I am finishing my second year at my safety. All you who are facing rejection after rejection need to read this. I was just like y'all last year, I went through the motions throughout high school, completely tryharding everything, and lost perspective of what matters most. Here is the deal, many people on this forum will say "oh just do community college if you can't get into a t20, and I know every single one of you reads that line and thinks "oh that does not apply to me because xyz," and that is ok, I agree that CC isn't the place for most people on this sub. Anyways, here is my story. I come from a somewhat well off family, and my sisters both got into great schools ~10 years ago. My oldest sister went to MIT, and my other sister went to UC hicago. If you tell me that your parents have expectations for you, I know what you mean, trust me. My father was so convinced that because of everything I did in high school I would be accepted into at least one reach school and would bring pride to the family. Here are my stats and all: W GPA ~ 4.33, UW - 4.0 10 AP classes, 4's and 5's on most, anything regarding my major I got a 5 on. ACT: 36 SAT II: Math 2 : 800, BIO/E: 700, PHYS: 680 (dont worry that phys score never saw the light of day on my apps) EC's: I was the captain of my schools Mock Trial team, winning the state championships senior year, I was the co founder of the esports club and the president of the math club. I played in the marching band all my years of high school and had an internship in NYC (I live in the west) researching molecular biology. I also worked a part time job, about 20 hours a week, at my local taco bell (live mas amirite). As you can see I was somewhat competitive for many schools out there and I thought I had a chance at many. here were my schools: Harvard, Stanford, Carnegie Mellon, Colby, Tulane, Duke, USC, Caltech, MIT, UC hicago, and Princeton. Oh, and my safety state school -- the University of Utah -- of course. I applied for a math major at all of these institutions. Well guess what? come decision week last year, I was rejected or waitlisted and then rejected from EVERY. SINGLE. SCHOOL. (except my safety). I KNOW that many of you are also going to, or already have, had something similar happen to you in the next few weeks. It will be ok. Trust me. I was crushed. my family was crushed. I was not going to be going to a prestigious school that would give me an extra fancy piece of paper. I was sad about it all summer long until my first week at the U. I have read about people saying that "oh a safety will be fine," and I think most of you read that and think "oh, other peoples safety will be fine but that does not apply to me cause I'm going to HYPSM, when you likely aren't". Just remember that you are not the main character. None of us are. Here are all the things that I have come to love about my safety, and had I known, I would not have even bothered applying anywhere else. My state school's honor college. Yes, honors colleges can be a scam, but if I want to go to a cool grad school, might as well graduate with honors. BUT the people I am surrounded by are kids like me, that did well in high school and chose to attend a state university. I love the people I am with, and the honors college has facilitated those interactions. money. MONEY IS SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU ALL KNOW IT. It's expensive. I would have been spending $80k a YEAR to go to harvard. times four thats $320k. You guys want to know how much I am spending a YEAR at my state school due to scholarships? $3k. math says thats about $12k for all four years, 320-12=308. that is THREE HUNDRED EIGHT THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS. Thats how much I'm saving me and my family. THANK FUCKING GOD I did not try to go to an expensive school. I saw a post earlier today saying they could by a mclaren instead of going to college. bitch I get both! Many of the people in this sub will be getting crazy good scholarships to their safeties. TAKE THOSE SERIOUSLY. I made enough money at fucking taco bell in high school to PAY FOR MY ENTIRE UNDERGRAD. how crazy is that? As well as I did in high school, the sheer work load and shitty mental heath of students at these top universities scares me, and I still want to have fun in college (turns out weed is fun). Guys, I know that we are all stressed out in this month as your futures will be decided in the coming weeks. Trust me, no matter what happens, what schools you get/got into or rejected from, you will be ok. Please don't feel like having to attend your safety is shameful like I thought in 2020. Think that you will be a big fish in a little pond at your state university, and if you try, your education will be just as good their as a t20. I am glad I am going to my safety, and if I have the knowledge I do now, if I had gotten into all the schools that I applied to, I would still choose my "safety" because it is more than that now. Just want to leave with this. The most depressed I have ever been in my life was in college app season, and its not close. I was miserable and awful. I am now HAPPY with my life. Seek in college what makes you happy in life. thats what's important. At least for me, Math is the same everywhere. its not like going to a fancy uni is going to teach me **secret math**, its all the same. This is also true for a lot of other majors. CS people, guess what, code doesn't care where you are going to school. Bio people, those amino acids are gonna keep doing their thing, who cares if you are at your state school. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I will be doing my best to reply to every comment as long as you can see this line. I'll edit it out when I am done. https://www.reddit.com/r/ApplyingToCollege/comments/twa38e/i_am_finishing_my_second_year_at_my_safety_all/
回复 129楼落地无声的帖子 "I am glad I am going to my safety, and if I have the knowledge I do now, if I had gotten into all the schools that I applied to, I would still choose my "safety" because it is more than that now. " 写得不错， 不过这句比较奇怪。
回复 129楼落地无声的帖子 "I am glad I am going to my safety, and if I have the knowledge I do now, if I had gotten into all the schools that I applied to, I would still choose my "safety" because it is more than that now. " 写得不错， 不过这句比较奇怪。 shanggj 发表于 2022-04-05 09:39
一个大学毕业的差距都可以非常大，何况你们孩子录的是最好的cs program之一。他录的这个program不会成为他实现任何目标的阻挡，ceiling is unlimited。
家长肯定不能改文笔部分，就内容提供看法 我家老大文笔很好，给大学教授写申请去实验室的信，我读了后觉得写得很不好，我没有看到任何的发自内心的想法，太流于表面了
是啊，是很优秀，去一个稍微比斯坦福差一点的大学也挺好啊，结果可能大不同 有些家长有T5情结，我觉得不可取
对，藤校偏理论。 国内top工科本科也是这样。
特别理解楼主，发泄一下没关系，大家别再歪楼整出来男女之争， 人家楼主可没有说这个。别说楼主家这么优秀的娃，普通小孩就更难了，还要加上国内有钱有门路来上高中的和你一个pool， 还有国内那些高中专门为申请国外大学办的特殊班。 也理解楼主家的小孩，不知道怎么劝，不痛不痒孩子估计也不爱听，但真的周围太多成功的人士不论本科出处的，也很多藤校出来不知所谓的，给楼主和楼主小孩加油
大实话
你说的是我吧🤭 我说的不是不学stem的女孩子，说的是想学stem的女孩子，在学校难找到志同道合的女孩子。
又歪楼了。不说结论，只说现象。 我们这旮沓，搞竞赛的是一批一批出现的。一个年级要么有3到5个霸神级人物，要么平平（相对的，还是牛，没那么牛而已）。
我不觉得这种年级间的差距是智商上的。我觉得群体效应是有贡献的。
现在是有网上community，很好，比没有的时候强多了。但是，面对面的讨论和网上的讨论，相差的是即时反馈，专注，和解决问题之后和同伴分享的快乐。I know，you’ll say I’m asking too much。
也不公平呢 北京上海分数线很低
同感 很反感有些男生家长天天说你们女孩子容易容易得很 见鬼去吧
我们学校新生到毕业前会有20%左右drop，版上家长似乎总觉得ABC男孩都很厉害没这种可能。这学科大浪淘沙，优胜劣汰，哪那么容易。
东亚文化里吃了3000年性别红利，到了美国被欺负被人压制，理所当然的一切都没了。这个样子换谁都不习惯的。
我觉得吧。你小孩要是只是想找个工作um 或者ut足够他找任何大厂。
要是想自己创业或者做出图灵奖，那个东西目前syllabus里没有。他脑子比较好一点在差点的大学更有时间琢磨这些。
再说找对象真进了藤亚男是底层abc女不愿意嫁。州立的有明显优势反而好抱洋妞。看你对孩子的期望了。
别就看这一步。塞翁失马焉知非福
另外我就是想说。考试那个东西和后面的工作发展甚至包括做研究吧，有一点关系但是关系不大。过了一个线都差不多。一个3.8的学生比4.8各种O的学生能发展好的几率是一样的。
千万不要以为自己小孩考试那个东西比别人强一点就要怎样。这个心态摆不正。以后黄粱一梦的时候多了去了。你可以想想这世界上会有任何人为了你会考试给你付钱吗？除非是请你代考。会考试本身是一文不值的。
BTW并不是酸，我也是学霸，但是除了会考试大学之后还得有别的本事才行。
我们是在佛州。哈哈， 希望他因祸得福， 找一个好女孩， 快快乐乐的过一辈子😀
找对象肯定州立更容易。我有两个大藤的朋友一个38 一个43。都是男的。很难找。
娃有2个好朋友，非常想去同一个大学，但我和娃说了，好大学就别这么想了，原本就在你们高中收1-2个孩子，最好大家岔开还有可能都进好学校
这个也太尖酸刻薄了。 这3000年性别红利，也不是现在的男生享受的，不存在习不习惯。 女生在stem这几年被照顾是整个社会的趋势， 并不是男生家长扭曲事实。事实上，随便搜搜大部分学校尽量保证1:1，可是，很多人口多的学校，女生是多于男生的。 小中女的stem 能力本来就不错，那么现在因为性别优势，更突出也是事实。 小中男 被打压也不是一年两年了。 感觉今年连小中女优势都没那么大。反正，我儿子学校被 MIT 录的小中女，挺优秀的，被拒了好几个地方。
奇怪，斯坦福不是出了名的功课不tough 的学校吗，本科比ucb 轻松好读，只听说去MIT读不下来的，没听说斯坦福有这样的
特别特别理解你！你孩子就是值得骄傲！我作为一个小娃妈看到你娃没入太惊讶！出来吐槽很正常！换我还要多用几个马甲都发一遍，都不解气！不要理那些键盘侠，谁不知道一次考试不能决定终生了，你受了不公还不能说了？你心疼孩子有错了？别说你了，我一个看客看着都难受！祝福孩子祝福你们！你们一定会越来越好的！
还会不知羞耻欣喜的来说亚女有优势......
如果每一个考察的节点 你都可以说 我不在乎 反正最后一名无所谓 早晚我要事业成功。这是不是有点天方夜谭？ 成长路上的每一块砖都是重要的。不在乎藤校，是因为你在乎不起。就不要心里安慰自己了 没有必要。还是接受现实比较好
https://www.reddit.com/r/ApplyingToCollege/comments/twa38e/i_am_finishing_my_second_year_at_my_safety_all/
谢谢🙏，希望以后每个孩子都能得到公正的待遇！ 不管哪方面
"I am glad I am going to my safety, and if I have the knowledge I do now, if I had gotten into all the schools that I applied to, I would still choose my "safety" because it is more than that now. "
写得不错， 不过这句比较奇怪。
一个人口不到2%的族裔，上来先骂自己内部占一半的女性压制男性占了便宜，就这眼界还能发声、制定规则？
3000年的性别红利在哪里？离开了中国，只剩下老留爸爸妈妈们的思想里。
“女生stem不如男生” 这可是这个帖子里的言论。中文里司空见惯的更多了去。
不管你自己信不信这一套，这样的理念对于男性就是文化上的红利。大家都觉得你行，自然就行了。不是你自己特开明不信这个你就不享受了。东亚社会就是他妈的男尊女卑的，到今天还是如此。
只是来了美国这种话只能在脑子里想，或者在中文论坛上说。现实生活中用英文说这都是要给喷的。那些开明的，自认不信这个的，也失去了赋予他们优势的文化土壤。
加上小中老中不分出身地在美国被打压，这种long term culture shock对第一代移民特别特别难受。
可不是不习惯么。
放宽眼界，从自己做起，别上来就怼，各位自己能做到，大家都能做到了不是吗？
另外骂内部的也不是全部，也是由于眼界和认知局限所致，因为他们只看到了认识的小中女录得比小中男好，也不知道藤校录取的规则，得出不正确的结论，不能都被代表了哈，多了解多听自然会改变原来的想法的。
至少目前大家越来越达成共识，华裔是作为一体被打压的就像当年犹太人一样。看看犹太人如何崛起的，谁看到我，支持我，我就拼命支持谁，政坛上把持话语权。
华二代应该比你们都强，大家要有这个愿景，把入学看淡一点，争取权益看重一点，即便你上了藤，一张黄皮也不见得比不如你的混的好。
有这个愿景，再行动起来，长期看就会有改变的
华裔基本没有legacy, 没有巨额财富，更不属于被照顾的族裔，
变穷也许是个路数，有人去实施的话
Stem女生其实最心塞的一件事是无论你多优秀, 无论升学还是就业，都会有比不过你的男生和他们的家长说你是因为是女生才能进那个学校或者找到那份工作。
是的，女faculty也是同样的处境
问题不是变穷，是得去拼去抢，文的武的都得来。
咱们骨子里的温良恭俭让是第一代成功的原因，也是被欺负的原因。
意思是发现“safety”其实很好，原来不了解，现在发现可以当top choice？
这种就是贩卖焦虑吧，必须步步成功才能最后成功。到底多少成功人士是这样的？？