你也听过这个故事吧。 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MnKjnAF1LQ The Cookie Thief: A Poem About How Oblivious We Can Be to How Wrong We Can Be --by Valerie Cox A woman was waiting at an airport one night, with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. . .grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.” With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude, why he didn’t even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, there was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned in despair, the others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, that she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief. https://bulletproofmusician.com/are-you-a-cookie-thief/
我自己检讨下，一个自己要chill 很多事情就是自己完美主义在作祟，其实也没什么大不了，缺几个数据就解释下呗。第二是不能太hands off。以前的组的职责是delivery，根据要deliver什么把上下游安排好就行了。现在更像流程管理，怎么stay on top of everything 尤其是别的组的事情，还在学习这个。
结果马上我就发现她前几天就已经forward给我过了，这件事情确实是我没读邮件错怪了她。我又回了封邮件apologize。
就觉得工作中真的不能生气，再着急都要慢下来。少些数据又怎么样？最重要是稳，不出问题，不说错话，不做错决定。
多谢安慰
不说错话如果前提是少说话的话就得不偿失了，即使错了道歉也没啥，我早就发现白女道歉可快了，脸皮厚一点损失没有。 还有你发信发错了也不是个事，正好侧面告诉她你不好惹。
说的太好了，特别生气和特别高兴等情绪化的时候，可以写邮件，但是不要发出去。第二天看一看，再发出去。
没有直接责怪。说了一两句我们组里大家都要重视信息transparency 和 communication，会benefit组里coordination啥的
说的对！以后生气的时候，就拿这句话安慰自己
从小养成的责任感作怪吧，就觉得做的事情就要做好。
这事楼主是Karen 啊
千万不要发这种阴阳怪气的东西，完全没有正面作用，显得自己心胸狭隘，没有管理能力。
我以前工作里有个韩国女的，移民，就是你这种风格，她的本意出发点没有恶意，但是总是以她的标准和要求去要求别人，
而且完全不自知，
我们大部分人，包括一个ABK，非常讨厌那个人，
我觉得大家心里，估计觉得她是个Karen,
恕我直言，你这个工作大概事情不够多，也不算特别重要，才会为有没有FORWARD这种鸡毛蒜皮的事情生气发怒。等你们每人每天手上一百多件事，就根本顾不得假惺惺的电邮礼仪了。
理解楼主。
要提醒一句，别把精力耗在这种karen上面，忽视了manage up。 除非她误了大事要甩锅，否则不要轻易把这种事forward大老板，一是大老板事情多的很，没工夫管你这鸡毛蒜皮，二是大老板会不会认为你管理能力不行，也不一定。
不是为foeward邮件本身生气。而是马上我主持会议，好几个组的数据没有，本身有点stressful了。这个组的数据应当有，我当时错以为karen没有把数据forward给我，就一下火气上来了。这件事确实是我不对，已经检讨了。
你真的能当好领导吗？都这样翻船了还这样情绪化的称呼自己组员为Karen 。很多时候我们混职场看见一代移民女性小领导脑子里面就闪红灯就是因为楼主这种人
你也听过这个故事吧。
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MnKjnAF1LQ The Cookie Thief: A Poem About How Oblivious We Can Be to How Wrong We Can Be --by Valerie Cox
A woman was waiting at an airport one night, with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. . .grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought… oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude, why he didn’t even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, there was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned in despair, the others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, that she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.
https://bulletproofmusician.com/are-you-a-cookie-thief/
楼主应该不是那个同事的领导吧？应该是同级。 否则为啥自己不护着手下？还把事情往上面捅？是想显示自己没有能力管理手下？还是提醒其他人不要选她当老板？
不过楼主能够反思，也是挺不错的品质，给楼主点赞。
不漏痕迹地戳着别人冲锋陷阵最好。 或者不明撕，诱导上面得出自己想要的结论。 非要撕不可的时候，一定要左顾右盼，把自己的小辫子打理的干干净净，再撕。
RE 刻薄的说，LZ的性格真不适合当领导。做事毛毛躁躁，连已经发给她的邮件都不double check就开始指责别人。还不包括给组员贴标签。遇到事情都是别人的问题，自己错了就说，是人都会犯错。
RE 我遇到过的manager，类似事情，一定是汇报，we are still working on the data。就完了。等开完会再来检讨哪里出了问题。
一个manager连这点事情都抗不了，是不会有信任和威信的。
工作这些年我也发现一个好的manager情绪要稳，能扛事，不对任何手下有偏见。 慌里慌张的给人感觉不好，真正天大的事是很少的。
真要整，也不是这么个整法。这人其实还行了，真是Karen的话，直接拿你阴阳怪气cc的邮件和人家本来就forward给你的邮件去大老板那里就行了呗。下次消消气，别着急，即使开会了data没ready也不是世界末日。
谢谢你的建议！完全同意你说的！自己也知道这点，还是要grow跟karen打交道的经验。以前组里的人都是自己招的，都比较chill。
这件事情难道不是你2b她都发给你了你没看见，这种人是怎么当leader的？？？这么低级的错误，还好意思拿出来说
哈哈哈确实是啊，还有脸拿出来说，自己犯了这么低级的错误，应该很丢脸才对啊，完全文不对题
你说的不刻薄，我自己也知道性格毛躁，这件事情确实是我不对
给组员贴标签这个我真不承认，她之前搞了很多事情就是分分钟整劈叉的事儿，别人来跟我complain，我才知道，然后都给她建议，继续鼓励她take ownership。她想搞一个sharepoint improvement私下跟IT搞，后来别的组出了权限问题跟我来complain, 我才知道她在搞这回事。我跟她说我知道了这个project，还是鼓励她搞，让她群发个邮件跟其他组澄清一下这个权限问题。她又搞migration, IT不放心跑来问我，我才知道这回事，又鼓励让她take ownership去跟各个组leader collect feedback。
我自己检讨下，一个自己要chill 很多事情就是自己完美主义在作祟，其实也没什么大不了，缺几个数据就解释下呗。第二是不能太hands off。以前的组的职责是delivery，根据要deliver什么把上下游安排好就行了。现在更像流程管理，怎么stay on top of everything 尤其是别的组的事情，还在学习这个。
对呀， 完全不理解， 楼主管不了自己手下， 要CC大老板？ 迷惑行为。
学会控制脾气 就会有好运气
有可能确实ta有小动作，也有可能像这个邮件：是你对ta有些负面印象，怀疑ta没做本该做好的事情。
我也碰到过有点类似的情形：team member这里掺和一脚，那里做点什么，但其实没干什么事情（我怀疑）。有次指出来一个问题，后面发现是我自己搞错了，赶紧发message澄清。
我跟朋友聊到一起合作的人不干活，她建议我做好自己的部分，别人做得怎样以及人际关系上可以睁只眼闭只眼。耍小聪明迟早会吃亏，所以别急着揭穿，有些人听得进批评提醒，有些人反倒会记仇。这是很中肯的建议。
Yup。尤其是这种cc大老板的邮件，楼主这事确实弄得尴尬，不过也不是太大的事，也道歉过了，可以翻篇，以后别这么冲动，共勉共勉
及时看邮件也是一个教训。
数据是每次是我组里人定时地发邮件提醒对方，每次都是到最后一天才出来，但都会最后一天出来。我确实太hands off了，我最近在做另一个项目，这块就没怎么管，我也应该检讨，应该建立一个系统性的monitor步骤
不是同事，是report给我。我上面也回复了，这位大姐平时搞了很多小动作，让我累得慌，具体就不说了。我也没有恶意，这位大姐经常让大老板不高兴，所以我cc大老板不是想把她怎样。但是我确实不应该让我个人情绪影响自己判断和说话
wow 你的report就不能叫同事了吗？好 那叫您的下人？仆从？
不是，peer和team member 的工作职责不太一样。team member是support这个project的，有责任forward信息给我。peer没有这个责任。
如果这件事是peer, 就算对方啥都不forward我，我也无话可说。所以我在上面澄清一下。
谢谢你的建议！
工作上遇到一个笨IT韩国男。非常明显的问题解决不掉 告诉他是A的问题 他非要去改程序B。改完B之后test 丝毫没变化，他却坚持要把改的B应用到正式product 上。被我阻止，product 跟B没关系 你不痛不痒的改完了还得从新测试。 他生气了 说不听他的话 A他也不会继续测试。 还好另一个白IT女马上站出来说 她同意我的说法。那男的不说话了 马上改好了A一下解决掉问题了。 本来有点生气。后来一想 就为了工作我生什么气，又不给我升职加薪。
一般还是在要的时候就问问did I miss anything? 她以前发过一般就会讲的，她如果不讲就问她有没有及时forward给你。搞到大老板面前的事，一定要摁实了，尤其我们少数族裔，要不然容易失去credibility