pick your fight. in my eyes, these are trivia. just let her be. my daughter insisted to wear skirt without leggings in winter. one winter day the building got evacuated and the little ones stood outside for quite some time. she was fine and she didn't regret her choice at all.
看来是好事啊: Do you have a strong-willed child? You're lucky! Strong willed children can be a challenge when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," strong-willed kids often become leaders. 12 Tips for Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child 1. Remember that strong-willed kids are experiential learners.2. Your strong-willed child wants mastery more than anything.3. Give your strong-willed child choices.4. Give her authority over her own body.5. Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules.6. Don't push him into opposing you.7. Side-step power struggles by letting your child save face.8. Listen to her.9. See it from his point of view.10. Discipline through the relationship, never through punishment.11. Offer him respect and empathy.12. Connect, Connect, Connect.
看来是好事啊: Do you have a strong-willed child? You're lucky! Strong willed children can be a challenge when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," strong-willed kids often become leaders. 12 Tips for Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child 1. Remember that strong-willed kids are experiential learners.2. Your strong-willed child wants mastery more than anything.3. Give your strong-willed child choices.4. Give her authority over her own body.5. Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules.6. Don't push him into opposing you.7. Side-step power struggles by letting your child save face.8. Listen to her.9. See it from his point of view.10. Discipline through the relationship, never through punishment.11. Offer him respect and empathy.12. Connect, Connect, Connect.
看来是好事啊: Do you have a strong-willed child? You're lucky! Strong willed children can be a challenge when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," strong-willed kids often become leaders. 12 Tips for Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child 1. Remember that strong-willed kids are experiential learners.2. Your strong-willed child wants mastery more than anything.3. Give your strong-willed child choices.4. Give her authority over her own body.5. Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules.6. Don't push him into opposing you.7. Side-step power struggles by letting your child save face.8. Listen to her.9. See it from his point of view.10. Discipline through the relationship, never through punishment.11. Offer him respect and empathy.12. Connect, Connect, Connect.
hunter100 发表于 2022-09-15 11:34
怎么give control over own body?不对的不管吗? 以前,我们洗牙齿,牙医看到了她有蛀牙,要补,不情愿啊,说那补的东西有点毒性。医生说不补要做根管,她才说试试。 然后,就是天天说,有毒,考试做错题也是这个引起的,然后就用我们的钱,买了一套洗牙的设备,要自己刮了。后来刮不掉,就要去牙医那里叫牙医把补的filling全部弄掉,牙医说不能这么做,后来也不知道她怎么弄了,4年不去洗牙,这样strong willed的小孩子,身体弄垮了,谁负责?
讲道理,耐心沟通,同时尊重她的意见。另一方面就是楼上有人说的: Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules. 这个对我家老大很有效果。尊重娃的意见这一点我们有时候会让他在我们监督下尝试体验失败和不愉快感,然后再讲道理。 草薰风 发表于 2022-09-15 13:22
看来是好事啊: Do you have a strong-willed child? You're lucky! Strong willed children can be a challenge when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," strong-willed kids often become leaders. 12 Tips for Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child 1. Remember that strong-willed kids are experiential learners.2. Your strong-willed child wants mastery more than anything.3. Give your strong-willed child choices.4. Give her authority over her own body.5. Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules.6. Don't push him into opposing you.7. Side-step power struggles by letting your child save face.8. Listen to her.9. See it from his point of view.10. Discipline through the relationship, never through punishment.11. Offer him respect and empathy.12. Connect, Connect, Connect.
“I hear that you don’t want to wear your jacket today. I think it''s cold and I am definitely wearing a jacket. Of course, you are in charge of your own body, as long as you stay safe and healthy, so you get to decide whether to wear a jacket. But I’m afraid that you will be cold once we are outside, and I won’t want to come back to the house. How about I put your jacket in the backpack, and then we’ll have it if you change your mind?”
这有实例讲穿衣服: Give her authority over her own body.
“I hear that you don’t want to wear your jacket today. I think it''s cold and I am definitely wearing a jacket. Of course, you are in charge of your own body, as long as you stay safe and healthy, so you get to decide whether to wear a jacket. But I’m afraid that you will be cold once we are outside, and I won’t want to come back to the house. How about I put your jacket in the backpack, and then we’ll have it if you change your mind?”
She’s not going to get pneumonia, unless you push her into it by acting like you’ve won if she asks for the jacket. And once she won’t lose face by wearing her jacket, she’ll be begging for it once she gets cold. It’s just hard for her to imagine feeling cold when she’s so warm right now in the house, and a jacket feels restrictive and hot. She''s sure she''s right -- her own body is telling her so -- so naturally she resists you. You don''t want to undermine that self-confidence, just teach her that there''s no shame in letting new information change her mind.
怎么give control over own body?不对的不管吗? 以前,我们洗牙齿,牙医看到了她有蛀牙,要补,不情愿啊,说那补的东西有点毒性。医生说不补要做根管,她才说试试。 然后,就是天天说,有毒,考试做错题也是这个引起的,然后就用我们的钱,买了一套洗牙的设备,要自己刮了。后来刮不掉,就要去牙医那里叫牙医把补的filling全部弄掉,牙医说不能这么做,后来也不知道她怎么弄了,4年不去洗牙,这样strong willed的小孩子,身体弄垮了,谁负责? Asian123 发表于 2022-09-15 13:13
讲道理,耐心沟通,同时尊重她的意见。另一方面就是楼上有人说的: Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules. 这个对我家老大很有效果。尊重娃的意见这一点我们有时候会让他在我们监督下尝试体验失败和不愉快感,然后再讲道理。 草薰风 发表于 2022-09-15 13:22
这种情况应该顺着她性子来还是任他哭闹?她还没到可以正常讲清楚道理的时候…
🔥 最新回帖
是这样的。小事可以由孩子决定,原则问题绝不妥协,从小就要这样。不然这种strong mind的孩子大了,真的没法管了
谢谢MM回答,我会多读几遍,体会体会。
我这也是learning by doing. 今年一直在摸索这件事,也在看不同的育儿书。真是心累。
怎么说呢,我家娃很多时候情绪挺稳定的,而且高兴了难过了情绪表达也正常。
就是贪玩,然后自己不想做的事情就非暴力不合作。
我现在就是撤退到每天只要求娃睡觉之前一定要洗脸洗脚刷牙。
虽然叛逆期让人头疼,但是…我能说怪朋友这种说法有点奇葩吗?
不行的话怎么办呢?强制执行吗?用武力吗?
前提是层主家娃不愿意做这些事。
那是因为你知道今天外面冷,她不知道,所以你这么硬来没用,你拎她到外面呆十分钟,冷了嘛?回家换衣服去吧!你看她听不听
🛋️ 沙发板凳
我家是比较吃搞笑无厘头那一套。啊啊啊,不穿长袖手就冷成冰棍啦。。。XX味的冰棍。。然后被吃掉啦。。进到肚子里(然后就顺着娃的各种无厘头狡辩瞎编)
或者你找到一个无关紧要的细节妥协,比如我觉得腿冷不要紧,但是上身要穿外套。就可以说,哦你不想穿长裤啊,那千万千万不要让爸爸给你穿长裤啊,一定要叮嘱爸爸,腿要露出来才凉快不然太热啦。
关键从四岁开始,超级受小朋友欢迎。出去玩也能在外面找个小朋友一起玩。我观察她就是自己想法多,想到就做,小朋友喜欢,她也开心。
这种孩子最怕控制型家长。冷了饿了,把什么弄乱了,管这些除了破坏信任感,都没有作用。放手陪她走过她该经历的东西,不论我们觉得好坏对错,都是她的必经之路
穿衣服本来就应该以本人感觉为准而不是“我妈觉得冷”,穿裤袜或者带个衬衣给她拿着冷了穿上穿
人总是需要有一定的控制感对自己的生活,小人也不例外
你给的长裤长袖她不喜欢吧,让她去衣橱自己挑
4年中学,我们根本看不到她的成绩。也不知道她的朋友是谁,住在那里,一头雾水。我们只能看到deposit时 那个apt charge我们。新搬家后,至于住那个unit都不知道。老的apt,也是她要我们寄笔记旧书,才不情愿的说了。
我们家买房子,大小,地方都要她做决定,她说不能买,我们4年就不能买。
另外娃也不傻,真的冷了她自己就要求穿外套了
生病以后也不需要爸妈白天请假晚上起夜在家照顾是吗?
还是由着小孩生病,然后不停的让父母给擦屁股?
是的,我现在都不走脑子了,她经常冷了自己求我加衣服。或者提醒我给她穿长裤,不然出去活动会冷。她知道她不说我真不操心。当然我们家里里外外的衣服都是自己挑的,有时候打折,要我追着她挑衣服。我也不用挑了,养这种孩子可以非常省心。
冷和饿不会生病,感染病毒才会生病
你的坚持如果半途而废,等于没有。所以,不要什么事情都管。也不能什么事情都不坚持。
让她按自己的意愿穿,冷了下回就知道了。 我女儿有一次去学校组织的别的城市游玩,我看了天气预报比我们这里冷多了,让带什么不带,后来真冷,她用睡觉用的毯子披着:P 回家后对我说:“妈妈,你说得对,是要带冬天衣服”那一年她六岁,从此学会看天气预报准备出游衣服。 小孩子小时候犯点错,吃点亏没啥,都是成长的经历。
大学也是,自己喜欢的专业没报,报了不是太喜欢的,人家录取她了,又是鸡肋,然后问怎么办。报的时候又是自己好像挺能的,碰到问题又来问。哎,真是够了。
可以试试,今早是在太崩溃了
我家女娃是各种好处(她自己认为的)要全占了,一点不妥协
12 Tips for Peaceful Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child 1. Remember that strong-willed kids are experiential learners. 2. Your strong-willed child wants mastery more than anything. 3. Give your strong-willed child choices. 4. Give her authority over her own body. 5. Avoid power struggles by using routines and rules. 6. Don't push him into opposing you. 7. Side-step power struggles by letting your child save face. 8. Listen to her. 9. See it from his point of view. 10. Discipline through the relationship, never through punishment. 11. Offer him respect and empathy. 12. Connect, Connect, Connect.
不堪回首啊。曾经我只管一件事的时候就是刷牙。三岁有很长一段时间我就只管一件事。管好一件再加一件。那时候真不容易。好在都过来了,越管越快,到四岁可以讲点道理了,她也实在吃亏上当的累了,就好说话很多了
呵呵,你娃穿个短袖就生病? 我看那还不是你怀孕时候没有保胎/吃燕窝 月子没做好不洗澡的自律让孩子跟着受风 奶水里头有细菌娃都感染了
哎,就是有不负责任的父母给自己的娃添麻烦 人家妈妈怀孕吃燕窝什么胶 生下来娃三九天短袖都没事 你娃输在起跑线了都!
哈哈哈,加个狗头
麻烦你看帖好吗 楼主说了今天小孩有点感冒的前兆了,还必须穿少 她才在意的
平常的话愿意少穿就少穿点儿呗 你不看帖就瞎回一起 写那么多有什么用
还加狗头 不如加墨镜🕶️表示自己眼瞎
当然了,我发帖不是搞在线教育的 而是专门给你这种控制狂加不能承担有限责任和风险擅长转嫁压力给未成年人的家长
来添堵的啊 哈哈哈
看明白这几条真的是我吐血的经历中学出来的。但是早看到我也看不懂。现在懂就不晚了
而且说实在的,小娃能自己做主的东西太少了!就连衣服,还不是父母买了放在家里的,其实你已经给她筛选一遍了,你完全不允许的东西根本就不会在家里出现。 穿多穿少的,这跟吃多吃少一样啊!我反正完全不相信 小娃 会对冷热和饱饿 没有概念。这是人类生存的本能啊! 如果她说不冷,那就是不冷。她说吃饱了,那就不用再喂了。相信她。即使她错了,比如后来冷了,后来饿了,这也是她学习的过程。总不可能因为冷一点饿了一点就有什么不可收拾的后果。
经过7,8年斗争磨合,双方都摸清对方底线,就容易讲道理了。
同理, 有主意的娃也不太被人带歪的
自己想歪了别人也带不回来怎办
我家的小时候一模一样,冬天最冷的时候要光着腿穿裙子,带她到门口试一试有多冷也没用,就这么光着腿去daycare了(daycare有备用的衣服),当天怎么样我也没问,反正后来再没有在冬天光过腿
真是一毛一样
我家就是这种主意大的,碰到我们控制型的家长,现在还是每天鸡飞狗跳 所以我觉得不管了,放任她自由 等看看结果发展
感觉她已经占山为Queen知道如何control我们家的每一个人
怎么give control over own body?不对的不管吗?
以前,我们洗牙齿,牙医看到了她有蛀牙,要补,不情愿啊,说那补的东西有点毒性。医生说不补要做根管,她才说试试。
然后,就是天天说,有毒,考试做错题也是这个引起的,然后就用我们的钱,买了一套洗牙的设备,要自己刮了。后来刮不掉,就要去牙医那里叫牙医把补的filling全部弄掉,牙医说不能这么做,后来也不知道她怎么弄了,4年不去洗牙,这样strong willed的小孩子,身体弄垮了,谁负责?
我还以为是pre teen小姑娘。。
衣服,穿不穿,还好。
关键是去不去daycare,如果她执意不去,大人是惯着她,还是训斥她。 这些大事才是最重要的。
这都是小事。 关键是大事。
比如:孩子有病,要吃药。 吃还是不吃呢? 孩子不吃,大人是惯着,还是训斥? 这才是本文应该讨论的重点。
穿衣服,是非常小的可以忽略的事情。
有些是一定要管的,比如吃咖啡,熬夜,不管身体垮了,就影响一辈子
对。
还有一些坏习惯。比如刷牙就哭,扣鼻眼,闻臭袜子,吃鼻涕,女娃喜欢掀裙子,男娃喜欢调戏别人家女娃。喜欢撕衣服,钱币等重要物件玩。
这是用皮鞭抽打还是用柳条抽打呢?
能打吗,她们小孩子很懂的,你踢她一下,扭她大腿一下,她可是screaming 整条街都听到,好像你孽待她一样。
该训斥还得训斥 该抽打还得抽打
不然,等大了,就发生下面一幕 半夜了,自己一个人开车离家 老父亲跳上车盖阻拦, 结果一踩油门,把老父亲活活压死了
你说的那个应该才是被打大的
训斥,你有他们英语好,语速快吗,你根本就不行啊,到了teen,像我,根本抓不住小孩子的,她们学校吃汉堡牛肉,力气比我大
男孩喜欢掀女孩儿的裙子这种
小的时候可以教育讲理道歉 大了的话直接打手真的不过分
太恶心了
让老爹出面训斥这些不听话的小顽固分子。
Mark
strong willed child
老爹也怕啊,一吵架血压高,吃不消。有时也吵,小孩子烦大人也烦。
小的事情就算了。听天由命。 比如:告诉他吃零食太多对身体不好,但是就是不听。怎么办?没办法。
大的事情,该出手时就出手。
这有实例讲穿衣服:
Give her authority over her own body.
She’s not going to get pneumonia, unless you push her into it by acting like you’ve won if she asks for the jacket. And once she won’t lose face by wearing her jacket, she’ll be begging for it once she gets cold. It’s just hard for her to imagine feeling cold when she’s so warm right now in the house, and a jacket feels restrictive and hot. She''s sure she''s right -- her own body is telling her so -- so naturally she resists you. You don''t want to undermine that self-confidence, just teach her that there''s no shame in letting new information change her mind.
可能没想到。下次记着提醒一下娃先。
如果碰到困难,首先想到爹妈。
为啥要折腾半天啊?屈服就行了
家长不要把自己的尊严看得太重要
可能的吧,我们也就笑笑,我是说,从初中我们才看出来,以后碰到连续转校,她就觉得命运不好,就要自己弄,不要我们的指导了。
如果别的事没有瞎管,这种事我是没商量的。医生怎么说就怎么做,没什么好的理由的话我就不再听了,也不讲道理了。不照计划做,就在诊所门口坐着哪也不去。或者在家呆着哪也不去,不能吃东西因为会让牙的问题恶化。当然有些是胡扯。总而言之就是没商量。不然把所有相关日常活动都停掉。因为不治牙早晚这些生活也得被动受影响。
不去上学的话,主要是觉得家里好玩。我会说我要上班不能理她。不能玩ipad。中午都是我爱吃的饭,如果没有她喜欢的,我也不会去准备。反正不给我添额外麻烦就行。幸好我家孩子没答应过。如果看她仔细考虑要答应,我只好说我也不想上班,但是这事没有选择,之类的。最后再不行我就往门口走,我说跟不上我,我就自己去学校了。总之都给哄出门了
我真心觉得,小事没瞎管的话,孩子的情绪会好很多,对大人的对抗情绪会少很多,而且小事不管,她已经吃了很多亏了,知道大人说话先听两句再反对。小事瞎管的话,大事不听就是在找大人真正在意的事发泄情绪。
我家也有发烧不吃药,因为那个樱桃味的泰诺太难喝。我说买了葡萄味的,明天早晨6点就送到门口,晚上再吃一顿就睡到6点了。纠结半天也就喝了
总有一天要离开家的,这事能管多久?还伤感情。说实话孩子大了就不是一般的办法能解决了。咱还有过熬夜的时候呢,咱爹妈隔着千山万水根本管不了啊
零食小时候有办法。我说吃多少就多少,再多的话,她敢吃我就敢扔
暴力强迫孩子就是告诉孩子暴力是解决问题的手段
管得了管不了另说,噜嗉是一定要的,不要怕说得多,一定要多说,说不定那天想通了
对。父母得有耐心不断的和小的谈,谈的时候以平等的身份。另外很重要的一点就是父母必须以身作则
目前没妥协的是她死活不洗澡,这么小的娃头发油臭油臭的,实在不能妥协了。哄得没办法,最后一般只能给看手机视频,强行脱衣服洗澡,唉