle class orphans, that's what I call callous.
Trustee 接管了死者银行帐号，是有很多权限的。还有廉洁问题。给自己开多少工资的余地也很大。要找人品好的人。