我是两个儿子的母亲，他们都是普林斯顿人。我的大儿子有良好的判断力以及很好 的运气与他的同班同学结婚，但他是可以同任何人结婚的。我的小儿子是大三学生，他 结婚的选择范围可以说是无限的。男人经常会娶年轻的，不那么聪明的，教育程度较低 的女人。你可能很奇怪地发现男人会对缺少知识的女人如此宽容，如果她是特别漂亮的 话。然而，聪明的女人不能(也不应该)同达不到至少是同她们的智力相当的男人结婚的 。作为普林斯顿的女性，我们差不多把自己标价到市场之外了(Priced ourselves out of the market)。简单地说，男人中和我们一样聪明或比我们更聪明的人口是非常少的 。让我再说一遍 - 你将永远不会被这么多值得你的男人所包围了。
Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had
Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out — here’s what you really need to know that nobody is telling you。
For years (decades, really) we have been bombarded with advice on professional advancement, breaking through that glass ceiling and achieving work-life balance. We can figure that out — we are Princeton women. If anyone can overcome professional obstacles, it will be our brilliant, resourceful, very well-educated selves。
A few weeks ago, I attended the Women and Leadership conference on campus that featured a conversation between President Shirley Tilghman and Wilson School professor Anne-Marie Slaughter, and I participated in the breakout session afterward that allowed current undergraduate women to speak informally with older and presumably wiser alumnae. I attended the event with my best friend since our freshman year in 1973. You girls glazed over at preliminary comments about our professional accomplishments and the importance of networking. Then the conversation shifted in tone and interest level when one of you asked how have Kendall and I sustained a friendship for 40 years. You asked if we were ever jealous of each other. You asked about the value of our friendship, about our husbands and children. Clearly, you don’t want any more career advice. At your core, you know that there are other things that you need that nobody is addressing. A lifelong friend is one of them. Finding the right man to marry is another。
When I was an undergraduate in the mid-seventies, the 200 pioneer women in my class would talk about navigating the virile plains of Princeton as a precursor to professional success. Never being one to shy away from expressing an unpopular opinion, I said that I wanted to get married and have children. It was seen as heresy。
For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you。
Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there。
I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market . Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you。
Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them. And, you could choose to marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you。
Here is another truth that you know, but nobody is talking about. As freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of incoming freshman men. So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have four classes of women to choose from. Maybe you should have been a little nicer to these guys when you were freshmen?
If I had daughters, this is what I would be telling them。
来来来让我搬运这奶奶的黑料：http://time.com/21746/princeton-mom-susan-patton-boyfriends/ 1. 家里装饰全都是princeton 吉祥物的颜色、装饰，碗沙发都是。。。 2.离婚，现在有很多princeton的男朋友。不想给儿子找爹，只想找个”fun, funny, entertaining, sexy.“的老伴 3.“‘date rape’ is like ‘politically correct,’” Patton tells [O'Connor], as she holds out a bone for Lucille [her dog]. “Either something is correct or it isn’t. Saying something is ‘politically correct’ is like saying you ‘almost won.’ You ‘almost won’? That means you lost.” “Rape is rape,” she goes on, using the term "mistake sex" to characterize intercourse with a woman too drunk to consent. “I’m troubled by the term ‘date rape’ because it diminishes the true horror of rape," she added. 她把强奸称为：不小心的性爱 4. “But women’s liberation was in the air, and she was too embarrassed to husband-hunt on campus. (Princeton went co-ed in 1970). "After I graduated I spent years dating men who were not nearly as good as the men in my class. Ultimately I married the man I was dating when I was 31, because I was running out of time to have children.”自己看吧，问题是，她这样觉得自己是公主的，普林男看得上她？最后还是找了烂校男好吗？ 5.就连烂校男也是当小三抢来的，好悲哀啊她。 EXCLUSIVE: Homewrecker! How 'Princeton Mom' STOLE her ex-husband from another woman and fat-shamed him during their divorce When they protested that he was already happily married, she ignored them and began a years-long process of ‘wearing him down’.
6.It includes advice to women such as: ‘Potential buyers are unmotivated if offered free merchandise, i.e., it’s the lonely cow that gives away free milk’. She also blamed women if they get sexually assaulted while drunk and said the term ‘date rape’ was too ‘politically correct’.
My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless.
My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless.
My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless.
我觉得是老太太不合时宜了，还是老脑筋，美国人初恋一般都在中学，以前是大学里就可以考虑结婚了，那时候不进大学的人，高中毕业就找份工厂的活，买个房子和high school sweetheart结婚生子。现在美国人初恋初体验多数还是在中学，但是初婚年龄推迟了，越来越多的人大学毕业后还要念研究生，第一份稳定工作，买第一个房子的首付等等都是相应的推迟。
给普林斯顿女生的建议：写给我从未有过的女儿
忘掉拥有一切，或者不拥有一切，倚在(leaning in)或倾斜(Leaning out) - 这里
才是你真正需要知道，但又没人告诉你的。
多年来(实际上是数十年年来)，我们面临有关专业发展的建议的狂轰滥炸，如何打
破玻璃天花板以及如何实现工作与生活的平衡等等。我们对这点很清楚 - 我们是普林
斯顿的女性。如果有人可以克服专业上的障碍，这将是我们这些资质聪慧，资源丰富，
受过非常良好教育的自我。
几个星期前，我参加了在校园里召开的妇女和领袖会议，校长雪莉-蒂尔格曼(
Shirley Tilghman)和威尔逊学院教授安妮-玛丽斯劳特之间的对话是会议的卖点之一。
之后我参加了分组讨论，让现在的本科女生有机会在一个非正式的场合里同年纪大一些
，或许明智一些的校友交流。我和我从1973年大学新鲜人以来最要好的朋友一起参加了
此次活动。与会的学生对有关专业成就和网络的重要性的评论只是稍稍留意，接着，当
一个人问起肯德尔是如何和我保持了40年的友谊，话题的色调和兴趣度都转变了。你问
我们是否互相嫉妒过，你问到我们的友谊的价值，我们的丈夫和孩子。很显然，你不需
要更多的职业建议。在你的心里，你知道有些你想要的东西缺没有人能解决。终生的朋
友是其中之一，找到一个合适的人结婚是另一个。
七十年代中期当我还是一个本科生时候，我这一届的200名女性先驱者常常谈到在
普林斯顿的平原上拓荒是？?以后寻求专业成功的先导。作为一个从来不羞于发表不受
欢迎的意见的人，我说我要结婚生孩子。这被认为是异端邪说。
对于绝大多数人来说，你的未来和幸福的基石将同与你结婚的男人有着千丝万缕的
联系，你将永远不会遇见这样密度的值得你的男人了。
我给你的建议是：在毕业前在学校里找到一个丈夫。是的，我有切身的经验。
我是两个儿子的母亲，他们都是普林斯顿人。我的大儿子有良好的判断力以及很好
的运气与他的同班同学结婚，但他是可以同任何人结婚的。我的小儿子是大三学生，他
结婚的选择范围可以说是无限的。男人经常会娶年轻的，不那么聪明的，教育程度较低
的女人。你可能很奇怪地发现男人会对缺少知识的女人如此宽容，如果她是特别漂亮的
话。然而，聪明的女人不能(也不应该)同达不到至少是同她们的智力相当的男人结婚的
。作为普林斯顿的女性，我们差不多把自己标价到市场之外了(Priced ourselves out
of the market)。简单地说，男人中和我们一样聪明或比我们更聪明的人口是非常少的
。让我再说一遍 - 你将永远不会被这么多值得你的男人所包围了。
当然一旦你毕业了，你也可能遇上和你的智力相当的男人 - 只是没有多少这样的
人。而且，你也可以选择，除了一飞冲天的智力之外的其他的原因，嫁给一个男人。但
是，没有同一个像你一样聪明的人在一起最终会让你挫折不已。
这里还有一件事你知道，却没有人谈论。当你是大学新鲜人的时候，有四个年级的
男生们可以挑选。每一年，你就失去了一个年级的选择对象，你又比新进来的大一男生
要大。所以当你到了大四的时候，你基本上只有自己这一届的男生可选，而他们却有四
种年级的女生可选择。也许你应该在你还是新生的时候对他们好一点？
如果我有女儿，这是我会告诉她们的。
Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had
Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning
out — here’s what you really need to know that nobody is telling you。
For years (decades, really) we have been bombarded with advice on
professional advancement, breaking through that glass ceiling and achieving
work-life balance. We can figure that out — we are Princeton women. If
anyone can overcome professional obstacles, it will be our brilliant,
resourceful, very well-educated selves。
A few weeks ago, I attended the Women and Leadership conference on
campus that featured a conversation between President Shirley Tilghman and
Wilson School professor Anne-Marie Slaughter, and I participated in the
breakout session afterward that allowed current undergraduate women to speak
informally with older and presumably wiser alumnae. I attended the event
with my best friend since our freshman year in 1973. You girls glazed over
at preliminary comments about our professional accomplishments and the
importance of networking. Then the conversation shifted in tone and interest
level when one of you asked how have Kendall and I sustained a friendship
for 40 years. You asked if we were ever jealous of each other. You asked
about the value of our friendship, about our husbands and children. Clearly,
you don’t want any more career advice. At your core, you know that there
are other things that you need that nobody is addressing. A lifelong friend
is one of them. Finding the right man to marry is another。
When I was an undergraduate in the mid-seventies, the 200 pioneer women
in my class would talk about navigating the virile plains of Princeton as a
precursor to professional success. Never being one to shy away from
expressing an unpopular opinion, I said that I wanted to get married and
have children. It was seen as heresy。
For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be
inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this
concentration of men who are worthy of you。
Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you
graduate. Yes, I went there。
I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had
the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he
could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of
women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger,
less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be
about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart
women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual
equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market
. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or
smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded
by this concentration of men who are worthy of you。
Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your
intellectual equal — just not that many of them. And, you could choose to
marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring
intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just
isn’t as smart as you。
Here is another truth that you know, but nobody is talking about. As
freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you
lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of
incoming freshman men. So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have
only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have
four classes of women to choose from. Maybe you should have been a little
nicer to these guys when you were freshmen?
If I had daughters, this is what I would be telling them。
Susan A. Patton ’77
President of the Class of 1977
New York, N.Y.
很实在的建议
奶茶妹妹： 我认同。
前面还能算是勉强说的过去 最后一段 吐了 大四的女生就是老白菜帮子呢？
但阿猫阿狗的破公立，随缘吧...
问题是在普林这种地方，会忙死，期末要抱着睡袋熬夜挤faculty lounge的程度，有时间好好谈恋爱吗...
---发自Huaren 官方 iOS APP
和精英男恋爱确实挺享受，圈子逼格高，但会不会求婚、结婚后能不做好爹好老公，也要看女方条件、家庭背景、个人手段了。
而且我是我个人观察，高中同学从一而终的多，大学同学、尤其超级大名校又好系，男女发展都不错的couple,结了又在10年内离的挺多的。。。尤其留学生，尤其之前一直在学习没怎么谈过恋爱或者因为经济因素没有太注重精神交流的留学生couple,一旦有了钱和时间，就算有孩子也分分钟离婚找各自真爱
咋这么死脑筋呢，哈哈。国内找，就不看学校了，要看男的爹是干啥的... 玩笑话，但也确实是事实。
1. 家里装饰全都是princeton 吉祥物的颜色、装饰，碗沙发都是。。。
2.离婚，现在有很多princeton的男朋友。不想给儿子找爹，只想找个”fun, funny, entertaining, sexy.“的老伴
3.“‘date rape’ is like ‘politically correct,’” Patton tells [O'Connor], as she holds out a bone for Lucille [her dog]. “Either something is correct or it isn’t. Saying something is ‘politically correct’ is like saying you ‘almost won.’ You ‘almost won’? That means you lost.”
“Rape is rape,” she goes on, using the term "mistake sex" to characterize intercourse with a woman too drunk to consent. “I’m troubled by the term ‘date rape’ because it diminishes the true horror of rape," she added.
她把强奸称为：不小心的性爱
4. “But women’s liberation was in the air, and she was too embarrassed to husband-hunt on campus. (Princeton went co-ed in 1970). "After I graduated I spent years dating men who were not nearly as good as the men in my class. Ultimately I married the man I was dating when I was 31, because I was running out of time to have children.”自己看吧，问题是，她这样觉得自己是公主的，普林男看得上她？最后还是找了烂校男好吗？
5.就连烂校男也是当小三抢来的，好悲哀啊她。
EXCLUSIVE: Homewrecker! How 'Princeton Mom' STOLE her ex-husband from another woman and fat-shamed him during their divorce
When they protested that he was already happily married, she ignored them and began a years-long process of ‘wearing him down’.
6.It includes advice to women such as: ‘Potential buyers are unmotivated if offered free merchandise, i.e., it’s the lonely cow that gives away free milk’.
She also blamed women if they get sexually assaulted while drunk and said the term ‘date rape’ was too ‘politically correct’.
怪不得烂校老公和她离婚了。这么显摆她的 princeton heritage 谁能受得了。
老奶奶应该算是有名校情结的人，中国人里这样的也很多。
所以她说学校外找不到IQ同等的是错的，有无数其他学校STEM专业的WSN和其他种族的男性，比藤校那些文科，社会科学的IQ要高。
看图
主要是老太太的人生观是确定要结婚生子的，然后她觉得基本上所有女性都是这么想的，还有女性只有这么做了才会得到幸福。事实上，大部分女性可能都觉得找个好老公，生孩子建立家庭很不错，但是具体到自己时，如果需要付出很多努力才能得到这些或者已经付出很多，还是得不到这些，有的人想法就变了，毕竟钻牛角尖，跟自己较劲或者说不顾一切，坚持理想的人其实并不多。
我自己认识的美国人大学里谈恋爱，也是绝大多数都在宿舍同居，确实非常影响学习，一个男生干脆辍学了。
Very true...
真正出了社会，就会发现好的太少，就算有也早被别人捷足先登了
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
说有道理的你们都看了内容吗？
这不是给女人都贴个标价要出售的意思么?
所以说女权和这个社会很多女人的价值观都是相悖的,就像是为什么60岁的女人嫁40岁的男人就有人逼逼,然而60岁的男人娶40岁的女人在很多人眼里是可以接受的.也说明为什么很多女人觉得自己强,男人就要更强,而男人比女人弱,又要逼逼.
这个世界的男女平权,就是在这样的思想观念下,永远无法前进,女人永远在职场上是弱者.
去了藤的还是收集人脉比较重要。
这句话简直跟那些觉得自己儿子找公主都亏了的农村婆婆一个调调。果然某些女人生了儿子嘚瑟得都要脱离地心引力了
总体而言，女性结婚年龄的推后是女性社会地位提高的体现。 这个老太太的论调，有她时代的局限性。 如果现在的女性还这么认为，那么多年书真是白读了。
学生时，可以找各种人，毕业以后，社会地位也变了，限制多了。
So true!
二者完全可以并行啊
美国还是挺讲究门当户对的，所以学校里谈恋爱的话，很多人家庭背景挺相似的，有利于达成婚姻，藤校里legacy录取的大把大把。真门不当户不对的，大学谈个恋爱也就是谈谈而已，运气不好的话，还会觉得被人玩弄了，心理受伤。
国内现在也越来越如此，名校里的学生来自底层或者偏远农村的变少了，结婚一样越来越讲究门当户对。
另外名校文凭的光环一直在下降，靠读书改变命运越来越难。
当然走上社会后也有聪明男人，但是比例大大降低了啊！难度当然也增加了。
而并不是因为他们以后会是成功人士所以才从里面挑一个，相反她显然很鄙视因为男人有钱才嫁的女人。
参见：东京女子图鉴
这老太简直把疼校捧上天了，疼校里面也是什么样人都有，而且有几个本科就结婚的？
不过作为一般学校的女生，就不用那么着急了，之后还会有更好的
这个要求也太高太理想化了，很多人一辈子心智都没真正成熟 。即使是受过良好教育的人群，心智90%成熟差不多也得接近30岁，这时候可供挑选的pool已经非常小了。
我觉得年轻时候就定下伴侣并没有什么问题，只要想清楚自己真正渴望是什么就可以了。两个人一起走向成熟何尝不是乐趣。至于之后又有什么变化那是谁都无法预测的，不如趁还有缘分的时候享受当下。
如果20+岁还不懂事， 做父母的好好反省一下。
不同意，在西方女性想做贤妻良母风险太大，首先大部分男性没有单独工作养家过上中产生活的能力，其次就算很幸运找到了有这种能力的人，到了中年多数要面对婚姻危机。中年离婚以后的女性，就算白人，想在职场谋一席之地并不容易。作为女性，永远不要轻易把工作养活自己的权利给放弃，教育深造的权利也是如此，以前的女性根本没有这么多的option。
另外人的寿命越来越长，过早的结婚生子，中年危机来的也会早，中年危机往往不利于心理健康。
好不好都是有时效的，在对的时间碰到对的人是最好的结果。
老头子或者小鲜肉都有他们的好，关键是适合不适合自己，有没有感觉。
我会这么教我女儿的。
美国人最喜闻乐见的是high school sweatheart
就算像老太太说的那样，名校学生智商高，但是智商高未必就能赚大钱，如果自己是普通家庭出身，就算找了同学结婚，往往同学也是普通人家出身，搞不好还不如找个有手艺踏实工作的蓝领。
然后starter marriage。
我知道中国人这么找的少，但是老美很多。最常见的组合如教师，图书管理员，护士，社工配警察，卡车司机，水管工，修车铺小老板，还有那些在政府或者大学里工作，有工会的蓝领工人。
同样也不太理解说大学男生比较纯真的，最后还不是都要毕业进社会，谁还没纯真过。。。校园恋情倒是可能比较纯真，但是纯真跟结婚明显很多方面是矛盾的，所以毕业就散伙的才那么多啊。
我觉得挺对的
结婚不成再离婚...婚姻在你口中好像是下楼买根葱啊...