虽然这是教娃的，但是我觉得你俩都不成熟，也需要学习 Ways to respectfully disagree It's easier to agree than disagree. But we can learn a lot from conversations where we don't see eye to eye — if we can listen and talk rationally, that is. Unfortunately, many us either shy away completely from disagreements or lose it when things don't go our way. These 5 tips can help keep disagreements constructive — whether you're talking to a parent, friend, or anyone else: Don't make it personal. If you get upset, it can help to remember you're mad at the idea or concept your parent (or friend, coach, coworker, etc.) is raising, not the person. Avoid putting down the other person's ideas and beliefs. If you've ever been on the receiving end of someone's tirade or put-downs, you know how valuable using respectful language and behavior can be. So instead of saying what you might be thinking ("That's a stupid idea!"), try: "I don't agree, and here's why." Resist the temptation to yell, use sarcasm, or make derogatory comments and you'll have a much better chance of getting your point across. Use "I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Using "you" statements can sound argumentative. For example, telling your mom or dad, "You always remind me about my chores on Wednesdays when you know I have a lot of homework" has a very different tone from "I'm feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework tonight. Can I do those chores tomorrow?" Listen to the other point of view. Being a good listener is a way of showing that you respect and understand the other person's perspective. That makes it more likely he or she will do the same for you. When the other person is talking, try to stop yourself from thinking about why you disagree or what you'll say next. Instead, focus on what's being said. When it's your turn to talk, repeat any key points the other person made to show you listened and heard what was said. Then calmly present your case and why you disagree. Stay calm. This is the most important thing you can do to keep a conversation on track. Of course, it's a huge challenge to stay calm and rational when you feel angry or passionate about something — especially if the person you're talking to gets heated. You may need to be the mature one who manages the conversation, even if the other person is a parent or someone who should know better. Respect goes beyond difficult conversations, of course. Being helpful and considerate toward family members, teachers, or coaches in our everyday actions helps all of us (again, parents included!) establish a foundation for those times when we might disagree.
虽然这是教娃的，但是我觉得你俩都不成熟，也需要学习 Ways to respectfully disagree It's easier to agree than disagree. But we can learn a lot from conversations where we don't see eye to eye — if we can listen and talk rationally, that is. Unfortunately, many us either shy away completely from disagreements or lose it when things don't go our way. These 5 tips can help keep disagreements constructive — whether you're talking to a parent, friend, or anyone else: Don't make it personal. If you get upset, it can help to remember you're mad at the idea or concept your parent (or friend, coach, coworker, etc.) is raising, not the person. Avoid putting down the other person's ideas and beliefs. If you've ever been on the receiving end of someone's tirade or put-downs, you know how valuable using respectful language and behavior can be. So instead of saying what you might be thinking ("That's a stupid idea!"), try: "I don't agree, and here's why." Resist the temptation to yell, use sarcasm, or make derogatory comments and you'll have a much better chance of getting your point across. Use "I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what you want or need. Using "you" statements can sound argumentative. For example, telling your mom or dad, "You always remind me about my chores on Wednesdays when you know I have a lot of homework" has a very different tone from "I'm feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework tonight. Can I do those chores tomorrow?" Listen to the other point of view. Being a good listener is a way of showing that you respect and understand the other person's perspective. That makes it more likely he or she will do the same for you. When the other person is talking, try to stop yourself from thinking about why you disagree or what you'll say next. Instead, focus on what's being said. When it's your turn to talk, repeat any key points the other person made to show you listened and heard what was said. Then calmly present your case and why you disagree. Stay calm. This is the most important thing you can do to keep a conversation on track. Of course, it's a huge challenge to stay calm and rational when you feel angry or passionate about something — especially if the person you're talking to gets heated. You may need to be the mature one who manages the conversation, even if the other person is a parent or someone who should know better. Respect goes beyond difficult conversations, of course. Being helpful and considerate toward family members, teachers, or coaches in our everyday actions helps all of us (again, parents included!) establish a foundation for those times when we might disagree. bubble 发表于 2023-01-17 16:34
RE 你说到点子上了，夫妻往往是互相的镜子。
你老公这样的男人，俗称杠精，别杠，杠就是你对。你的目的是让他多注意儿子安全，达到目的就行。
恕我直言，如果你希望对方就事论事，那你自己也要做到就事论事。也许你自己意识不到，其实你说的话是带有主观，和审判的，不是真正意义上的就事论事。
根源是两人对美中的感情有差异。
这论坛也一样
是的，在这里起码楼主跟她老公是一样的。楼主只谈美国不好，老公不爽，回怼说到中国更差，楼主就受不了。 其实你们就是在这方面的观点不一样。而且没法一样。所以最好在这方面的话题不要讨论，求同存异，不影响生活。
回到楼主提到的事件，小孩在车道被绑架。你说这事时不要带上国家。 就说有个地方发生这么个事情，这个风险是确实存在的，所以不能让小孩独自在车道上玩，要关注着。
你这回贴就挺杠的，我看着都上头。你家这种话题，俩人中但凡有一个人头脑清楚点都吵不起来，只要把话题转了自然就说不下去了，但是你俩都觉得争出个是非对错比家庭和睦更重要，那网友也帮不了什么呀
你真轴啊 中国人口失踪比例绝对超过美国 这个你也要争 粉红就应该回国啊
为了这样的事儿不停吵架也是搞笑啊 吵出输赢是会影响世界格局吗 哈哈
嗯，你说得有道理，没必要辨那么清楚。这也是我的一个毛病。
lz 本来说话就没带国家啊。
有些人jian，美国人自己抱怨可以，他眼里其他人的不行。说句不好，就让你回中国。
因为他们也觉得中国更差呗。 当然站她laogong 了。
不光是中美问题。我们看问题很多都不一样。其实无关痛痒的话题，比较容易过去，但是关于日常生活的话题，会影响生活，比较难做到不争论，只有慢慢来改变了，也只能改变我自己，他不可能改的，因为就没有他错的时候
谢谢。这个很有帮助
我生气的原因是因为我说要就事论事，也能归结到是我限制了他说话，干涉了个人自由，倒不是生气对中美的不同看法。
另外一个不太相关又有点相关的场景就是，比如他跟我说国内出了什么事，警察没作为，我如果说一句美国警察有些事也没作为，他的反应99%就是，我跟你说中国，你跟我扯什么美国？就是同样的事情反过来，有问题的还是我
你找他说要就事论事的时候就挺生气了吧，反正在那个气氛里你俩肯定是越说越生气
那个时候我确实是已经有气了，气不就事论事
他对我从来不缺的一个指责，就是说我给他扣帽子。基本上说什么事情都别做判断或者评论，否则就是给他扣帽子。比如我说你这样想太负能量了，这是给他扣帽子，我说这样是因噎废食，也是给他扣帽子
哈哈哈，这个好
赞这个类比。 可惜 楼主可能和孩子他爸可能分居，所以没有做咸菜给他吃这个选项吧：）
啥眼神啊，还是故意拱火的？这里至少一半回复都在说她老公啊。我是觉得楼主与其把自己气到失眠，不如拉着老公出气好了，这个治安问题其实只是冰山一角，他俩沟通早就出问题了。
我挺理解楼主的。我爹就是这样的人。凡事都要唱唱反调，显得他很能似的。跟他说话真的累。明明很简单的关心他，说国内刚开放，要小心疫情，保重身体。他马上来一句，美国死那么多人，你小心你自己吧。。。我常常觉得我爹那一辈子人真的好可怕，没人教他们怎么处理情感（亲人，爱人，父母子女间的情感） 导致他们不知道如何做好父母/子女/兄弟姐妹。可能我这样说打击面太大了。但我身边看到的和网上看到的，真是觉得他们这代人又可怜又可怕！！！
你说的没错，沟通早就有问题，一直不知道怎么解。楼里大家都说我太较真，我记下了，试试看凡事多brush off有没有帮助
他对解决那些事情无能为力也不愿意思考。所以他只能骂一骂其他地方，获得一点心理安慰。
下次他再那样说，你就说：“知道了，你对解决那个问题没有办法。你不用转移话题（挽回颜面）了。”/“你当然可以说，你可以尽情地转移话题，只不过我不会听了。你继续。”
“显得他很能”是重点。
尤其如果遇到了他不能对付的事。 他必须要乱说一顿以遮盖他不懂他不能的事实。
那种人，就别搭理他。 别给他（通过乱说一顿/通过说别人坏话）“显得能”的机会。 让他一个人活在他的幻梦中就完了。
那你用他同样的方法对付他呗：你凭什么限制我说话？你凭什么在自由的国度还限制我？他拿你当敌人，你何必拿他当家人？他自己受一次那种刺激他就知道平常别人跟他打交道多难了。
确实是扣帽子。应该对事多发表意见，具体讨论一件事情该怎样做/哪种做法对或不对。不要给别人扣定性的帽子。
这种已经不是一条心了，根本不是就事论事，是针对人的说话，迟早拜拜或出轨有机会。
如果是他喜欢的，肯定变成中国到处是摄像头，大姑娘一个人各地旅游比比皆是，比咱美国好多了。。。
心态要放正，放平。
但你要是打算俩人好好过日子，真正吵架的trick就很没意义，甚至是帮倒忙。
不是大事儿，各自少说一句，翻篇吧。
谢谢你回复我的留言，可能我写得稍微有点不太好听。嗯嗯了事也不是很多时候啦，都在气头上时最好是一方沉默。我们小孩8岁，关于小孩的事情我们基本还是能达成共识的。就你们这个事情上，我觉得你们两个针尖对麦芒了， 都不肯想让。
什么叫故意拱火？我一圈看下来就你这个id和他老公挺像的，揪着楼主没完没了的，反正我站楼主，最讨厌抬杠的人，
他这样的根源在于 你要带娃回去住。 这个我不知道你是短期还是长期 我的感觉他不想你带娃回去 所以才会时不时提醒你中国的不好。根子在这里
楼主看美国比较负面，她老公看中国比较负面，这都是正常的。但楼主一家在美国，她在讲在美国要注意孩子安全，这时楼主老公非得扯中国，导致沟通问题的明明是她老公。
因为大宣传就是这样的，我觉得你爸算正常，那个年代的人到了这年纪听不得任何疫情严重的话，觉得你在映射批评。自然就很玻璃心的defendsive