楼主要讲她自己的故事当然没问题。但现在苍兰诀还在余热。她说男演员自然就联系到了大热男主东方。苍兰诀这么纯情又深情的故事用别人话说初中生智商级的。很多人就喜欢这种简单纯情又搞笑的故事。忽然来个一夜九次约炮贴强行代入，真的是很叫人倒胃口。她要是联系到fifty shades of grey也就罢了可能不会有那么多人反感。说实话这种代入到当时大热剧男主本来就很搞笑。
我这样顶起来是不是很不厚道 谢谢楼主前面概述现在的婚姻的矛盾处 我从理论上给个参考思路: https://www.estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-32-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go When I was twenty-three, I was in a relationship that was too bad to stay and too good to leave. We were constantly breaking up and patching up. Anyone who has been in this kind of on and off relationship knows: when it's good, it’s great. And when it’s bad, it’s horrible. Relational Ambivalence—those contradictory thoughts and feelings of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear—makes us constantly wonder: should I stay or should I go? The resulting whiplash is exhausting, not only for the people in the relationship but the people around it. These relationships have a rhythm: we work ourselves into a fit, decide enough is enough, and finally break up. But, eventually, as we feel calmer and less smothered, our core vulnerabilities get momentarily relieved. And that little voice starts popping up: should we meet? Talk it out? Remember how great it was…when it was good? Maybe they reach out. Maybe we do. We meet at a café or better yet, a bar, in which a drink may help the walls come down. And suddenly, we are so wonderful at talking to each other. None of our buttons are being pushed. At least, not in a bad way. It’s flirty. We’re connecting, longing. We were silly to throw this away, weren’t we? We’ve invested so much. And there’s so much potential here. Inch by inch, look by look, we work our way back…only to blow it all up again a week later. Back then, my boyfriend and I decided the way to get out of this cycle was to go to couples therapy. We lasted one session. The therapist told us we were done. We called it quits but, a few days later, I telephoned her: how could you do this? You don’t know what we have! I’ll never forget what she told me. Her position was that, when you work with couples frozen in ambivalence, taking a stance for them can break the cycle. If they agree with you, they’ll experience relief in the permission they couldn’t give themselves. If they disagree, they’ll align against you instead of each other. Had she not taken a stance, she explained, she would be entering our dance with us—exploring the good one week and the bad the next, perpetuating the roller coaster. She didn’t want to be, what we call in therapy, “the homeostatic maintainer.” Looking back, I know she did us a favor. That said, after practicing therapy myself for decades now, I can say that taking a stance is rarely that simple. Part of why experiencing Relational Ambivalence is so challenging is because it’s often a core feature of our most important relationships. How many of us hold contradictory feelings toward our own parents? Toward the sibling who never paid us back? Toward the dear, old friend who only ever talks about themself? Toward our job? Toward the place we live? Of course there are situations in which we need to definitively decide to stay or go. But there are just as many, if not more, situations in which our ability to hold our ambivalence is a sign that we understand and accept the complexities of life. As we grow, the challenge becomes—how do we know when to resolve the tension and when to hold the contradictions? It takes practice and patience. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of Loving Bravely, has said that “patience is also a form of action. It’s not purely passivity. It’s not a resignation.” Relational ambivalence is a fact of life. It will be in every relationship we have.
人品好又聪明的帅哥是有的，我觉得不少。特别是读书时，容易碰到。你说的自私型，要么就只是帅哥群体的一部分，要不就是你遇到他的时间晚了，被围着他转的女孩宠坏了。我遇到过渣的和好的，能成男朋友的，人品都很过关。渣的，谈不下去。我都不需要理智来纠错，一旦我觉得渣，立马这个人就自然地对我没有吸引力了。
看到了 想起好像曾有回過他校花文 得償所願
楼主你说不离婚了。那你想离婚想了多久？两年前的帖子就提到了。那会儿孩子才三岁，正是很累的时候。现在有好一点儿吗？
想了很多年，最近特别想离，就是难开口，也顾及孩子。
讲潮水哥不知道，但讲校花，无人不晓，LOL
你没有读懂，楼主大妈不是被东方青苍给迷的，而是被王鹤棣本人的年轻帅气给迷住的
谁说帅没用，不帅的，年轻时候你会多看一眼吗
有人离婚之后再找
稍微能看一点，人家都是有要求的，女孩在日本留学，要你付留学费，国内买房子的
然后找了一个年纪大的，说，有房子，更加分的是，有心脏病的
LOL
总算有个阅读理解能力合格的了！谢谢你！
你没见过不等于没有。有帅哥人品好有洁癖。
三天不用拉屎吗？
还是屎尿也在床上像路易十六一样？
1+1<2吗？ 你有没有不幸福到其实给孩子的生活也不幸福？
别理楼上龌龊的ID，把他们屏蔽了就清净了
报一报，自从这贴以后，现在有多少个男ID发私信给你了？不需要说ID，说说数目，让我们笑一笑，LOL
0
呃，有点超出我的意外，看来被9次给吓倒了，哈 没有wsn打扰也好，据我观察，其实华人没一个wsn值得约炮的
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https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ng12LAJg5u8?showinfo=0
可能你对帅的标准比我的低，我很少觉得有帅的。另外，很多所谓帅哥很会装，也不奇怪，因为那种不是骨相帅哥但又被评价帅的都是在乎自己形象，所以当然会装，只有深入接触才知道人品其实真不行。
大部分人是情人眼里出校草校花
我的婚姻也没那么糟糕。除了我对房事不满，没有其他的槽点。简而言之，我老公器大活不好，年少无知的我以为只要硬件条件好，可以慢慢调教，谁知他不思进取。现在更是drive也低。我老公以前也是个大帅哥，是走路上会被搭讪的那种。现在脸是老了，身材还保持得不错，高大肩宽，胸肌和腹肌都还在，一点没有中年发福的迹象。头发也依然浓密，就是现在不做发型了，有点邋遢。结婚之前，他天天要跟我一起洗澡。我好几年都没有自己洗过头发，都是他帮我洗的。洗着洗着他兴致就来了。现在他洗澡居然要锁门！我旁敲侧击地跟他提过，他肯定听懂了，但是不作为。每次我要是提及这些，他就说累，要工作，要带娃，还要做家务。意思是，我要是多做点家务，他轻松点，他才有兴致。他这么一说，我就生气了。一来，我也带娃做家务，不比他少，他不能熟视无睹。二来，这简直是对我的侮辱，难道为了上个床，我还得先刷个马桶求着他？！更何况，我在床上也没觉得有多爽，不过是觉得夫妻应该要保持亲密感罢了。最不能让我忍受的就是他明明知道我想要什么，他却选择无视逃避，不在乎我的感受。所以我想，不如分了算了，share custody，自由自在。既然生活状态已经到了共同养娃的伙伴，那就退出婚姻，share custody，不要做名不副实的事。 要说是不是单身带娃会比困在婚姻里好？我觉得差不多，可能保持婚姻状态略微好一些。毕竟有一个人跟我分担生活中遇到的各种麻烦事。对娃来说，肯定是有一个完整的家更好。我虽然十分不满，但是我不吵不闹，对孩子一点影响都没有。所以我纠结，我在婚姻中已经感受不到爱了，我不想这样过下去。离婚之后，我是不是能找到让我满意的下一个？我觉得可能性很小。我没有时间date，也没有渠道认识available的新人，而且我已经心灰意冷，没有了年轻时候的激情与朝气。写到这里，答案似乎呼之欲出，可是我不开心，我委屈。 我不是一个会把分手和离婚挂在嘴边的人，我只有自己下定决心了，才会提出来。我情绪稳定，语气平和，不吵不闹，虽然会忍不住流眼泪，但是每一次我和前男友提分手，对方都知道我是认真的，很难挽回。以我对他的了解，他绝对不想离婚，我如果提离婚，他一定怂，要什么给什么。但是这样得来的，我不要！他已经伤害了我，我只想把他推开。
你掌握你老公的行踪，和时间吗？我意思是100%，他没有哪怕30分钟的独立活动时间
不用纠结出轨，不可能。
我告诉你，40多岁的男人，只有4个地方可去，不存在半点清心寡欲修炼的可能 1）老婆 2）情人 3）风月场所 4）自己解决
男人不想碰女人，是因为审美疲劳，但我很怀疑自己解决能长期解决问题，你如果和他一起睡，他在家没有空间自己解决的话，你又很有信心他没有其他女人，那就一定是风月场所，除非你能100%掌握他的时间！！
不能那么确定啊， 想想西雅图码工中饭出去偷吃，手机查查， 钱上进出看一下
看了一下你眼里的帅锅的照片，小白脸明显的荷尔蒙分泌不足吗。年轻的时候估计还行，过了三四十就over 了。
我现在只能看老外了，而且是老外里面的猛男。国男完全提不起性趣，体力差太远了。
就没有一种可能他性冷淡吗？ 我偶尔用他电脑和手机的时候会看看他youtube的推送，没有一个跟女人有关的。
D哥我和你不同，我从小自己解决啊，没有你作为海王的难处。
有的男的sex drive 很强，老婆和情人（好几个）都吃不饱，从来不say no to sex to anyone.
你真逗， 那么多专业网站， 上YouTube干嘛
天真
我像广大剧迷道歉，影响了你们的心情。但是我根本没提仓兰决和东方青苍，我只提了句男主和王鹤棣是一卦的。
不敢， 据说once go black, never go back, 是真的么， 试过没
他以前性冷淡吗？我虽然不敢排除男人会性冷淡，但我人生tmd没见过一个男人性冷淡的。我看了你一下过往的发言，我发现你不在美国，在亚洲国家找风月场所很方便的。我们先不考虑性冷淡这种小几率的事件，先把其他的可能性排除了，我告诉你，就是我说的那四种可能性，你先把那些可能性排除了，再考虑性冷淡这种我从来没见过的可能性。
3
什么叫外面的男人更不行
OK，done
请问，自己解决会有审美疲劳吗？
PxxnHub 常换常新
你碰到的猛男脸长得怎么样
我猜楼主意思是外面的离九次太远？其实我们女生只要一次两次就行， 谁要九次？！ 楼主就是太老实了， 才格外吸引那些自私男，换个女生早一脚踢下床去。
短期可能有新鲜感，很难想象长期能解决问题，我意思是，解决心理的痛苦
络腮胡子, 有棱有角，有肌肉有男子气概。类似这种：
长得好看但是女里女气的就算了。
性生活自理不一定是因为痛苦，这是心理学的局限。
人生的 struggle，反而是无法给出性生活自理的理由，因为 obligation of intimacy。
留胡子的真的不行， 我怕扎
胡子拉碴的，还有白的啊
三十多的帅锅勾搭不上，给我也不敢要。
我的审美已经回归亚男了。我对老外已经没感觉了。
所以你的结论是什么，没看懂，不离了吗
这这尽碰到床上不行的。再换也一样。尤其过了一定年纪。 亚男不是没有好的，那种能考托考G漂洋过海嘛？ 大部分都不及格。老外至少都能及格，碰到帅点的，柔情蜜意温柔体贴一点的，你才能得到性福。
也有可能是 他老公也有男性更年期 已不復當年勇 三明治期上下內外需求夾擊 無論內外的事多方壓力襲來 有自己的內心小宇宙 去接受自己年華逝去 有心卻無力 所以選擇逃避避免傷害自己的自尊 並不是 是不愛 這個原因
他都滿足不了你的需求了 滿足你都成為他的壓力了 還要更多來打擊自己嗎 當然賽車手提得也是可能原因
我这样顶起来是不是很不厚道
谢谢楼主前面概述现在的婚姻的矛盾处 我从理论上给个参考思路:
https://www.estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-32-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go
When I was twenty-three, I was in a relationship that was too bad to stay and too good to leave. We were constantly breaking up and patching up. Anyone who has been in this kind of on and off relationship knows: when it's good, it’s great. And when it’s bad, it’s horrible. Relational Ambivalence—those contradictory thoughts and feelings of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear—makes us constantly wonder: should I stay or should I go? The resulting whiplash is exhausting, not only for the people in the relationship but the people around it. These relationships have a rhythm: we work ourselves into a fit, decide enough is enough, and finally break up. But, eventually, as we feel calmer and less smothered, our core vulnerabilities get momentarily relieved. And that little voice starts popping up: should we meet? Talk it out? Remember how great it was…when it was good? Maybe they reach out. Maybe we do. We meet at a café or better yet, a bar, in which a drink may help the walls come down. And suddenly, we are so wonderful at talking to each other. None of our buttons are being pushed. At least, not in a bad way. It’s flirty. We’re connecting, longing. We were silly to throw this away, weren’t we? We’ve invested so much. And there’s so much potential here. Inch by inch, look by look, we work our way back…only to blow it all up again a week later. Back then, my boyfriend and I decided the way to get out of this cycle was to go to couples therapy. We lasted one session. The therapist told us we were done. We called it quits but, a few days later, I telephoned her: how could you do this? You don’t know what we have! I’ll never forget what she told me. Her position was that, when you work with couples frozen in ambivalence, taking a stance for them can break the cycle. If they agree with you, they’ll experience relief in the permission they couldn’t give themselves. If they disagree, they’ll align against you instead of each other. Had she not taken a stance, she explained, she would be entering our dance with us—exploring the good one week and the bad the next, perpetuating the roller coaster. She didn’t want to be, what we call in therapy, “the homeostatic maintainer.” Looking back, I know she did us a favor. That said, after practicing therapy myself for decades now, I can say that taking a stance is rarely that simple. Part of why experiencing Relational Ambivalence is so challenging is because it’s often a core feature of our most important relationships. How many of us hold contradictory feelings toward our own parents? Toward the sibling who never paid us back? Toward the dear, old friend who only ever talks about themself? Toward our job? Toward the place we live? Of course there are situations in which we need to definitively decide to stay or go. But there are just as many, if not more, situations in which our ability to hold our ambivalence is a sign that we understand and accept the complexities of life. As we grow, the challenge becomes—how do we know when to resolve the tension and when to hold the contradictions? It takes practice and patience. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of Loving Bravely, has said that “patience is also a form of action. It’s not purely passivity. It’s not a resignation.” Relational ambivalence is a fact of life. It will be in every relationship we have.
我今天在锻炼时想起苍兰诀的人物设置，觉得自己当年也基本是这个过程。想找这个帖子里的人聊聊，结果发现大家都飙完车，留下一路烟尘的跑了！
聊吧聊吧，我刚爬山回来
我不开车的。哈哈。就是说说感情的历程
搬小板凳听，手里正磕着瓜子
你看没看前面各楼的引用啊？ 哪里是谈感情！
还好吧， 这俩本来就分不开，张爱玲说的
也是，去影版找一个苍兰诀聊吧。哈哈
哈哈，你是来烘托气氛的！