and some drawing instrument (pencils, paper, and clip board, etc..) Have her draw a picture of herself. Do it when she has some free time. During each sitting, draw a complete picture. No need for perfection, and hopefully, each one is better (more detailed) than the one before.
Have her focus on the eyes. See if she can make them look at the observer.
You sit next to her and have her draw you as well.
Not a professional advice, just a hunch, to have her be more aware of the sensation of her self.
(Your own anxiety about the problem will only make it worse. Do not tell her she has a problem. You yourself should be her first friend.)
I like this camp because we have small groups in which we do every thing. This allows us to bond and become closer with people and become better friends. Also, there are a lot of great activities there such as archery, swimming in the lake and so on.
我以前女儿也有这问题， 而且更严重。 我告诉她you do not have to please anybody, just be yourself, be a nice person. 她性格温柔安静，不争不抢，总能发现别人的优点。 慢慢的，有不少人喜欢她的性格。 她现在朋友很多， 也很social了。
每个敏感娃的背后，都有一个更加玻璃心的妈妈。我就是这样的妈，家里有两个慢热的娃。不过两个孩子对待自己面对的问题（交友方面）个人感受和处理方式都不同。姐姐是努力克服，尽量融入。在孩子小的时候我就发现孩子在大集体中融入慢的问题，在她识字后我买了些有关帮助女孩子交友的书，跟她一起读。其中一本叫Friends: Making Them Keeping Them，里面有些make friends的小tips。记得其中一条是，如果你想和一个人交朋友却又无话可说时，可以从夸她的装扮开始套近乎。比如，今天你的围巾很漂亮。姐姐学以致用，我特别记得在她小学第一天，我送她到学校教学楼后，躲在一边偷窥，看见姐姐走向一个漂亮的小姑娘，说：你的裙子真漂亮！我家姐姐那时还不是一个很open的孩子，能迈出这一步，一定是鼓足勇气的。
Do despair!. I feel that your daughter is just an introvert
Do despair! She is just an introvert. Relax, take it easy, be tolerable, and be accepting! She will be fine. Just give her love, patience, time, space, encourage, opportunities to try out different things. Let her do something she loves and she is also good at. Dont be a helichopter parent! Dont be a tiger mom. Dont give her any pressure, social or academic. If possible, encourage her to join a team sport at school or some other team activities. But I personally prefer team sports. When she is healthy, eats well and sleeps well, everyhting will be fine.
One of my kids is an introvert. She was an precocious kid and a good student but extremly shy. In elementary school, she would go to her teachers office for help and stood in front of the teacher for 10 minutes without muttering a word until being asked what she wanted. In middle school, my Korean neighbor (a mom) drove her daughter and my kid to and from school every day for two years, and the Korean mom told me that my daughter never said anything to her except THANK YOU when being dropped off. She never raised a penny for her school by going door to door to solicit donations before high school becasue of her shyness.
It is not natural for an introvert to take the intiative to talk to people. But with effort and practice, it can get better. Be hopeful! The first year of high school was still hard on my daughter but things were improving. Eventually, she become a varsity team captain and the editor-in-chief for the school newspaper. Now she is a freshman in college and is president for her class. Most importantly, she is happy there with lots of friends. But she is still an introvert and she will never be a social butterfly. And that is perfectly fine.
Good luck to your daughter. Give her time, space, patience, and love. She will grow up just fine.
She needs more love from you, not more criticism and corrective measures.
If her anxiety develops into panic attacks, that is because her fight/flight trigger tells her to run, but the situation she is in does not allow her to leave. Why does she want to run away?
Make sure you are not projecting your own shortcomings onto her and distracting yourself from unpleasant feelings by focusing on her faults. Look into your own life and see what is amiss and dont let her carry that burden for you. You need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.
十一岁的女孩，social skill一向都不是强项，但从九岁开始慢慢注意到她有social anxiety, 就是和不太熟的小朋友在一起不敢讲话，人会紧张，紧张程度连不认识的人都一眼能看出来，不会或不敢和她们交朋友，现在已经开始发展到会avoid一些party event。下半年要升middle school, 这会是全新环境，我都替她担心死了。
九岁十岁时我已经给她安排了一些sleepover, play date, 感觉用处有但不大，因为这几个孩子她都比较熟，没有social anxiety的问题。她一直不承认自己social 有问题，不肯参加social skill work group, 今年我坚持报名，她也去了，但并不是那种想要真正improve自己的态度。最近和她谈了几次，告诉她必须要control自己的fear, 她似乎听进去了，表示会努力。但每次要求她事先准备一些small talk, 她都表示她有话讲的不用准备，要她鼓起勇气去和一个不太熟的小伙伴聊天，她都各种推托。social work group的home practice也不想做。感觉我使了十分的力气，在她身上没有半分的效力。她明显知道自己social已经是大问题了，但是一分的力气都不想花来improve自己，撒谎骗我的力气倒是半点不少。比如今天告诉我和哪几个小朋友聊了天，但我一细问，根本就是那几个小朋友在聊天，她听见了。人家有没有include她我不知道，但她一句有内容的话都沒有说。她心里很明白，我们对于聊天的定义就是至少有一点点内容的small talk, 这些都practice 过，所以她就是在撒谎，希望哄我一下过关就好
对这样的孩子怎么办呢？完全不想要努力improve自己，也不想面对问题，只想糊弄父母。完全不知道怎么帮她。
很多工作适合introvert people的。
父母如果着急，会让她觉得压力比较大。其实没什么的。
如果她自己没觉得不聊天不开心，你们没必要把她标签成问题儿童吧
社交紧张的娃都是天生sensitive, 家长还不如自己去上点parenting class，看看怎么才能帮一帮。
她需要先建立自信，需要来自父母和老师同学的正面鼓励。
我都不晓得， 老师来找我谈， 我还没当回事，
后来觉得严重了， 上camp没朋友的她都不去
我都给她找了心理师了， 去了几回
后来上初中了， 六年级把我担心的， 还好有几个小学一起的朋友
现在7 年级了， 好像好很多了， 朋友也多多了
也是这样的，只跟熟人话多，eq太低
就是一个阶段自己觉得不自信， 怕别人不接受
面筋那时候是觉得自己胖
我一直没觉得她sensitive， 小时候她很外向， 飞机场不认识的大人都可以扯半天
后来我知道我错了
她和小朋友哪怕轻轻地说声嗨，都大大地表扬她 给她自信心
anxiety的问题是和不熟悉的人开不了口
and some drawing instrument (pencils, paper, and clip board, etc..) Have her draw a picture of herself. Do it when she has some free time. During each sitting, draw a complete picture. No need for perfection, and hopefully, each one is better (more detailed) than the one before.
Have her focus on the eyes. See if she can make them look at the observer.
You sit next to her and have her draw you as well.
Not a professional advice, just a hunch, to have her be more aware of the sensation of her self.
(Your own anxiety about the problem will only make it worse. Do not tell her she has a problem. You yourself should be her first friend.)
你们两个都做的很好了。让她把朋友圈慢慢扩大。如果她的朋友圈里有外向型的小孩就好了，她跟着就可以认识更多的朋友。
我儿子现在也是11岁，也是不喜欢当众讲话，跟不认识的人在一起要很长时间warm up才能不紧张，拒绝去夏令营和任何不熟悉的新环境。我也很着急。我也想给他找therapy，还没找到合适的therplist。还不如你。不过我觉得可能push也没用。除了给他约play dates, 我能做的基本上就是给他时间，让他慢慢自信起来。
我女儿高中时刚从小私校转到大公校，非常不适应。不喜欢派对，因为公校派对上放的音乐太吵。她那时还是偏内向性格。去派对时间长了跟人家说话久了她就受不了了。我跟她的约定就是她不能不去重大派对，但每次派对她去一下就可以先离开。约定的暗号是，我问她红气球还是紫气球, 她如果答purple balloon,我知道她想走了，就开车去学校接她。这样她慢慢适应了公校的派对。跳舞也是10年级去派对才开始跟着几个好朋友慢慢跳起来。到12年级时第一次登台表演，她的动作和别的孩子比，还是比较不自然，但我还是非常高兴她终于克服心理障碍，敢于站到舞台上表演了。现在，她上大二，个性开始越来越偏外向。社交没问题，有很多朋友。跳舞跳的非常好了，还是party animal。我反倒觉得她应该少去些派对多花点时间好好学习。
我家两个都是敏感娃。我估计你娃也是。养育敏感娃在社交方面就是要有耐心。给他们安排小众社交活动，少而精的朋友圈。同时，耐心等待他们慢慢长大，自信，不紧张。如果是内向型孩子，可能不需要特别多朋友。同时，需要有自己独处时间充电。不能按外向型孩子要求。
不要插手太多. 孩子这个年龄敏感和逆反，让孩子自信比什么都重要.
懒得和他们聊天
1，住宿夏令营：4--8年级 ， 圣诞期间开始报名，抢手。好的时段 通常 2月初 就报满了。
并招收 9+ 孩子 做义工。
老二 特别喜欢，已经连着去了 3年了，还想去。
I like this camp because we have small groups in which we do every thing. This allows us to bond and become closer with people and become better friends. Also, there are a lot of great activities there such as archery, swimming in the lake and so on.
2019报名：https://www.heraldyouth.com/herald-gospel-camp?
Facebook: facebook.com/CampHeraldLT7
找到一个角声叠湖营的视频: 2，2017年的国庆 长周末, 2 个儿子去了 。他俩都喜欢。 春季报名。 NYSC // 纽约灵命进深会 （ 适家庭，孩子按年纪 分组活动）
我孩子PRE-school时老师说孩子shy不爱说话。我问老师有什么办法。老师说她自己小时候也SHY。她的建议是，让孩子多参加summer camps 最好没有认识的小朋友。就是把孩子放到陌生人堆里去让孩子适应。时间长了孩子就习惯陌生环境。自然就不会害怕了。对我的小孩很管用。你可以试试。
我们俩口子都是有点不爱讲话，但从小都是自信满满的那种，喜欢思考多于交谈。但我娃不是，她不太爱思考，从小非常爱扎堆，什么party都愿意去，但是social skill从小就有点问题，比如和人讲一句话后就突然走神，对话就没法进行下去了。这个问题现在倒是好多了，但不知道从什么时候起就越来越紧张，社交自信心越来越低，经常见她缩在一堆小朋友外围，想凑进去又不敢，现在已经被打击的不想去不熟的party了。我问过她是不想讲，没话讲，还是不敢讲，她说是有话但不敢讲，怕讲话以后别的小朋友不喜欢她，但事实上因为她胆小，很多女孩子都懒得理会她，只有特别nice的孩子才来招呼她，然后她更不敢讲，感觉就是个恶性循环。
我能看出她很suffer, 她紧张又落寞的样子我看了也心疼，所以我想努力帮她改变这种状况，但需要她合作，愿意在家practice并且拿出勇气来尝试。可是她很排斥面对问题，是个又敏感又软弱的孩子，我真不知道怎么帮她了。
我以前女儿也有这问题， 而且更严重。 我告诉她you do not have to please anybody, just be yourself, be a nice person. 她性格温柔安静，不争不抢，总能发现别人的优点。 慢慢的，有不少人喜欢她的性格。 她现在朋友很多， 也很social了。
不用每天定量像完成任务一样规定交几个朋友说几句话。鼓励孩子放松，尽量参与小朋友的谈话就行了，不感兴趣就不说也没关系。
底下是我在女儿们小的时候写的，贴在这里跟你共勉吧！
每个敏感娃的背后，都有一个更加玻璃心的妈妈。我就是这样的妈，家里有两个慢热的娃。不过两个孩子对待自己面对的问题（交友方面）个人感受和处理方式都不同。姐姐是努力克服，尽量融入。在孩子小的时候我就发现孩子在大集体中融入慢的问题，在她识字后我买了些有关帮助女孩子交友的书，跟她一起读。其中一本叫Friends: Making Them Keeping Them，里面有些make friends的小tips。记得其中一条是，如果你想和一个人交朋友却又无话可说时，可以从夸她的装扮开始套近乎。比如，今天你的围巾很漂亮。姐姐学以致用，我特别记得在她小学第一天，我送她到学校教学楼后，躲在一边偷窥，看见姐姐走向一个漂亮的小姑娘，说：你的裙子真漂亮！我家姐姐那时还不是一个很open的孩子，能迈出这一步，一定是鼓足勇气的。
和姐姐的主观上想改变现状不同，妹妹认为朋友少而精没什么不好，甚至自己玩儿也不错。但是最先看不下去的是她姐。两个孩子在一个学校，姐姐是高年级的prefect, 课间在操场执勤，回来就跟我汇报：妹妹在recess时又一个人看书，她好像没什么朋友，我撵她去找朋友玩儿，把她书藏起来了。。。。可是妈妈每天都见妹妹开心地上学下学，怡然自得地做自己想做的事，身边也有几个谈得来的朋友，回家来还互相发email。 秋季开学，俩孩子就不在一个学校了，妹妹不再有姐姐罩着，会不会很孤独？ 妹妹说妈妈，我会很想姐姐，不过终于不再有人课间时在我身边bossing around，我可以干自己喜欢的事。。。
我家是两个普通孩子，交友问题完全是性格所致。如果孩子自己意识到这是个问题，想改变，家长一定要帮。我觉得和大女儿小时候读的那些书（类似于交友实用手册），很有用，去一个新环境前，我们还帮助她模拟场景，鼓励她主动出击。反之，如果孩子觉得没什么，我虽然会心疼，但只要她觉得很好，我只有尊重，不强求改变。快乐与否是自己内心的感受，我只能顺其自然，静待花开。
如果孩子在自己父母眼里都没优点，孩子哪来的自信？所以你的态度要改变，多看到孩子的优点，多鼓励。还有身教胜于言传。父母要给孩子做出榜样来。孩子就会学着做。如果有说的不对的请原谅。
老妈多此一举
夸她呗，你说家里有个老母亲没事就找着自己的缺点想方设法让自己提高，这样肯定紧张不自信嘛。。。
她的social anxiety让她很suffer, 在很多kids event处在一种紧张害怕的情绪中，然后更加导致社交自信心低，下次anxiety更甚。我想要break这种循环，哪怕她不讲话，但能够很放松的呆在这类环境里，我都觉得可以了，其实我的唯一的目的就是希望娃不要害怕和人讲话，这种不正常的fear和anxiety绝对不会让她舒服的。
我跟她讲，就像学游泳，刚开始跳进水里也怕，但不跳学不会，鼓起勇气多跳几次学会了就不怕了。和小朋友讲话也是，鼓起勇气多讲几次，多了就不怕了。反正目的不是要交友，是要克服unreasonable fear. 娃表示理解，但做不到。
你越盯着她越做不到。。。等她不舒服到来找你哭诉，你再介入，而不是你看着她不舒服
You need to show more love toward her. Tightly hugher more. Spend more time together, doing fun things.
For some reason, she does not like herself that much andthinks very little of herself.
Give her some responsibility that she can handle with some effort on her part. Be a role model by saying l am responsible for this or It was my fault.
Give her some puzzle for her to think through, and then have her present her solution to you verbally while standing in front of you.
Stop focusing on her problem for now.
你现在不如放下，不要给她太大压力，等她大一些，她如果实在需要，比如要打工了或者工作了，那个时候如
果需要，她自己会想办法解决的。现在建议你不要过於焦虑，一是强推没用，你也
看到了，只有你焦虑，她还是往后躲。如果说她可以和熟悉的朋友交往，也可以了，
以后她大一些，需要的时候(比如她想和某个人或某些人交往，比如工作单位的同事，
是不得不打交道的)，她自己会想办法应对这个社交焦虑，其它时间给她个清静的环
境吧。另外一个原因，你焦虑会传给她，问题更大
Do despair! She is just an introvert.
Relax, take it easy, be tolerable, and be accepting!
She will be fine. Just give her love, patience, time, space, encourage, opportunities to try out different things.
Let her do something she loves and she is also good at.
Dont be a helichopter parent! Dont be a tiger mom.
Dont give her any pressure, social or academic.
If possible, encourage her to join a team sport at school or some other team activities.
But I personally prefer team sports.
When she is healthy, eats well and sleeps well, everyhting will be fine.
One of my kids is an introvert. She was an precocious kid and a good student but extremly shy.
In elementary school, she would go to her teachers office for help and stood in front of the teacher for 10 minutes without muttering a word until being asked what she wanted. In middle school, my Korean neighbor (a mom) drove her daughter and my kid to and from school every day for two years, and the Korean mom told me that my daughter never said anything to her except THANK YOU when being dropped off. She never raised a penny for her school by going door to door to solicit donations before high school becasue of her shyness.
It is not natural for an introvert to take the intiative to talk to people.
But with effort and practice, it can get better. Be hopeful!
The first year of high school was still hard on my daughter but things were improving.
Eventually, she become a varsity team captain and the editor-in-chief for the school newspaper.
Now she is a freshman in college and is president for her class.
Most importantly, she is happy there with lots of friends.
But she is still an introvert and she will never be a social butterfly. And that is perfectly fine.
Good luck to your daughter.
Give her time, space, patience, and love.
She will grow up just fine.
尽量创造宽松的条件给她，如果以后还没变化，你自己也没什么办法，一定找个心里治疗师帮她，孩子还小，有足够的时间客服
内向没关系，关键不能有病态，如果你自己实在无能为力就给她先做个心理评估，然后找个心理治疗师帮她。
GOOD LUCK!
就会快速地学会游泳，对有些人来讲恐怕是一辈子的噩梦，她会痛恨游泳，社交也是一样滴，硬逼着她只会越高越坏
you may have exacerbated it into a bigger one.
She needs more love from you, not more criticism and corrective measures.
If her anxiety develops into panic attacks, that is because her fight/flight trigger tells her to run, but the situation she is in does not allow her to leave. Why does she want to run away?
Make sure you are not projecting your own shortcomings onto her and distracting yourself from unpleasant feelings by focusing on her faults. Look into your own life and see what is amiss and dont let her carry that burden for you. You need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.
Your goal is a happy life for her. If she is happy by herself, let her be. She has no issue and she does not need to please anyone.
If you would like to encourage more social interaction, just let her choose the activities that she enjoys.
和她好好共度时光，在外面就交给她自己处理，想说多少话说多少话。为什么要去评判她？谁说社交好的小孩就是好的？谁说话少的人就不能过充实的一生？家长以为的好就都是对孩子好的吗？错错错。她有她的轨迹，生活，家长只需要耐心的陪伴孩子长大，让她自己完成人格独立。记住人不是拥有什么才可以成功，人弄清楚自己是什么才是一切的基础。你不焦虑了，几年后会吃惊她的成长。
少在意一些社交上的不愉快。练习技术可以，但没必要太紧张。其实她心里应该是明白的。你给她的信息就是好呀坏呀都没关系，没什么大不了的。在这里成长对内向的孩子不容易，所以更要无条件接受孩子，这样她才有底气，有self-esteem去面对挑战。即使那些看起来受欢迎的孩子，其实都有内心的煎熬。谁的人生容易呢？
感觉像打开一个大门，帮我了解我家内向的小孩
我不觉得这有啥concern的，虽然我们都希望自己的孩子有个人见人爱的个性，但啥样的性格都各有优点缺点，每个人不同的个性，才组成了这个大千世界。我觉得你给她太大压力了，让她觉得自己不可爱了，这样会让孩子更容易缺乏自信。她可能fear的是达不到你的要求，而不完全是跟人讲话。
program。他甚至希望不参加任何summer camp, 一个暑假就在家里宅着。
我从来没和娃说他有问题。但是就是从很小的一些事情上，让他自己做，增加自信心。从最开始去超市帮忙结账，问路，点餐，鼓励他在playground和陌生小孩说话，到努力每天在学校回答至少5个问题。而且这种娃，一点点小进步就要猛夸。给他成就感和认同感。提意见也要委婉。就是响鼓不用重锤的道理。娃后来变化太大了。自己在班上做presentation非常自信了。现在身边朋友也一大堆。
说句不好听的话, 我庆幸没有楼主这样的妈, 自己也不是楼主这样强势的妈。从楼主的文字中, 我都能感觉出来做她女儿的辛苦。每天生活在母亲judge审视的眼睛下, 这样的无形的压力环境下。
每个人都有一个comfortable zone,跳脱这个zone是很痛苦的过程, 也不是每个人都能做到的。这也就是俗称的超越自我吧。如果让你每天都做完全相反的自己, 请问你一个成年人做到得吗? 更何况孩子还那么小, 什么都在成熟都在改变, 为什么要给她那么大的压力, 让她一定要按照父母的意志去生活? 做一个舒服快乐的自己不好吗? 社交是水到渠成, 自己逐渐摸索适应的。如果她在某种party或event下紧张, 她自己会慢慢摸索, 自我调节的, 也许很慢, 没达到你要求的速度。但请相信孩子, 如果你对自己有信心, 就应该对自己的孩子有信心。我们家长给予孩子的应该只是循序善诱, 提供给她一些环境, 象多邀请不熟悉的小朋友来一起玩, 去参加一些需要通过和别的小朋友合作来完成的活动。
不要逼她给她压力, 不要告诉她哪里没有做好, 没达标。她不是你, 她又没有违反学校规定没有犯错, 就因为你看着难受, 就一定要让她按照你舒服的感觉来改变, 你有没有尊重她呀? 就是孩子再小, 我们也应该尊重她的个体意志的。
主要问题是他没有安全感。我当年把娃的游泳班退了。没事就去游泳馆玩，抱着他下水。啥事不干就纯玩。他挂在我身上几个月。慢慢才敢自己走在浅水里。后来ready了就请了私教教。现在在游泳俱乐部6年了。他说游泳是他最喜欢的运动。
所以你要帮你女儿的话，不是叫她去和其他孩子说话。是要带着她，你示范，怎么和别的孩子说话，然后把她带入，慢慢让她来主导。