好像当代诗歌里一个时髦的理念是诗歌应该 musical ，俺不懂，觉得是故弄玄虚，尤其英文。 好像意大利语，电影里看到，倒是感觉他们说话像唱歌。俺喜欢余秀华的， 翻译过一首，倒是有人说 musical ，很是惊讶。也许余秀华是 musical 的高手。
One afternoon in the village Hengdian
The sun shines exactly as needed, on the roofs on the hill, on a row of aspen trees
Shines on many square ponds, on the aquatic grass in the edge of the ponds
Shines on the crawling ferns. Shines on canola, wheat
The alternating light and darkness aren’t fair or regular, shared by many plants
One share for a cow, one share for the ducks in the water
Shared by many hand gestures
At the same time, shared by me
I piece together my share of light and darkness into half a life
Mother pieces together her trivial share into all white hairs on her head
Only all other creatures frolic
—They piece together another spring
We reside in this spring
Nothing more than envelope Hengdian into warmth again
Likes: kevin, Mariovitale227, Owain, Hosein shafiei, Cal Smith, rcampbell13
Owain - I love that 'sun shines exactly as needed'. It emphasises to me that nature does what it sees best and not what we want it to do but that generally our needs/desires match what nature is willing to provide. This poem describes one of those times.
3 years ago x
Cal Smith - A very nice picture of a little village. A little too much word repetition though. It might be better, for example, to write:
"The sun shines exactly as needed, on the roofs on the hill, with its row of aspen trees. And on the many square ponds with aquatic grasses on their edges.
It shines on crawling ferns and on canola wheat. The alternating light and darkness isn't fair or regular, because it's shared by many plants."
这是一位教 poetry 的回复，也许他能感觉到 musical
“I admire greatly your translations from the Chinese, most especially the one by Xiuhua Yu. The idea, very well handled in your translation, of light unequally shared among the creatures, is an arresting one. It's astonishing that you have found a way to render the poem in such smooth and musical English.“