I completely understand what you meant be being in a fog. For the first eight months of our relationship we were both in a fog, both of our minds were a bit cloudy. It came from never being 100% sure of each others' feelings, desires and emotions. You were not completely sure how you felt about me and I was not always completely certain how I felt about you. And for so long we kept some true feelings secret.
***********************************
The fog that we had been in during these past months is the result of not telling each other everything. And honestly, I think that was my fault. First, I rarely shared my feelings with you. --It's more difficult as a man to share your feelings, you know.-- Secondly, I did not make you comfortable enough to share all of your feelings with me. So for that I am truly sorry.
This trip to America has had an unintended effect in many ways. Like I just said, it has been difficult for me to tell you how I feel when we are together. But on the telephone and by email I find it is easier for me to share my feelings. I don't know why, but that's the way it is. Secondly, during the past year and a half in Tianjin I sometimes wondered if my life in China was "real" or if my feelings were really the way I felt. It seemed possible that if I went back to America somehow everthing might change. I thought, "maybe if I were in America I wouldn't feel this way." But now I know that that just isn't true. Since being back in St. Louis I have met a lot of people: family, old friends, and I am still the same Ed, and everything is the same and everything I thought in America is still true and everything I've said and done in China is still true.
Since being back I've met and talked with former girlfriends. And it was nice to see them again. From these girls I discovered a profound truth --one that I had speculated about by myself and with M and other guys-- That is you remain always in my thoughts no matter what, and that even though I once had feelings for other girls, those feelings are nothing but the feelings of a child; immature and ignorant of the potential profundity of love, a love that can only be realized through independent reflection and the distance of time and space from you.
I tell you all of this because I don't want there to be any doubt in your mind, I want your trust in me one hundred per cent, I want you believe me and never to doubt me. I have never lied to you and I never will. I will make it up to you by describing in depth how deep my devotion to you is, and how unfair it was of me to let you wander in a fog. And I understand that devotion to you is not just to be faithful to you in body and forget about other girls, but to be the one with whom I have no secrets and with whom I love and care about more even than I value my own self; my own feelings, my own life.
My devotion to you is unconditional. When I return to China and we are together again it will not be the same as it was before. I sincerely want us to be two people whose lives are inextricably intertwined. I very much want to have you with me always because I see now that you make me a better person. My life would be sadder and less valuable without you.
------------
I've said so much. I am really afraid that you won't understand everything that I've said completely. Oh well, we have the rest of our lives to talk about it. I have told you everything that I feel. I guess now I only want you to make me feel secure in what I have said. So please call or email me. This is the most important thing that I need to know from you:
- Do you love me completely? - Will you trust me with your life: body and mind?
I have to know these things because I want to trust you with my whole life, and to be closer to you than I have ever been to anyone. But I need to feel safe doing that, and I need to believe you. [Power=5][/Power]
After reading your last email I was also profoundly moved. And now I am both happy and confused. I am not really confused about how I feel about you. That I am certain about. There is one thing thing that I don't understand: What is worrying you? What exactly are you confused about? I hope that when you call me in the morning you can share your worries and feelings with me.
In all of the telephone calls and emails I have written you since being back in America I have been trying to end any confusion that there is between us. But I can see that this a very difficult thing to do! Since being back in St. Louis my friends and family have forced me to think about the future. My parents always want to know, "What's your plan? Are you sure you are doing the right thing? --Have the right job? --Live in the right place?" This is just another reason why I think it is important for us to to talk about about our feelings and to remove the confusion we have.
It seems that you worry about the future. . . . right? It seems that you worry about the nature of our relationship. Specifically you said, "What am I to you? This question, I think, will be very easy for me to end. Regardless of what you think of me, THIS is what you are to me:
You are my friend. You are my lover. You are my only lover. You are my girlfriend. You are my only girlfriend.
You said in your last email that you wanted me to be free to do as I wanted and that you didn't want to tie me down, just that you could be by my side. But here's the thing: I am free to make my own choices, and I choose to be with you, and you alone. And never once have I ever felt tied down. And for you to say you only want to be with me makes me very very happy. It makes me feel secure about the future, and that I have made all of the right choices that I was free to make.
So whatever confusion you might have, there can be no confusion about how I feel. This is the most important thing for you to understand. Whatever we do in the future we will do together. Whatever decisions we make we will make together. Whatever problems there might be we will solve them together. I feel that only when you believe this in your heart can we move on and make our relationship deeper, more profound, more caring, more loving and more valuable.
So, the question is, do you believe this? [Power=5][/Power]
Yes. We both really do want the same thing in life.
I have so much to tell you in this email, but first you need to know that never in my whole life has eanyone written me letters like you have. Your letters are so beautiful. Your words are as wonderful as any poetry I have ever read. I just feel so much love and so much beauty in what you have written, and I am filled with so many emotions. I can't believe how lucky I am that you love me enough to write such beautiful words from deep in your heart. I hope that even when we are back together in Tianjin and we can see each other everyday your will continue to write to me whenver you can.
In your last email you said that you "work towards the best outcome, but prepare for the worst." I understand what you mean, but at the same time I think that this is so unnecessary. There are many reasons why I say this. . . . You are, by yourself, a strong, able and successful woman. Because of your intelligence (which will allow you to succeed in whatever endevor you pursure) and you personality (which causes people to instantly love you) you can be sure that you will have everything that you want for the rest of your life. So really, when you say you want to prepare for the worst, you must be talking about planning for those things that you can't control; specifically, planning for how our relationship will progress and what it will result in. So when you say that, I am going to assume you are talking about the outcome of our relationship.
I have a better idea. I am going to plan for the best and work towards it. I am going to plan for our life together. So you say that you want to grow old together? --to live together in happiness forever? . . . Well, for as long as I live I am going to make you, and our relationship the principle focus that guides me. OK? If I go somewhere I will take you with me, and if I don't know where to go I will follow you.
So! What is our plan for the future? Everything I've said so far has been very abstract. There is something you need to do that maybe you didn't realize. Sometime in the next few years I need you to come to America, just for a couple of weeks or so at least. In your last email you mentioned someday coming to know each other completely, but being here being here in America I realize that in order to know me completely you will have to see my home and you will have to at least see and begin to understand where I lived the first 17 years of my life before I left the country for the first time.
The questions (if I understand you correctly, please tell me) in your last email make me think of this. You wondered whether my attitudes toward the family and to our commitment would be more "Chinese" or "American," insinuating that the American attitude towards family was more about personal freedom and independence than responsibility. But also I have a general feeling there are some misconceptions that you have with respect to my attitudes and my connection to the "American way of life." I truly believe that by coming to know my friends and family here in America you will have no doubts about how I will be when we two are a family.
So in short, just to be clear: I love you. I want to live with you and be happy until the end. There is still so much we have to learn about each other, but I am so excited for us to do it together.
我家这个不是浪费钱吗,有两家18-24m的长袖衣服,穿上以后袖子就跟体操服似的。
那倒是的。。多多这方面超级省钱的。。。。西妈看到那个多多塞纸巾的照片里,还是那个OLD NAVY的帽子啊~~西西也有的~~多多还能戴。。6-12M的好像,虽然就戴了一会拍照~不过还是很省钱啊
我看着都觉得难受给脱了。那胳膊一节一节的。
麻鸭,多妈想得好长远
可是他有那么好的儿子~~我和多多还要继续努力啊
出于蓝胜于蓝呢,还有一点你要考虑,你婆婆有个好儿媳妇,咔咔,这个短期内你是不会知道了
那倒是的。。多多这方面超级省钱的。。。。西妈看到那个多多塞纸巾的照片里,还是那个OLD NAVY的帽子啊~~西西也有的~~多多还能戴。。6-12M的好像,虽然就戴了一会拍照~不过还是很省钱啊
我家的带12-24m,好像已经正好,再不带就快小了。
多多一定会超过多爸的,你放心。
我家的带12-24m,好像已经正好,再不带就快小了。
真有远见~~早知道我也买个更大的~~好时不时拿出来照个相
好好引导你家多多,到时找一个像多妈一样的又美又乖的媳妇是真的。
出于蓝胜于蓝呢,还有一点你要考虑,你婆婆有个好儿媳妇,咔咔,这个短期内你是不会知道了
啊。。也不知道我们家可可小妞咋样了
我已经帮多多找好了小伙伴~~有嘟嘟,小嘟嘟,皮皮,妞妞……他们会去找多多玩的~~多多不会到时自己找个妞吧
好好引导你家多多,到时找一个像多妈一样的又美又乖的媳妇是真的。
真有远见~~早知道我也买个更大的~~好时不时拿出来照个相
当时贪便宜,还抓了顶一模一样的2-3t的。
我打赌你不会的。有可能养到一岁,回去半年
养出感情来我就更舍不得了
刚生出来,还没那么爱,送走了也没那么想
当时贪便宜,还抓了顶一模一样的2-3t的。
更有远见了
我咋就没你一半聪明呢
好好引导你家多多,到时找一个像多妈一样的又美又乖的媳妇是真的。
哈哈哈
更有远见了
我咋就没你一半聪明呢
嫩是有钱的邵奶奶,所以不用像我一样了。
当时贪便宜,还抓了顶一模一样的2-3t的。
我已经不想买帽子了,毛线的织完了,我们这边热,飞飞更带不上了,但愿回国时他能赏脸
嫩是有钱的邵奶奶,所以不用像我一样了。
还是不知道多多的大名,shao什么呢?
那天有个阿姨过来对她说:蔻蔻的眉毛真好看。。。妈妈开始还沾沾自喜,和妈妈的眉毛一模一样。。。后来仔细想想,实在是五官没别的可夸了只好说眉毛了
蔻蔻很好看的,气质美女。
还是不知道多多的大名,shao什么呢?
少东家。哈哈
还是不知道多多的大名,shao什么呢?
Eric...
很没创意的。。。随手拈来的~~因为开始都没想么。。去医院的路上也不知道呢。。。然后要报了,多爸就定了这个。。。
少东家。哈哈
这个好唉~~嫩不早说啊
天宝的帽子有次我戴上了,结果他看见了,狂笑。摘下来自己往头上戴。
天宝好乖啊~~多多会给妈妈戴多多的帽子,也很高兴~·就是不愿自己戴
这个好唉~~嫩不早说啊
对阿,所有叫名字的都自动降格成仆人。呵呵
对阿,所有叫名字的都自动降格成仆人。呵呵
多多其实叫多多米··所以有人就叫我多米妈~~哦哟,听的我好高兴啊
蔻妈~~这个:
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/baby/apparelinfants/boysapparel/PRD~475583/Jumping+Beans+Camouflage+Pants.jsp
现在5块~~用个30%,是3刀5啊
便宜啊,30%是他家的卡吗?
蔻妈~~这里有小号~~
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/baby/apparelnewborns/boysapparel/PRD~475582/Jumping+Beans+Camouflage+Pants.jsp
他们家这个不灵~~INFANT和NEW BORN分开的~~多多一般还是买的NEW BORN的。。
蔻蔻和她娘一样,水桶腰,短腿儿,只有买大了卷裤腿儿,我还是去店里看看吧
我已经不想买帽子了,毛线的织完了,我们这边热,飞飞更带不上了,但愿回国时他能赏脸
我也不想买了,不过天冷了,还得带呀。
哇,蔻蔻真听话呢。壮壮昨天不肯戴纱巾,我怎么发狠都没有,立刻摘下来
得在外面
养出感情来我就更舍不得了
刚生出来,还没那么爱,送走了也没那么想
我咋觉得宝宝就infant的时候最好玩呢,百依百顺的,一点脾气都没有
Eric...
很没创意的。。。随手拈来的~~因为开始都没想么。。去医院的路上也不知道呢。。。然后要报了,多爸就定了这个。。。
我小侄子的英文名也是这个,是我起的,我很喜欢。
大家帮我顶个贴。。问天宝的拉肚子的。
sam's club有一套的褂子裤子,一共只要6块钱,里面的迷彩裤我看跟这个kohls'的一样。你们可以去看看。
还在纠结要不要再买8片playmat
我咋觉得宝宝就infant的时候最好玩呢,百依百顺的,一点脾气都没有
我觉得天宝小时候脾气就不小。遗传的吧。。。
蔻蔻和她娘一样,水桶腰,短腿儿,只有买大了卷裤腿儿,我还是去店里看看吧
对,要他家的卡~~他家随便退~~你可以多买几条的说。。
我小侄子的英文名也是这个,是我起的,我很喜欢。
我以前不觉得。。后来叫顺了,觉得蛮上口的~~再后来,我姑姑叫他爱瑞克``我觉得不错啊··我就喜欢爱来爱去。。。
多多吃什么就拉什么。。。这两天都是每天2-3次。。。每次都多的来。。。
所以我要爷爷奶奶飞机上多喂奶,少给辅食。。。希望能少拉点,也正好多补充水分
多多吃什么就拉什么。。。这两天都是每天2-3次。。。每次都多的来。。。
所以我要爷爷奶奶飞机上多喂奶,少给辅食。。。希望能少拉点,也正好多补充水分
如果一直都这样应该没问题,天宝的还是不正常,有时候听到他放p,然后扑哧,就知道,坏了。。。。
对阿,所有叫名字的都自动降格成仆人。呵呵
叫少爷也可以啊,哈哈哈,原来人家是姓好啊
我以前不觉得。。后来叫顺了,觉得蛮上口的~~再后来,我姑姑叫他爱瑞克``我觉得不错啊··我就喜欢爱来爱去。。。
Eric蛮灵的啊
多多吃什么就拉什么。。。这两天都是每天2-3次。。。每次都多的来。。。
所以我要爷爷奶奶飞机上多喂奶,少给辅食。。。希望能少拉点,也正好多补充水分
西西也是,2-3次很正常,多了4-5次,不过不是拉肚子。
如果一直都这样应该没问题,天宝的还是不正常,有时候听到他放p,然后扑哧,就知道,坏了。。。。
天宝喜欢啃手啃东西么?多多不停的。。。所以要是多多拉稀没准就是舔到什么不该舔了。。。虽然貌似还没发生过。。。但是我觉得很有可能唉。。。。
叫少爷也可以啊,哈哈哈,原来人家是姓好啊
天宝喜欢啃手啃东西么?多多不停的。。。所以要是多多拉稀没准就是舔到什么不该舔了。。。虽然貌似还没发生过。。。但是我觉得很有可能唉。。。。
不停的吃。什么都舔。没办法。但是这次也拉肚子太长时间了,以前也乱吃,但是从来都好好的。
西西也是,2-3次很正常,多了4-5次,不过不是拉肚子。
可是西西居然就长那么好。。。
壮壮2-3次也很正常,我都懒的管
壮壮也长得好
壮壮2-3次也很正常,我都懒的管
每天半夜吃奶后天宝就翻来复去的折腾,然后坐起来--他好像不会躺着拉s了。要么扶着我刚刚站到一半,就听到稀里哗啦了。。。。55555
每天半夜吃奶后天宝就翻来复去的折腾,然后坐起来--他好像不会躺着拉s了。要么扶着我刚刚站到一半,就听到稀里哗啦了。。。。55555
是每次吃完奶拉么?
那会多多就是这样。。。然后被查出来过敏了。。。。
Eric蛮灵的啊
叫顺了~就觉得蛮灵的
对了,天妈,壮壮6个月之前,一天很多次,每块尿布都带S的,我们叫他天使宝宝。吃了辅食就好了。我觉得只要胃口精神都好,体重也好,不用担心吧?
天宝以前是干燥型的,现在虽然不是水状,但是也比较稀,臭的不行。我总是担心有问题。他精神还好,胃口也不错,也不发烧呕吐什么的。
每天半夜吃奶后天宝就翻来复去的折腾,然后坐起来--他好像不会躺着拉s了。要么扶着我刚刚站到一半,就听到稀里哗啦了。。。。55555
我不HD的
是每次吃完奶拉么?
那会多多就是这样。。。然后被查出来过敏了。。。。
倒不是,很准的,6小时一次。
天宝以前是干燥型的,现在虽然不是水状,但是也比较稀,臭的不行。我总是担心有问题。他精神还好,胃口也不错,也不发烧呕吐什么的。
Hmm,壮壮就是突然成型了的,天宝还母乳不?不是说母乳正常?对了,过敏也有可能。回忆一下近一周有没有什么新的食物?
Hmm,壮壮就是突然成型了的,天宝还母乳不?不是说母乳正常?对了,过敏也有可能。回忆一下近一周有没有什么新的食物?
还母乳。最近,给吃了鸭子肉以后拉肚子的,但是现在已经只吃米饭,粥,苹果,香蕉,酸奶,青菜。还是不行。
后来不是30%OFF了么?我还收到他们家两张不同的15%, 其中一张是要用他们家卡的~~这个我有~~
所以我在某次结帐时跟CASHIER唧歪,那老头~~我本来也不认识。。。然后人家就很好的说给我HONOR这个折扣~~哈哈。。。后来算下来是40刀,还用了15刀当初买尿布挣的胖子,还拿了袋免费尿布,我说不要尿布了,哪好意思~~老头说,就当是RETURN REBUY了,要的要的。。。
我是不是RP爆发了?可惜LEARNING HOME太大了,多多拿不走~~爷爷说回国再给多多整大只的玩具吧。。
哦。。对了对了。。。我还没说我一个RP爆发的事类~~就是那个LEARNING HOME。。我当初就是用了个5刀胖子。。
后来不是30%OFF了么?我还收到他们家两张不同的15%, 其中一张是要用他们家卡的~~这个我有~~
所以我在某次结帐时跟CASHIER唧歪,那老头~~我本来也不认识。。。然后人家就很好的说给我HONOR这个折扣~~哈哈。。。后来算下来是40刀,还用了15刀当初买尿布挣的胖子,还拿了袋免费尿布,我说不要尿布了,哪好意思~~老头说,就当是RETURN REBUY了,要的要的。。。
我是不是RP爆发了?可惜LEARNING HOME太大了,多多拿不走~~爷爷说回国再给多多整大只的玩具吧。。
国内的玩具我妈说没有美国的质量好,种类也不多,不过可以淘宝上买费雪的,就是比美国贵一点
倒不是,很准的,6小时一次。
哦,那还好~~如果体重身高没有影响,应该问题不大~~可以再观察下下
哦。。对了对了。。。我还没说我一个RP爆发的事类~~就是那个LEARNING HOME。。我当初就是用了个5刀胖子。。
后来不是30%OFF了么?我还收到他们家两张不同的15%, 其中一张是要用他们家卡的~~这个我有~~
所以我在某次结帐时跟CASHIER唧歪,那老头~~我本来也不认识。。。然后人家就很好的说给我HONOR这个折扣~~哈哈。。。后来算下来是40刀,还用了15刀当初买尿布挣的胖子,还拿了袋免费尿布,我说不要尿布了,哪好意思~~老头说,就当是RETURN REBUY了,要的要的。。。
我是不是RP爆发了?可惜LEARNING HOME太大了,多多拿不走~~爷爷说回国再给多多整大只的玩具吧。。
看,这个居然要860块
http://item.taobao.com/auction/item_detail-0db2-d3dddcf77f72cf156b0a3932dfe6493e.htm?cm_cat=0
看,这个居然要860块
抢钱啊,这么贵
国内的玩具我妈说没有美国的质量好,种类也不多,不过可以淘宝上买费雪的,就是比美国贵一点
很久了,都不可以~~当然我也没啥胖子。。。
这次不知道怎么了,收到两个15%。。两本本子寄到家里`还是不同的15%。。。一张规定要用他们家的信用卡付钱~~这个我以前就申请了~~
要是知道能叠用胖子,我没准就真再买一次了。。。我不知道可以啊~~不知道是不是这个老头那天心情太好了。。。
我结完后,匆匆离开~~就怕人反悔要找我把钱拿回去。。。
有机会我想可以整改LEARNING KITCHEN啥的,不组装的,没准圣诞回去可以带回去~~不过爷爷说他会想办法的~~我就先交给他了。。。
抢钱啊,这么贵
是啊~~我查过的~~很贵。。尤其是跟我打折后的比~~
不过国内有几个玩具口碑也蛮好的,比如啥汇乐的欢乐小天地啥的~~
多多把坛桌带回去了,还有我新买的PONY。。还有些小东西~~爷爷再给整一些,应该多少能对付俩月的
抢钱啊,这么贵
我几个同学的宝宝和壮壮差不多大,以后我就准备给他们囤玩具了,
我姐老二回国的时候带回去很多玩具,小朋友的妈妈都很喜欢,人家都是很有米的人,去玩具店买不到就淘宝,这我才知道的
我几个同学的宝宝和壮壮差不多大,以后我就准备给他们囤玩具了,
我姐老二回国的时候带回去很多玩具,小朋友的妈妈都很喜欢,人家都是很有米的人,去玩具店买不到就淘宝,这我才知道的
看来我也要囤~~圣诞回去送给和多多玩的好的小朋友~~贿赂下下。。哈哈~~
啥时候还有30%OFF啊
我几个同学的宝宝和壮壮差不多大,以后我就准备给他们囤玩具了,
我姐老二回国的时候带回去很多玩具,小朋友的妈妈都很喜欢,人家都是很有米的人,去玩具店买不到就淘宝,这我才知道的
国内好像也有TRU,不知道行情如何
哦。。对了对了。。。我还没说我一个RP爆发的事类~~就是那个LEARNING HOME。。我当初就是用了个5刀胖子。。
后来不是30%OFF了么?我还收到他们家两张不同的15%, 其中一张是要用他们家卡的~~这个我有~~
所以我在某次结帐时跟CASHIER唧歪,那老头~~我本来也不认识。。。然后人家就很好的说给我HONOR这个折扣~~哈哈。。。后来算下来是40刀,还用了15刀当初买尿布挣的胖子,还拿了袋免费尿布,我说不要尿布了,哪好意思~~老头说,就当是RETURN REBUY了,要的要的。。。
我是不是RP爆发了?可惜LEARNING HOME太大了,多多拿不走~~爷爷说回国再给多多整大只的玩具吧。。
嫩RP一直在爆发
http://item.taobao.com/auction/item_detail-0db2-d3dddcf77f72cf156b0a3932dfe6493e.htm?cm_cat=0
看,这个居然要860块
进口的呀,关税,运费。。。
哦。。对了对了。。。我还没说我一个RP爆发的事类~~就是那个LEARNING HOME。。我当初就是用了个5刀胖子。。
后来不是30%OFF了么?我还收到他们家两张不同的15%, 其中一张是要用他们家卡的~~这个我有~~
所以我在某次结帐时跟CASHIER唧歪,那老头~~我本来也不认识。。。然后人家就很好的说给我HONOR这个折扣~~哈哈。。。后来算下来是40刀,还用了15刀当初买尿布挣的胖子,还拿了袋免费尿布,我说不要尿布了,哪好意思~~老头说,就当是RETURN REBUY了,要的要的。。。
我是不是RP爆发了?可惜LEARNING HOME太大了,多多拿不走~~爷爷说回国再给多多整大只的玩具吧。。
嫩rp不是一般的好呀。
呵呵,曾上课时间上上网
有没有总结
现在没有照片,明天琅琅来补奔,祝壮壮生日快乐
多爸还琢磨着趁机好好享受呢
那你们怎么想起来要把多多送回去?不过3个月,就是个长假
多爸工作还好的~~不过他没事,修了点破课。。周二周四都要上课到9点半。。回家就10点多了。。。他还想周五晚上打羽毛球。。。。貌似我有N个晚上自己一个人在家啊
没有直飞的飞机。。。嗨。。波士顿老破的
其实多多是很高兴的啊,众星捧月,你这样想就好受了
我赌你肯定听多爸的,老老实实的陪他
我赌你们俩一起回去
我听着像是个受气包
他不是那个什么磐石么,你是丝绸来的,被他按住了
我还以为你们会到纽约去坐直飞的
纽约有直飞上海的?
对了,现在底特律直飞上海了?不用去东京了?
有没有总结
今天大家都不上网阿
呵呵,曾上课时间上上网
心情好些没
多妈看上去恢复得不错
哪里啊
终于来啦
1015
团团在吗? 我交作业来啦!
来啦
恩,多爸也是这么安慰的~~好久没陪我逛街买东西,好久没带我到处乱吃乱喝乱玩了,好久没有想干啥干啥了。。。。
没办法,你们之间已经第三插足了。
我和宝贝爸是在中国认识的。
那天晚上和我女友Annie一起吃饭, 告诉她我和前男友分手的事儿。聊着聊着,花痴的我总瞄着坐在不远处的宝贝爸旁边的一个长得极像布拉得皮特的帅哥( 就叫他小布吧)。 说来凑巧, Annie竟然和小布认识, 热情过火的Annie就走过去邀请他们过来和我们一起吃饭。言谈举止之间小布极其可爱,迷死人不偿命
我当时被电晕了,在餐厅昏暗的灯光下严重地被小布迷惑住了。根本不记得宝贝爸说的任何一句话。
过了几天小布和宝贝爸共同约我出去吃饭,宝贝爸趁小布去洗手间的工夫拿出了自己会中文的杀手锏。在给我倒茶的时候说了,“对待同志要像春天般的温暖”,别说,这句话还真的稍稍温暖了一下我的心。不过我这人就是没出息,当着外貌协会的忠实会员。对金发碧眼的小布简直是馋涎欲滴。不过这一次聚会,我记住了宝贝爸告诉我他叫爱德华, 别名“爱玩儿”, 因为Edward谐音“爱玩儿”。
[Power=5][/Power]
在后来的几个月和宝贝爸还有小布的三人约会中,宝贝爸的形象越来越鲜明,我也越来越觉得他真是一个充满趣味的人。 他会在小布空洞地高谈阔论时编crossword给我玩儿,在小布对我频频放电我快要招架不住时对我唱“对面的女孩看过来”。他声音温柔,眼神深邃。 他坚定, 执著, 脸庞永远充满微笑。
渐渐地我发现,我和宝贝爸交谈的时间越来越长,往往几个小时不知不觉就过去了。与此同时,我们谈话的内容非常容易深入,不仅谈生活,谈文化,还谈社会、谈世界、谈信仰。我逐渐地被他吸引了。 终于我们有了第一次没有小布的约会。 这次约会, 宝贝使出了浑身解数大显身手, 先做饭, 再做甜点, 然后又写书法, 再然后又边弹吉他边唱歌。叽了咕噜把我感动得不行。 最后他给了我一张小纸条,里面什么都没有只是我的名字。 缘分就是这么奇妙, 我的心竟然被那再熟悉不过的三个字打动了。
一个星期四五次的约会, 怎么也说不完的话题让我们不由得相互吸引。不过因为我当时刚刚结束了一段近七年的感情,心有了禁锢, 对于新的感情还是有些抗拒的。 宝贝爸好像也有顾虑,让人捉摸不透。 但是我们都没有放弃对方, 都逐渐地在摸索中前进。
就这样不温不火地约会了几个月, 在宝贝爸回国度假时, 我突然感到了极大的孤独,我很想念他。渐渐滋生的情愫让我开始正视我们的感情。我有很多疑虑,就给他写了封信, 告诉他我的心情。很快宝贝爸回信了, 至今我还保留着这封信。
[Power=5][/Power]
好好抓紧跟小妞在一起的日子吧。。。
现在想想,都没在多多走前,好好跟他拍些照片啊~~全家福的。。。
只好等回国了~~怎么着也得去趟死丢丢整套全家福吧
别忘了回来大奔阿
I completely understand what you meant be being in a fog. For the first eight months of our relationship we were both in a fog, both of our minds were a bit cloudy. It came from never being 100% sure of each others' feelings, desires and emotions. You were not completely sure how you felt about me and I was not always completely certain how I felt about you. And for so long we kept some true feelings secret.
***********************************
The fog that we had been in during these past months is the result of not telling each other everything. And honestly, I think that was my fault. First, I rarely shared my feelings with you. --It's more difficult as a man to share your feelings, you know.-- Secondly, I did not make you comfortable enough to share all of your feelings with me. So for that I am truly sorry.
This trip to America has had an unintended effect in many ways. Like I just said, it has been difficult for me to tell you how I feel when we are together. But on the telephone and by email I find it is easier for me to share my feelings. I don't know why, but that's the way it is. Secondly, during the past year and a half in Tianjin I sometimes wondered if my life in China was "real" or if my feelings were really the way I felt. It seemed possible that if I went back to America somehow everthing might change. I thought, "maybe if I were in America I wouldn't feel this way." But now I know that that just isn't true. Since being back in St. Louis I have met a lot of people: family, old friends, and I am still the same Ed, and everything is the same and everything I thought in America is still true and everything I've said and done in China is still true.
Since being back I've met and talked with former girlfriends. And it was nice to see them again. From these girls I discovered a profound truth --one that I had speculated about by myself and with M and other guys-- That is you remain always in my thoughts no matter what, and that even though I once had feelings for other girls, those feelings are nothing but the feelings of a child; immature and ignorant of the potential profundity of love, a love that can only be realized through independent reflection and the distance of time and space from you.
I tell you all of this because I don't want there to be any doubt in your mind, I want your trust in me one hundred per cent, I want you believe me and never to doubt me. I have never lied to you and I never will. I will make it up to you by describing in depth how deep my devotion to you is, and how unfair it was of me to let you wander in a fog. And I understand that devotion to you is not just to be faithful to you in body and forget about other girls, but to be the one with whom I have no secrets and with whom I love and care about more even than I value my own self; my own feelings, my own life.
My devotion to you is unconditional. When I return to China and we are together again it will not be the same as it was before. I sincerely want us to be two people whose lives are inextricably intertwined. I very much want to have you with me always because I see now that you make me a better person. My life would be sadder and less valuable without you.
------------
I've said so much. I am really afraid that you won't understand everything that I've said completely. Oh well, we have the rest of our lives to talk about it. I have told you everything that I feel. I guess now I only want you to make me feel secure in what I have said. So please call or email me. This is the most important thing that I need to know from you:
- Do you love me completely?
- Will you trust me with your life: body and mind?
I have to know these things because I want to trust you with my whole life, and to be closer to you than I have ever been to anyone. But I need to feel safe doing that, and I need to believe you. [Power=5][/Power]
我想我开始爱他了,于是写信告诉他,原来这份爱早已深埋在我的心里,发芽, 滋生, 暗长。可是以前的感情经历使我有些退缩和恐惧, 对未知的未来有着许多的不安。后来宝贝爸的回信坚定了我信心。
After reading your last email I was also profoundly moved. And now I am both happy and confused. I am not really confused about how I feel about you. That I am certain about. There is one thing thing that I don't understand: What is worrying you? What exactly are you confused about? I hope that when you call me in the morning you can share your worries and feelings with me.
In all of the telephone calls and emails I have written you since being back in America I have been trying to end any confusion that there is between us. But I can see that this a very difficult thing to do! Since being back in St. Louis my friends and family have forced me to think about the future. My parents always want to know, "What's your plan? Are you sure you are doing the right thing? --Have the right job? --Live in the right place?" This is just another reason why I think it is important for us to to talk about about our feelings and to remove the confusion we have.
It seems that you worry about the future. . . . right? It seems that you worry about the nature of our relationship. Specifically you said, "What am I to you?
This question, I think, will be very easy for me to end. Regardless of what you think of me, THIS is what you are to me:
You are my friend.
You are my lover.
You are my only lover.
You are my girlfriend.
You are my only girlfriend.
You said in your last email that you wanted me to be free to do as I wanted and that you didn't want to tie me down, just that you could be by my side. But here's the thing: I am free to make my own choices, and I choose to be with you, and you alone. And never once have I ever felt tied down. And for you to say you only want to be with me makes me very very happy. It makes me feel secure about the future, and that I have made all of the right choices that I was free to make.
So whatever confusion you might have, there can be no confusion about how I feel. This is the most important thing for you to understand. Whatever we do in the future we will do together. Whatever decisions we make we will make together. Whatever problems there might be we will solve them together. I feel that only when you believe this in your heart can we move on and make our relationship deeper, more profound, more caring, more loving and more valuable.
So, the question is, do you believe this? [Power=5][/Power]
当我的幼稚慢慢腿却,对生活更加理解, 对人生充满了感悟,我还能不能相信这样透明的感情?
我相信了。我们互相坦诚, 我相信这个人!
Yes. We both really do want the same thing in life.
I have so much to tell you in this email, but first you need to know that never in my whole life has eanyone written me letters like you have. Your letters are so beautiful. Your words are as wonderful as any poetry I have ever read. I just feel so much love and so much beauty in what you have written, and I am filled with so many emotions. I can't believe how lucky I am that you love me enough to write such beautiful words from deep in your heart. I hope that even when we are back together in Tianjin and we can see each other everyday your will continue to write to me whenver you can.
In your last email you said that you "work towards the best outcome, but prepare for the worst." I understand what you mean, but at the same time I think that this is so unnecessary. There are many reasons why I say this. . . .
You are, by yourself, a strong, able and successful woman. Because of your intelligence (which will allow you to succeed in whatever endevor you pursure) and you personality (which causes people to instantly love you) you can be sure that you will have everything that you want for the rest of your life. So really, when you say you want to prepare for the worst, you must be talking about planning for those things that you can't control; specifically, planning for how our relationship will progress and what it will result in. So when you say that, I am going to assume you are talking about the outcome of our relationship.
I have a better idea. I am going to plan for the best and work towards it. I am going to plan for our life together. So you say that you want to grow old together? --to live together in happiness forever? . . . Well, for as long as I live I am going to make you, and our relationship the principle focus that guides me. OK? If I go somewhere I will take you with me, and if I don't know where to go I will follow you.
So! What is our plan for the future? Everything I've said so far has been very abstract. There is something you need to do that maybe you didn't realize. Sometime in the next few years I need you to come to America, just for a couple of weeks or so at least. In your last email you mentioned someday coming to know each other completely, but being here being here in America I realize that in order to know me completely you will have to see my home and you will have to at least see and begin to understand where I lived the first 17 years of my life before I left the country for the first time.
The questions (if I understand you correctly, please tell me) in your last email make me think of this. You wondered whether my attitudes toward the family and to our commitment would be more "Chinese" or "American," insinuating that the American attitude towards family was more about personal freedom and independence than responsibility. But also I have a general feeling there are some misconceptions that you have with respect to my attitudes and my connection to the "American way of life." I truly believe that by coming to know my friends and family here in America you will have no doubts about how I will be when we two are a family.
So in short, just to be clear: I love you. I want to live with you and be happy until the end. There is still so much we have to learn about each other, but I am so excited for us to do it together.
I can't wait to read your next email,
With love
就这样我们相爱了, 不是那么激烈的爱, 是有如细细流水的爱, 缓慢但是温情。
[Power=5][/Power]