You do a lot for her. You need to be appreciated for your effort. You deserve gratitude from her.
But at the same time, you're not valuing yourself. You need OTHERS to value you. When you do that, i.e., needing to be valued, you relinquish power to others.
At a deeper level, you're not taking responsibility for yourself; you left that to others.
Your daughter feels that burden and the power that goes with it. By complaining, she unloads that burden back to you and at the same time, enjoys the power she has over you.
She is not taking responsibility for herself, just as you are not with yours.
You know your value as a mother for her. You don't need her acknowledgment to know how much valuable that is for her. Just do what needs done. Don't seek her, or anyone else's, approval. You take up the responsibility for your own physical and mental wellbeing.
Don't like the gift? "A lot of care and thoughts went into selecting the gift. Acknowledge that and express your appreciation first. That's only a decent thing to do." The rest is small.
(On your being short tempered, the issue at hand is often just a trigger. The dissatisfaction has long been simmering.)
给孩子自由让她自己选吧。疫情中孩子也不容易，有时候就是宣泄下情绪，家长不必太在意。
长期肯定是有的。你这样对孩子，她将来也会这样对她的孩子和周围的人，这不是想要的效果。
You do a lot for her. You need to be appreciated for your effort. You deserve gratitude from her.
But at the same time, you're not valuing yourself. You need OTHERS to value you. When you do that, i.e., needing to be valued, you relinquish power to others.
At a deeper level, you're not taking responsibility for yourself; you left that to others.
Your daughter feels that burden and the power that goes with it. By complaining, she unloads that burden back to you and at the same time, enjoys the power she has over you.
She is not taking responsibility for herself, just as you are not with yours.
You know your value as a mother for her. You don't need her acknowledgment to know how much valuable that is for her. Just do what needs done. Don't seek her, or anyone else's, approval. You take up the responsibility for your own physical and mental wellbeing.
Don't like the gift? "A lot of care and thoughts went into selecting the gift. Acknowledge that and express your appreciation first. That's only a decent thing to do." The rest is small.
(On your being short tempered, the issue at hand is often just a trigger. The dissatisfaction has long been simmering.)
实在太生气时，就想想她小时候可爱的样子，也就慢慢消气了。
至于不生气，说实话有点难，我要是能冷静思考的时候，会尽量顺着她说，例如衣服不喜欢，我会说的确不怎么好看哈，咱们换其他的吧，或者外面的确不大安全，玩得不够舒心，和她一起抱怨，等她情绪稳定了，在尽量找些positive的点，例如，和你一起出门我感到很快乐。
当我被她激怒后，我可能会比她更生气，往往是表面上能镇住她，实际上很糟糕。
你孩子的性格可能不是那种温和听话的一类，只能语气硬中带柔，她长大后自会慢慢改变，不用太担心