do you happen to have a link about aspie (not general autism) at 家小? so far i'm not terribly bothered by anything, so i may not go check with a doctor in the near future. but i'd certainly like to read more about it.
BTW, when I started dating with my LG (about 1 month), I did tell him that I had not fell in love with him yet and just wanted to try and see if it would work, and I warned him not to bother me further if I've ever decided to give up. Hehe, does it sound too cold-blood?
That's you being very blunt. It sounded cold but not too cold. Your hubby is a strong guy. :)
I could be this blunt and don't know that it would make ppl uncomfortable. So I need to be very careful while socializing with others. But my close friends like me and tolerate me--that's all I need. :)
I could be this blunt and don't know that it would make ppl uncomfortable. So I need to be very careful while socializing with others. But my close friends like me and tolerate me--that's all I need. :)
Have to go. Happy Thanksgiving!
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 16:58:10编辑过]
lucky you！！！！a lot of aspergers cannot have a fulfilling social life. And your hubby is a strong and nice guy:)
这样说太过了吧。。。很多人都是等自己小孩诊断出来才同时被诊断出as的。这个disorder的发＂病＂率比统计得要高就是因为lack of awareness，而且很mild的症状只有和别人很亲密交往的时候回才会被察觉。 asperger的确在spectrum上，但是和传统上的autism，或者你理解的autism是不一样的。
of course yes!!! the whole wrongplanet.net bbs is run by aspies like z, he is still using IRC (iinternet chat relay) to chat with ppl online. aspies are humans, they are just like us! the only difference is they don't express their emotion as much as we do.
of course yes!!! the whole wrongplanet.net bbs is run by aspies like z, he is still using IRC (iinternet chat relay) to chat with ppl online. aspies are humans, they are just like us! the only difference is they don't express their emotion as much as we do.
is it that they don't express their emotions as much, or that they don't have as much emotions, or they do have as much emotions but they are not aware of their emotions as much as we do...?
is it that they don't express their emotions as much, or that they don't have as much emotions, or they do have as much emotions but they are not aware of their emotions as much as we do...?
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/27 4:47:51编辑过]
from my understanding, some aspie can feels all emotions, but just don't know how to express them; some can feel some certain type of emotions, but have hard time to map what is what; some simply cannot feel them at all
I have the same feeling. I was in a somewhat similar situation and had a somewhat similar ending (at least I thought it was the ending at that time), turned out it was not the ending at all, it was just the beginning...
the story after was much more complicated and emotional and I don't know which was better, ending right there or enjoying/suffer more later...
anyways, wish lz all the best
以下是引用michel在11/28/2012 3:57:00 AM的发言：
I have a feeling that this is not going to be the end of the story:)
I have the same feeling. I was in a somewhat similar situation and had a somewhat similar ending (at least I thought it was the ending at that time), turned out it was not the ending at all, it was just the beginning...
the story after was much more complicated and emotional and I don't know which was better, ending right there or enjoying/suffer more later...
anyways, wish lz all the best
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/28 5:51:09编辑过]
pia lz ba! i pinged him again indeed... just want to check he is doing okey. but i think i am done with him towards relationship... the past year and half was like a hell to me. i had never had so many tears and heart-brokens before in my life. some loose contact will keep both us happier and easier i guess.
pia lz ba! i pinged him again indeed... just want to check he is doing okey. but i think i am done with him towards relationship... the past year and half was like a hell to me. i had never had so many tears and heart-brokens before in my life. some loose contact will keep both us happier and easier i guess.
INTJ stands for: Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging, which is compared to, ESFP: Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving.
INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.
INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest.
INTJs (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.
Many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.
Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.
I had a very productive week on work, maybe also benefited from my recent productive thoughts about myself. Thanks to lz and wish you a happy and joyful weekend and life in the long run--which I'm quite sure you do have! :)
我原来经常抱怨z不caring，其实不是他不caring，而是他没法processing 哪些social clue，从而做出相应的举动让正常人觉得他care。lz不是前两天有ping他了吗？我问他我离开他只是feel sorry 还是sad，他说sad；我有问on a scale of 10，你有多sad，他说6-7（which i took it as he was pretty sad）。我又问他什么样的可以算10，他说类似他妈妈的事那样的， which makes senses.但是要知道他在他妈妈去世当天还在回公司邮件，而且是看一封回一封！！！如果光看他的行为，你一定决定他不care；但是他又说这是他最sad的事（10 outof 10）。是不是很confusing？
I had a very productive week on work, maybe also benefited from my recent productive thoughts about myself. Thanks to lz and wish you a happy and joyful weekend and life in the long run--which I'm quite sure you do have! :)
thanks! now i am in the new company and meet new ppl there everyday, and most of them are NTs, or at least the geeks i am directly working with are NTs. So feel much more confident and valued now :)
我跟LG exclusively在一起好几年了才结婚的。我自己一点都不急，觉得这么挺快活的，他很急，但是从来没有PUSH过我，我是结婚了才意识到他曾经的焦虑。 我觉得自己当初没有特别需要婚姻家庭什么的，但是有个人能和我一起玩一起分享生活的美好和不美好我很喜欢。我跟LG很谈得来，他看过的书很多，我就不停地从他那里榨取各种知识和观点，很有乐趣。对，生活的乐趣是我最看重的，如果因为感情导致失去这些乐趣，那我宁肯不要感情. I'm here today until 5pm (EST), then I won't be available till next Monday.
从人的心理的角度，z失去了妈妈，会经历一个情感上很脆弱，会对close firend 有依赖的时期，他已经做了很多改变和努力了。从他的话里，能看出he's tried his best to ctrl himself not to too much pain and sorrow, or any negative emotions.如果lz mm再坚持一下，肯定会成功的，毕竟，之前投入了很多感情和时间。果断是一件好事，从自我保护的角度来看，但是一旦放弃，可能此生都和自己所爱无缘了，岂不是很可惜么~~ 从以前你们的聊天来看，你bothered him的时候，他随时都available,这些耐心和kindness,难道不值得你再try him another try么？？而且他一直在关注你的去向，男性和女性的思维方式不一样，你不想让他知道，他会说ok,然后等待你自己更新信息，其实还是很关注你的啦~~很为你们惋惜，词不达意~~
lz你这个帖子让我觉得我lg也这样啊，这是算男女有别呢还是我lg也在这一类里了？不过我肯定的是，我lg即使是，情况也特别的轻。oh，my gosh！希望不是啊。 我老公是这样的，我为了他高兴，做很多事情，他take it for granted。然后我开始不开心，然后他来哄我。 我们的生活就是这样周而复始。
lz你这个帖子让我觉得我lg也这样啊，这是算男女有别呢还是我lg也在这一类里了？不过我肯定的是，我lg即使是，情况也特别的轻。oh，my gosh！希望不是啊。 我老公是这样的，我为了他高兴，做很多事情，他take it for granted。然后我开始不开心，然后他来哄我。 我们的生活就是这样周而复始。
好在他知道你不开心了，还会哄你，光看这一点儿，我觉得你lg不是：） lzmm, have been following your post as your story reminded me of someone in the past. I didn't know about AS in the past, just felt something was so off about him. After reading more on internet the knowledge of this syndrome shed light on those very hurtful moments. Yes, he definitely would do nothing even though he might know I was very upset, and that just made me even more upset. Anyways, I guess even all the behaviour can be explained/justified, it doesn't mean it's not hurtful.
yes, i think i am lucky to have the awareness of aspergers not long after interacting with z. For many wifes and gfs, the final diagnosis of their husbands/ hfs had been a hug relieve. Some very compassionate and strong women would decide to live with their AS men; on the other hand, many chose to give up. You are absolutely right on this: many things can be explained or justified, but pain is still there. To me, it is not the pain, it is the desperation knowing that this is a mental condition, it is more than just a personality.
I guess lzmm still has not given up on z...otherwise she would not take the offer which allows her trips to Europe often...just wish lzmm would not be hurt any more...cross finger for you..
其实，一切都很简单。z is not into lz, but he is a decent person, 因为工作的关系，z 对lz必须合作，合作中当然会产生好感，因为lz人聪明，善良，但在感情方面就是个爱耍性子的小女孩，所以这种好感不是romantic那种，也不会是。感觉z对感情要求很高，会喜欢一个更内敛的人，并非要比lz更能干更漂亮，但会更心有灵犀，不像lz这么pushy。自始至终z是很知道事情是怎么回事，只是lz不愿承认这个现实而已。
你这么天天挑逗你同事已经够不professional了，人家莫反应嫩就这么气急败坏，这个不但是unprofessional，还是和男人交往的大忌。You can make your move, but you can NEVER lose your poise. When it is time to leave, exist gracefully.
I guess lzmm still has not given up on z...otherwise she would not take the offer which allows her trips to Europe often...just wish lzmm would not be hurt any more...cross finger for you..
也有同感，也同意另一位妹妹说的 “你的爱如果施与了不需要它的人的时候，爱就是自私的，爱就是负担”。 但是如果你的付出让你感到快乐，你对他的感情深到只要他快乐你就快乐，那也无怨无悔了，可是谁能做到这一点呢。能看出 Z 是喜欢LZ 的，但和男女之间互相DESIRE 的感情还是有差别的，LZ 还是想要有对正常人的要求去规范他的回应来满足自己的小小成就感，以后的路还很长，可以想象你们即使成了男女朋友或结婚了，LZ能忍受每次亲热都要你来主动吗？再怎么爱一个人，这对一个东方女孩都是极大的挑战，时不时伤心委屈伴随一辈子，觉得自己很掉价，在“恋爱”阶段都这样了，何况结婚。 楼主目前是做了离开的决定，我觉得是正确的决定，长痛不如短痛，就是不知道MM 能坚持多久。
你的故事很感人，看过那个电影，LZ 的故事比他们更感人，可是看着楼主这么伤心也会跟着伤心，如果你是我的妹妹我一定劝你放弃，可是别人说什么都没有用， YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE YOUR TIME。
If I were you, I'd love to meet him there. Because I want to get all chances to meet him and see how it goes in person rather than in msg. If I simply don't enjoy the meeting, I'll stop. [此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/13 10:35:39编辑过]
do you happen to have a link about aspie (not general autism) at 家小?
so far i'm not terribly bothered by anything, so i may not go check with a doctor in the near future. but i'd certainly like to read more about it.
用asperger作为key word查一下，给了这个连
http://www.google.com/cse?cx=partner-pub-8389396664477854%3akoj3b3-qooy&ie=gb2312&q=asperger&sa=%cb%d1%cb%f7&siteurl=forums.huaren.us%2fshowtopic.aspx%3fboardid%3d303%26id%3d1301943%26page%3d1%26star%3d40&ref=forums.huaren.us%2findex71.asp%3fboardid%3d303&ss=3009j1227669j12#gsc.tab=0&gsc.q=asperger&gsc.page=1
这方面的具体的信息还是英文网站比较多，你花点时间看看。楼主给的那个网站我以前也翻过很多。除了自己的接触经验，我也是从那里了解来的。
Read a bit--I don't have eye-contact problem, though I don't like having eye-contact with certain ppl. :P
以下是引用咪咪噢在11/21/2012 4:47:00 PM的发言：
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 16:54:31编辑过]
以下内容只有回复后才可以浏览
BTW, when I started dating with my LG (about 1 month), I did tell him that I had not fell in love with him yet and just wanted to try and see if it would work, and I warned him not to bother me further if I've ever decided to give up. Hehe, does it sound too cold-blood?
That's you being very blunt. It sounded cold but not too cold. Your hubby is a strong guy. :)
I could be this blunt and don't know that it would make ppl uncomfortable. So I need to be very careful while socializing with others. But my close friends like me and tolerate me--that's all I need. :)
Have to go. Happy Thanksgiving!
以下是引用咪咪噢在11/21/2012 4:51:00 PM的发言：
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 16:58:10编辑过]
Yes he is! And I like that!
I could be this blunt and don't know that it would make ppl uncomfortable. So I need to be very careful while socializing with others. But my close friends like me and tolerate me--that's all I need. :)
Have to go. Happy Thanksgiving!
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 16:58:10编辑过]
lucky you！！！！a lot of aspergers cannot have a fulfilling social life. And your hubby is a strong and nice guy:)
happy holidays!
说到cold blooded，cyprus mm真的算aspie里很mild的。
z说过最cold blooded的话不是对lz的，是lz问他5月前还有多少假的时候，z说
i certainly will get vacations when my mother dies
lz当时听了都石化了
[/replyview]
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 17:23:40编辑过]
以下是引用 ForgiveAndForget 的发言：
以下内容只有回复后才可以浏览
★ Sent from iPhone App: i-Reader Huaren 7.56 - iPad Lite
LZ是刚好相反那种。
居然蹦出一个神人，非要认为自己有病。得这个病很时髦吗？拜托，真正有这个病的人不会认为自己有病的，他们只活在自己的世界里。
touching story for the holiday...
最后全文完的更新太感动, 泪如雨下啊
另一个是lz前同事的波兰朋友，连续好几年的IMO,IOI，ACM，topcoder, codechef....blabla 一堆tournament的冠军。
marek_cygan?
以下内容只有回复后才可以浏览
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 17:23:40编辑过]
rere
居然蹦出一个神人，非要认为自己有病。得这个病很时髦吗？拜托，真正有这个病的人不会认为自己有病的，他们只活在自己的世界里。
这样说太过了吧。。。很多人都是等自己小孩诊断出来才同时被诊断出as的。这个disorder的发＂病＂率比统计得要高就是因为lack of awareness，而且很mild的症状只有和别人很亲密交往的时候回才会被察觉。
asperger的确在spectrum上，但是和传统上的autism，或者你理解的autism是不一样的。
Aspie的人会上bbs跟人聊天讨论吗
of course yes!!! the whole wrongplanet.net bbs is run by aspies
like z, he is still using IRC (iinternet chat relay) to chat with ppl online. aspies are humans, they are just like us! the only difference is they don't express their emotion as much as we do.
对不起LZ，收回之前说你过分自信的话。。。看到最后 泪如雨下 好感动 祝福你
sorry to ruin your happy holiday's mood like this:( and thanks!
Mm的故事熬夜看完了很感动，可是mm有没有想过这样的把Z的世界弄的天翻地覆又离开了，对z其实也很残忍？anyway wish u all the best.
不是lz想要离开啊，是z不要lz啊！！！lz能怎么办呢？
of course yes!!! the whole wrongplanet.net bbs is run by aspies
like z, he is still using IRC (iinternet chat relay) to chat with ppl online. aspies are humans, they are just like us! the only difference is they don't express their emotion as much as we do.
is it that they don't express their emotions as much, or that they don't have as much emotions, or they do have as much emotions but they are not aware of their emotions as much as we do...?
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/27 4:47:51编辑过]
This last IM conversation is soooooooo heart-breaking.
//crying
以下是引用ForgiveAndForget在11/21/2012 4:17:00 AM的发言：
以下内容需要魅力达到200才可以浏览
边，回复了z我们之间最后一条消息
I will miss you too
<全文完>
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 6:44:41编辑过]
楼上的，你这样问不太好吧。 人家楼主说过不要人肉
这也算人肉？lz说的太神了，就随便一搜呗 而且这只是一个id 根本不是名字。take it easy
is it that they don't express their emotions as much, or that they don't have as much emotions, or they do have as much emotions but they are not aware of their emotions as much as we do...?
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/27 4:47:51编辑过]
from my understanding, some aspie can feels all emotions, but just don't know how to express them; some can feel some certain type of emotions, but have hard time to map what is what; some simply cannot feel them at all
sorry lz,没有针对你的意思哈。我觉得最后那段还是挺伤心的。特别是看了家小的自闭帖之后
don't worry, it's alright
don't worry, it's alright
I have a feeling that this is not going to be the end of the story:)
the story after was much more complicated and emotional and I don't know which was better, ending right there or enjoying/suffer more later...
anyways, wish lz all the best
以下是引用michel在11/28/2012 3:57:00 AM的发言：
I have a feeling that this is not going to be the end of the story:)
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/28 5:51:09编辑过]
!!!!!!
为什么我觉得我完全能理解z的行为。。。突然很惊恐，发现我除了不是大牛没有毛手之外，跟z很像。。。
I have the same feeling. I was in a somewhat similar situation and had a somewhat similar ending (at least I thought it was the ending at that time), turned out it was not the ending at all, it was just the beginning...
the story after was much more complicated and emotional and I don't know which was better, ending right there or enjoying/suffer more later...
anyways, wish lz all the best
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/28 5:51:09编辑过]
pia lz ba! i pinged him again indeed... just want to check he is doing okey. but i think i am done with him towards relationship... the past year and half was like a hell to me. i had never had so many tears and heart-brokens before in my life. some loose contact will keep both us happier and easier i guess.
pia lz ba! i pinged him again indeed... just want to check he is doing okey. but i think i am done with him towards relationship... the past year and half was like a hell to me. i had never had so many tears and heart-brokens before in my life. some loose contact will keep both us happier and easier i guess.
看到这最后一句话，我想了想，觉得这个说法有个误区（很多人包括我自己也经常有），就是自己如何做，期待对方会开心。其实对方（不管任何人）开不开心不是我能够控制的，其实如果对方情绪会受我控制也未必是件好事。所以自己做什么，都是自己开心最重要，对方高兴或不高兴是他的决定。纵观整个故事，我想，如果当初做的种种努力都是让自己开心，而不是把自己的期待和情绪依赖于结果和对方的反应，那么自己做得也高兴，对方也少很多压力。
谢谢你为我关于神人的辩护，我自己是不是其实对我不重要，因为没有特别影响我的生活。而且很可能我就是有点相似想法而已，所以曾想试图解释Z的行为。但是，他的行为如何，出发如何，其实都不是核心，自己做自己高兴的事就好了，结果不是总能被我们控制的。
是我自己的有感而发，特别谢谢你，因为不少是从你的贴得到的启示。
今天看到一个对我类似性格的描述，很有意思。抄点在下面，有点长。
The elaboration of the my type (http://typelogic.com/intj.html) is very interesting, much deeper than
what I've read before. I like the following citations about INTJ (so
true to me!):
INTJ stands for: Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging,
which is compared to,
ESFP: Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving.
INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.
INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest.
INTJs (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many
also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface
conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.
Many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they
tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as
small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a
relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely
private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which
makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most
fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.
:-) This sometimes results
in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of
expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic
relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and
directness.
Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that
many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute
by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of
voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be
honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and
support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately
do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their
robustness, stability, and good communications.
看到这最后一句话，我想了想，觉得这个说法有个误区（很多人包括我自己也经常有），就是自己如何做，期待对方会开心。其实对方（不管任何人）开不开心不是我能够控制的，其实如果对方情绪会受我控制也未必是件好事。所以自己做什么，都是自己开心最重要，对方高兴或不高兴是他的决定。纵观整个故事，我想，如果当初做的种种努力都是让自己开心，而不是把自己的期待和情绪依赖于结果和对方的反应，那么自己做得也高兴，对方也少很多压力。
谢谢你为我关于神人的辩护，我自己是不是其实对我不重要，因为没有特别影响我的生活。而且很可能我就是有点相似想法而已，所以曾想试图解释Z的行为。但是，他的行为如何，出发如何，其实都不是核心，自己做自己高兴的事就好了，结果不是总能被我们控制的。
是我自己的有感而发，特别谢谢你，因为不少是从你的贴得到的启示。
今天看到一个对我类似性格的描述，很有意思。抄点在下面，有点长。
“自己如何做，期待对方会开心”
我觉得这就是as和nt的主要区别吧。nt会考虑自己做事或说话对别人的影响，我虽然不能控制你的情绪，但我会用我自己的经验预计我这样说，这样做会让你有什么反映。而as缺乏empathy，所以他们只说事实，或者他们觉得是事实的东西，往往不考虑（或者说没有办法体会）他们这样说这样做对别人的影响。
我原来经常抱怨z不caring，其实不是他不caring，而是他没法processing 哪些social clue，从而做出相应的举动让正常人觉得他care。lz不是前两天有ping他了吗？我问他我离开他只是feel sorry 还是sad，他说sad；我有问on a scale of 10，你有多sad，他说6-7（which i took it as he was pretty sad）。我又问他什么样的可以算10，他说类似他妈妈的事那样的， which makes senses.但是要知道他在他妈妈去世当天还在回公司邮件，而且是看一封回一封！！！如果光看他的行为，你一定决定他不care；但是他又说这是他最sad的事（10 outof 10）。是不是很confusing？
这个人格测试我也做过。我觉得这个测试不适用与as，因为Intuitive function是他们没有的。这也是为什么普遍认为as是disorder的原因。mm如果还有intuition，那你的as是很mild的
今天nytimes有一篇很长的文章说advantage of autism的，你有兴趣可以看看啊。我相当能relate to it：）
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/magazine/the-autism-advantage.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
I had a very productive week on work, maybe also benefited from my recent productive thoughts about myself. Thanks to lz and wish you a happy and joyful weekend and life in the long run--which I'm quite sure you do have! :)
thanks! now i am in the new company and meet new ppl there everyday, and most of them are NTs, or at least the geeks i am directly working with are NTs. So feel much more confident and valued now :)
i like this new job!
快更新！不然你也长毛绒绒的手臂！
悲催的楼主跳出了10年的感情跳进了木鱼呆男的HAIRY手臂中。。。
这不是一场对牛谈琴的单恋？
看上去像是爱上了Big Band Theory里面的Sheldon
我比较迟钝，还是没有看出来Z怎样对LZ有感情。。。 他给你发CODE因为这个是工作。。。没别的。。。
我觉得Z很明显是在PUSH LZ AWAY，你跟他FLIRT他没有反映，你跟他撒娇他把你推开。。。真的是对牛弹琴。。。
很勇敢，付出这么多，容易受伤害~~~
两个人很明显是非常不同的是交流方式。lz要调整一下自己的方式，用对方comfortable的方式来交流才能事半功倍.不然就是不停撞墙。
这个和自闭症无关。就是日常生活和别的同事朋友也应该注意。
看到这里实在有点收不了lz。。。
lz你觉得全世界人都跟你一个想法么？你完全是在用自己的意思揣度别人的做法。。。
他爸妈的address是很private的信息，他又不知道你要给他寄recipe，不给address很奇怪么？你自己拼命要对他好，要是不求回报也就算了，却还拼命要他也同样对你，否则就歇斯底里，一封一封邮件的逼。。。
太夸张了挖
我觉得z和他爸都没aspie，你自己臆想出来的
早上看到Z说I'll miss you，我都哭了。他所有的话我都感同身受，我如果会这样说，那得是心里多难过呀。。。
非常感谢你的这篇文章，让我知道了AS，更了解和接受自己。我说说自己的感受吧，也许会有用，也是想谢谢你的这篇文章对我的帮助。
文章里的你很象我大学的一个男友，对我非常好，会特别主动特别用心地为我做很多事。但是他的好常常对我构成压力，因为他花费了很大的心思和努力，于是也很正常地希望在我身上看到正常人会表现出的反馈；但是我没有啊，也压根没有意识到应该有啊，然后他可能就特别失落，会有些负面的情绪，我就觉得非常地不爽，觉得你如果不喜欢做就不要做，为什么巴巴地做了又要来责备我！他也曾经因为我的语言伤害（我自己根本没有意识到，以为我说得很清楚很客观）而伤害自己，越发得给我巨大的压力。我的LG人很懒，很relax, 反而很适合我，因为他很少会PUSH我做什么，让我觉得很自由。他也会抱怨我不够甜言蜜语什么的，但是他不会一定要我做。我也会慢慢改变，就象Z一样，同样地完成这些改变我也需要时间和空间。如果别人希望我立刻做一个我不擅长的事，比如让Z说RUB NITE这个别人很容易脱口而出的话，我会觉得很大压力；我可以慢慢地适应慢慢地在我自己觉得READY的时候说，这个我看到Z是一直在努力。我感觉Z说的BOUNDRY是针对你对他这样的即时的要求，他就象我常常会的那样因为这个压力爆发了，要求你退一步。如果你是象之前的那样请他FEEL READY的时候再做，那么我相信他是会做到的。
不管怎样，我很支持你跳槽的决定，24小时没有空间时间的余地，是很TOUGH的。好好照顾自己！
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/11/21 10:20:25编辑过]
我跟LG exclusively在一起好几年了才结婚的。我自己一点都不急，觉得这么挺快活的，他很急，但是从来没有PUSH过我，我是结婚了才意识到他曾经的焦虑。
我觉得自己当初没有特别需要婚姻家庭什么的，但是有个人能和我一起玩一起分享生活的美好和不美好我很喜欢。我跟LG很谈得来，他看过的书很多，我就不停地从他那里榨取各种知识和观点，很有乐趣。对，生活的乐趣是我最看重的，如果因为感情导致失去这些乐趣，那我宁肯不要感情.
I'm here today until 5pm (EST), then I won't be available till next Monday.
从人的心理的角度，z失去了妈妈，会经历一个情感上很脆弱，会对close firend 有依赖的时期，他已经做了很多改变和努力了。从他的话里，能看出he's tried his best to ctrl himself not to too much pain and sorrow, or any negative emotions.如果lz mm再坚持一下，肯定会成功的，毕竟，之前投入了很多感情和时间。果断是一件好事，从自我保护的角度来看，但是一旦放弃，可能此生都和自己所爱无缘了，岂不是很可惜么~~ 从以前你们的聊天来看，你bothered him的时候，他随时都available,这些耐心和kindness,难道不值得你再try him another try么？？而且他一直在关注你的去向，男性和女性的思维方式不一样，你不想让他知道，他会说ok,然后等待你自己更新信息，其实还是很关注你的啦~~很为你们惋惜，词不达意~~
NT是什么的缩写?
neurotypical
我觉得lz应该想清楚的问题是：即使z想跟lz发展进一步的恋人关系，z是你想要认真在一起的那个人么？改变一个人的本性是很难的，lz真的ready去跟他开始serious relationship么？如果答案是yes,别人都无话可说。我好奇mm这么执着的跟z＂纠结不清＂是有点想challenge 自己：看看z对你的感情到底多深，看看自己对z的影响最后会有多大。如果是后者，劝mm早点抽身。。。
lz原来一直纠结z对lz到底是什么感情，如果他当时可以patpat lz，lz一定早就屁颠屁颠去UK了，哪怕最后我们的感情不能workout。
王菲那歌怎么唱来着？
愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 忘记我姓名
就算多一秒 停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
我愿意为你 我愿意为你
我愿意为你 被放逐天际
只要你真心 拿爱与我回应
什么都愿意
什么都愿意 为你
我老公是这样的，我为了他高兴，做很多事情，他take it for granted。然后我开始不开心，然后他来哄我。
我们的生活就是这样周而复始。
其实说到底，还是不是一路人。
我自己，我承认，从小被我妈妈教育的，如果对方没反应或者反应不够强烈，我肯定很早就抽身了，不会让自己这么陷进去。
楼主还有一个特性，就是敢于接受挑战。越难的似乎就越觉得enjoy。
我觉得lz应该想清楚的问题是：即使z想跟lz发展进一步的恋人关系，z是你想要认真在一起的那个人么？改变一个人的本性是很难的，lz真的ready去跟他开始serious relationship么？如果答案是yes,别人都无话可说。我好奇mm这么执着的跟z＂纠结不清＂是有点想challenge 自己：看看z对你的感情到底多深，看看自己对z的影响最后会有多大。如果是后者，劝mm早点抽身。。。
我也有同感。不要企图改变一个人，即使很爱，人的内在的一些东西也不会变的。
看到这最后一句话，我想了想，觉得这个说法有个误区（很多人包括我自己也经常有），就是自己如何做，期待对方会开心。其实对方（不管任何人）开不开心不是我能够控制的，其实如果对方情绪会受我控制也未必是件好事。所以自己做什么，都是自己开心最重要，对方高兴或不高兴是他的决定。纵观整个故事，我想，如果当初做的种种努力都是让自己开心，而不是把自己的期待和情绪依赖于结果和对方的反应，那么自己做得也高兴，对方也少很多压力。
谢谢你为我关于神人的辩护，我自己是不是其实对我不重要，因为没有特别影响我的生活。而且很可能我就是有点相似想法而已，所以曾想试图解释Z的行为。但是，他的行为如何，出发如何，其实都不是核心，自己做自己高兴的事就好了，结果不是总能被我们控制的。
是我自己的有感而发，特别谢谢你，因为不少是从你的贴得到的启示。
今天看到一个对我类似性格的描述，很有意思。抄点在下面，有点长。
很喜欢你的这段话，特别是：自己开心最重要。如果你决定付出，付出可以开心，那就做好了。但是不要期待对方的反应很强烈来回报你。这样，对方和你相处也不是很有压力。
很感动mm一片痴心。。。想问问mm对z是正常的男女之情， 还是怜爱？mm对z有过physical arousal么？
如果想hug算physical arousal算的话，那算有过吧，还不止一次。。。lz最后打算relocate很大程度是那种想冲到他家门口，说i cannot take anymore，I need a hug
这首歌特别有画面感
http://youtu.be/s86vcohVI_s
Well everybody hurts,
That’s where we’re all the same
We drive on through the worst
And push on through the pain
I’m standing at your door
It’s been a million miles
I’ll be the first to say
I can’t take anymore
And that I wanna be where you are
I feel the same as I did from the start
Whoa, I wanna be where you are
And I’m willing to get there
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/6 19:33:06编辑过]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sr71iUpihI
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/6 19:35:25编辑过]
lz你这个帖子让我觉得我lg也这样啊，这是算男女有别呢还是我lg也在这一类里了？不过我肯定的是，我lg即使是，情况也特别的轻。oh，my gosh！希望不是啊。
我老公是这样的，我为了他高兴，做很多事情，他take it for granted。然后我开始不开心，然后他来哄我。
我们的生活就是这样周而复始。
好在他知道你不开心了，还会哄你，光看这一点儿，我觉得你lg不是：）
好在他知道你不开心了，还会哄你，光看这一点儿，我觉得你lg不是：）
lzmm, have been following your post as your story reminded me of someone in the past. I didn't know about AS in the past, just felt something was so off about him. After reading more on internet the knowledge of this syndrome shed light on those very hurtful moments. Yes, he definitely would do nothing even though he might know I was very upset, and that just made me even more upset.
Anyways, I guess even all the behaviour can be explained/justified, it doesn't mean it's not hurtful.
lzmm, have been following your post as
yes, i think i am lucky to have the awareness of aspergers not long after interacting with z. For many wifes and gfs, the final diagnosis of their husbands/ hfs had been a hug relieve. Some very compassionate and strong women would decide to live with their AS men; on the other hand, many chose to give up. You are absolutely right on this: many things can be explained or justified, but pain is still there. To me, it is not the pain, it is the desperation knowing that this is a mental condition, it is more than just a personality.
今天回这个帖，是因为我自己曾经在lz的位置上，当时的那个z说的一句话我至今反复提醒自己 他说爱有的时候不过是想控制一个人的冠冕堂皇的借口而已。虽然我觉得并没那么灰暗，但是可以明确的一点是，你的爱如果施与了不需要它的人的时候，爱就是自私的，爱就是负担。
lz是个聪明人，相信会很快走出来，找到真正合适自己的人。
★ 发自Android 华人阅览器 5.5
你这么天天挑逗你同事已经够不professional了，人家莫反应嫩就这么气急败坏，这个不但是unprofessional，还是和男人交往的大忌。You can make your move, but you can NEVER lose your poise. When it is time to leave, exist gracefully.
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/9 1:59:22编辑过]
的确不是凡人
I guess lzmm still has not given up on z...otherwise she would not take the offer which allows her trips to Europe often...just wish lzmm would not be hurt any more...cross finger for you..
也有同感，也同意另一位妹妹说的 “你的爱如果施与了不需要它的人的时候，爱就是自私的，爱就是负担”。 但是如果你的付出让你感到快乐，你对他的感情深到只要他快乐你就快乐，那也无怨无悔了，可是谁能做到这一点呢。能看出 Z 是喜欢LZ 的，但和男女之间互相DESIRE 的感情还是有差别的，LZ 还是想要有对正常人的要求去规范他的回应来满足自己的小小成就感，以后的路还很长，可以想象你们即使成了男女朋友或结婚了，LZ能忍受每次亲热都要你来主动吗？再怎么爱一个人，这对一个东方女孩都是极大的挑战，时不时伤心委屈伴随一辈子，觉得自己很掉价，在“恋爱”阶段都这样了，何况结婚。 楼主目前是做了离开的决定，我觉得是正确的决定，长痛不如短痛，就是不知道MM 能坚持多久。
你的故事很感人，看过那个电影，LZ 的故事比他们更感人，可是看着楼主这么伤心也会跟着伤心，如果你是我的妹妹我一定劝你放弃，可是别人说什么都没有用， YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE YOUR TIME。
z现在正在棒子国出差，lz原来告诉过z lz圣诞会去日本玩，z周末两次问lz去日本的时间。lz现在又后知后觉地想，z是不是想在日本和lz见面？
lz这种神经大条的人很快就会痊愈的：）
lz检讨啊，lz写这个不是想让大家跟着lz一起伤心的。。。楼上的mm别揪心啊，我想z没有lz的“骚扰”应该会比较快乐才对，何况lz没有完全没有不理他啊，我们周末还聊了好一会儿呢。
z现在正在棒子国出差，lz原来告诉过z lz圣诞会去日本玩，z周末两次问lz去日本的时间。lz现在又后知后觉地想，z是不是想在日本和lz见面？
楼主妹妹又开始猜了
以下内容需要魅力达到200才可以浏览
以下内容只有回复后才可以浏览
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/12 15:02:58编辑过]
★ Sent from iPhone App: i-Reader Huaren Lite 7.56
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/12 15:02:58编辑过]
2
lz检讨啊，lz写这个不是想让大家跟着lz一起伤心的。。。楼上的mm别揪心啊，我想z没有lz的“骚扰”应该会比较快乐才对，何况lz没有完全没有不理他啊，我们周末还聊了好一会儿呢。
z现在正在棒子国出差，lz原来告诉过z lz圣诞会去日本玩，z周末两次问lz去日本的时间。lz现在又后知后觉地想，z是不是想在日本和lz见面？
If I were you, I'd love to meet him there. Because I want to get all chances to meet him and see how it goes in person rather than in msg. If I simply don't enjoy the meeting, I'll stop.
[此贴子已经被作者于2012/12/13 10:35:39编辑过]
抱平常心态， 观望他态度
去日本的事，就直问他要不要在那里碰头一起自助游。他回答如果还是很不爽气的话，说明他勇气还不够，你就当没问过好了，也不要太记在心上。
jump
好长，，慢慢看